A World For Fools
by Zaney HacknSlash
Summary: It's been one month since Light's death, and Matsuda still can't get over the events of 1.28; meanwhile, Misa Amane disappears and a psychotic muderer begins killing NPA detectives; Matsu centric; POVs Matsuda, Aizawa, Mogi, Sayu & OC; Matsu/Sayu. EPIC
1. Chapter 1

A World for Fools

Part One: Kira Lives

Immediately after the monsters die the heroes.

-Robert Calasso

_The warehouse seems so cold, the creaking of the giant fan infiltrating every open space, the heavy breathing of the others, listening. And the fear. It penetrates everything. The hammering of his heart is so loud he's afraid that they'll hear it, and then they'll know how afraid he is and they'll call him a coward. Or think so at least. If they don't already. After all, he's on his knees now, just sitting there being useless. Just his luck to drop into a puddle. His slacks are soaked. They're ignoring him anyway. Listening to the exchange between Near and Light._

_Then there's a gunshot. For a second he can't even believe that he's the one who fired that perfect shot. It's unreal. He's always been good with his weapon, but he's never had to use it before. Not like this. _

_Aizawa whispers his name. They didn't expect him to shoot. Hell, he didn't expect to shoot—it all happened so quickly, it was more of an instinct than anything. No. That's not even the right word. What he did was retaliation. They're all stunned, but for him the shock passes quickly, and he's trying so hard to hold back the tears, trying in vain to soothe the alien rage that has suddenly come over him._

"_who do you think you're shooting at? Don't screw with me!"_

_It's a threat but he doesn't care. He's past caring. The pain is just so deep, like a trench that can't be filled. This feeling… He knows it as betrayal. "What was it all for then?" He chokes the words out, "What about your dad? What the hell did he die for?"_

_It's all a flash. Light's answer seems so far away. But he gets the gist of it._

_'…They always lose…you want to live in a world where people like him are made of fools?… shoot them.'_

_He does want to fire again. His trigger finger is itching from outrage, but he wouldn't dream of hurting any of his comrades._

_"You led your own father to his death, and now he's gone—you call him a fool?"_

_Everything happens so quickly. There are four more shots. He realizes that he's the one firing them. He watches Light flop motionlessly on the ground, moves in for the kill, the rage squirming up out of his stomach, making its way toward his mouth, like vomit. It's taken over, and just yesterday he didn't even know it existed._

_"I'll kill him. I'll kill him! He has to die!"_

_He aims at Light's head. He looks into the panicked, brown eyes. He pulls the trigger._

I never realized that happened in real life. I've seen it in movies a lot, where the guy's dreaming and then there's a gunshot, and he suddenly wakes up, knowing for the first time that it's a dream. But it's real. It happens. It happens to me a lot.

I sat up in bed, breathing hard and battling back the tears that were in the dream. I can still remember how they felt, running down my face. I remember how Light flew back and his blood splattered everywhere, how my friends dragged me away before I could kill him. I'm glad they did that. The last thing I needed was to murder him in cold blood—then I'd just feel worse.

Shivering, I stared down at my hands. In the dark it's hard to make out much about them, but they felt greasy and dirty, like they needed to be washed. I ventured a look at the clock. Four-thirty in the morning.

But I wasn't surprised. I hadn't been sleeping well for the last month anyway.

With a moan, I swung myself off the bed and stumbled toward the bathroom, banging my knee on my own nightstand as I went. I yelped and lurched forward, tripping over my own shoe and collapsing against the wall. For a few moments I just leaned there, catching my breath and holding it in. It's pathetic how clumsy I am. If someone were there with me they'd think I was drunk, but the truth is I'm always doing that. More often than people realize. More often than I'd like.

Cautiously, I stepped forward, flipping on the light and groping for the sink. I looked at my hands again as I ran them under hot water: they were clean of course-I'd just taken a shower before going to bed-but for some reason I just couldn't get over the feeling that they were drenched in blood. I felt like I could see the crimson running down the sink with the water. I squeezed out some soap from the pump bottle and scrubbed my hands hard, kept them under the water until I thought they'd burn. Then I dried them off fiercely on the towel and leaned against the counter, hanging my head and sighing, heavy, dark hair falling around my face. I needed a haircut, and like a lot of other things, I didn't really care.

"Light…the gunshots…they're still in my head."

My gaze flickered up and I studied myself in the mirror. An average guy, with a not-so-average life. Young. Other guys my age were out hunting girls and getting laid. Or in college. They weren't having nightmares because they had shot and tried to kill someone they cared about.

Pushing back the hair from my eyes, I kept staring. Not for the first time, I noticed the dark circles that were starting to get more and more noticeable under my eyes, but in spite of that, I guess I wasn't too bad to look at. I could get a girlfriend if I tried. I told myself that anyway. Following that line of thought, I inspected my bare torso-other guys my age probably sleep naked, but just the thought of that made me blush-my build isn't bad. I could bench two hundred pounds.

Maybe not that much. Maybe a little less. It had been a while since I'd been to the gym. With the Kira case finally over maybe I could get back to having a normal life: the gym a few times a week, a bar or a club on my days off…

_Kira…_

I didn't want to believe it. The whole time we'd hunted Kira I'd always wanted to believe Light was innocent, no matter what the evidence said. As it had turned out, he was Kira, and I was just being stupid again. Just trusting too much.

Suddenly sick to my stomach, I knelt by the toilet and threw up what little I'd eaten that day. I rinsed my mouth and shut off the light, found my way back to bed, afraid to lay down. I knew the dream would come back.

It always did. That last gunshot always woke me up. Why? In real life it hadn't hit anything, the others had pulled me back and taken my gun, so I'd missed. But in the dream…

_Don't think about it._ That's what Mogi had said to do. I'd tried forgetting it—I didn't want to remember. But how could I forget it? How could I just pretend none of it had happened?

Sighing again, I rolled over and buried my face in the pillow, trying to sleep, even when I didn't want to.

This time when the gun went off it was even more startling and I actually jumped. I sat up straight, rubbing my face and trying to get a grip. What the hell was wrong with me?

I glanced around my bedroom. It was sort of on the small size. Just a modest, Japanese apartment. Perfect for a bachelor. There was a bright, sort of unreal light coming through the windows, slipping through the blinds. Morning already. The clock said one-ten, but that couldn't be right. There was no way I'd slept in. What about my alarm?

A few seconds later, I heard a loud knock on my front door. Was that what had woken me up? Must have been. It was pretty demanding from the sound of it—my landlord probably. I hadn't paid rent on time so he was getting antsy.

Holding my breath, I stayed where I was. If it was the landlord he'd probably go away after a while, if he thought I wasn't home. In the meantime I contemplated how I'd managed to sleep through my alarm. It was Tuesday, and I was supposed to be at work at seven this morning. Why hadn't someone called me?

The knock sounded again, this time accompanied by a loud voice, "Matsuda! I know you're in there—open this damn door!"

_Aizawa?_ What the hell? What was he doing at my apartment? Why didn't someone just call me? And of all the people to come get me why him?

He screamed again, threatening to break the door down-he'd always wanted to do that-and he sounded pretty upset, so I rushed out to the front door, not really caring how I looked, and unlocked it. He opened it himself, almost knocking me over as he charged in, dark eyes on fire with ferocity.

I stepped back, stuttering, "Ai-Aizawa…what are you doing here? I-"  
"Me?" He jabbed a finger at me, "Matsuda, what are _you_ doing here? You were supposed to be at the station six hours ago."

"I know." I tried to find something to look at other than him, feeling my cheeks getting sort of hot. "I guess I slept through my alarm. Sorry. Why didn't somebody call me?"

"We tried." Aizawa snorted. His voice was softer now, but the agitation wasn't totally gone. "You didn't pick up, home or cell."

"My home phone is sort of…" I scratched my head, working my fingers through my tangled, knotted hair, "out of order right now."

He raised an eyebrow at me, "What happen? You break it?"

"It got shut off." I admitted. "I've been busy and I didn't get the bill in…"

Aizawa sort of shook his head, "Well, anyway, we were worried about you, so I came over to see if you're okay."

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine." I forced a smile, but even he knew it was fake. "Just…over slept."

"By six hours."

I shrugged. "I was tired."

"Kid," his face took on a more concerned expression, "are you all right?"

_Kid._ Since when did he call me that? Sure I was probably a good ten years younger than Aizawa, but I wasn't a kid. It made my face feel hot again, but I tried to ignore it, downplaying his concern. "What? Yeah, of course. What are you talking about? I'm great."

The word great was probably a bad choice. It just sort of turned over and died on my tongue, sounding absolutely hollow, and his worried expression didn't go away like I wanted it to.

Aizawa tried to put a hand on my shoulder. "You know, this whole thing with Light has been pretty hard on all of us, so if you need more vacation time, I'm sure that-"

"No." I flinched away, nearly backing into the wall, "I mean, no…I just…I'm fine. Really. Two weeks off was fine."

"It's not very much, you know." He sounded a little gruff.

"It's enough." I turned away, not wanting to continue the conversation at all. "I'll go get dressed, I guess. See ya' at the station, Aizawa."

"I could stick around and give you a ride."

"Oh, no thanks. I'll drive over."

The irritation came back in full, "What are you talking about, you idiot? I'm here now, my car is right outside—what's the point of us both driving over there?"

I stopped but didn't look at him. Instead I bent my head to studied my hands.

_Matsuda, you idiot! Who the hell do you think you're shooting at?_

"It's not going to take you long to get ready anyway, is it? I'll wait."

"You don't have to."

"I'm going to. Hey," his footsteps told me he was getting closer, "you sure you're okay? You're acting kinda' weird."

The anger came out of nowhere, and I turned around and snapped at him, "I already told you I'm fine, Aizawa! How many different languages do I have to say it in?"

From the expression on his face I could see he was almost as startled as I was that I'd lost my temper with him. That never happened. What the hell was wrong with me?

"Sorry." I murmured immediately.

"Matsuda," he sighed, "maybe you should just stay home today. It's so late there's not really any point in you wasting your time. You know we're just pushing papers for a while."

"No. I should come over anyway."

"It's not like you're going to lose your job. They'll understand."

"What's to understand?" I paused by my linen closet to grab a towel, but it was empty. Behind on laundry. In fact, as I glanced around my apartment, I was suddenly overly aware that I was behind on just about everything. Unpaid bills were scattered on my poor excuse for a coffee table, dirty dishes cluttered the counters and flies buzzed around the sink, several cupboards were open, revealing that I had almost no clean cups or plates, and a good deal of my dirty laundry was puddle on the floor. It hadn't occurred to me before, but now that I realized what a dump my place was, I also realized there was no way Aizawa could miss it.

I looked at him, more embarrassed than ever, and he just watched me. What should I do now? I was out of towels so how could I take a shower? And I doubted my uniform for work was clean either. Breakfast was probably out of the question—if I didn't have clean dishes why would I have food in my fridge? How had this happened? Why hadn't I even realized my apartment was such a mess?

"Matsu?" He sounded like he was calling me back to reality.

I shook the thoughts away and kept walking, heading for the bathroom, "Thanks for the ride." I said it, forcing myself to sound normal, "I guess if you really want to stick around, I'd appreciate it."

"Want to?" He snorted. "Yeah, yeah, just hurry it up."

"Make yourself at home." I added, just because it was the right thing to say. He would have to clear a mound of garbage and magazines just to sit on my couch.

"I'll give it a shot."

I shut the bathroom door behind me and went to the sink. My hands felt so dirty, like I'd dipped them in some slimy pond, and I had to wash them. When I was done with that, I stripped off my shorts and got in the shower, taking another deep breath as the water came on. It was too cold, but I didn't care.

Just a little while later, I was sitting in Aizawa's car, watching the scenery go by but not really caring about it. Aizawa muttered a lot and even shouted a few obscenities. Sometimes when we stopped at a light I'd catch him looking at me out of the corner of his eye.

Self-conscious, I looked down at my rumpled suit. It had a coffee stain, which I'd managed to hide under my tie and it really needed to be ironed. My hair was still wet since I hadn't had a towel to dry it with, and my stomach was roaring. All I'd found to eat at my apartment was a half-squashed banana. There was no time to cook the two eggs I had left, and someone had drank what was left of the orange juice then put the empty carton back in the fridge. Me, I assumed, even though I didn't remember doing it.

"You didn't eat." Aizawa said after a few minutes.

"There wasn't any time."

"It looks like there wasn't any _food_, Matsuda."

"Yeah, well…I haven't been to the store in a while, I guess." I leaned against my fist and closed my eyes.

"I guess. Your maid go on vacation too?"

I was quiet. I never should have let him in. I should have ignored him, rolled over, and gone back to sleep.

"Well?"

"Huh?" I looked at him, "What do you want me to say?"

"Why don't you explain what's going on with you?"

"I don't-"

"Look." He whipped suddenly out of the traffic and we were sitting outside a small café.

"What are we doing here?" I adjusted my tie. It felt too tight for some reason.

"Look, you," he turned in the seat to face me, "Light Yagami died a whole month ago, but that's really not very much; if you're depressed you should just say so."

"Depressed…" Was I depressed? I guess it was possible, but I hadn't really considered it to be a possibility.

"Sleeping late, missing work, letting your apartment go to pot…" he shook his head and lowered his voice, "You're not yourself, Matsu… we've all noticed."

"But I-"

"You shot him. You shot him full of holes. You tried to kill him—he was your friend, you cared about him, and you thought he cared about you-about us-we were betrayed. It's not like we don't understand. It's not every day you shoot somebody, and even as a cop, and it's even less often that you gun down a friend."

I felt the backfire of the gun and heard the familiar boom again, closed my eyes for a second and saw the splash of red, like a painting on a black canvas. My hands itched.

Aizawa touched my shoulder, "You need to pull yourself together, kid. It isn't your fault Light's dead—Ryuuk said he was going to write Light's name in the notebook."

"Even if he hadn't, Light would be dead now anyway, and that's because of me. If Ryuuk hadn't written his name down he would have bled to death. I tried to kill him…I _wanted_ to kill him, Aizawa."

"He deserved to die. He killed thousands of people—criminals or not, it wasn't okay."

"You're right. It's not okay to murder criminals."

"I think it's fair to say that Kira was more than just a criminal. He was…a monster. Think about how long he lied to us about it, Matsuda. That whole time it was really him…pretending."

"I don't want to think about it."

"But you obviously are thinking about it, otherwise why would your apartment look like the city dump?"

"Can we just not talk about it, please?"

Aizawa sighed and said no more—he obviously didn't like to have his best efforts rebuffed.

We went in the café after a few minutes, which was his idea, and had a short lunch before going on to the police station. Aizawa didn't say much else for the rest of the ride, and I didn't have anything to say either. I was a little surprised to learn that my friends were worried about me, but I wasn't sure why that was. After all, they thought I was an idiot, but they were still my friends.

I didn't like to have them worry about me.


	2. Chapter 2

It was quiet at the police station, just like it usually was these days. The world still didn't know that Kira was dead. Or they didn't believe it. He'd rested for longer periods of time before. Even though we'd announced that we'd apprehended him, many of them probably thought he'd come back after a while. Thank God they were wrong.

I kept close to Matsuda as we went into the building. The kid really had me worried. I wasn't a big worrier, but I knew a problem when I saw one. He obviously didn't know how far gone he was.

Light had been dead a month. Over a month now. For the first week, Matsuda had been in shock-everyone had but his shock had been worse-he'd just acted normal, like nothing had happened, and even though that had bothered the rest of us, we'd figured he'd be okay. Then on the second week of our time off his attitude had changed.

He wasn't eating very much, which was obviously why he didn't have any food in his apartment, he was disorganized, messy and sloppy, and he'd lost interest in just about everything in life other than sleeping. A lot of the time he seemed spacey, or very far away, and he couldn't remember things that had just happened a few days ago. So far he seemed to be taking care of himself, as far as hygiene went, but I didn't see him enough to know for sure: he'd almost totally withdrawn himself, and over the vacation period we were given to recover from the shock of losing Light in such a violent manner, I'd barely seen Matsuda at all. No one had. Not family and not friends. Plus he was sad. I could see it in his eyes, and in that disgustingly unreal smile.

For a while, even after the symptoms had been going on for a good week or more, we'd all stayed optimistic, sure that once he got back to work and got involved with a new investigation, he'd be back to his old self. But Matsuda hadn't gotten better. In fact, he'd gotten a lot worse. It was going on the six week anniversary of Kira's death, and Matsu looked like he was sleep walking. I wanted to send him home, or make him go to counseling or something, but it wasn't my place to even bring it up, much less order it.

This morning when he hadn't shown up for work none of us were too concerned. Matsuda had always been punctual, before this mess with Kira, but after Light's funeral he'd gotten into the habit of being just a little more than fashionably late everywhere he went. So we'd given him an hour to show up, mumbling some lame excuse.

The hour had gone by and we'd given him two. Then we'd gotten pretty steeped with work and for a while I'd forgotten about him. When I finally got a lunch break I'd just assumed I'd see him around somewhere, that he'd come in when I wasn't paying attention, but no one had seen him. And no matter who tried to call him, he hadn't picked up his phone.

That was what scared me enough to make me go to his apartment. If he was depressed-which we all knew he was-then who knew what he was thinking or what he might do. If there was anything anyone in the whole world knew about Touta Matsuda it was that he was a pretty happy go lucky kid. You could see him across the street, without even knowing who he was, and say to yourself 'there's a helluva cheerful guy.' But this new, moody version of Matsuda was different. Being someone who was a bit closer to the kid than most, I knew that Matsu pretty much reacted on emotion. He was impulsive and sort of tactless, and just did whatever he felt like doing, so when he felt sad or unhappy or angry, that's the way he acted. The same way he'd shot the hell out of Light—he'd been angry, resentful that the Chief was dead because of Light, angry that he'd been betrayed by a friend, and the anger had taken control, just like the cheerfulness normally did.

If angry Matsuda would shoot and even attempt to kill someone he'd openly admitted to caring about, I couldn't put anything past sad, depressed Matsuda. I'd honestly thought when he didn't answer his door that he was dead. I'd been half-way into the process of busting his door down when he'd opened it. I'd been afraid that I was going to have to call for an ambulance.

And he'd just looked at me like he didn't know why I was there. In that moment, I hadn't known if I should hit him or hug him. I wasn't much of a hugger, and hitting him was totally inappropriate, so I'd just let him stand there and blunder through his pathetic explanation.

We went around the corner, and I wasn't surprised to see Mogi and Ide coming toward us. Their faces were overcome with obvious relief when they saw Matsuda, then they glanced at me, like they wanted confirmation that he was okay.

I just nodded.

"Hey Mogi. Ide." Matsuda's voice was flat.

"Well. You sure are late." Ide said. "Where have you been?"  
"I just slept in." he mumbled.

They were both quiet, probably dumbfounded to hear that he'd slept in by six hours, just like I had been, and he kept walking, right on past them. They both turned to watch him.

"You okay?" Mogi asked, almost as an afterthought.

"Yeah, just gotta' go let the boss know I'm here…"

We didn't have an actual chief at the moment, since—they'd come in sort of off and on for the last few months, but the Kira case had scared them away over and over, even though the police were supposedly staying out of the case. I had no idea who was going to take over next.

"Take care of yourself." Ide advised. I wasn't sure what he was referring to though. Matsuda probably didn't know either. He didn't reply.

I decided to tag along with Matsu, under the pretense of checking back in. In actuality I figured I should go since the man who was running things at the moment was the kind of guy who'd have no problem firing someone just for having emotions in the first place, and of course, Matsuda was nothing _but_ emotions. I wasn't sure what I could do for him if the boss decided to tear his head off, but it was good for someone to be there.

As it turned out though, he didn't say much anyway. Matsuda simply described the situation, leaving out a few details, apologized, and promised to never do it again. Then the boss scolded him a little and called me forward to explain where I'd been for an hour and a half.

"I went to pick up Matsuda." I told him. Then I wondered if I should mention that I'd been afraid of Matsu committing suicide—this guy had the power to make Matsuda get help, but then again, he wasn't a very understanding man. In the end, I chose not to say anything, since Matsuda was still pretty close by.

I was asked a few more questions, and then he warned me to stick to regulation break time from there on out, and dismissed us both.

Before I walked away, I leaned close to the boss and asked quietly, "Will you make sure he gets an easy assignment today?"

The guy gave me a dirty look and opened his mouth to say something, but then glanced at Matsuda, who was leaning on the doorframe with his back to us, hesitated, and nodded.

I nodded back, satisfied, and turned to go.

The rest of the day was pretty slow. I wound up behind a desk, filing reports and looking over paperwork. With crime rates as low as they were, it felt like the world was moving in slow motion, like it would never pick up again. I'd joined the NPA not just to clean up the city my wife and child lived in, but also for the action. Since the city was pretty clean these days and there wasn't much action to go around, my job seemed really boring.

Regular patrol officers still had some to do-domestic violence, lost children and stuff-but there weren't any big investigations for us to be involved in. It was like our whole branch of the department was no longer good for anything.

Ide, Mogi and Matsuda wound up with similar jobs. I wondered if any of them felt as frustrated as I did.

Time dragged by and I had to refill my coffee mug over and over just to stay awake. When it was just about time to clock out, Mogi came in with a huge stack of papers and set them on the desk, "I guess these have to be filed tomorrow." He said.

I looked skeptically at the tower, "Yeah? What is it all?"

"Information on the Kira case. Guess it's supposed to be archived, since it's closed now."

Snorting, I shook my head, "Didn't want to help while it was going on, but they'd better make sure they have a record of it."

"Well anyway, I'm clocking out now, so I'll leave it here for the night."

"That's probably okay." I told him absently. I was still distracted by how large the stack was. It had been such a long case, with so many victims, there had been times when I'd thought it would never end.

"See you later, Aizawa." Mogi started to walk away.

I got up, grabbing my jacket, "Yeah, I guess I'm heading out too. Gotta' give Matsuda a ride."

We walked in silence for a moment, our shoes on the polished floor being the only noise in the dead police station.

"What's with him anyway? Is he really okay?"

"Matsuda? He says he's okay."

"But doesn't act it."

"Yeah, this whole thing with Light was hard on him, I guess. Harder than it was on us."

"He liked Light a lot, and he was close with Soichiro too."  
I nodded. The chief had always been looking after Matsuda, it had seemed, like a father. At the time it had seemed ridiculous to me, but now that Soichiro Yagami was gone it was like no one was looking after Matsu. Maybe that was why I was taking him under my wing.

No. Even that was ridiculous. Why should anyone have to babysit that kid? Why did we even feel like we should have to? He was a grown man, after all. Maybe not as old as the rest of us, but he wasn't a little kid or anything. We all knew he was competent as an officer and could handle a gun with skill. But there was something soft about him, something that seemed too gentle to be a police officer. He was really sort of a doofus, and unpredictable too. Who knew what kind of trouble he'd get into if somebody wasn't watching his back? Besides, I wasn't the only one who felt that way. The others felt it too—a strange instinct to protect Matsuda. That instinct had already been in place before the incident from last month, but after watching Matsuda lose it and try his damnedest to kill Light it had been made clear to me that he really was still just a kid.

"He should see a therapist." Mogi said, breaking me out of my thoughts.

I looked up at him, startled. So I wasn't the only one who'd had that thought cross my mind. "Yeah."

"I mean, after shooting Light like that… who wouldn't be a little depressed?"

"Who wouldn't be a lot depressed?"

Mogi cleared his throat and loosened his tie slightly, "Ide and I have been talking and…we think you should talk to him about it."

"About what, therapy?"  
He just nodded sagely, not looking at me.

"Why me?"

"I don't know, Aizawa…same reason you went to his apartment today. No one made you do that—you just took it upon yourself."

He was right, but I felt annoyed anyway. "Even if I did talk to him about it, there's no guarantee it would help anything. He's not going to go talk to a counselor just because I tell him he should."

"You're right. We just thought maybe you'd try it."

"I've got a family to worry about. I don't have time to babysit Matsuda. I went to his place today because I thought he might be in trouble, but as far as I'm concerned he just needs to take some more time off and deal with it—that's got nothing to do with me."

"That's sort of cold, Aizawa."

"It's the way it is. Sure, I'd love to help him, but what can I do, Mogi?"

"They're talking about promoting you to chief." He said suddenly. "Did you know that?"

I was quiet a moment. What was with Mogi? He was really being talkative tonight. "No. I didn't."

"I guess if that happens you _will_ be responsible for Matsu."

"I guess." Me? Chief? I could hardly imagine it. It wasn't that I was totally opposed to the idea, but I really wasn't sure it was what I wanted. Still, the pay would be better, and I had to make sure I could provide for my family. "We'll see. What about you, Mogi? You'd make a good chief."

"Me?" He raised an eyebrow at me, barely denting his constantly stoic look. "No. In fact, I've been meaning to say something, but I've been considering…"

"Considering?"

"I may not…stay with the NPA at all…"

Shocked, I stopped in my tracks. "What? Why not? Where would you go instead?"

He shrugged and kept walking. "I've got a couple ideas."

"That's no answer."

"Nothing's final yet—when I decide to make a move I'll let you know."

"God… the whole task force is falling apart." Soichiro and Light were both dead, Matsuda was falling to pieces, and now Mogi was thinking about leaving too.

"There is no task force anymore." Mogi said. "We don't need one."

He was right, but it still felt strange to accept. Wrong somehow. We'd spent so much time working on that one case—years and years of getting nowhere. It was weird to realize that it was all over now.

"Would you accept being police chief?"

I shrugged, "Maybe. I'd probably have to think it over."

"What about talking to Matsuda?"

"I don't know what difference it would make if I did. Even if they are _thinking_ about promoting me, I'm not the chief yet, and I might never be. Believe me, if I could help him I would, but I really don't think I can."

Mogi looked ready to say more, but he just nodded, "You're right. Matsuda has to figure this out on his own." Then, with a sigh, he turned away and headed for the exit, "I'll see you tomorrow, Aizawa."

"Yeah, you too."

I watched him leave, and then went to find Matsuda. I still had to give him a ride home, but that was the last thing I was doing for him, I swore it. If he didn't show up on time tomorrow there was no way I was cutting out to check up on him.

That's what I told myself anyway. Too bad I wasn't as tough as I sounded.


	3. Chapter 3

The whole car ride home I felt tired. That was stupid—I'd slept til noon, had a short day at work, and hadn't done anything but file papers since I'd got in, but now all I wanted to do was go home and go to bed. No dinner, no TV or anything.

Aizawa was quiet the whole way; maybe he could feel my mood. Then again, Aizawa had never been a very big talker.

So I was surprised when he finally spoke up, "Hey, Matsuda?"

I focused on him, "Hm?"

"How would you like to come over for dinner some time this week? We'd love to have you."

It sounded like a sort of shallow invitation, but I knew what he was trying to do. "No thanks, I'm fine."

We stopped at a light and he glared at me, "You know, you're not supposed to refuse a dinner invitation that casually. You could at least make up some excuse."

"An excuse? What kind of excuse do you want me to make up?"

He shook his head and kept driving, "Hell, I don't know. Anything's better than nothing."

"If this is about my apartment, don't worry about it. I'll order pizza tonight, grab a donut in the morning, and go to the grocery store tomorrow after work."

"It's got nothing to do with your shitty apartment, Matsuda," he growled, "My wife likes to entertain—she wanted me to invite some coworkers over some time, that's all."

"Oh." I said, even though I didn't believe him. I wasn't an idiot—I knew what this was all about.

"Anyway, maybe I'll just ask Ide or Mogi instead."

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea."

We were quiet a while longer. It started to rain a little and Aizawa turned the windshield wipers on.

"Hey, Matsu… what about you?"

"What about me?"

"Think you'll ever get married? It's not like you're getting any younger."

What was with him tonight? First the dinner and now this. Were my friends really that worried about me? Maybe I should start trying to fake being happy so they'd relax.

"When was the last time you went on a date?"

I looked out the window again, "It's been a while. But it hasn't really seemed appropriate lately."

"It would just be kind of nice if you started moving on with your life again. This is sort of ridiculous, don't you think?"

My face flushed, "Hey."

"Sorry. It's just that you weren't even related to Light or anything."

He was right. I shouldn't have been so bothered by Light dying. But it wasn't Light's actual death that had bothered me. As much as I'd liked Light, his death shouldn't have impacted me so much. The thing that was bothering me the most was what he'd done, how he'd turned his back on all of us, including his family. I hated that he'd lied to us about not being Kira, sneaking around and killing people behind our backs. But even then, that shouldn't have been such a big deal either. Maybe if I hadn't shot him it would all be okay. It was probably the guilt that was eating me the most in the first place. Maybe it was a huge mix of things. Guilt and betrayal, shame and anger. Sadness.

"I heard they're thinking about making you the new chief of police." I said, just to change the subject.

He sighed, "Why has everyone heard about that but me?"

"Don't you want to be the chief?"

"I don't know. I guess so. You think I should take the job if they offer it to me?"

"Yeah," I nodded, "I think you'd be good at it."

"It would mean more work, and more time away from home."

"The pay's better." I reminded him.

"That's true." He mused as we pulled up in front of my apartment. It was raining pretty hard now, but I didn't worry about it, started opening the door.

"You can borrow my umbrella if you want—it should be in the back seat."

"It's not that far. See ya' later, Aizawa. Thanks for the ride."

He grabbed my arm suddenly, startling me. "Hey, remember, if they _do _make me the chief and you come in six hours late on _my_ watch," he paused and looked at me seriously, "I'll fire you."

I stared back at him. Aizawa was just full of surprises today. But was he bluffing? No. His look showed me that he was completely sincere. That meant I'd better get my life together, or else he'd better not get the promotion. I forced a grin, "Right. You got it, boss."

He released me, and I stepped out into the rain, hurried to the door with a slight wave to him. It was only after I was inside that he drove away. "This is getting bad." I muttered as I watched him drive away. Aizawa wasn't the type to get involved in other people's business like this, so did that mean that the others were pressuring him to talk to me? Just how worried were they all? I was fine, wasn't I? It was just a slump, not like some clinical depression or anything unbearable. Maybe it was just because I was so cheerful all the time that whenever I got a little down it seemed really horrible.

Yes. That had to be it. There was nothing wrong with me, they just weren't used to seeing me like this.

I went up to my apartment, still thinking about it. I lived up on the tenth floor of a pretty tall building, and mine was one of the few apartment buildings in Tokyo that had the stairs inside rather than on the outer apparatus.

Maybe from now on, if I just pretended to be okay, if I faked my old attitude they'd leave me alone, and I was sure that with a little more time I'd be back to being myself. It was no reason to freak out.

When I got up to my apartment, the first thing I did was strip off my wet jacket and shirt. I left both of them, as well as my tie, lying in a heap on the couch and then went off to find a towel. As I had guessed, most of them were dirty, but I did manage to find one that I at least thought was clean. I couldn't remember using it recently. I dried my hair and skin, sauntered into the living room to flip on the TV. I wasn't really interested in anything that was on, I just needed some background noise so I wouldn't feel so alone.

_Maybe Aizawa's right…maybe it is about time I got a woman in my life._

I hadn't dated much since the Kira case began almost six years ago, because I'd been busy. Besides, not many women were interested in me.

I found a beer in my fridge-it was a little old, but I needed a drink-and slouched down on my couch after shoving aside some of the clutter that was already consuming it, vegged out for a good ten minutes watching the news.

Peace. Everywhere was peace. No crimes, no dangers, no deaths. In fact, it seemed like the news anchors didn't even have anything to talk about. They made lame jokes and flirted with their female reporters and showed filler stories the whole time. Just once they briefly mentioned 'Lord Kira' and the fact that he still hadn't done anything over the last six weeks. I wondered when they'd finally realize that he was dead and not coming back.

_Kira._

I tried not to think about Light, lying there, writhing in a puddle of water and his own blood, cursing us, hating us—his friends. It made me feel dirty, and I was just about to go wash my hands when there was some unexpected movement on the screen and the female anchor was handed a piece of paper from off stage. She reviewed it for a second, and then looked up at the camera again, voice grave, eyes sparkling with excitement.

"This just in: we've received a recent report that the pop star, Misa Amane, has gone missing."

That made me jump and pay attention. In fact, I almost dropped my beer. "What? Misa-Misa?"

"For the last few weeks, Amane has been working on a movie with male heartthrob Hideki Ryuga, but according to her manager, the pop idol hasn't been seen for over twenty-four hours." A photograph of the familiar, smiling face I knew and loved popped up on the upper right-hand side of the screen. Misa, bright-eyed and cheerful as ever. "If anyone has any information regarding Misa-Misa, please contact your local police, or call the number that's appearing now at the bottom of your screen."

I kept staring at the picture. It was old, taken about four years earlier, but I knew Misa hadn't changed enough for that to matter. What I didn't understand was where she'd gone and why. Did it have to do with Light?

"Don't be an idiot, Matsuda, of course it has to do with Light."

Did she know he was dead? Aizawa and the others had told her, hadn't they? I couldn't imagine them neglecting to tell her that her boyfriend was dead. Unless they thought she shouldn't know. She'd been cleared as the second Kira so I couldn't think of a reason why they wouldn't want her to know. Maybe she'd been kidnapped. She had plenty of fans, and more than a few of them were potential stalkers. I remembered how she'd thought L was a stalker. Or how she'd pretended to anyway. Obviously she was used to freaks pursuing her, what if one had finally gotten her? She could be alone somewhere, hurt, in the hands of a deranged psycho.

After I'd stared in disbelief at the television for a few minutes I got out my cell phone and scrolled through my lists of contacts. Fortunately I still had Misa's number. Maybe I could get a hold of her. It was possible she'd just slipped away for vacation or something. The phone rang a few times and I paced through my living room, whispering over and over, "C'mon, Misa, pick up. Pick up."

It didn't ring very many times before her voicemail came on and I heard Misa's bright, sunny voice greet me.

I almost said hello before I realized it wasn't really her, and then I left a hurried message, asking her to please call me back as quickly as possible.

What next? I felt totally helpless. Misa might need help and there was nothing I could do. Should I go out and look for her? No. I had to think clearly. There had to be something I could do, some move to make that could help her.

In the end, after I'd paced around my apartment for about ten minutes, debating if I should go out looking or not, putting my shirt back on, pulling my jacket on then off and back on, then off again, I finally decided to call Aizawa. I don't know why, I just thought it would be better than sitting there panicking all by myself.

He answered his phone promptly, "What is it, Matsuda?"

His voice told me he thought I'd freaked out or something and needed help, but I didn't have time to feel embarrassed about that, instead I blurted out, "Are you at home?"

"Home?" I heard him shuffle the phone around, then his voice took on an agitated tone, "I just left your apartment, of course I'm not at home."

"Oh. Right. Well, I was just watching the news and-"

"The news? Dammit, Matsuda, you'd better not say anything along the lines of 'there's another Kira'."

"No, nothing like that. It's Misa."

"Amane?"

"Yeah, Misa-Misa—I was watching, and there was some breaking news. They said she's been missing for over twenty-four hours."

Aizawa was quiet for a second, "So, you called me just to tell me that some pop star disappeared."

"Some pop star? Aizawa, it's _Misa_. Remember Misa?"

"Yeah, I remember Misa—she was always nothing but trouble."

I felt some of the anger coming back, "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying, Matsuda, I don't understand what you want me to do."

"Well haven't you heard anything about this? You're in line to be the NPA chief, aren't their any leads or something?"

Aizawa was getting more and more frustrated, "This is the first time I've heard about this, and no, there aren't any leads."

"Are you telling me this hasn't been reported to the NPA?"

"It probably has been, but that doesn't mean it's been reported to me—I'm not the chief yet."

"But-"

"Matsuda, listen to me, just don't worry about it right now. Just get yourself to bed so you can come to work tomorrow, all right? That's the best you can do right now."

"But I-"

"And for God's sake, Matsu, don't do something stupid. There's nothing you can do on your own."

"Aizawa, Misa is-"

"I've got to go. Promise you won't do anything idiotic."

I sighed. He really wasn't interested, apparently. Aizawa had never cared much for Misa-Misa in the first place, so I didn't know why I was surprised to learn that it didn't matter to him that she was missing. "I promise."

"I'm gonna' hold you to that. See you tomorrow, Matsuda."

"Yeah, bye."

He hung up immediately, probably even before I said 'bye.' I held the phone a few extra seconds before turning it off and sliding it back into my pocket. He was right about one thing, there really wasn't much I could do.

So I ordered a pizza and only ate a couple slices before going to bed.

In the morning I woke up a little late again. Not as bad this time, but when I rolled over and looked at the clock it read ten 'til seven, which was the time I was expected to be at work.

Cursing, I clambered out of bed and began the pointless search for a clean, white dress shirt. There weren't any, so I had to put on the cleanest one I could come up with and then I sprayed a lot of cologne. I didn't have time to take a shower or even eat breakfast, so I just dashed out the door and down to my car. If I drove fast, I could be to the station in twenty minutes. I'd still be late, but at least I wouldn't be _too _late.

The station was surprisingly busy when I arrived. Cops were rushing around everywhere, chattering and shouting to be heard over the chatter. Mogi met me by the door.

"Did you hear?" His normally composed face was distorted by worry. "Misa Amane disappeared."

"Yeah. I saw it on the news last night. Is that what all this commotion is about?"

He nodded somewhat gravely, "A team of investigators is being assembled to look for her."  
"Who's on it?" I glanced up at him as we started to walk, and I had to sort of jog to keep up with his long-legged stride.

"So far, myself, Ide and Karisa Yoko."

My heart sank at not hearing my own name on the list of investigators, but I tried to hide it. "What about Aizawa?"

Mogi hesitated, like he didn't want to tell me, and then he admitted, "Aizawa has been put in charge of the investigation—he's leading it. I presume it's his first step toward being promoted as chief. If all goes well, he'll soon be in charge of this entire facility."  
I nodded, and then dared to question, "And…what about me?"

He looked at me out of the corner of his eye, "What about you?"

"Am I on the team or not?"

There was another long, frustrating pause. "No. You're not."

I stopped where I was, just staring in disbelief as he walked by, "I'm…not? What do you mean I'm not?"

Mogi hesitated to look over his shoulder at me, "It wasn't up to me who is and isn't on the team."  
"But!" I stepped forward, unable to help gushing a little, "But why shouldn't I be on the team? You know I'm a big fan of Misa-Misa—I always have been, even before we worked with her. We're friends and everything, just like you and her, Mogi. I was really worried when I found out last night!"

Mogi waited patiently for me to finish and then said softly, "Why don't you talk to Aizawa about it?"

I felt stupid, but I couldn't help being stumped, "Aizawa?"

"He's the one who picked who'd be on the team. If you want to know why you weren't selected, I can't think of a better man to ask."

Mogi kept walking, and I trailed after him, trying to figure out why Aizawa would exclude me from the team when he knew I was already worried about Misa-Misa. There had to have been a mistake, there was no way he would purposely keep me off the investigation. I was sure that when I saw him he'd tell me that Mogi was wrong and that I was going to get to go with them to help look for Misa.

Aizawa came along not long after, talking into a cell phone and walking quickly. Ide was beside him and just behind him was Karisa Yoko. Yoko was a tall, beautiful woman with short, black hair and blue eyes. She had very pale skin and a solemn look on her face, but she smiled when she saw me.

I ran forward, past Mogi, getting carried away immediately, "Aizawa!"

He glanced at me, but kept talking into his phone.

"I heard you're in charge of the search for Misa. Is that true?"

Aizawa continued with his conversation and put his forefinger to his lips, indicating for me to be quiet.

"Oh, sorry." I covered my mouth out of reaction, and then waited impatiently for him to finish.

The three of them continued walking, and Mogi and I fell in with them, Mogi starting to talk to Ide at once. I stayed right beside Aizawa, waiting anxiously for him to get off the phone. His conversation seemed to go on forever, and all of us were heading for the exit that would take us to our cruisers.

Finally Aizawa put his phone away with a sigh.

"Ai-"

Ide cut me off. It was probably an accident, but he didn't apologize or even seem to notice that it had happened. "Are there any leads for the case?"  
Aizawa shook his head. "I just got off the phone with her manager—she's the last person to have seen her. We're going to start by searching Misa's apartment for any clues."

"Aizawa." I said a little loudly.

"What is it, Matsuda?"

"How about me? Mogi said I'm not part of the team you put together."

"He's right, you're not."

He said it so simply I was totally caught off guard and couldn't even respond for a moment. All of them were silent, waiting for my reaction. "But I don't understand—I called you last night. I was the first one to find out about it. Why would you not pick me to be on the team?"

"Being the first to find out about it doesn't mean you should be part of the team. We've got all the people we need for the investigation."

"But I want to help. Misa and I are friends."  
"Sorry, Matsu."

He didn't sound sorry. "C'mon, Aizawa! This doesn't make any sense—why would you keep me off the team? Especially when you already knew how worried I am about Misa! There's gotta' be room for one more guy"

"There isn't."

His terse answers were starting to get on my nerves, "But I just want to help! You can use all the help you can get so-"  
"This isn't the Kira case, Matsuda. We'll probably have it wrapped up in a few days, and the truth is we really don't need you. You've been flaky and moody lately and you'll just get in the way."

I hated to admit it, but that really hurt. How could he just say that to me so bluntly, not even caring what it would do to me?

I saw Mogi look at him disapprovingly, but no one else spoke.

Struggling to find my tongue, I blurted, "Well what the hell am I supposed to do? Just sit around here while you guys are out looking for Misa?"

We had arrived at the garage door by this time, and Aizawa stopped there, instructing the others to go ahead without him, and then, finally, he focused all his attention on me, looking me in the eyes and saying. "There's a pretty big file on my desk that needs to be archived; could you handle that for me, Matsuda?"

"A file?" Unbelievable. Misa Amane-a personal friend of mine-was missing, and he wanted me to archive papers.

"Data on the Kira case; I'd do it myself, but I'm going to be pretty busy with my investigation, so I'd appreciate it if you'd take care of it."

"And then what?"

"And then I'm sure there's plenty for you to do around here."

"So that's it then?" I couldn't help glaring at him. "You really don't want me working with you guys on this case, do you?"

"I know you don't like that."

"You're damn right I don't like it!" I practically shouted. "I just want to help find Misa!"

Aizawa sighed and ran his hand back over his hair, "All right, kid, I'm going to be honest with you. Think you can handle that?"

"What do you thing? I'm gonna' run home and kill myself if you say something I don't like?"

"Don't joke about that, Matsuda."

I felt like he was scolding me.

"You haven't been yourself lately, and I don't exactly what's going on with you, but I know it's not good. I'm in charge of picking out who works on this investigation: I have a limited selection to choose from, considering that other detectives are working on other cases or that they just aren't suited for the job. So I chose detectives who I work well with and who work well with each other, and who I can trust."

"You can trust me." I said softly, unbelievably hurt by the idea that Aizawa thought I couldn't be trusted.

"I know that, Matsuda—it was never any question of that. I do trust you, and you get along with everyone, so it's not that either. It's more that…well…I thought about putting you on the investigation with us, but with the way that you've been lately, I didn't think it would be wise."

"I'm not going to flake out, Aizawa! I know I've had trouble being on time lately, but I won't-"

"I'm doing this for you." He said firmly, and I was so stunned I couldn't quite think of what to say next. "Do you understand? You haven't been yourself lately, you're still recovering from our last investigation and when I was thinking of putting you on _this_ investigation I decided that you just aren't ready to take on a difficult, missing persons case; especially not when you're emotionally involved. And judging by the way you showed up here today, I was exactly right to make that decision."

"What? I was only late by twenty minutes!"

"No, believe me, Matsuda, if I were the chief today I'd probably suspend you from the force until further notice."

I could have swore my heart stopped beating. How could he say that? Did he really think there was something so wrong with me that I shouldn't even be at work. "Aizawa," my voice trembled just slightly, "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm fine.

Aizawa shook his head, "Did you even look in the mirror this morning, Matsu?"

"Uh, no…" I swept some misfallen hair out of my face, "I didn't really have time."

He raised his eyebrows slightly, but just said, "This is for your own good, kid. Stick around here and relax, go home at night and get some rest. The last thing you need right now is a missing persons case stressing you out."

"It isn't going to stress me out—it's my job as much as yours."

"Regardless of what you think, I want you to stay out of this case. Don't try to find Amane on your own, and don't try to interfere with our investigation. All right?"

"All right." I caved. Mostly because I suddenly felt unbelievably tired.

Nodding his approval, he put a hand on my shoulder, and then stepped around me and went into the garage. A few minutes later I heard the cruisers pull out and head down the street.

I stood there a while, sort of willing them to come back, apologizing, admitting that a mistake had been made, and asking me to go with them to Misa-Misa's apartment. But that was a waste of time, so eventually I turned back the way I'd come and traipsed along the hallway in the direction of Aizawa's office.

Maybe it was just my imagination. It probably was. But it felt like everyone I passed was staring at me as I went by, whispering when they thought I was out of earshot, as if they all knew that I had been rejected, that this case was off limits to me.

There was no hurry to get to the papers on Aizawa's desk. They weren't going anywhere. So I stopped by the men's room, partly to avoid everyone else. While I was there I took a good, long look in the mirror at myself.

_So that's what he meant._

I looked even worse than yesterday, probably because I hadn't gotten a chance to take care of myself this morning. My hair was messy and unbrushed, the clothes I was wearing were wrinkled and dirty, hanging off me like I was just a skeleton, and the dark circles under my eyes had gotten worse somehow. I'd obviously lost weight in the last month. I was a mess.

_What the hell is wrong with me?_

For the next ten or fifteen minutes I tried to pull myself together. I didn't have a comb so I just ran my fingers through my hair over and over in a useless attempt to straighten it out. I washed my face in the sink and did the best I could to make my suit presentable. But when all was said and done, I still looked like I'd rolled out of bed, thrown on yesterday's clothes and run out the door five minutes later.

Discouraged, I went to the lounge and found a donut and some coffee. That was the best I could do for breakfast. Tonight I had to run by the grocery store, or Aizawa was probably going to have me hospitalized.

When the donut was gone, I went back to the restroom to wash my hands then dutifully went to archive the papers, dismayed by the amount of them. I spent the next two and a half hours checking facts and filing each page away into the right drawer. It wouldn't have been so bad except that I knew that everyone else was out searching for Misa. And here I was, rotting, filing paper after paper, wishing that I were out there too.


	4. Chapter 4

I looked around the apartment where Light Yagami and Misa Amane had lived together for five years.

"It's surprisingly clean." Aizawa remarked.

I nodded, but didn't say anything. I was worried about Misa. I knew that she had gotten on the others' nerves a lot, but after spending time with her, pretending to be her manager and everything, we'd actually become somewhat close. She'd always been such a sweet, innocent girl, totally devoted to Light, happy to do anything he wanted. I'd always wondered if she had any idea that he didn't love her like she thought he did.

On more than one occasion, I'd sensed it. Something about the faint hardness in his eyes or the vague twist of his mouth had told me that he was lying about being in love with her. Of course I didn't have the heart to tell Misa. Now that Light had been revealed to be Kira it all made sense. He hadn't cared about Misa, he had just wanted to use her. For what, I'd probably never know.

"Mogi." Aizawa drew me out of my thoughts, "Check the bedroom. Look everywhere possible—we don't want to miss anything."

Not answering, I headed through the pristine living room and down the hallway to the back room where the master bedroom was. The doors were all closed, but I'd been here before. There was a bathroom, a laundry room and two bedrooms, all closely quartered, and still the apartment was stylish and meticulous, showing signs of Misa's flawless color coordination and Light's organization skills.

It was sad what had happened. Light being Kira was terrible. Something about it was nearly horrific. We'd all be close to Soichiro Yagami, after working on him with the case for so many years, and to know that his son had been that evil representation of death, to know something that would have broken our chief's heart…it was an awful burden to bear. And whenever I saw Sayu or her mother I felt a terrible sadness and guilt. I'd seen them at the funeral, bawling. Now they'd lost both of them. Two women, alone in a ruthless world.

Like Misa.

Soichiro would turn in his grave if he knew about the thoughts I now had toward Light. How selfish that boy had been, masquerading as some savior, pretending to be some great hero, when he had willingly destroyed the lives of all the people who had ever loved him. His parents, his little sister, his lover, even Kiyoumi Takada, I suspected, had met her untimely end thanks to Kira.

No wonder Matsuda was feeling down these days. The events that had taken place in this world, and specifically in that warehouse were enough to make me sick at heart, and Matsuda was much more emotional than any of us.

I went all through the bedroom, checking every nook, cranny and crack in the wall. I overturned the mattress and ran fingerprints from the doorknob. I looked through drawers and rooted through the laundry basket, which was half-full of Misa's flirty lingerie. But there was no sign of her anywhere: not a note to say where she'd gone, and not so much as one wrinkle in the bed to suggest that there'd been a struggle. It was like she'd just gotten up one morning and walked away from her apartment, and never come back.

_Maybe that's exactly what she did._

Aizawa knocked on the door, "Mogi? Find anything?"

"No." He was always so on task. I doubted Aizawa got caught up in the emotions and capricious feelings that were following me and Matsuda around these days. He was focused on his family and on his work. He had no emotional involvement in this case since he'd cared little or not at all about Misa Amane, and everything he did was rational and logical. Usually. He'd make an excellent police chief. But I wasn't sure I could follow his orders for the rest of my career. Or his.

"There's nothing out in the living room either, and Yoko hasn't had any luck. Now we're just waiting for Ide."

The truth was, we might not find any evidence at all in this place. It might be a cold trail, or a swept one. And if we found nothing here, where else could we look? Who could we contact that might have information regarding Misa? I got a cold feeling in my spine thinking about where she might be now or what her absence might portend.

"It looks like a dead end to me." Aizawa continued. "At the very least, we can tell she wasn't taken out of this place against her will. There's no sign of a struggle at all."

It wasn't that I didn't like Aizawa. I did like him—he was a loyal comrade and a good friend. It wasn't like I didn't _want_ to work under him. I just felt I could do more if I weren't tied down to the rules and regulations of a police officer. Aizawa wasn't married to those regulations either, but he did have a strict sense of propriety, which was about 98 percent of the reason Matsuda wasn't with us.

"Poor kid." I muttered, almost unconscious of the fact that I'd said it out loud.

Aizawa bobbed his head slightly, "I'm sure she's fine, Mogi."

He hadn't picked up on it at least. He was a sharp man, but he and I hardly ever thought the same way.

I studied a photograph sitting on the nightstand. It was Misa with her arms locked around Light's neck. There was that hardness in his eyes and the twistedness of his mouth. "He never loved her." I said.

Aizawa looked at me uncertainly, "Light?"

How could she have missed it? Maybe I'd been the only one paying close enough attention to her.

"He was using her. Does that mean she really _was_ the second Kira?"

"It doesn't really matter now, Mogi."

But it did matter. If Misa had been the second Kira she still _was_ the second Kira, which could mean anything for all of us.

"Near has the notebook." He reminded me.

Near. He was the new L now, and rightly so. I knew he'd take good care of the notebook. He'd take care of a lot of things.

Ide came up behind Aizawa, "I found something you'd better take a look at." He said calmly. Ide was always calm. He was charismatic too, so even when he hadn't been part of the Kira task force anymore he'd been able to help us from time to time.

We both followed Ide across the hall and into the second bedroom. The first thing I noticed was the horrible smell of rotting flesh, and my heart was overcome by fear and denial. She couldn't be dead. Not here. Not like this.

But there was no body to be seen. In fact, the whole room was apparently empty, the bed stripped down to a bare mattress, the vanity in the corner blank. There was just a single, golden birdcage hanging from the ceiling. It looked empty, but Ide approached it, covering his mouth and nose with his sleeve, and took it down, holding it out for Aizawa and I to see.

Aizawa gagged and took a step back, "Ugh. What the hell?"

Inside the cage was the bird. Or what was left of it. It had been green and red once, but now it was gaunt and starved, its feathers greasy and ill-preened. Its beak was open like it had died in mid-chirp, and its eyes were dried out. Maggots were crawling through its head.

"She let it die." I mused. But why? Why would Misa do that? It wasn't like her at all.

"If what her manager said is true," Ide said, setting the cage aside and walking away from it, "Misa has been going to work regularly for the last few weeks, even though Light was dead. She only just recently disappeared."

"Then…" Aizawa glanced at the cage again, "she was still living here when the bird died. She must have just…stopped feeding and watering it."

It was horrible. Just awful. I almost wished he hadn't manifested the thought into words. We'd all be thinking it already.

"Why would she do that?" Ide wondered. "Was she really so upset about Light that she'd neglect her pet?"  
This time Aizawa didn't voice the thought, but I was sure we were all on the same page. If she had just let the bird die then what else would she do?

Heavy footsteps came rushing down the hall, and the door was pushed open. Yoko poked her head in, blue eyes wide with distress, "Aizawa, I think I found something important."

"What is it?"

"Come on. Let me show you."

So we followed Yoko back down the hall, leaving the cage and the bird where it was for the time being, and into the kitchen, where she pointed at a knife holder. Judging by the number of slots, there should have been six kitchen knives, but one was missing.

Yoko explained, "I've looked everywhere in this kitchen. I checked all the drawers, every cupboard, and even in the dishwasher. I looked all over the house, but that sixth knife isn't here anywhere."

"That doesn't necessarily mean she took it with her." Aizawa said, studying the empty slot, like he thought maybe it would appear.

"No…" Yoko glanced at me, like she thought I would back her up, "but it is a possibility, since this place looks pretty deserted."

He nodded. "Then she might be dead already—we might be looking for a body."

The bird. If she'd let her pet starve to death what was to keep her from killing herself? I tried not to picture Misa's beautiful corpse lying face down somewhere.

They kept talking and I walked away from them, passing through the living room once, observing all the pictures of Light and Misa. There were a lot of them, and in every single one he had that same look on his face. I wondered how we had all missed it before. It seemed so obvious now.

I paused at the mantle and ran my finger along the top. It came back coated with thick, brown-gray dust. It looked like it hadn't been dusted in at least a week. Strange. Misa was pretty meticulous about that. Or maybe that had only been because she'd been working to please Light.

Next I went into the laundry room. It was pretty spic and span, except when I opened the washer I was assaulted by a thick odor of mildew. The clothes inside looked like they'd been there for days. Had she really been that careless? Had she really been so depressed that she hadn't even done her laundry?

No. That didn't add up. The apartment was spotless on the surface. There weren't dishes stacking up or anything, so it seemed like Misa had been cleaning every day. Or not eating at all. Or maybe…

I went back to the others. "Aizawa…I don't think she's been living here for a long time."

He looked startled, and so did the others. "Why do you say that?"

"Look at that kitchen. Spotless. Someone who let their pet bird die of neglect wouldn't bother doing dishes and mopping, would they? That kitchen hasn't been used in days. Maybe weeks.

Yoko nodded at me. She was thinking like I was. I watched her go over to the fridge and open it. Immediately a sickly-sweet, gagging smell of putrid, rotten food washed out, tainting the otherwise clean air. Yoko retched and covered her face, but leaned in closer to look. Her voice was muffled when she spoke, "It looks like everything perishable in here went bad a long time ago.

That settled it. Misa was gone. She'd left this place a long time ago. Just because she'd kept going to work didn't mean she had been living in her own apartment. The only question now was, where the hell was she?

"I think we'd better talk to that manager in person." Aizawa said.


	5. Chapter 5

I got the papers archived, and then I just hung around the police station for the next four hours, waiting for something to happen or for someone to give me a job to do, but no one said anything about work to me. If there was nothing to do why didn't they send me home?Fortunately the others came back a lot sooner than I expected, and I actually thought that was a good thing, until I saw their faces. All of them looked pretty bothered by something.

I waved slightly to Aizawa from my perch on the front desk. It had been such a slow day no one had told me to get down yet, "So, how'd it go?"

"We didn't find her. That's all you need to know."

"Did you pick up any good clues?"

"Didn't you hear me just now? I'm not discussing this case with you. I kept you out of this investigation for a reason—If I go ahead and tell you everything I found out it defeats the purpose."

"I don't want any details, I'm just asking if you found any clues."

He sighed, "No. Her apartment was empty and I couldn't get a hold of her manager."

That must have meant they couldn't go any further today. Why else would they come back early and empty-handed?

"Did you get my papers filed?"

"What?" I'd almost forgotten about the papers, it had been such a menial job. "Yeah. They're all archived."

"Great. Thanks a lot." He started to walk away.

I hopped off the desk and followed, "So…what are you guys going to look into tomorrow."

"I already told you, Matsuda, I'm not discussing this with you."

"You won't let me help—the least you could do is keep me filled in."

"I want to keep you filled in; the only problem is that I _don't_ want you taking the evidence I find during the day and taking matters into your own hands at night."

"What makes you think I'd do something so stupid?"

"Uh, you're kind of famous for doing stupid, impulsive things."  
I tried not to let the words bite, "You know you can trust me, Aizawa—I already told you I won't interfere with the case."  
He gave me a look over his shoulder, as if judging my honesty, "And you'd better not."

"Are you going to try to meet with her manager again?"  
"There's nothing else we can do." His tone wasn't inviting, so I stopped asking questions.

"All right, well…keep me posted. Please."

Instead of replying, he said, "Why don't you go home for the day? There's nothing else for you to do around here."

"Right. Okay." I didn't like being told I was pretty much useless, but he was right. There was nothing else for me to do, so I started to walk away, "I'll see you tomorrow, Aizawa."

"Matsuda."

His voice was stern and made me look back over my shoulder.

"Remember, don't try to take matters into your own hands."

I knew it wasn't smart to disobey Aizawa's orders, even though he wasn't the chief yet, going against his will and investigating Misa's disappearance on my own would be stupid, even for me. So I tried to go home and get some things done. I did wash my work uniform so it would be clean tomorrow, and if I remembered to iron it that would be even better. I ate some leftover pizza and started to tidy my kitchen, but half-way through the dishes I suddenly felt extremely bored, and had to get out of my apartment for some fresh air. So I put on jeans and a t-shirt and a hoodie-just regular clothes for a regular guy who was having a regular night out-and left.

Honestly, I wasn't looking for Misa at all. I knew better. I had promised Aizawa I wouldn't try investigating on my own. Well, not really promised, but I'd told him I wouldn't. Even so, while I was walking, I couldn't help but think about all the places she might be, or where I might go if I were her. I tried not to get caught up in that, but it was almost inevitable. I was still angry that I hadn't gotten to work with the others on this case, even if Aizawa had a good reason why I shouldn't. And I didn't like to feel like I wasn't contributing.

So I guess I wasn't surprised when I found myself standing just around the corner from the apartment Misa-Misa had shared with Light.

_I won't go in. I'll just make sure there aren't any lights on, and then I'll leave._

I kept walking. If there _weren't_ lights on I'd just keep going. If there _were_ I'd call Aizawa and tell him. Maybe not Aizawa. Then he'd know I had been here and he'd be angry. I'd call Mogi. He'd keep it a secret for me. That was it. I wasn't really investigating, I was just here on accident.

A little quickly, I rounded the corner. It was strange to be outside this apartment where Misa and Light had lived and loved together. Loved. For the first time it occurred to me that maybe Light hadn't loved Misa in the first place. But why shouldn't he? She had always been so good to him.

No. He had to have loved her. I had to hold on tightly to the good memories and images I'd had of Light. I didn't want to think about him being Kira. I didn't want to think about what Sachiko and Sayu, and God forbid, the chief, would think if they knew he was Kira.

I heard the gun pop. I saw the blood. It was all still in my mind. Light screaming at me, ordering me to kill the others, like he thought I was on his side. I felt the blood on my hands, even though it wasn't really there and it never had been in the first place. As I stared up at the dark, empty apartment, trying so desperately hard to think of Light and Misa, happy together, felt the tears burning my eyes. Why did this have to happen? Why to this family? Why to someone I cared about?

With everything I had, I wished I hadn't been present on January 28. I wished that I were like Sayu and Sachiko, never knowing that Light had been Kira.

While I was standing there, tears running down my face like a stupid, little kid, a light in the upper level of the apartment suddenly switched on and I saw a figure moving behind the glass. I gasped and stared. Unbelievable. Misa was there after all. But…

It was Misa's room too, I knew that much—she was there, maybe getting ready to go to bed or something. How could Aizawa and the others have missed signs of her living there? I wished Aizawa had told me more about what they had and hadn't found.

_I'm not supposed to be investigating this. Especially not on my own._ I reminded myself, as I moved toward the steps, that I wasn't investigating. I had just wound up here by mistake, and when I saw a light on I had thought it would be best to check on it. At the very least, I could save the others some trouble, even when I _wasn't_ investigating.

Cautiously, I went up to the door and knocked, "Misa-Misa?"

There was no answer, but the light was still on.

"Hello?"

_I'll just try the door. If it's locked I'll leave and call Mogi, if it's not…hey, Misa and I are friends._

It would probably be locked anyway. Why would anyone, especially a celebrity, leave their front door unlocked?

The knob turned, the front door popped open, and I was standing there, staring into the darkened living room where Light and Misa had used to sit and watch TV. Probably the news while Light had picked out criminals to kill.

Why did I have to think things like that? Why couldn't I picture them watching cartoons or a romantic movie or something?

I walked in, trying to keep quiet. The place was pretty spotless, but I was detecting some weird smells, especially from the kitchen. Rotten food? Would Misa let her food rot? Maybe she hadn't been here for a while.

_That's probably it. She probably just went on a little vacation and just got back tonight._

Had Misa known Light was Kira? Had she cared? I remembered her saying that she worshipped Kira and that she'd be pretty happy if Kira and Light were the same person. Maybe she had known. Maybe he'd taken that as a good indication that she could be trusted. In that case…had Misa-Misa been killing people as well?

_Of course. She was the second Kira._

So why was she allowed to go free? Why wasn't she in prison somewhere?

I didn't want to think about Misa being in prison. In fact, suddenly, I didn't want to think about any of this, and I seriously considered just walking back out the door and going to call Mogi. In the end though, I didn't want my fear to get the best of me, and I kept walking, down the hall, toward the back of the house where I could see that there was a light on.

"Misa?"

There was some noise coming from the master bedroom. No doubt about it, someone was in there. Misa, hopefully.

"Hello? Misa, it's Matsu… I…I came to check on you."

_I'm not investigating. I'm a worried friend who just stopped by because I saw that a light was on._

Still there was no answer, and suddenly the light went off and I was plunged into absolute darkness. My heart pounded in my throat, and for the first time the thought crossed my mind. _What if it's not Misa? What if it's one of her crazy fans? I could be in big trouble if he's armed._

I hadn't brought my gun of course. That had been stupid too. But I wasn't supposed to be investigating, I was just taking a walk around town.

"M-Misa?" Swallowing my uncertainty, I pushed the bedroom door open.

There was a wooshing sound, and then something hard hit me square in the face, just hard enough to knock me back against the wall.

A feminine voice shouted, "Stay away from me!"

I knew that voice…but it wasn't Misa's.

When I recovered from the blow, which hadn't been hard enough to actually hurt me, I opened my eyes and stared through the dark, barely making out dark, pretty eyes and long, brown hair. Definitely not Misa.

"S-Sayu?"

Her mouth opened in shock, "Matsuda-San? What…what are you doing here?"

"I just…"

"Are you investigating Misa's disappearance?"

"Me? No. Absolutely not. I'm just…" I groped for an excuse. I'd had so many just a minute ago, now where had they all gone? "just… um, what are _you_ doing here, Sayu?"

She looked at me suspiciously, then the light came back on. "I'm…not doing anything…when I heard Misa was missing I…I thought…I should come by and check to see…" She trailed off too. Obviously there was something she didn't want me to know.

With the light on, I could see her better, her slender, youthful frame, her beautiful face. She looked so much like the chief, it was painful to realize he was dead and she was fatherless. How old was she anyway? Younger than me, of course, but by how much? I was pretty sure she was twenty.

In her hands she was holding a framed picture. Was that what she'd hit me with? It looked like it was of Misa and Light, smiling. Happy.

For a while, we studied each other. It was a really awkward moment, then she stuttered, "Uh, um…Matsuda-San…"

"What is it?"

"Your nose…"

Absently, I rubbed my nose and my fingers came back bloody. "Oh. Thanks."

"Here, hold on; I'll get you something." With a quick flourish of her long, dark hair, she turned away, laid the photo face down on the dresser and disappeared into the master bathroom while I stood there, trying to keep the blood from dripping onto the carpet.

She wasn't gone long before she returned with a box of Kleenex, "Here. Sit down." She pulled me over and made me sit down on the bed, and I grabbed a clump of tissues, face burning with embarrassment as I tried to get the bleeding to stop.

"I'm really sorry I hit you." Sayu said, sitting down next to me, "I didn't know it was you…I thought…"

I couldn't blame her for hitting me. Ever since she'd been kidnapped a few months back Sayu hadn't been herself. For a while she'd even been in shock and hadn't responded to anyone or anything. It was good to see her behaving fairly normally, but a lot of the light that had been in her eyes was gone now. That probably had to do with the death of her father and brother in such a short, consecutive order.

"It's all right." My voice was nasally, making me blush even harder. I had always had trouble interacting with pretty girls.

For a while we sat there, and eventually the bleeding stopped.

Sayu asked quietly, "So…you're not here to look for Misa?"

"No. I just saw a light on and thought I should check it out."

"I see."

I waited a while for her to reciprocate, but she didn't. "So…what are you doing out alone, Sayu? It's pretty late for a girl to be running around by herself."

She glanced up at me, like she was looking for hidden meanings in my words, but there weren't any, so she sighed. "I guess with Kira around I'm not really afraid to go out alone. I figure…no one will try to hurt me as long as they're scared of Kira."

Something about that didn't really feel right to me. "But you were just kidnapped not that long ago…aren't you nervous that-"

Sayu flinched and I felt like an idiot. Why did I have to bring that up?

"I know. I shouldn't be out here…especially now that Dad and Light are…"

I lowered my head, remembering in such painful clarity how I'd shot Light. We'd told Sachiko and Sayu that he'd been shot while we were investigating the Kira case, but of course we hadn't told them that _I_ had shot him, or that Ryuuk had written his name in his own notebook. They could never know.

_Matsuda, you idiot! Who do you think you're shooting at?_

_The chief's son…Sayu's brother…my friend…Kira…Misa's lover…someone I cared about…of course I knew who I was shooting at…_

I felt the tears again. No, no, no. Not here. Not right now with Sayu watching me. I tried to hold them back, bit my lip, forced myself not to blink, but I kept hearing his voice and seeing his body, bloodied by my own weapon. A tear managed to escape my eye and run down my cheek. Hopefully she wouldn't notice. Hopefully if I hurried I could get rid of it before…

"Matsuda-San?"

I wiped the tear away with my sleeve, tried to find something in the room worth focusing on.

"Are you all right?"

The tears were still burning, threatening to overflow and drip down my cheeks. Dammit. What the hell was wrong with me? How come I couldn't be strong like Aizawa and Ide and Mogi?

I had to blink, and another tear got out and made its long journey down my face.

This time, before I could get to it, Sayu dried it away with her fingers. Startled, I stared at her. She was looking at me compassionately, her own eyes wet with tears.

"I…just…"

"I miss them too." She whispered.

She didn't understand. She had no idea that I'd shot her brother, that her brother was Kira and that he'd gotten Soichiro killed. It had to stay that way. Sayu could never know.

To distract myself, I checked my nose. "Looks like the bleeding's stopped."

Sayu nodded but bit her lip. "In that case, I guess you'd better get going…"

"Yeah. You're right." I stood up and handed the tissue box back to her. "Um…if you want…I could walk you home…"

"Oh, no, I couldn't ask you to do that, Matsuda-San. I'll be fine."

"It's not a problem. Really. I'm not really doing anything anyway."

Sayu hesitated, she looked at me a moment, and then glanced around the room. At last she nodded, "Yeah, all right. I guess it would be nice to have some male company."

I tried to smile, but it felt really unreal. "Well, shall we then?"

"Yeah, all right." Sayu picked up a backpack I hadn't noticed until then. Had she just come from school? She was in university…I thought. But I could be wrong.

Anyway, I didn't say anything about it, and she shut off the light and we left together. Sayu locked the front door behind us, and we started walking in the direction of her house.

The night was cooler, or at least it seemed that way, and I asked if she wanted to wear my hoodie, but she declined, and we kept going.

When we'd gone a few blocks without speaking, Sayu said, "It was strange…being in their apartment…knowing that Light is…"

"Yeah. I know."

"I-I don't understand…why did both of them have to…Daddy _and_ Light…it just doesn't make sense. I thought Kira only killed bad people."

I couldn't even look at her.

"We don't have to talk about this."

"No. I want to. Mom never talks about it, and everyone around me is always so sorry, but I feel isolated. It's like they aren't really gone forever, like they're just on a trip or on business for a while. But…I'll never see them again, Matsuda-san. Ever."

"I-I'm sorry, Sayu." She didn't know what I was apologizing for, and in a way, even I didn't. I couldn't have helped it that the chief died or that Light was Kira. It wasn't even my fault that Light was dead… Still, why did it feel like it was my fault?

"I hate Kira." She said suddenly, passionately. "I hate Kira so, so much. He ruined my life—my brother…my father… God, if I could join the NPA and help hunt him down."

"Kira's gone." I said quietly.

"That's what they keep saying. That he was apprehended. I just can't believe it. After all the horrible things he did, it doesn't seem fair that he could just get off with an easy, peaceful death. If I could have my way with him, if I could be alone in the room with Kira for just a few minutes…" her voice got tight, and I could tell she was speaking through her teeth, "he'd be sorry that he ever messed with my family."

I was really startled to hear Sayu say that. She'd always been so pure and innocent, never thinking anything bad about anyone. But maybe, if Light had been Kira, she also had the potential to be dark…to turn to dark means for the sake of vengeance.

What really bothered me was that she was talking about her own brother and she didn't even know it.

I bit back a sob, and it came back as a barely audible gasp.

Still, I felt her hand touch mine. Her voice became gentler, "Matsuda-san…are you sure Kira is dead?"

"I was there…"

"Yeah."

"He's dead." I remembered finding Light's body in that warehouse, just lying there, eyes still open, body cold, blood starting to harden. The image made me feel sick to my stomach. Light, full of bullets from my own gun. What would the chief say to me if he'd known that I'd shot his son?

"Matsuda-san?"

"Hm?"

"Do you believe in… Do you think there's anything after death?"

"After death?" I looked up at the stars. What did I believe about that? I'd always thought there was _something_. "Yeah. I guess so."

"What about for Kira?"

"I…don't know. I guess…Kira…" I choked again, did my best to hide it from her, "Kira would probably…go to hell…"

There was a brief moment of silence, then Sayu murmured, "Good."

"Good."

"Dad and Light…they're in heaven…and Kira's in hell."

I couldn't take it any more. I had to stop for a second, had to catch my breath and block out all the memories and the painful thoughts. _Light…_

"Matsuda-san?" She stared at me, large, innocent eyes shimmering in the light of a street lamp. "Are you all right?" Sayu tried to touch my shoulder.

But I pulled away, turning with my back to her and rubbing my eye, "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just…something in my eye…that's all."

Sayu didn't believe that. There was no way she could. It had lie written all over it. But then again, she had no idea what I was really upset about. She thought I missed Light and the chief. She had no idea how horribly guilty and angry I felt.

When I had gotten a hold of myself again, I kept walking, "Come on. We're almost there, aren't we?"

"Mmhm."

We kept going, quiet a while longer. She broke the silence again, sounding a little choked up herself, "It was nice having them live so close by. I used to go over sometimes, on weekends or after school. It was a nice change of pace. Mom and Dad always pressured me to be like Light, but…I just wanted to have fun with my friends. I'm not smart like he was. Misa and Light never pressured me into anything—they loved me just the way I am. Like a little sister."

I listened to the sadness in her voice. _Dammit you, Light…how could you…what was it all for?_

"God… I wish he wasn't dead. I wish Dad and Light were both at home right now, waiting for me. Dad would scold me for being out this late…Light would just smile and shake his head." She sighed heavily, "If I could go back in time five or six years, or even just a few months…"

"You couldn't change anything." I said softly.

"I know. I just want to see them again."

Up ahead I saw the Yagami house come into view. A lot of lights were on, but for some reason it seemed dark. Desolate. I didn't want to go in and see that empty house, I couldn't face Sachiko and her grief. I couldn't even bear to say good night to Sayu. If _I _could go back in time, knowing everything I knew now…maybe _I _could change something.

Not me though. I was useless…my greatest accomplishment in life, my crowning achievement, was shooting Kira, keeping him from killing Near… How great for me.

"Well, this is it." I stopped outside the front gate. "Tell your mom I said hi. And don't go wandering around at night anymore, Sayu… now that Kira's gone, it's only a matter of time before crime rates get back to where they used to be."

She nodded, but she was biting her lip again. I saw tears on her cheeks but pretended not to notice as she dried them away. "Thanks, Matsuda-san."

"Just call me Matsuda."

Sayu smiled sadly. "Thanks Matsuda."

I smiled back, and then started to walk away.

When I'd gone just a few steps, she called out to me, "Hey, Matsuda. Wait, come here for a sec."

I looked over my shoulder at her, "What is it?"

Sayu walked toward me, her face looking somewhat nervous, "Um, actually…I have a question."

"All right. Go ahead."

"Well…don't you want to know why I was in Misa's apartment, or how I got in in the first place?"

"To be honest…it never crossed my mind…I just figured you had a spare key and you went by to…" I shrugged.

"Listen," she sighed and lowered her eyes, "I should probably tell you something."

"Okay. What?" I felt nervous all at once. Was she keeping secrets? Did she know something about Misa-Misa? If she did, why hadn't she called the police?

"Misa…I know where she is."

"You do? Well why didn't you tell someone?"

"Because she asked me not to." She still wasn't looking at me. "She doesn't want anyone to find her."

"But…"

"She's upstairs. I went to her apartment to get her some clean clothes."

"Wait." I felt totally shocked, stared up at the Yagami house, "Misa-Misa is _here_? Right now?"

"I don't know why. But a few days ago she came to our house and asked us not to tell anyone where she was. So we didn't. For a while, she kept going out and doing regular things, but, a couple days ago she just changed. Now she doesn't go anywhere or do anything. She just sleeps a lot and watches TV. I think she's depressed. I've tried to get her to do things with me, even though I'm probably depressed too, but she isn't interested."

"Why are you telling me?"

Sayu seemed startled, "You're…part of the investigation that's looking for her, aren't you? That's why you were at her apartment, right?"

There was no point in telling her the truth, so I nodded.

"To be honest…as much as I love Misa-and I _do_ love her, she's like my older sister-it's a burden to have her here. It's harder on mom and me."

"Yeah. I'm sure it is." Misa wasn't really an easy person to cater to, and I was sure that depressed Misa was even worse.

"Would you mind coming up and talking to her?"

That caught me off guard though. "Me? Really? What can I do?"

"I don't know. Maybe if she hears from you how worried everyone is she'll feel motivated to go home. Just try it, please? I don't like Mom having to put up with her all day. Mom's already upset enough without having to wait on a depressed pop star hand and foot."

The argument was clear and made sense, but I still didn't know what I could do or say. Misa-Misa had never exactly respected me. I thought again about calling Mogi—she'd listen to him. But, ideally, it would be nice if I could get Misa back to her apartment without Aizawa and the others realizing I'd been there. Even though I hadn't really been investigating. "All right. I guess I'll try."

Sayu smiled, the first genuine smile I'd seen her make all night, and it was beautiful. For just a moment her eyes lit up and her cheeks turned sort of pink and her whole face had this wholesome, pure-hearted glow. She was, for those few seconds, the same girl I'd known before she was kidnapped. When she smiled like that she really looked like her dad.

"Thank-you Matsuda!" She grabbed onto my arm again, like she was going to hug me, but she didn't, and then we went inside together.

Sachiko didn't meet us at the door immediately like she normally did, and Sayu had to call for her a few times before she came in from the kitchen. In the meantime, I was mindful of where I was and remembered to take off my shoes.

"Mom, I'm home! And I brought a friend!"

"Friend?" Sachiko came around the corner.

God. I almost didn't recognize her. She looked visibly older, with more lines and wrinkles on her face and gray streaks in her hair. Her eyes were sort of dead looking, like nothing in the world was important, and they were reddened and puffy like she'd been crying. It looked like she'd lost a lot of weight.

Still, she smiled when she saw me, "Oh, Matsuda! I haven't seen you since the funeral. How have you been?"

"Fine." I lied. "How have you been?"

"Oh, I'm all right." I knew she was lying too. "It's hard of course, but I think I'll be okay. So, were you in the neighborhood?"

"No, not really. I ran into Sayu and thought I should walk her home. It's getting a little late."

"Oh? Well how thoughtful of you." She smiled again, and it was just as broken and shattered as if someone had kicked a mirror.

"Actually, Mom," Sayu was kicking off her boots, "he came to see Misa."

"Misa? Oh yes, of course. Well, she's still up in Light's old room. Feel free to go see her." Mrs. Yagami was quiet a moment, and then she added, almost like it was just for formalities' sake, "I'll make the three of you some tea."

"Thanks, Mom." Sayu slung the backpack over one shoulder and led the way up the stairs.

I followed, "So Misa's in Light's old room?"

"Yes. That's where she's been staying these last few nights. We tried to convince her to sleep in my room, or the extra one, but she's insistent. She probably misses him more than anyone. She's taking it really hard."

"Is she? Harder than your mom?"  
"I guess," she paused and looked at me, "I forgot to tell you. But you should probably know." Her face took on a serious cast. "Mom, when she married Dad, prepared herself for this. She says that she knew she was marrying a police detective, and that if she had sons there was a possibility of them wanting to be police detectives as well. She told herself that there was always that chance that her husband, and her son, might die…so even though she's totally broken by Light and Dad's deaths, she's actually handling it pretty well—compared to Misa.

"Be ready, Matsuda. Misa isn't herself. Not at all. Not even a little. She's not cheerful, she's not happy or confident, she never smiles, and sometimes she bursts into tears without warning. She hardly even talks. Sometimes, she really scares me, talking about how she wishes she could have gone with him and how she wishes she could be with him…that's part of why I asked you to come up and talk to her. I'm afraid of what she might do.

"I know that Mom isn't going to do anything drastic, no matter how much she misses Dad and Light, because she feels like she has to be here to take care of me. And I'm not going to do anything either, because I have to be here to take care of Mom. Misa…doesn't have anyone. Right now, she doesn't even have a purpose."

"Wow. That sounds really bad." There was suddenly a lump sitting right under my heart, but I wasn't sure what it meant. "But Sayu…I don't know how I can help."

"You're a cop, Matsuda. Didn't they teach you how to deal with suicidal people?"

"Yeah, a little, but I've never done it before."

"Just give it a shot. Please? It can't hurt to try."

Slowly, I nodded. For some reason, I didn't think I could deny her, even if I wanted to.

Sayu nodded back, then continued to lead me upstairs. We went straight back toward the room that had once been Light's, and I felt an overwhelming sense of grief.

"Misa?" Sayu knocked on the door. "Hello?"

Misa didn't answer.

"She must be sleeping."

"Then should I go home and come back later?"

Sayu shook her head, "No, we'll just wake her up. It'll be dinner time soon anyway."

With that, she opened the door.

The first thing I noticed was the potent, greasy smell of fresh blood. Then I heard Sayu scream, and before I even knew what to think, she had dropped the backpack, spun around and buried her face in my chest, still screaming.

Misa was lying on the bed on her back, eyes open, face totally white, and the bed clothes were bathed in dark, thick blood. Her wrists had been slit and bright crimson was streaking and staining her slender arms. A kitchen knife was jutting out of her stomach and her clothes were totally ruined. I knew she was dead just by looking at her. Across the room, on the wall, someone had written in English 'KIRA LIVES'.

Sayu kept screaming, and I heard Mrs. Yagami downstairs, calling her daughter's name, rushing to come up and see what was wrong. The last thing she needed to see was the horrible sight in the room.

I half-screamed myself, swung Sayu around and slammed the door behind us, leaning against it and breathing hard, my every limb shaking from terror and disbelief.

"M-Misa…"


	6. Chapter 6

I got the call at just a little past seven. It was from Mrs. Yagami, so at first I thought that it had to do with Sayu. Then I heard Matsuda's name and I panicked. What had that idiot done? After that she said something about Misa. Something that sounded a lot like 'Misa's dead!'

That's when everything in my mind stopped working. Misa? Dead. We'd considered the possibility, but what did Sachiko, Matsuda and Sayu have to do with it?

I got done with the call and went to get my coat.

"Honey?" My wife looked up at me from the couch where she was sitting with our son. "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry, I've got to go out for a while."

"Is this about the case?"  
"Maybe." I didn't want to tell her Amane was dead. Not yet. Our daughter was just in the other room, and she was a big Amane fan.

I kissed my family goodbye and went out and got in my cruiser, made sure to turn on the lights and I headed to the Yagami house, called Mogi, Ide and Yoko on the way over.

When I arrived, Mogi was already there, talking to Mrs. Yagami, but Ide and Yoko hadn't arrived yet. I saw Matsuda sitting on the front steps with Sayu bawling into his shirt. He looked like he was trying to comfort her, but I could see from the look of panic and disgust on his face that he needed comfort just as much as she did.

Both Mogi and Matsuda saw me arrive; Mogi came over, shaking his head, and Matsuda pried himself loose from Sayu to join us.

"She's dead all right." Mogi said. His voice was strangely cold. I knew he'd had feelings for Amane-the exact nature of those feelings I wasn't sure of-so maybe he was just trying to cope. "I went up and checked myself."

"Suicide?"

"Hard to tell. Her wrists were slit, but I think the cause of death is the fact that she was stabbed in the abdomen."

"I see."

Matsuda joined us, his face totally white. I didn't even want to talk to him, but I knew I had to.

"What do you know about this?"

"Nothing…she was dead when I got here."

"And what exactly are you doing here?"

"I…ran into Sayu…she said Misa-Misa was at her house…she wanted me to talk to her…but she…" He broke off and swept some damp hair back from his face. "I was too late."

"Did Sayu say anything about how long she's been here, or how she's been acting? If she's been in contact with anyone?"  
"N-no…well, maybe. I don't know…it was so shocking to find her."

"Aizawa," Mogi caught my attention again, "there's something you have to see."

"What is it?"

"The message." Matsuda whispered.

"Message?" I couldn't for the life of me decipher what they were talking about.

Mogi tried to clear it up for me, "Someone wrote on the wall in Amane's blood." It was weird for him to refer to her as Amane. That only proved my theory that he was trying to remain detached. "The message they left is…disturbing." He took out a camera phone and held it up for me to see.

I studied it long and hard, not wanting to believe what I saw, "Kira lives…"

"Does it mean…" Matsuda started, "that-"

"No!" I snapped. "There's no way! Light was Kira, and we all know that! He's dead now. This message is just nonsense."

Mogi hissed at me, "Sh. You want Sayu and Sachiko to find out?"

"Could this have been a murder?" Matsuda asked. "I mean…who stabs themselves in the stomach?"

"Someone who wants to die painfully."

"We shouldn't rule out the possibility of murder." Mogi warned. "You never know. But uh…there is just one thing, Aizawa… the weapon…it was a kitchen knife."

I stared back at him, fully understanding the implications. "Yoko was right."

"What?" Matsuda demanded. "What difference does it make what kind of knife it was?"

"This afternoon, when we checked Amane's apartment, Yoko discovered that a kitchen knife was missing from the set."  
He seemed to get it right away, which sort of surprised me. Maybe he thought clearer when he was beside himself, "She meant to kill herself…"

"We still can't say for sure. It _could_ have been a murder."

"But it couldn't have been Kira….right?"

"No. Kira's dead."

"Let's just wait for Ide and Yoko to get here." I said.

We didn't have to wait long. Ide came soon after me, and then Yoko was there five minutes after him. There was also the regular slough of forensic investigators and ballistics experts. I caught them all up to speed, and then went to talk to Mrs. Yagami and Sayu.

Sachiko seemed to be a little calmer than Sayu, although it was obvious that she was pretty upset, so I talked to her first. She told me about how Misa had showed up at her house about a week ago, saying she was afraid to be alone and wondered if she could stay there for a while since they were the closest thing she had to family. She admitted that she hadn't spent much time with Misa after that because apparently Amane did nothing but sleep, mope, and occasionally eat. She added that it had been stressful to keep her there, but that she never would have dreamed of hurting her. I hadn't even considered Sachiko or Sayu to be suspects, but after she said that, I knew that they'd have to be investigated regardless, no matter how briefly.

Then I talked to Sayu. She told me, between sobs, how she'd been happy at first to have Amane there because it gave her someone to talk to, but how she'd realized after a few days that Misa wasn't herself. Apparently Amane had talked pretty constantly about Light, joining Light in the afterworld, not being able to live without him, and suicide. I asked her why she hadn't reported Misa's behavior to anyone, and she said simply that it was because Misa had begged her not to. Then she told me that earlier today, Amane had asked her to go to her apartment to get her some extra outfits, and, thinking nothing of it, she had gone. I was interested to learn that she'd met Matsuda at Misa's apartment, but she couldn't tell me what he was doing there, other than, she assumed, investigating Amane's disappearance. She'd taken the opportunity to ask him to talk to Misa since he was a police officer and brought him home with her. Then they'd found Misa dead. That was the end of the story.

I wrote it down and re-read it and reviewed it and asked questions before giving it all to Ide, who wasn't anywhere nearly as distraught as Matsuda or Mogi, and he looked it over, read it again, and asked questions I'd missed. In the meantime, the forensics officials went over every inch of the room where Amane's body had been.

And even when they were done, I knew that there'd be so much for me to do. I'd have to read their report, go back to HQ, file a death report, write down all the details I knew, say whether I thought it was a suicide or a homicide.

So far there were no signs of an intruder or a struggle, no fingerprints, footprints or any other tell-tale signs that Amane had been murdered. How could anyone have gotten inside and slipped upstairs with Mrs. Yagami right in the kitchen? I was about eighty percent sure already that this was a suicide.

I told everyone to keep the information about the message on the wall from the press, and then I told my team they could go home. If it was a suicide the case would be closed. If it turned out to be a homicide they'd need rest.

Most of my team said they wanted to stay. Mogi was the only one who willingly left when I said so. I suspected he was about to break down. Ide was the only person I ruled as stable enough to stick around.

Before Matsuda left, I grabbed him.

"What is it, Aizawa?" He was obviously trying pretty hard to keep it together.

"You okay?"

"Yeah… it was pretty shocking at first, but I think I'll be all right. Might not sleep for a few days."

Was that supposed to be a joke?

"Well, now that we established that, I have a few questions to ask you."

"Questions?" he groaned, "I already told you everything I know."

"Don't worry, it's not about the case."

That only seemed to make him more reluctant. "Aizawa, I'm really tired and pretty shook up. Can't this wait until tomorrow?"

I shook my head firmly, "It won't take long. I just want you to tell me what you were doing at Misa Amane's apartment tonight."

Matsuda looked like a deer caught in the headlights, but he must have known Sayu would tell me, "I just-"

"I told you to stay out of this case—you said you weren't going to take what I told you and investigate on your own. How can I trust you if you tell me something and then don't go through with it?"

"Hang on a sec, Aizawa," he held up his hands, "Who said anything about investigating? I wasn't there to investigate."

"Then what the hell _were_ you doing there, Matsuda?"

"I just was walking past…her apartment and a light was on. I went to check it out, because I thought it might be…her. But it was Sayu, and I didn't think it would be smart to let her walk home alone. She told me Misa was here and that she wanted me to talk to her." He shrugged like that explained everything. "That's it."

It was the most ridiculous excuse I'd ever heard him use, "Let me get this straight—you just _happened_ to walk by Misa Amane's apartment just five hours after I told you that you are to, under no circumstances whatsoever, get involved?"

"Yeah."

I glared at him so he'd know that I didn't buy into that at all, then I shook my head, "The next time I say to stay away from something, you'd better make sure you don't wind up in the middle of it, accident or not."

"All right, Aizawa. Sorry."

He was good at following orders, that's why I was really pretty surprised to find him here at all. I had just assumed that when he said he'd stay out of it he really would. Not that it mattered much anymore. The case was over. So I asked Yoko to drive Matsuda home, and she agreed, since he had walked here. Probably not smart to send him wandering off when he'd just stumbled across a friend rotting in her own blood.

I watched the two of them walk away. I hated to be so hard on the kid all the time, but it was for his own good. I like to think I have pretty good instincts, and my instincts had told me to keep him away from this case, mostly because I knew there was a chance that Amane would show up dead sooner or later, and with Light dead just a month ago, and the chief dead not half a year I didn't know if Matsuda could take it. And look. I'd been right. I wasn't the chief yet, so I probably shouldn't ride him like this all the time, and he probably shouldn't listen to me so absolutely, but really Matsuda was pretty willing to listen to just about anyone who had more charisma than he did, which was practically anyone, especially when he was upset.

Still, when I thought about some of the moves he'd made in the past, such as infiltrating the Yotsuba building on his own, or shooting Light, and even what he'd done tonight, I was forced to realize that Matsuda was a lot more predictable and a little more strong willed than I realized. Even just appearing on TV to help capture Higuchi had been a lot more bravery than I ever would have expected from the kid when I first met him.

Well, at any rate, unpredictable or not, this case was over, so I could lay off, and he could work on getting back to his old self. Then we'd leave Kira and all the rest of this behind, and start taking on regular cases again, and he'd be fine. As the years passed, maybe that unpredictability and the random spurts of courage would become something the NPA could really use.


	7. Chapter 7

Matsuda was pretty quiet on the ride home. He kept staring out the window, and I kept looking at him out of the corner of my eye. He was a handsome guy. Well, handsome was sort of a strange word to use. He looked a lot younger than he was, so maybe the word I wanted was cute. I had no idea how old he really was, but he looked like he was in his mid twenties. His dark hair was pretty long and unkempt these days, but it looked soft, and his body was tall and slender, but I'd seen him in a t-shirt, and I knew his arms were coiled with subtle but powerful muscles. Everything about him was attractive to me—his personality, his appearance, the way he smelled. Everything. But I doubted he had much interest in me. In fact, I'd never seen Touta Matsuda show any interest at all in any women. Did that mean he was gay? No. I couldn't believe that. Or maybe I just didn't want to. But I'd never seen him take interest in a man either.

As far as I knew, that made him available. But what did it matter? We were coworkers, and the last thing a pair of police detectives should do was to get involved romantically. Matsuda was too messed up these days for that anyway. I didn't know the details of the Kira case or how it had wrapped up, but I knew Light Yagami was dead, and I knew Matsuda had been close with the whole Yagami family. The fact that he'd been at their house tonight just proved it. Still, it was hard to imagine him taking the death of one young man so hard, so it made me think there must have been something else going on. No one really knew how Light had wound up dead in the first place, because that wasn't shared knowledge.

I had my own theory, and maybe it was a little farfetched, but it added up with the way Matsuda was acting, and with the fact that the day Light Yagami had died was the same day the Kira killings had ended. I believed that Light _was_ Kira, that he had been Kira all along, disguised as a regular, impossibly intelligent young man. Chances were, if I brought the theory up and turned out to be wrong, whoever I mentioned it to would be completely outraged. In fact, I hypothesized that if I mentioned it to anyone and I was right they would still be outraged. For example, if I told Matsuda about my idea right now, he'd probably get pretty upset with me.

Light had been well liked, and I could understand why people would be upset by the idea, but it only made sense to me: serial killers were often well-mannered, popular, attractive, nice, and above all, unnaturally intelligent. I hadn't known Light as well as some of the other detectives, but from what I'd seen of him, he had fit all those categories. And he was young to boot. Why couldn't he be Kira?

That would certainly explain why Matsuda was so upset.

"So," I said after we'd been driving a while, "Matsuda."

He looked at me, and something about the sad, angsty look in his eyes was very sexy to me. "Yeah?"

"Miss Amane, how well did you know her?"

Matsuda shrugged and looked back out the window like the topic didn't interest him, but he leaned heavily on his fist, "Oh, all right I guess. We weren't best friends but…we worked on the Kira case together…I was her bodyguard for a while."  
I hadn't known that. I'd just assumed he was infatuated with her. Most men seemed to be. But if he'd spent a lot of time with her, as her bodyguard for instance, I could see how that would give him grounds to be upset over her death.

"And I saw her a lot when she was dating Light."

He talked about Light so casually, I wondered for a moment if my theory was wrong after all.

"It's a shame what happened."

"Yes. It is."

"What I don't understand is why would Misa Amane take her own life. As much as she loved Light, she had a fairly bright future as a pop star. Why would she throw all that away?"

It seemed like I got his attention, "What are you saying? You think she was killed?"

I shrugged, "I don't know what happened to her. It just makes more sense to me than if she had committed suicide."

"But why would anyone want to murder Misa Amane?"

"Well assuming she was murdered, and assuming whoever murdered her wrote that message on the wall, I think it's safe to say that her murderer would have to be a pretty unstable person."

He turned to stare at me, "But what about her apartment? Why would she abandon it like that? And the knife? Why would Misa need to carry around a knife?"

"Like I said, I don't have all the answers. But if she told Sayu Yagami that she was afraid to be alone maybe it was because she suspected that someone was following her with the intent to harm her. The knife could have been for protection."

When he didn't say anything, I continued, "Obviously I don't know that for sure, but I just think we shouldn't jump to conclusions. I mean, if she really did kill herself because of Light Yagami, she must have loved him a lot."

"She did." Matsuda turned away from me again, his voice soft as falling snow, "way, way too much."

Surprised, I looked at him, "Why do you say that?"

"No reason."

_No reason my ass._ He had to have had a reason for saying something that extreme. Was I right about Light being Kira?

If Light was in fact Kira, did his mother and sister not know it yet? They didn't seem to. "That little Sayu Yagami…she's pretty cute."

Matsuda looked at me out of the corner of his eye, apparently trying to understand my motive, "I guess."

"How is she taking her brother's death?"

"Okay, I guess." He shrugged. "She misses him."

"It's a terrible loss they've suffered. I can't imagine losing my brother."

I hadn't thought his voice could get any quieter, but it did somehow. "It is. I know."

"You know what I find interesting, Matsuda-san?"

When he looked at me this time, his eyes were veiled with caution, "Hm?"

"I find it absolutely fascinating that the day Light Yagami died is also the day Kira stopped killing."

Matsuda's reaction was more than startling. It was shocking. I expected him to be a little indignant, but what he did actually made me jump. He suddenly turned so he was fully facing me and slammed his fist on the dash board, "What do you think you're saying? You're trying to tell me you think _Light_ was Kira?"

"I was just suggesting it."

"Well don't. Don't ever suggest _anything_ like that to anyone Light knew, especially not his friends or family, all right? Light _died _while we were trying to bring Kira to justice. He wasn't a psychotic murderer, he was a great man-a great cop-just like his father."

I took a moment to gage that reaction. I really hadn't thought Matsuda would fly off the handle. That meant he was either truly angry that I'd suggested such a thing, or he was trying to hide the truth from me by acting truly angry.

For the time being, it didn't really matter which it was-that could be revealed later-right then all that was important was that it told me everything I needed to know.

"I apologize," I said after an appropriate amount of time had passed, and he was looking out the window again, "I shouldn't have said that about Light. It's just strange to me."

"Light and Kira are both dead—they died on the same day. That doesn't mean they were the same person." He was gentler now, and I detected something more in his voice. A possibility of grief.

"Is this your apartment up here?"

"Yeah."

I pulled over and he got out with a cloudy, "Thanks." Then started to march away. I watched him go, barely containing the smile I felt threatening to spread onto my lips.

Yes. It was all perfect. All I'd ever known of Matsuda was his kindness and optimism, even though I'd never gotten to work with him before. But I knew he was an emotionally based person, reacting more on feelings than on logic, and his outburst just now only proved it.

"If I play my cards right, I shouldn't have any problem getting you to tell me everything I need to know, Touta Matsuda."


	8. Chapter 8

**Matsuda**

What Yoko said to me really bothered me for a long time after that, and even when I went to bed I couldn't stop thinking. My mind alternated between her words and the image of Misa's dead body. I couldn't sleep, so I got up and sat on my couch with the TV on, even though I didn't really watch it.

First of all, I couldn't believe Misa was dead; the media would probably announce it in the morning. Just another tragedy to them. Just another loss of someone I had cared for. It felt like my whole life was falling apart.

And now, Yoko's words were bothering me. Would Misa have really killed herself? It was hard to picture the Misa I knew doing something like that. Even though she had loved Light had she loved him more than life itself? Had his death been too much for her to bear? Still, if she'd been planning to commit suicide wouldn't she have done it immediately instead of waiting six weeks? Who would want to kill her? Had anyone else considered all this or would I have to be the one to bring it up with Aizawa?

Then there was the thing Yoko had said about Light. Did she really suspect he was Kira? I probably shouldn't have exploded at her, but I didn't know how else to react. I couldn't tell her 'yes, Light really was Kira' because we had all agreed that that was something we didn't want leaked. We wanted Light to go down as a man who was viewed with respect and honor. But was it obvious Light was Kira? And what was the point of defending his murderous reputation anyway? Anyway, the reaction I'd given her had been my own, and it had surprised even me. I didn't know for sure what it had been about her statement that had made me so angry, but it had really pushed all my anger buttons. Maybe that was what Aizawa meant when he said I hadn't been myself lately.

_I just don't like to think about it, that's all. I don't like to think about Light being Kira. I wish it wasn't true._

As long as Yoko didn't keep asking questions it seemed like everything should be fine, but if she came back with more I didn't know how long I could hide the truth from her, and once the truth about Kira started getting out the whole world would know.

Including Sayu.

_Sayu Yagami…she's pretty cute…_

_I guess she is._

I'd noticed before, but something about having her hang off me tonight, having to comfort her as she cried, really made me feel a connection with her. I felt like she needed me, and no one had ever needed me before.

But Sayu did. Her father and her older brother were both dead, and now all she had left was her poor mother. She had needed a shoulder to cry on, and I'd been there. I guess that meant I fit the bill.

God forbid she should ever find out about Light being Kira.

_God forbid she should ever find out that I…_

No. I shook the thought away. I had _not_ killed Light. I'd shot him, but Ryuuk had been the one to kill him. So what was it about his death that was haunting me so much? I had thought about it and thought about it, but no obvious answer came to mind. I didn't want to think about it anymore. I wanted to pretend it hadn't happened in the first place. But I knew that when I closed my eyes to go to sleep I'd see it again anyway.

I felt the blood on my hands still. It seemed to be getting thicker. After a while I got up, washed my hands, and went back to bed. Then I tossed and turned for several hours before finally falling asleep.

In the morning I actually woke up on time, only to discover that I had a different problem now. Last night I'd left while my work uniform was still in the washing machine, and the episode with Misa's death had made me forget all about it. It was still in the washing machine, still soaked. So I loaded it into the dryer and went to find something else. It was getting harder and harder to find clothes I could actually wear to work, and now most of my white shirts and slacks were wet anyway. Maybe I should just give up the police career and become something else. A janitor or something. They didn't have to worry about their uniform being clean and pressed and everything.

I took a shower next and put on the cleanest clothes I could find. The nearly sleepless night hadn't helped the circles under my eyes at all, but I ate some breakfast and combed my hair and hoped that would make up for it.

I thought I did everything right. I took my own car to work so I wouldn't have to bum a ride. I ate so I wouldn't have to steal a donut from the lounge. Aside from the somewhat dirty shirt I was wearing, everything was going smoothly. I'd even be on time today. Aizawa should have nothing to say to me other than 'good morning' and 'here are the papers I want you to file today'.

The thought was meant to be funny, but as soon as I'd imagined him saying that I felt sour and resentful.

_He's just trying to help me, that's all. I'm really kind of a mess right now._

That didn't make me feel much better.

It didn't matter anyway, because when I got to work and found Aizawa all he said is "What the heck are you doing here, Matsu?"

I stared at him, not understanding, "Um…I work here still, don't I?" He couldn't have decided to fire me for interfering with the Misa case could he? _No. He's not the chief yet. He _can't_ fire me._

"Yeah, but, didn't you get my message?"

"Message? I didn't really have time to check them this morning. I was trying to get here on time."

I could have swore Aizawa rolled his eyes at me, but his voice stayed kind, "I called to tell you to stay home. It's a slow day, and we won't…" he stopped before saying 'need you' I was sure, and replaced it with, "there won't be anything for you to do here."

He was trying really hard to be nice, I could tell that much, but I still felt a little insulted. "Oh. Well, I'm here anyway I guess…can't you just find something for me to do?"

Aizawa gave me a little bit of a disapproving look, "That's the reason I told you not to come in—there isn't anything."

"But the Misa case…it was pretty big wasn't it? There has to be something I can help with."

"Everything is already being taken care of." He said simply, and looked back at whatever was on his desk.

I didn't say anything—I already knew what this was about. It wasn't that there was nothing to do, it was that he thought I needed the time off after seeing Misa…

It was possible that he was right. Maybe I really should have just gone home and gotten some more sleep. I remembered the dark circles under my eyes and wondered if he noticed them.

_Of course he did…_

"Well who's going out on the investigation today?" I asked.

"Investigation?"

"Yeah…I mean, you're not done investigating all this stuff with Misa, are you?"

"Why wouldn't we be? It was obviously a suicide."

"It could have been a suicide," I agreed, toying with his paperweight, "but what if it wasn't?"

"There were no grounds for it to be anything _but_ a suicide."

"You think it's impossible that someone killed her?"

"I think it's unlikely. Misa Amane was a popular person. I don't know who would want to kill her. And even if they did, forensics and ballistics didn't find any evidence of anyone else being in the room last night. If someone killed her they got away clean."

"Still, what about the message, Aizawa? Why would Misa write 'Kira lives' on the wall?"

"I have no idea. Maybe she was just upset. All it really proves is that she didn't know about Light being Kira." He looked up at me again, "Where's all this coming from anyway, Matsu?"

"Nowhere. I just think we should consider all the possibilities, and Misa-Misa being murdered is one of them."

"Maybe so. But there's no grounds for it. I wouldn't even know where to start looking for evidence for that."

"What about her manager? Did you talk to her yet? Someone might have been following Misa."

"No. I didn't feel like that was necessary. Matsuda," he sighed, "go home all right? There's nothing for you to do here. Get some sleep. You look like hell."

My face flushed, but I stood my ground, "If I go home I won't get paid for coming in today, right?"

"No, no, don't worry about that. You're still getting paid. Just go."

I almost turned around to go, but stopped myself, remembering there was one other thing I wanted to ask him about, "Aizawa…we're friends, right?"

Aizawa hesitated. He probably just didn't know why I was asking, "Yeah. Why?"

"Then just between us, what would happen if," I lowered my voice, "what would happen if the rest of the world found out about Light?"

He looked at me for a long moment, then he said with equal softness, "I don't want to think about what would happen, Matsuda. It wouldn't be good for Sachiko and Sayu, that's for sure."

"Yeah, that's what I thought." I stared down at my feet. Maybe Yoko had just been making conversation last night, so maybe she hadn't meant anything by suggesting Light had been Kira, but it hadn't felt that way. Something about it had seemed very calculated, like when L or Near asked a question. I'd gotten the feeling she was asking for a specific reason. The question was, what could she accomplish with that information?

After a moment, Aizawa sighed, "Seriously, Matsuda," he got up and came over, put a heavy hand on my shoulder. For some reason I felt like I couldn't support it. "As your friend, I'm asking you to go home and get some rest. All that Kira stuff is over with, I promise, so just don't worry about it anymore."

"I guess you're right." Reluctant to leave, I began to walk, "Just call me if you need me, okay?"

"Of course. Take it easy, Matsuda."

I went home like he asked me to. I even tried to get some rest like he said. I didn't really feel like going back to bed though, so I just flopped down on my couch and wound up dozing off for a while.

My cell phone going off was what woke me up. I'd left it in my jacket pocket, so I had to get up and stumble across the room to get it. The clock read two fifteen. Had I really slept that long?

The number was one I didn't know, but I answered it, still not quite awake, "Moshi-moshi?"

"Matsuda, are you watching the news?"

"Sayu? What's going on?"

"Turn on the news-any channel-just hurry."

It took me a second to find my remote, but it was easy to find what she wanted me to see. I assumed the same story was on every channel.

The anchor was already in the middle of saying, "We now bring you a live report from the scene."

Then the screen flashed to a shot of one of the more popular, female reporters standing outside admist a crowd. It looked like Shinjuku to me.

"I'm here, outside the Shinjuku Prince Hotel where just a few short hours ago, civilians reported gunshots and screaming. Now, the local police have not yet authorized that we can go inside to take a look at the scene of the crime, but they have confirmed a total of five deaths, and all five men killed were members of the NPA."

My heart slowed to a sluggish churn when I heard that. "The NPA?"

"Furthermore, there has been a message left by the apparent murderer, that even the viewers at home should be able to see." The camera angle changed quickly, pointing almost straight up so that there was a clear shot of the side of the building. Someone had painted in huge, red English letters, "KIRA LIVES".

"Just like…Misa…"

"We cannot fully understand the message of course, but from where I'm standing, it appears that Kira is indeed still alive, and his justice is going to prevail. Although we cannot guess the meaning behind his punishment of the NPA, it can only be assumed that the police have angered Kira, and that he intends to retaliate. This may or may not have to do with the police's recent announcement that Kira has been killed, but if it does, I fear the worst for the NPA."

"Sa-Sayu?"

"I'm still here. Matsuda…what do you think this is all about?"

"I don't know…"

"You said Kira's dead. Right?"

"Yeah. He is. I _know_ he is."

"Are you at work?"  
"No. Aizawa sent me home."

"All right. I just…I called, because when they said it was NPA members I thought… I wanted to make sure that you're okay."

She wasn't there to see it, but I was pretty sure I turned a bright hue of red, "Thanks, Sayu."

"I guess I'd better let you go. You'll probably want to check in with your friends, right?"

"Right. Thanks for calling."

"Take care."

"Bye."

She hung up and I speed-dialed the station. The phone rang and rang, but no one answered, so I tried calling Aizawa, but he didn't answer either. Next I tried Mogi.

"Matsuda? What's going on?"

"The news. Did you see?"

"Yeah. I'm on my way to the station right now."

"You were out?"

"I was at home. They gave me the day off—for Misa, I guess."

"Right. I'll see you there."

"Bye."

I tried Aizawa again, but when he still didn't answer I gave up and ran out to my car. I drove a lot faster than I should have, but it was an emergency. I didn't know which NPA members were gone; if they had been people I knew, people I was close with, I didn't know if I could handle it.

When I reached the station, I parked outside illegally and rushed into the building. There was more commotion than I'd seen there in months. People were running and shouting. Some of them were screaming, "It's Kira! Kira is alive! He's going to kill us all!" Others were telling them to shut up. I couldn't tell who was going where or if there was any purpose to the movement at all, but I elbowed my way through the crowd, heard someone shout, "Hey, it's Matsuda! Matsuda's alive everyone!"

After that people started grabbing at my clothes, trying to slow me down, trying to congratulate me for surviving. Others just wanted to proclaim doom, saying that we were all going to die too.

The next thing I knew, Ide was right in front of me. I almost ran into him.

"Matsuda? I thought you were at home."

"I was—I came back when I saw the news. Do you know…?"

"No. I haven't heard yet. But I know that Mogi and Yoko are alive."

"Aizawa?"

"He went out a few hours ago, he said to talk to Misa's manager. I…haven't heard from him.  
_No. that's not possible…not Aizawa._

"He didn't answer his phone when I tried to call."

Ide nodded. He looked upset—he and Aizawa had always been close.

Just then, his phone rang, and I had to wait for him to finish his call.

"This is Ide." A long pause. "No…I'm sorry. He's not here. Yes. Of course. Yes. All right then. Good bye." He shut the phone. "That was Aizawa's wife—she wanted to know if he was here. Obviously she can't get through to him either."

"What are we going to do if he's…?"

Ide shook his head, like he didn't want me to complete the thought.

"Who's in charge right now?"

"No one. Everyone heard about the broadcast, and they've all been out of control ever since."

Someone running by suddenly grabbed my arm and started to drag me away, screaming, "We've got to get out of here! Everyone, follow me!"

I stumbled and fell down, but Ide had me back on my feet in less than a moment. Everyone was really panicking.

Then I saw Mogi coming toward us with Yoko right behind him.

"This place is a madhouse." Mogi commented, looking around at all the frantic people. "Where's Aizawa?"

"We haven't heard from him yet, and he's not answering his cell phone."

Mogi had nothing to say to that.

"Do you guys think he's dead?" Yoko asked, her eyes bright with worry. "He wasn't going anywhere near Shinkjuku, was he?"

Ide shrugged, "I don't know where he was going—to talk to Misa Amane's manage, I guess, but he didn't say where that would be. He asked if I would like to tag along but… ah, damn. Maybe I should have gone with him."

"No," Mogi said, "it's good that you didn't. If Aizawa's dead we'll need you."

_If Aizawa's dead…_ I didn't like those words. I didn't like to hear them all together like that, it incited some kind of panic inside me. "He can't be dead, right? There's just no way." I whipped out my cell phone again to try calling him one more time.

Before it could even ring once, I heard his voice somewhere over my shoulder, "God this place is insane."

The others looked up and I spun around. He was walking toward us, looking perfectly calm and unharmed.

"Aizawa!"

"Where the hell have you been?" Ide snapped.

"Why didn't you answer your phone?"

Aizawa turned to the side, letting another officer walk past him, then said, "I started thinking about what you said, so I went to talk to Amane's manager. She didn't have much information for me, other than that Misa just sort of wandered away from the set one day and never came back. Everything had seemed normal up until then."

"Who cares about that?" Ide growled, "Didn't you hear? _Five_ members of the NPA are dead."

He nodded, "I heard. Fortunately, I wasn't anywhere near Shinjuku." A second passed and he looked at me, "Hey. I'm glad you're here."

"What? Me? Really? Why?"

"You live pretty close to Shinjuku. When I heard that some NPA officers had been killed I thought maybe you were one of them. You've been doing some pretty stupid stuff lately."

Was he serious? Right then I wasn't sure if I should feel grateful that he'd been concerned about me, insulted that he'd called me stupid-yet again-or laugh. I didn't feel like laughing, but it sort of came out anyway and I pushed my hand back through my hair nervously, "Right."

"Anyway, I guess we need to talk about this; let's go somewhere quiet until the commissioner comes and calms everything down."

"The commissioner already left." Yoko said. "I have no idea who's in charge, but right now it looks like no one's in charge."

"He _left_." Aizawa stared in disbelief. "But why would he do that?"

She shrugged, "He's afraid of Kira."

Aizawa sounded frustrated, "But this isn't Kira's doing! How can he even think that when we already filed an official report saying that Kira's dead?"

"Maybe he doesn't believe Kira's dead. A lot of people don't."

"But we _know_ that he's dead!"

"We were all there," Mogi pointed out, "so we know."

"Yeah, but," I looked at Yoko, "you weren't there and you're sticking around. Doesn't that mean that other people might too?"

"I'm not afraid of Kira. Even if he is alive."

"We can discuss who is and isn't afraid of Kira later, right now I can't hear myself think." Aizawa growled. "Let's go." With that, he started off at a brisk walk, pushing his way through the crowd, shoving some people aside, shouting arbitrarily for everyone to calm down. We all followed him quietly; I didn't know what else we could do.

It started as just the five of us, but as we went, Aizawa breaking up the riot with his annoyance and cold determination to simply get somewhere peaceful, people started to follow us. It seemed like his confidence gave them hope.

_Wow. Aizawa's really charismatic—no wonder they're thinking of making him the next chief._

Not long after, we finally made our way to the lounge, which was pretty much empty, and the only sound I heard was the sizzling of coffee and peoples' footsteps. By that time, there were about fifteen of us.

"Ide, would you mind shutting the door." Aizawa said, "We're going to wait here until this thing blows over. Hopefully by that time the commissioner will show up again."

"What if he doesn't?" I pulled myself up onto a counter

"Then we'll have to put someone in charge temporarily until we can figure out what's going on."

An officer younger than me spoke up from the back of the room, "This can't really be Kira, can it?"  
"No. It's impossible."

"How can you be so sure?" someone else demanded.

"We were there when Kira died." Ide explained.

"Can you prove that?" A few voices echoed, demanding proof.

"How can we prove something like that? The body was buried a whole month ago."

"Dig it up!" Someone cried.

"Dig up a body?" Mogi wrinkled his nose. "You can't be serious."

"I am serious! How else are we supposed to believe he's actually dead?"

A lot of people started yelling all at once, most of them agreeing, saying that the only way to resolve this was to produce Kira's body. A few of them moved in closer. They looked pretty violent. Could they make us dig up Light's body?

_This isn't good. If they insist enough they might actually force us to dig up Kira's body…and then everyone would know about Light._ "The news report said that there were gunshots," I said suddenly, "Kira has never killed like that before, so it can't be him."

That seemed to silence them, and I saw a few people looking at me with surprise.

"All right, all right," Aizawa said; he'd made his way to the front of the room and was now commanding everyone's attention. "We don't know what's going on, but from the look of things we've lost a lot of manpower in this riot. Now, I'll admit it, I was there when Kira died, so I'm inclined to believe that he's dead; however, there have been multiple Kiras in the past, so I won't fully rule out the possibility of this being Kira. But, that being said, I really, really don't think it is. Chances are, this is just a fanatic who's going crazy because Kira hasn't made a move in a while. Someone who doesn't want to believe that Kira's dead."

"But why would they target NPA officers?" demanded a man named Okosha Inari. "In the past Kira has only killed criminals." He also got everyone's attention right away; he was pretty seasoned, so I wasn't surprised people were listening to him, "The fact that this killing consisted only of NPA officers suggests to me that Aizawa must be right—this can't be Kira, because Kira only kills people he sees as evil."

"Actually," Yoko spoke clearly, beginning to pace, "in my mind, that would only prove that this is Kira."

"What do you mean?" I looked at her, startled.

"Well, if the story you four are telling us all about confronting Kira on the 28th of January is true, and if you're telling the truth about Kira being dead, then that can only mean that one of you four killed Kira. Or at least wounded him badly enough to think that he was dead. In that case, he might start targeting NPA officers in hopes of getting revenge on the four men he saw that day. In fact, I think that even if that Kira is dead, and there is a possibility of there being another one, assuming that the two Kiras were in league with one another, the second Kira might start killing NPA officers to avenge the first Kira. For all we know, they were lovers or something."

I barely kept myself from gasping out loud. How had she guessed that? If Misa had truly been the second Kira then Yoko could be right. But Misa was dead now…so that didn't make sense.

Still, there were hushed whispers all around me; people believed what she said. And why shouldn't they? It all made perfect sense. It was calculated and intelligent. A concise conclusion to arrive at.

Thank God Aizawa spoke up again, "All right, all right, we could go around and around with different theories all day long, but I don't think it would get us anywhere. What we need to do right now is form an investigative team."

"Is that really okay to do without the commissioner's okay?" the young officer near the back asked.

"The commissioner may or may not come back," Ide said, "we need to assume he's not coming back and select a leader for this investigation ourselves."

"First things first," Aizawa interrupted, "we're going to need all the men we can get, but I understand if there are some people who don't want anything to do with this case. Before we do anything else, if there's anyone in the room who doesn't want to help with the case, get out now. Everyone else is welcome to join us."

For a moment, there was some mumbling and some shuffling of feet, and then, one by one, people began to leave the room.

**Mogi**

As it turned out, only three people of the ten who'd followed us into the lounge stayed. They were Okoshi Inari, a man who'd worked with Soichiro Yagami himself, back when they were younger, Izanagi Chiba, who was just a little older than myself and already beginning to go bald and Kei Komagata, a young woman who had just joined the NPA a few weeks ago. She was rumored to be half American. Her hair was long and blonde, and she was snapping some gum in her mouth.

"That's it?" Matsuda sounded disappointed. "Geez, what a bunch of cowards."

Ide shook his head, "Hundreds of brave officers in the NPA and only three are willing to stick by their comrades."

Aizawa didn't seem bothered, "It's fine. In fact, it's good that there aren't very many—we don't need a lot."

"But Aizawa, what are we going to get accomplished by ourselves?" Matsuda asked, "When we brought down Kira it took all of us, plus Ne-"

Maybe he didn't want Matsuda to say Near's name, but he suddenly cut him off, "This isn't the Kira investigation. I have no idea who's behind this, but it isn't Kira—it can't be. So it doesn't matter that there aren't very many of us. But I do appreciate all the help we're getting. Moving on," he slid his hands into his pockets, and I was amazed by just how cool he was being about all this. Aizawa had always been a pretty logical guy, but I'd never seen this side of him. "We need to select a leader for our investigation. I think Okoshi is the logical option since he has the most police experience."

Okoshi shook his head, "I'm flattered by that, Aizawa, but it seems to me that _you're_ the logical option. You already seem to have this under control. I'd be more than happy to follow your orders, especially since you worked on the Kira case with L and Soichiro."

They still didn't know about L's death. How strange. It seemed like it had been so long ago that he'd been killed, and still the world didn't know that the original L was dead.

"I second that." Ide said, almost immediately. "Aizawa, you're the only one who can get this done right. You're a potential candidate for being the next chief at this station, and you have a good grasp of what's happening."

Matsuda smiled, but I noticed it wasn't as cheerful as it usually was, "How could we pick anyone other than you, Aizawa?"

Everyone else voted for Aizawa as well, but I kept thinking for a while. Was Aizawa really the best choice for this? He was a pretty logical, composed man, but he did have a tendency to fly off the handle and lose his temper whenever something annoyed him. Plus he had troubled seeing the big picture sometimes. In other words, he wasn't L or Near by any means. But I reminded myself that we didn't need L or Near for this, that it was probably going to be a standard investigation, since Kira _was _dead. For the moment, all we really needed was organization and a direction to go in. Aizawa could provide that easily enough. So I voted for him too.

He nodded, "All right, then, if you guys have really picked me to be your superior on this case, you realize that means you're going to have to listen to what I say, when I say it, and don't try challenging it. We're doing this investigation my way. Be aware of that, and if anyone doesn't like it, you'd better leave too."

It was an important thing to say, but I felt like it was almost a foolish way to handle it. What he was really saying was 'it's my way or no way at all, and if you don't like it then we don't need you.'

But apparently I was the only one who saw it that way, because everyone else smiled, nodded and generally voiced their agreement.

"Good, if that's understood then, we need to get started right away, so Mogi, you Okoshi and Yoko will come with me over to the Shinjuku Prince Hotel and we'll start investigating right away. Chiba, you stay here and try to get a hold of the commissioners-either one-see if they've left the force or not. If they haven't ask them to contact me on my cell phone immediately. Kei, compile a list of the remaining NPA members. Find out if anyone's resigning and who's still part of the force. That's going to be really important, so I'd appreciate it if you'd get on it right away."

Kei bobbed her head, "Yes sir, immediately."

"What about me, chief?" Matsuda called out.

"Ide, you need to try to get in touch with L." I thought it was sort of unfair of him to ignore Matsuda like that, but it couldn't be helped.

"L?"

I stared at Aizawa. Was it wise to bring up Near with Okoshi and the others in the room.

"I want his take on the situation, and I want to know if he's interested in helping."

"But…Aizawa…L is-"  
"I said it already, Ide, we're doing this my way."

Ide stared at him for a second as well, and then he nodded, "Of course. I'll get started right away."

"Chief!" Matsuda spoke even louder than before, "What do you want me to do?"

"Remember that file I had you archive yesterday?"

"Yeah?"

"Bring it back to my desk, along with the file on Misa's disappearance and death. We can't ignore the fact that the same exact message was written in the same style at both scenes, so we'll have to check between all three cases-the Kira investigation, Misa's suicide, and this new investigation-to see what similarities there are."

Matsu sighed, "Right…okay, chief."

"And quit calling me that—I'm not your chief, I'm just taking over until the commissioners show up."

"You mean _if_ they show up." Yoko said.

Aizawa ignored that and started to leave, "Okay, you two, we're going right away."

I exchanged glances with Yoko, who nodded at me, and then at Matsuda, who was still sitting up on the counter, looking disappointed.

Then we followed Aizawa out.

It was normally a thirty-minute drive to Shinjuku, but since it was midday there wasn't much traffic and we got there in about twenty. The site was cordoned off, of course, and all the guests of the hotel had been evacuated. A few standard, patrol officers were standing there talking, but they stopped when they saw us.

Aizawa flashed his badge at them, "I'm detective Aizawa of the NPA; we're here to investigate the scene."

One of the officers, who looked even younger than Matsuda, sneered slightly, "Detective. What took you so long?"

"There was sort of a mess at Headquarters. We came as fast as we could."

The older officer nodded, "In that case, we're glad you're here. Will you be starting immediately?"

"Yes."

"The scene is up on the tenth floor in room 1020—the bodies have already been removed and forensics is at work as we speak. They should give you any information you need."

"What about witnesses?"

"There weren't any. A few civilians who were staying on that floor heard gunshots, and there was one maid, but none of them saw anything. Of course, we detained them anyway. I'll arrange for you to speak with them as soon as possible."

"I'd like to speak with the hotel manager and the desk clerk who checked the victims in as well."

"Of course. That can be arranged."

Aizawa nodded, then he ducked under the tape and we went into the hotel.

As soon as we were on the elevator, Yoko spoke up, "Why would the NPA officers be here in the first place? If they were all gathered together in a single room it seems like they were having some kind of meeting."

"That's exactly why I'm having Kei check out all the NPA members and their recent activities. If they really were having some kind of meeting then chances are, whoever shot them was someone they all trusted--someone they were supposed to be meeting here."

"Another NPA officer?" I asked.

"Maybe." Aizawa rubbed his chin and looked distant.

The elevator arrived on the tenth floor and we all made our way down the hall toward 1020. All around the hall were more officers, forensics officials, civilians who looked like they were witnesses being detained. There were flashes of cameras and the air was tainted by the smell of chemicals and blood. Aizawa led us through the gauntlet of people like a military commander leading his troops onto the battlefield, and we stepped into the room.

Blood was splattered absolutely everywhere. I couldn't even believe how much there was. It was splashed on the walls like pain, dripping down the otherwise white wallpaper, there were huge puddles and stains of it all over the floor, spots of it on the curtains and furniture. Here and there were drawings of where the bodies had been found. By all accounts, it was a very messy scene. Much messier than anything Light had ever done. I could smell gunpowder, so it had definitely been a gunman that had done this. From the look of things, the gun had been something with a lot of power. It also looked like hollow point bullets had been used.

Immediately a police officer came over to us. He looked young, but his eyes were intelligent, "Are you detective Aizawa?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"We got a call that you were coming. I guess you'll want to have a look around."  
"Are you the officer in charge here?"

"That's right. I'm Dende Fasuka; I'm the officer who arrived first, along with my partner."

"So did you see anything? A suspect or something?" Yoko asked.

"No. By the time I got here it was already over and done with—the message had been written and everything."

"I see." Aizawa glanced around. "Yoko, you look around and talk to some of the forensics people. I need to know what kind of weapons were used here, what kinds of wounds the victims retained and absolutely anything else you think might be helpful. I'm counting on your observational skills."

Yoko nodded and got to work right away.

"Shall I talk to the witnesses then, Aizawa?"

"That'd be great Mogi. And the hotel manager and desk clerk if you can." He added softly, turning toward me, "people are relaxed around you—I'm not going to talk to any civilians right now, so I need you to gather every possible bit of information you can find."

I was impressed. He'd brought the right people to do the right jobs. "What are you going to be doing?"

"I'll be talking with this gentleman right here," he said, pulling out a notebook and turning back to Fusuka, "All right, let's get started. Please relate all the details you already know. If I have any questions I'll stop you."

Aizawa was getting right down to business, and I saw Yoko talking to some of the forensics officers, so I decided I should be prompt with my work as well, so I went around to every witness I could find and talked to each one for a good period of time. They all had similar stories—there had been gunshots around one thirty, coming from this room, they'd heard some screaming, and most of them had called the police, in spite of the fact that they were sure it was already being reported by their neighbors. A few of them had actually dared to poke their heads out of their doors to see if they could catch a glimpse of any assailants, but there hadn't been any. The maid had the same story from a different perspective. She'd been in room 1018 at the time-the room right next to 1020-delivering fresh towels to a couple. She said that a bullet had actually gone through the wall and broken a lamp in 1018. So I went there next.

Of course the bullet had already been recovered, and the couple was gone, but I set out to find them. Not that their stories wound up being very helpful.

After I'd finished with the witnesses, I found the hotel manager and the clerk who had checked in the five dead NPA officers. Neither of them had much to tell—the officers were all standard check-ins there on supposed business, and neither of them had seen anyone suspicious. The manager's biggest concern seemed to be that he didn't want the NPA to sue the hotel. It was a ridiculous thing to worry about at a time like this. Other than that, he seemed happy about all the publicity his hotel was getting.

Most frustrating of all, to me anyway, was that no one had seen how the message outside had been put in place. It had been painted on, with a very large brush from the looks of it, but it had to have taken some time. Still, no one could tell me anything about it.

Aizawa hadn't misjudged my people skills-I'd found over the course of my career that people were pretty at ease in talking to me-although Matsuda was generally better for that-but I couldn't learn anything at all that might be helpful. Still, I recorded it all in perfect detail and went back to 1020 after speaking with some other guests who had been outside during the shooting, even though I hadn't been told to do that.

Actually, as it turned out, that was the best thing I could have done. The manager of the hotel casually mentioned that just before the shooting had started-at around 1:25-a mother had approached him saying she was worried about her two sons since they'd disappeared. He'd been able to direct me to that mother, even though he obviously hadn't understood why. I'd thought that maybe if she was worried she might have been walking all over the hotel and seen something. As it turned out, it was the two boys who were helpful.

The looked eight and ten, with wide, curious eyes and excited faces, and when I knelt to talk to them the excitement only grew; they told me in very self-important voices how they'd just arrived at the hotel last night and how they'd been exploring after lunch. They had happened to be outside at 1:30 and heard the gunshots. According to the oldest boy, he'd seen a man crawl out of a window at about the tenth floor and then climb the fire escape. He'd been wearing all black.

"What about the message on the building?" I asked as I wrote down the details.

"That was already there." The younger one explained.

"It's been there all morning."

In that case, the message had been preconceived. For all we knew it had nothing to do with the investigation. The goddamn hotel manager himself could have put it there. Was it a coincidence?

_Whether it was a coincidence or not, five NPA officers were dead._

Finally feeling like I'd gotten somewhere, I went back to join Aizawa and Yoko, who were also finishing up their investigations.

In another ten minutes, we were leaving the hotel.

On the way back to the car, Aizawa pulled me aside. "I need to talk to you privately, Mogi."

"All right, what is it?"

"It's about the officers who were killed. Fusuka gave me a list of their names, but I don't know any of them. I was hoping that maybe you did."

I took the list and read the names out loud, "Takumi Fuka, Eiji Joshuyo, Yoshiyuki Royama, Gorou Odaka and," before I read the last name, I stared at him, "Taro Matsui?"

He returned my stare gravely. "Know them?"

"No." I reviewed the list. "I don't. Could they be from a different region?"

"Possibly. But…I don't know."

"What about this last name, Aizawa? Coincidence?"

"I hope. Did you get my text?"

"Text? No." I got out my phone, surprised to see that I had indeed missed a message. I must have been so busy with my investigation that I hadn't noticed my phone vibrating. I opened it and read, _Calling a private meeting for 8 tonight. Light's old apartment. See you then._

A private meeting? I wondered why. But there was no chance to ask. Aizawa started walking again, and I looked down at the list I was still holding.

Taro Matsui…Hello to everyone following this.

**Sorry for the delay with the updates—I've been working on this pretty consistently for a while now, and it's almost finished, so I'll be updating regularly, just FYI.**

**Also, a quick warning. It's really long.**

**Enjoy!**

**- Suta 17**


	9. Chapter 9

Aizawa

I didn't like being in Light's old apartment very much, but now that the old food and the dead bird had been disposed of, at least it didn't stink.

"All right," I looked up at the other three who were sitting around on the couches and chairs. I wasn't sure how to start the meeting, but they were all watching me intently. Being the leader was hard. "I guess…we should get started."

"Um, Aizawa," Matsuda raised his hand, "why are there only the four of us? What about Yoko and the other three?"

"It's a _private_ meeting, Matsuda. Didn't you get the text message?"

"But I don't understand why."

"Because, we're the only four who know about the notebook, which is sort of a problem. I realize that we need more than just the four of us to get this done, but the problem is the world isn't supposed to know about various things, the notebook being one of them. But at this rate, we might have to share some of those secrets."

"It will be pretty hard to keep some things to ourselves I guess. What about the fact that Light was Kira? We shouldn't tell them that, should we?"

"No. We need to avoid that at all costs…but the notebook. We may have to tell them about the notebook." I paced a little, "Since only someone who has a death note can be Kira that means Kira obviously didn't commit this crime. The only Kiras we've known of up until this time have been Light, Misa and Higuchi. They're all dead. Mikami and Takada also had possession of at least some pages of the Death Note for a while, but they're dead too. Near has the notebook now, and I think he would have said something if he'd lost it. So there's no way this was the work of Kira."

"It's not Kira's style anyway." Ide added. "You said all five of those men were gunned down, right?"

"That's right. According to the information Yoko recovered from ballistics, there was just one weapon: a semi-automatic assault pistol. A TEC-DC9, generally considered a street gun. Normally they're just used by gangs and civilians but…as you all know, it's not legal for civilians to carry firearms in Japan."

"So do you think another officer did it?" Matsuda asked.

"It seems possible at this point, but there's no hard evidence. It could be someone who got a gun off the black market or from a foreign importer. A gun like this isn't really the type to be legal in many places other than the US, still it's not impossible to get your hands on one."

"This was definitely the work of a human though." Mogi spoke up for the first time. "I have reports that say witnesses saw a man climb from a window, on the tenth floor, just after the shooting stopped. No one saw anyone suspicious in the halls before or after the attack, which suggests to me that the window was both the entrance and the exit for the suspect."  
"But where would he go after that?" Ide demanded. "Were there any reports of a helicopter?"

"No. Nothing like that. But…I guess he could have slipped back into the building disguised as staff or something."

Matsuda cleared his throat, "What about the message, you guys? Why would someone put Kira lives on the side of the building? And what about at the scene of Misa's death?"  
"Well, so far there doesn't seem to be a connection," I said. "Misa-whether she was murdered or not-died after she was stabbed in the stomach and lost too much blood. The men killed today were shot. I can't say for sure, but at this point it looks like a coincidence. Or else the message Misa left got leaked somehow and today's killer decided to use it to confuse us."

"I didn't leak it." Matsuda said immediately. "Who would have?"

"Good question; but I'm pretty sure it wasn't anyone in this room. The only other people to know about it were the five men on the forensics team, Yoko and Sayu."

"Sayu wouldn't."

"Maybe not on purpose, but she was upset, so she might have accidentally mentioned it to a friend. I hope not though, because that would mean it could have spread all over. Still, the timing doesn't seem quite right for that." I rubbed my chin. I would have to shave soon—it was starting to bother me. "I doubt Sachiko would have let Sayu go to school the day after one of their friends was found dead like that, so I don't see how she would have had time to tell anyone."

Ide said, "Whoever it was, I think it's important to figure it out. Because if it _was_ leaked we could have a pretty decent number of suspects for today's slaughter. If it wasn't leaked then we should start looking at other possibilities."

"It will be almost impossible to get someone to admit they leaked that information, but you're right, we shouldn't ignore it."

"One other thing," Mogi glanced at the others, and then he looked at me, "I think we need to stop a moment and ask an obvious question—why were five NPA officers the only victims of today's attack? Literally no one else was harmed. No one was caught in the crossfire. It was very calculated. Someone knew those five would be there, they went in, either through the window or disguised as someone trustworthy, shot five National Police officers, and left through the window without so much as looking at anyone else."

"Well, that's another thing." I sighed. I didn't want to tell them this, because I didn't know what it would lead to, but there was no other choice. I took out the envelope I was carrying. "I have in here the five IDs the officers at the scene of the crime used to identify the bodies as NPA detectives, as well as the list Kei compiled for me today. I noticed a huge problem right away."

They all stared at me nervously, and I was pretty sure Mogi knew what was coming, since I'd already shown him the list today.

"These guys were _not _NPA officers. Not in the Kanto region, and not in any other region of Japan. I made some calls and checked around, but there's no record of any of them being NPA members anywhere in the country."

"Wait a minute," Matsuda got up suddenly, "what does that mean? The Ids they had on them were obviously fake then, but…did the killer put the Ids on them or did they have them for some reason before they died?"  
"I have no idea, Matsuda, but they are definitely fake. But even that isn't the biggest problem."

Mogi gave me a warning look, like he thought I shouldn't go on.

I ignored it and fished into the envelope until I found what I was looking for.

"Aizawa, wait!" Mogi stood as well.

I tossed the ID to Matsuda. "Here."

Matsuda stared at it a long moment before saying out loud, "Matsui Taro…" I heard his breath shiver slightly. "But…what… how could they…"

"Let me see that." Ide took the card from him, flipped it over a few times and held it up to the light, obviously making sure it wasn't real. "Well, it's not your picture anyway. So what? Someone made a fake ID of an alias you used back when you were working with L. Nothing to get worked up over, right Aizawa?"

"Maybe not, but…" I took a deep breath. How could I say this without scaring the shit out of the kid? "The only people who knew you were going by that name were the four of us, L, Light, Soichiro, Misa Amane, Watari, Aiber, Weddy, and the members of the Yotsuba company." Most of those people are dead now, and the people that aren't we can obviously trust. So it doesn't look like a problem, on the surface, but I started thinking about it, and I realized that anyone who worked with Misa or was around while you were pretending to be her manager would also know that name. The fact that Misa's dead now may or may not provide a connection."

Silence filled the room, and I waited breathlessly. All three of us were watching Matsu to see how he'd react. I could see it in his face—he was scared. But he kept it together.

"Wait a minute," he said after a second, "Mogi pretended to be Misa's manager too, but his name didn't show up."

It startled me, and I think it startled the others too. I hadn't thought of that for some reason. "Yeah…I guess that's true…"

"So, it _could_ be a coincidence." Matsuda said, sort of frantically. He obviously really wanted it to be nothing else.

"But," Ide poked him in the ribs, "_Mogi_ didn't try to infiltrate the Yotsuba corporation all by himself, and you did. You also appeared on Sakura TV later. That definitely makes you more memorable."

"It could still be a coincidence," I said, taking the ID back, "and let's hope it is. But, worse case scenario, let's say it isn't a coincidence: I think that would change the whole dynamic of this case."

Matsu looked at me, "How?"

"Because, if the killer did this on purpose-plastered your fake name to a fake NPA officer-then chances are it means he knows that it's not your real name, and he knows that you're part of the NPA. That alone doesn't seem like a very big deal, but keep in mind, Matsuda's not just any NPA officer—he's one of the five NPA members who were there when Kira was killed. And, if you take the notebook out of the equation-which we have to-he's the NPA officer who shot and killed Kira."

"Dammit," Matsuda slumped back down on the couch, "you're right."

"The killer might not know that, but if he _does_ know it, and he's a Kira fanatic, you could be in pretty big trouble, Matsu."

Matsuda nodded his head slightly, "I get it."

"But don't do anything stupid," Mogi reminded him, "we don't _know_ any of this yet, it's all speculation. We had to address it because it turned up, but nothing is certain yet."

"For now," I added, "all this stuff about Taro Matsui and the notebook has to stay between the four of us. There might come a time when we have to tell Yoko and Okoshi and the others, but until then I think we should avoid mentioning the Death Note at any cost. We'll continue having these meetings every Thursday at the same time, until we don't need to anymore—when either the case is closed or we have to reveal everything to the other four investigators. But we're changing the location every week so people don't get suspicious about activity."

Ide nodded, "That's a good idea."

"Remember," I said it just to put it out there, "at this point in time, the majority of the world is supporting Kira, and if this attack today means what I think it means, the NPA is going to be viewed as the 'bad guys', so everyone be careful. That reminds me. Ide," I looked at him, "Did you manage to get in contact with Near?"

Ide shook his head, "I tried all the numbers that we used when we were chasing Kira together, but no one answered."

"What did you want to talk to Near about?" Matsuda asked. "Do you think we need his help for this?"

"No…I wanted to ask if he still had the notebook. I'm sure he does, but just to be on the safe side. I guess we'll try again tomorrow."

Mogi volunteered suddenly, "If you don't mind, Aizawa, I'd like to be the one to try to contact Near."

I nodded, even though I didn't understand his enthusiasm, "That sounds fine."

"What if he's dead?" Matsuda ventured.

I rolled my eyes a little, "Somehow I doubt that. But if he is then we've got a serious problem." I walked over to the window and stared at the city lights, thinking of all the trouble Kira and that shinigami had caused. "The last thing we need is for that notebook to be out there floating around somewhere."

We talked a little longer about less important things, and then I declared the meeting to be over. We left one at a time, fifteen minutes apart, just to be on the safe side. If any neighbors had noticed activity here, they might just think it was a party or a family get-together.

Mogi left first, and then Ide. By nine-thirty Matsuda and I were the only ones left.

For a while we sat across from each other, being quiet.

After about ten minutes, he was the first to speak, "So chief, whad'ya think? Am I in big trouble?"

"Don't call me chief, and no, you're not. Not yet anyway. The guy we're dealing with seems pretty smart, but I doubt he's as smart as Light. With a little luck we'll have this cleaned up in a couple weeks, so don't lose any sleep over it."

"But, if he found out what my alias is, how hard could it be for him to find out what my real name is?"

"It all depends. Right now it's just 'if'. _If_ he found out what your alias was, and _if_ he finds out who you really are, and _if_ he finds out that you're the one who shot Light, then you could be in a lot of trouble, but at the moment we don't have any evidence that that's what this guy is after other than a fake ID he stuck on a dead guy, so relax."  
"Yeah. Okay, I guess you're right."

I checked my watched, "It's almost nine-forty-five. Ready to go?"  
"Yeah." He got up and reached for his jacket, "I guess. See you tomorrow, Aizawa."

"You too."

When he was almost to the door, I thought of something. It seemed fairly obvious, and I shouldn't have had to say it, but I knew that I should anyway. "Matsu…"

"What's up, chief?" He turned to me with his wide, innocent eyes, and I couldn't even snap at him for calling me chief, not when I knew what very well might happen next in this case.

"Just don't… try to be extra careful until this is over, all right?"

He smiled a little and nodded, "You got it." Then he was gone.

I waited another fifteen minutes, plenty of time for him to drive a few miles, and then I shut off the lights, locked the door and left.

After a day like today, and with a day like tomorrow ahead of me, all I wanted was to get home to my wife and kids.

Matsuda

Traffic was relatively light in the morning, but I didn't know why, and I felt even more tired than usual. I'd gotten home at ten after ten, and hadn't gone to bed until twelve. For some reason, I'd battled with the urge to call Sayu all night long. What good would that do me though? Even after I'd finally gone to bed I couldn't sleep. There was so much on my mind—it was all happening so fast. Light was dead, Misa was dead, I hadn't been directly responsible for either of their deaths, but I still felt like it was my fault somehow, and now this new killer had appeared, pretended to kill NPA officers. How had he learned the alias L and Watari had created for me? Or was it really nothing but a coincidence? Eventually I'd fallen asleep, but I kept dreaming the same horrific dreams over and over, so my rest wasn't very absolute. I was up again by five, a whole hour and a half before I had to leave for work, but I didn't feel like eating so I didn't. Instead I took an extra long shower and still felt filthy when I finally got out. At least today I had a clean uniform that was dried and pressed to wear. I wondered if Aizawa would let me help with the investigation or if I'd be assigned to filing papers again. So far he hadn't said anything about keeping me off, and as far as I knew, he'd need my help since I'd been part of the original Kira investigative team.

At least it wasn't Kira all over again. As it had turned out, Kira was just a man-a sick man-but he'd been treated as a god. At least this time it was just someone running around with a gun.

How did they manage it in the United States anyway? With everyone running around with guns over there how could they keep up with who was shooting who?

By the time I reached the station, I felt even more tired than usual, and the first thing I did was grab some coffee. It was quieter than normal, and even though it looked like some officers were sticking around, it wasn't nearly as many as it should have been. There were a lot of empty desks and a lot of extra donuts, so I grabbed a couple.

I ate them both on the way to meet up with the others. Skipping dinner and breakfast had really left me feeling hungry.

Mogi met me on my way over, and I greeted him warmly, even though I felt anything but cheerful.

He just nodded at me, and before long we were both standing in Aizawa's office. We were the first two to arrive so all the chairs were open, and I was all too willing to drop into one, sipping my coffee tentatively. I'd put way too much sugar in it, and I was starting to feel sick.

About five minutes later, the others started to arrive, beginning with Kei and Izanagi. I looked at them subtly. Kei was really pretty—something about that western hemisphere flair was sexy to me. Izanagi looked like he felt the same way.

Right behind them was Yoko, and then ten minutes after her came Ide and Okoshi. Then we were just waiting for the chief.

_He's not the chief._ I reminded myself. I but I couldn't help thinking of him that way.

Aizawa came in, looking just as tired as I felt, and I wondered what kind of a night he'd had. It was hard to imagine it being worse than my own. "Sorry I'm late." He said. "I just got off the phone with Commissioner Oshima. He says he's coming back to headquarters to run things, but that I'm to stay in charge of this particular investigation. So that's that. Also," he sighed tiredly, "apparently there were some new victims found in Kabukicho this morning. They've been there all night."

"NPA officers?" Ide asked.

"Ex-NPA officers. Men who retired just a couple months ago. There were only two of them, but…it was legit this time."

"So we're going to go check that out, I guess, right?" Kei asked, sounding excited. I didn't know much about her, but she made me curious. There weren't a lot of women in the NPA, and even fewer were as young as her. I noticed she was chewing pink bubble gum.

"Some of us are, yeah. Everyone else will stay here and work on deciphering our information from yesterday. Ide, it's really important to find out where that assault pistol used yesterday came from. Check every source you can think of, even if it doesn't seem like a good one."

Ide nodded.  
"Take Kei and Mogi with you. Okoshi and Chiba, you two keep checking the information we have so far. We're looking for leads, similarities, suspects—anything."

I barely suppressed a groan, "Please tell me I'm not pushing papers again."

"No, not today. You and Yoko are going to come downtown with me to investigate the new crime."

"Really?" That was the first exciting news I'd heard in what felt like forever. "That's great!"

"Yeah, yeah. But that's only if you don't ask a lot of stupid questions."

"Oh, no, of course I won't, chief."

"And stop calling me chief."

"Right. Sorry. I keep on forgetting."

"You'd better start to remember."

I tried to remember for the next few hours as we drove to the scene of the crime and conducted our investigation. I, as I'd expected, wound up being in charge of questioning witnesses, but I didn't mind. I was good at that—since I was young and friendly, they trusted me and felt comfortable telling me things, a lot more so than they did a hard nose like Aizawa or Ide.

Unfortunately, there wasn't very much good information to be gathered from the witnesses. In fact, there weren't even very many witnesses to begin with. There was the barkeeper who had seen the two victims last, and all he could say was that they'd been pretty drunk last night and had had to be 86ed from the place. There was also a young woman who lived in the apartment across the alleyway and had seen them both enter the alley and then heard gunfire, from what she assumed was an automatic weapon. She said she'd watched for someone carrying a gun to come out of the alley but they hadn't.

That was what caught my attention the most.

"You're saying no one came out of there at all?"

"No."

"Hm. Excuse me for asking this, but…how long did you wait?"

"Quite a while; I sat by that window watching for another ten minutes, but no one ever came out."

I wrote that down. The alley was a dead end, so where had the criminal gone? _Could he have gone down a manhole or something?_ "What time was that at?"

"Pretty early in the morning."

"Why didn't you call the police?"

"I Just thought…well the bar was still open…I figured someone else would have called."

That was a bad excuse. In fact, it made me suspicious, but I couldn't grill her about it right there. She'd have to be taken in for questions later. If she didn't know anything else at least she'd learn to never just assume someone else had called the police.

I spoke to a few more people who couldn't tell me anything new, then went back to Aizawa. He was still busy talking to the other officers, so I looked around a little. There weren't any manhole covers so the criminal couldn't have gone down into the sewer, but there was an old fire escape further down the alley. It was rusted and some of the rungs were missing, but if he'd had enough determination he could have climbed it up to the roof, or the second story of the bar.

While Aizawa kept talking to officers, I went inside and asked if I could take a look upstairs. The barkeeper gave me a hostile look, but he agreed. I was glad, because I really didn't want to deal with warrants and everything else. So I climbed the stairs to the upper level. There were a few rooms there, all closed off with rotting, old doors, and there was a musty smell floating through the air. I headed for the room on the far left, the one that should have been overlooking the alleyway.

It was a storage room, full of boxes and crates, and every surface was coated with a thick layer of very fine dust. I could see it blowing around when I breathed. I coughed and covered my face with the collar of my jacket, then started to look around. I went to the window and looked it up and down. It was locked now, but the shooter could have locked it after climbing through. The glass was foggy and filthy from fingerprints and mud. Outside, I could see the top of Aizawa's head and Yoko and the forensics officers. Directly across from me was the message KIRA LIVES in letters that were bold and bright red. Other than that, I didn't see much indication that anyone had climbed through this window. Just to be safe, I made a mental note to have the forensics team dust for fingerprints. I was about to leave the room when something shiny caught my eye. It was lying near the wall, just beneath the window, glimmering a dull, copper-gold color. Without touching it, I crouched to get a better look.

"A shotgun shell…"

_But the woman across the street heard fire from an automatic weapon. Besides, this suggests that the shooter was up in this window when the shot was fired, and you'd have to be crazy to try to shoot someone with a shotgun from this far of distance. They aren't long range weapons._

What did it mean?

I grabbed the shotgun shell in one, gloved hand and dropped it in a baggy I was carrying just in case, then rushed downstairs and approached the bartender again, "Excuse me, sorry to bother you again, but I have another question for you."

He gave me an agitated look. "Yeah, what is it?"

"Did you happen to hear any shots upstairs last night?"

"No. No shots upstairs. Just the ones outside in the alley."

_What does it mean?_

"All right. Thanks anyway." I turned to go outside, but hesitated, looking out the window from the corner of my eye. Someone was standing there. Were they watching me?

_Don't be paranoid, Matsuda._

How could I help being paranoid?

I forced myself to look and was shocked to see Sayu. She wasn't looking in at me. No. She was looking down toward the alley where the investigative team was gathered. She looked indecisive, chewing her lip and playing with her necklace. What the heck was she doing in Kabuchiko all by herself?

With one last look at the bartender, I went outside. "Sayu?"

She looked surprised to see me, her eyes getting sort of big, her pink lips falling open in a gape, "Matsuda?"

"Hey!" I smiled, "What are you doing here? This is pretty far from home."

"Oh, well I have a friend who lives over here, and she got sort of scared after she watched the news this morning and asked if I'd come over and stay with her for the day."

"Really?" Did girls really do that? I thought about how inconvenient it would be if I asked one of my friends to come stay with me every time I got scared. They'd be so annoyed.

"What are you doing here?" She looked me up and down, eyes lingering on the notepad in my hand. "Investigating?"  
"Yeah. We're in charge of this case."

"Is it getting anywhere?"

"Not very quickly, no, but it can't be any harder than the Kira case." I should have just retired when the Kira case ended. I would probably never work on another case like it.

"I see." Her eyes drifted past me, back down to the alley. We were quiet for a second, and I couldn't help be taken in by her beauty. With the morning sunshine glowing on her hair and skin and eyes, she looked almost perfect. Soichiro would be really proud of her, the way she was handling everything.

That made me remember. "Hey, how are you doing, Sayu? I mean, how are you holding up with this whole Misa-Misa thing?"

"Oh, that." She lowered her eyes, glow sort of fading, and I immediately felt bad for bringing it up. "It's been hard." She tugged at her necklace, "Mom's been pretty upset, and I've been home from school the last few days…but it's not any worse than losing Light or Daddy so…I guess I'm holding up okay. I just wish I could have done something. I can't help thinking that maybe if I hadn't left her alone she'd still be alive."

"Awe, c'mon, Sayu, don't think that way. This wasn't your fault."

The sadness didn't leave her eyes. "How can you tell?"

"Huh?"

"How can you tell when something isn't your fault, Matsuda? What if that's just something we tell ourselves to feel better? What if…everything that happens can be blamed on someone?"

I stared at her, wanting to say 'no, that's not true; some things aren't anyone's fault.' But I wasn't sure, so I didn't say anything.

Before I could say anything, she turned away.

"Hey, wait…Sayu?"

"I've got to go." Head lowered she began to walk back the way she'd come. "My friend's waiting for me."

"All right. If…if you need anything call me."

"Thanks Matsuda-san." Sayu's voice was so quiet, like someone stepping on a leaf. I almost didn't hear it.

I watched her walk away for a moment, then I heard Aizawa's voice calling me, and I had to go back to him.

"You find anything out from the witnesses?" He asked.

"No, not very much. But the woman who lives across the street said that she saw the two men go into the alley. She heard shots from what she things was an semi-automatic weapon, and then no one came out."

"No one?"

I shook my head and looked my notes over. Yoko gathered in closer. "According to her, she watched for another ten minutes, but she never saw anyone come out of the alley. I took a look around, 'cause I figured he must have had another way out, but all I found was that fire escape back there."

"It leads to the second story. That means he would have had to either go out the front door or find another exit."

"Maybe. But then I went upstairs to check, and I found this." I took out the baggie.

"A shotgun shell? Where was it?"

"In that room." I pointed to the second story window.

Aizawa and Yoko both turned to stare up at the window; Aizawa mused, "It's not a very good vantage point for shooting someone, especially with a shotgun, but maybe…" He clasped his hands behind his head, a strangely relaxed pose for him. "I guess it's not impossible for someone to have shot the victims from that window."

"But," Yoko spoke up, "there is something else. If this alleyway is a dead end why would the two officers ever enter it in the first place? Most people don't go into dead end places late at night, and you'd think two ex-NPA members would be more cautious than that. Something must have caught their eye."

"You're right." Aizawa murmured. After a moment he looked at me, "Matsuda, run down to the end of the alley like you're going to walk past it, and see if you can see the message on the wall as you come from the right."

"You got it." Tucking the shotgun shell back into my coat pocket, I jogged back down to the mouth of the alley, turned the corner and then spun around and began walking like I'd just come out of the bar. When I was right at the corner of the building I could see the message. It was half-blocked by a dumpster, but I could make out some of the letters. "I can see it!" I called.

"In that case," he was walking toward me, Yoko right behind him, "the message must have been in place before the men were killed. They probably saw it and went to see what it was. Maybe they were going to report it, if they hadn't been murdered."

"What about the shotgun shell? The woman across the street says it was automatic fire. Like a machine gun."

"The men who inspected the bodies also say it looks like they were killed with an automatic weapon, not with a shotgun. Judging from the way the bodies were ripped apart, I'd say they were shot with hollow-point bullets, just like the men at the hotel yesterday. Also, there are bullet holes in the wall that are definitely not from a shotgun. If there was someone up in that window, shooting at the men below, there would be no way for them to avoid hitting the wall."  
"Two guns." Yoko said.

Aizawa nodded and shouted to a forensics official, "You there! Go upstairs to that room there, run a thorough search of it."

The man snapped his head in an immediate nod, then grabbed a few other guys, and they ran inside.

"What are you thinking, Aizawa?" I asked.

"I'm thinking…" he rubbed his chin, "I'm thinking that there might not have been just two guns, but two men. Shooting the officers from the window would be a sloppy way to do it, but if there were two men, the first one shoots the officers, the second one kills his partner and gets away clean."

"Why would someone do that though?"  
"I'm not sure. Unless they wanted to get the shooter out of the way, like a loose end."

"The ballistics team is digging the bullets out of the wall," Yoko added, "but since firearms are illegal to civilians in Japan, it will be almost impossible to figure out who owns the gun. And if the man who owns the gun is dead it will be even worse."

Aizwa nodded. I was feeling leagues behind them for not having anything intelligent to contribute. " Yesterday I told Ide to look for the murder weapon-an automatic, assault pistol-but he didn't have any luck, and it's hard to build a case against someone without a murder weapon. We're not going to catch this guy just by retrieving some bullets, that's for sure. We need hard, decisive evidence."

"Like fingerprints?" I asked.

"Exactly. Fingerprints would be great. Blood would be better."

"Is that why you told the forensics officer to check the upstairs room?"

He folded his arms, "No. Even if they find traces of blood up there, chances are all they'll find is the blood of the man with the automatic weapon, and if he's dead it won't make a difference. Our mastermind is still out there."

"But at least we'll have a lead." Yoko smiled.

"At this point, I'll take anything I can get. Matsuda."

I looked at him, "Yeah chie-I mean, Aizawa?"

"Good job finding the shotgun shell. It was smart to check the upstairs room."

My face got sort of hot-I wasn't used to anyone telling me good job, let alone Aizawa-but I smiled, "Oh, thanks."

"I want you to take the evidence we have so far back to headquarters and give it to Okoshi." He handed me a thick folder with all the stuff forensics had written out for us, along with his notes and Yoko's. I took it from him and added my own notes to the stack. "Can you do that?"

"Absolutely." I was a little disappointed to be sent away like this, but it was better than nothing.

"Good. We're going to hang around here and wait for the forensics guys to get done with that upper room. When we're ready to go we'll get a ride with Ide and the others."

"See you later then." I smiled at them, and headed back to the car.

There seemed like so much to think about on the way back I could barely pay attention to what was going on around me. Two gunmen. One to kill the officers and one to make sure there were no liabilities. If the second man was careful, everything that might accidentally get left on the crime scene would belong to the first man. There would be nothing to link him directly with the man he'd killed, or the men killed by that man. If he was smart, he wouldn't even know the guy he was working with.

But if we followed that line of thinking, it meant there could be a lot of different guys out there, all working for or with the same person. The guy who'd shot the five men in the hotel yesterday might have done the same thing. Maybe one of the men found dead yesterday had actually been the shooter as well. It was so confusing, and I felt like the village idiot. Aizawa and the others were figuring stuff out right and left, and I was just sitting there looking pretty.

It was the same thing that had happened on the Kira case. Light and L had been picking up clues every time I turned around, the others had been finding all sorts of ways to be useful, and I had just been…

_Dead weight_.

The result was the same as then. It made me want to do something big.

I stopped at a red light and kept thinking. If there were a lot of guys out there, all working together to kill NPA officers, it could be a really dangerous place to be a police detective right now.

Someone tapped on my passenger window, and I looked over, expecting to see someone selling flowers or fruit or something. Instead, I was staring at the barrel of a pistol, and beyond that was a shadowy face. My heart jumped and then stopped. I wanted to press the accelerator and speed out of there, but there were cars in front of me and a car beside me. I was trapped.

The door opened and the man with the gun got in. I'd been stupid not to lock up. Trying not to show my fear, I stared at him. He was taller than me so that his knees touched the dashboard and his head brushed against the roof of the car, he was wearing all black, a hoodie with the hood up, large sunglasses that covered not only his eyes but his eyebrows as well, and there was a blank handkerchief tied around his face so I couldn't see his mouth or nose. He had on leather gloves, and the only thing I could distinguish about him at all was that he was totally bald. The gun he held looked like a Smith & Wesson eight shot. Not a super powerful gun, but enough to put a bullet between my eyes. The last thing I noticed was that he had an orange mailing envelope under one arm.

He spoke—his voice was muffled. "Don't make a sound. When the light changes, keep driving."

Mouth still hanging open, I faced the light again, my heart racing now, face sweating. I felt sick, I felt dizzy, the only thing I could think about was the gun that inches from my head. Would anyone else see? No. The windows were too darkly tinted. Even if someone had seen him get in my car what good would it do? They could call in my license plate number, and I could hope that my friends could get to me in time before…

But that was leaving way too much to hope. By the time someone called in the number I'd be who knew where. Maybe dead.

The light turned and I gunned it on accident.

He growled, "Watch it. You'd better not draw attention to yourself or I swear to Kira I'll kill you."

_Kira._

I eased off the accelerator a little.

"That's better. Now listen to me. "You're going to drive to the police station at a normal, legal pace, because I need you to drop something off for me there."

_Drop something off? What could he possibly want me to drop off?_ I eyed the envelope out of the corner of my eye.

"Keep both hands on the steering wheel at all times, and both eyes on the road. Don't try anything. If your phone rings, answer it, but don't give any indication that you're in trouble. It's not a hard task, right?"

I couldn't answer. My tongue felt like it was made of sand.

I kept driving, taking the shortest route to the station I could think of, and he kept the gun pointed at me, never moving. He didn't even seem to be breathing.

The drive was pretty long-about forty minutes, and I was terrified the whole time. At any second my phone might ring, and if I sounded scared my friends might realize something was wrong. Or he might change his mind and decide to kill me. The package he had might be a bomb he wanted me to take into the station. Should I not accept it? Everything that had seemed important just ten minutes ago-the NPA victims, the mysterious message on the wall, Sayu-it was all irrelevant now. I just wanted to get out of this car alive.

When the station was in sight, just a few blocks down the street, he said, "I have a present for you," and set the package up on the dashboard. "You're going to take it inside and the whole NPA is going to sit down and watch it together. After that you'll have a week to make a decision. If the decision reached is the wrong decision, you'll be hearing from me again. Do you understand?"

I dared to nod.

"Good." He pressed the barrel of the gun to my head-it was cold-and his lips against my ear, whispering, "Stop the car here, then drive to the station. It is ill-advised for you to go anywhere other than the station. A bomb has been placed in the engine of this car. Be forewarned, it's a time bomb, and it _will_ go off in exactly five minutes. However, it can also be activated manually, and I'll be watching you. If you stop anywhere before you reach the station, or if you try to get out of the car, I'll set it off. Also, you should know, that not responding to my offer by this time next week is the same thing as saying no to it, and the results will be the same. "

I shivered and he opened the car door.

"Five minutes. That should give you plenty of time to get to the station and out of the car." Then he stuck the gun in my face again, "You just worry about getting to the station in time."

With that, he slammed the car door and walked away, disappearing around a corner of an alleyway.

I hit the gas and drove.

The next five minutes of my life were a total nightmare. I kept one eye on the clock and one eye on the road, swerving around other drivers and driving too fast. I was terrified that I wasn't going to make it, that if I had to stop or if I got pulled over it would be the end of me.

_God, please don't let me get pulled over._

Soon I was within sight of the station, and I reached over and grabbed the envelope the man had left on the dashboard. I slammed by breaks, pulling up so that I was practically on the sidewalk, then leapt from the car and dashed toward the door. Behind me was a booming explosion that rocked the very ground and set off the alarms of the cars around me, and a bright flare of orange warmth that I could feel on my back. I dropped to the ground, partly out of instinct, and partly because my legs stopped working, lay there for a moment as the debris rained down around me. When I looked up again, Aizawa's car was a huge ball of flames.

People came running out of the building, shouting and cursing. Okoshi and Izanagi were among them.

A group rushed to the car, screaming 'call the fire department!' 'Oh my God!' 'Is anyone inside?'

Another clump of people ran over to me. 'Matsuda!' 'Are you all right?' 'What the fuck happened?'

Breathing hard and shaking all over, I climbed to my feet, ignoring their offers to help me up. There was a hole in the knee of my pants, and I felt sick to my stomach, but I was still clutching the package tightly. I reached for my phone, but it was gone. It had probably been devoured in the fire by now. So I muttered, "S-someone call Aizawa…right away." And stumbled for the door, feeling like the luckiest man alive.


	10. Chapter 10

Aizawa

I paced around and around the lobby, shoes clicking on the floor, mind racing with all kinds of thoughts and questions. My car was gone, the evidence we'd just gained was gone, and the message on the tapes from the envelope Matsuda had brought was not good news at all.

Matsu was sitting across the room in a chair, holding a mug of coffee that must have gone cold at least forty minutes ago. He had barely spoken at all since I'd gotten back to the station. Mogi, Ide, Yoko and a few of the others were standing around behind me, whispering and speculating. I didn't care what they were saying. I had to think. The evidence was what I was really upset about. It was just gone. But I couldn't exactly yell at him for not thinking to grab it.

"Aizawa," Yoko hissed after a while, "you should talk to him."

I paused from my pacing for just a second. What was the point? I studied him across the room. He was just staring down into the mug, but I couldn't make sense of his expression.

Of course, I was glad that the kid was okay, but I was also disappointed by his carelessness. Our evidence was gone, and so was my car, and I couldn't help but think that if I had sent Yoko instead of Matsuda this wouldn't have happened. Or if I'd gone myself. It was probably too harsh of me to think that-after all, what could he have done? What could anyone have done?-but I couldn't help it.

After a second, I resumed pacing. The evidence. If only that wasn't gone… The forensic reports could possibly be re-written, but the photographs taken when the scene was first reached, and the hard evidence we'd gathered, that was all gone. And now this tape…

"Aizawa," Ide whispered, "what about the tape?"

The tape, the tape. I was so damn sick of tapes. It was a video tape, made in the likeness of what the second Kira had done back when L was on the investigation, with a blank, non-informative image, and a distorted voice so there was no way to tell who had made it, or even what gender they were. The basic gist of it was that the NPA hand over the man who had killed Kira by one week or the entire NPA of the Kanto region would be destroyed. It was a lot more verbose than that, but that was the summary. Basically, they wanted revenge, so whoever had done this, as I suspected, was a Kira fanatic. What I didn't know was whether this was connected to the case we were working on or if it were totally different. What were they hoping to accomplish though? Revenge for Kira? But if that were true why was the message KIRA LIVES showing up everywhere? Just to incite panic or cause confusion? None of it made sense. Either way, it was exactly what I'd been afraid of.

I glanced at Matsuda again.

What the man who'd made the tape didn't realize was that 'the man who'd killed Kira' was a shinigami named Ryuuk who'd gone back to the shinigami realm a long time ago. There was no 'man' who'd killed Kira. But if the notebook were taken out of the equation-as it often had to be-then technically Matsuda had killed Kira. He'd shot him four times-five when you included how he'd shot his hand-and it had been pretty fatal. Even if Ryuuk hadn't written Light's name he would have bled to death after a while with no medical care. Did the person who'd made the tape know that? Giving Matsuda up as 'the man who'd killed Kira' was out of the question, of course.

We'd already made our cover plan though, which was part of the problem.

Light had died facing Kira, and one of us had shot Kira, killing him instantly. We'd agreed that if we were ever pressured and forced to give a name pertaining to who had killed Kira it would be Matsuda. It wasn't exactly anyone's favorite plan, but we all knew it was necessary, and he'd volunteered. I guess the fact that we'd agreed was a testament to the fact that we hadn't expected anything like this. We hadn't discussed this possibility. Could we say Light had killed Kira and get away with it?

How could one person destroy the NPA anyway?  
This case was really starting to chafe my ass.

"What are we going to do, Aizawa?" Mogi asked.

I'd warned both Mogi and Ide to be careful what they said around Yoko. No one was supposed to know about the notebook. But they both knew how things were standing, the situation we were all in.

After a while longer, I stopped my pacing and looked back at them. They were all eagerly awaiting my answer. I was supposed to tell them how it was, what to do. I was the leader now. They expected me to handle this.

I sighed, "I guess we need to discuss this. Ide, Mogi, meet me in my office in five minutes."

Yoko looked expectantly at me, but I didn't say anything to her, just walked across the room and knelt in front of Matsuda.

"Yo. Matsu.'

He looked at me, "Oh, hey, Ai…"

"You all right, kid?"

"I'm fine. Just thinking about what we should do…"

"Yeah. I've called a meeting in my office. I think you should come."

"Right. Okay."

"Meet us there in five minutes."

"Five."

I looked at him a little longer, waiting for him to say something.

Sure enough, he said softly, "Aizawa…I'm sorry about your car…"

"Never mind about the car, Matsu. I just wish you hadn't let the evidence burn to a crisp…"

"Me too… I guess I just didn't think about it… everything happened so fast…"

I touched his shoulder, "It's not your fault. Come on." I stood up and grabbed his arm, heaving him to his feet, "Let's go."

A little reluctantly, he began to follow me.

Yoko stopped me, "What about me, Aizawa? Don't you want me and Okoshi and Chiba and Kei at this meeting?"

"I have to talk to these guys first, okay? Then I'll call you guys in and we'll fill you in on what we're thinking."

I could tell she didn't like that, because her mouth twisted into an upside-down wicket, but she nodded, "Fine."

"Fine. C'mon, Matsu." I resumed walking, pulling my comrade along by the arm.

We went into my office where everyone else was gathered, and Matsuda immediately sat down again. I shut the door. Mogi and Ide stared at me, waiting for something I didn't know if I could give.

"Look," I sighed, "this is definitely not good. I don't know what to tell the others."

"All four of us were there when "Kira" died," Mogi said, "so everyone else knows that it's one of us. Or, at least, they think they know."

Ide nodded, then said, "It seems like the only option is to tell them about the notebook."

"No. We can't tell a huge group of people like the NPA about the notebook. That would be dangerous. And we definitely can't tell the psychopath who made this tape either. If they knew there was such a thing as a 'death note' they'd try to get it."  
"Then what are we supposed to do?" Ide demanded, slamming his hand down on the desk. "We only have one week to decide. Do you really think we can find this person in one week? We don't have enough evidence! We don't even have a decent lead yet. Hell, we don't have a lead at all, Aizawa! All we've got is the model of the gun used, some kids who say they saw a man crawl out of a window ten stories up, and a theory of two gunmen! Captain brilliance over there," he jerked his nose in the direction of Matsuda, "lost all the evidence from today, so we can't even get a lead out of that! If forensics found a blood sample we might have a _beginning_ of a lead, maybe."

"Don't blame Matsuda, all right, Ide? He wasn't expecting it."

"Arguing about what we do and don't have won't help anyway," Mogi said suddenly, "what we need to do is figure out what we're going to tell our teammates before they get frustrated with us. And _then_ we can figure out what to tell the psycho who made the tapes."

"Let's just tell him I did it." Matsuda said suddenly.

We all stared at him. I felt my eyes popping out a little, and I also felt annoyed. Annoyed enough to go over and get in his face, "What the hell? You want to die, Matsuda?"

He held my gaze easily, "No. I'll be bait. I'll go to the place the tape specified at the time the tape specified and wait for him, while you guys hide. And when he comes-"

"Has it occurred to you that the place the tape specified is an old barn that's miles outside the city limits? He'll probably be expecting us to try something like that. Where would we hide? What if something goes wrong?"

"But…it's the only chance we've got. If we don't do this-"

"No, Matsuda! Quit trying to be heroic—it doesn't suit you at all!

"Aizawa, if we don't do this he's going to start killing people arbitrarily! Why should everyone die if we can resolve it by-"

"By what? By killing you? You didn't even _kill_ Kira, Matsuda! Maybe in some sick fantasy of yours that's what you did-Matsuda's Finest Hour or something-but none of us killed Kira, and none of us deserve to take the blame for it!"

"It's _not_ some sick fantasy!" I could see from his face that the words had hurt him. "You think I'm proud of it? You think I'm happy I shot Light? And I wasn't saying all this so that I could take the blame for killing Kira, I'm saying it because it's the only option we have! We can't tell them about the notebook, and we can't just let him kill more NPA officers! The only thing we can do is-"

"We are _not_ doing that, Matsuda. Maybe L or Near would make a move like that, but they always were that way, playing with people's lives to win something that was just a game to them. But _I'm_ in charge of this investigation and _I'm_ not like that! We will _not_ use you as bait when we don't know anything at all about what we're up against, and I never want to hear you bring it up again! And if you _do _bring it up again I'll suspend you from this case, and I'll make sure you get suspended from the whole force! You got it?"

He glared at me. It was a pretty dangerous look for Matsu, and I knew I'd made him angry, but his lip stayed stiff and he jerked his head in an extremely brief nod.

I turned my back to him, saw that the other two were staring. I felt a little embarrassed, like I'd over-reacted, even though I knew I hadn't. "Sorry." I mumbled. Then added, just to make sure I had the last say, "It's just that it's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

After some time had passed, Ide said, "Aizawa…what are we going to do?"

"We're…going to tell that bastard we don't negotiate with terrorists, and then we're going to put every second of every day for the next week into finding him."

"What if we don't find him, Aizawa?" Matsuda asked. There was a subtle challenge in his voice, like he was pitting my plan against his own, but I ignored it.

"And what about the others? Yoko, Okoshi…the whole force…what do we tell them when men start dying and it's just because the four of us don't want to tell the truth about what really happened that day."  
Suddenly I felt like they were all challenging me, all saying that my plan wasn't the right one. What did they want to do? Sacrifice Matsuda and just go on with life? "We'll tell everyone on our team about the note book." I said, gaining a few odd looks. "The fact that they want to help us with this investigation proves to me that they wouldn't try to use it for evil. Besides, at this point, I think the only chance w have is to trust them. So we'll tell them about the notebook, say that a shinigami killed Kira-without mentioning who Kira was-and go from there."

"But Aizawa-"

Temper breaking, I snapped, "There's no time to debate this—they're outside the door as we speak, waiting for us to explain why they haven't been included in the meeting. Now we either tell them about the notebook, or else we tie Matsuda up, leave him in a barn somewhere, and hope we can stop this maniac before he kills him!"

"Why don't we just tell them Light shot Kira?" Matsuda said.

We were all quiet for a second, thinking about that at our own pace. It seemed like a simple solution, but I knew we'd had this discussion before, and there'd been a reason we'd decided against it.

It was Mogi who finally broke the silence by saying, "No. If we draw attention to Light and they start looking into it they might realize that he _was_ Kira, and that's the one thing that every single one of us decided we didn't want to happen, am I right?"

That was it. I remembered now—we were all afraid that if someone found out Light was Kira his grave would either be defaced or else turned into a religious shrine. "Yeah…we don't want to drag what's left of his family into anything."

The other three nodded their agreement.

"Fine. So we'll tell them about the notebook. But just these four, all right, Aizawa?"

"Just these four."

"And you're sure that's our best option?"

I sighed, "All right look, I'm not your guys' dictator or anything, so if anyone has a better idea, let's hear it."

No one spoke. Not even Matsuda. I guess we already knew his opinion.  
"If no one has a better idea, we'll vote on the options we have. Who wants to use Matsu here as bait to catch this guy?"

Matsu lifted his hand, but he didn't look at any of us. No one else moved.

"You think you're being brave, kid?" Ide snorted.

Matsuda didn't answer. I had no idea what that idiot was thinking, but I got the idea it wasn't bravery.

"All right, so who thinks we should tell them it was Light and be done with it?"

"I _would_ say that's best…" Mogi said, "except…we really don't want anyone to realize Light was Kira, and besides, if they aren't given an actual, living person to take their frustration out on it might be just as good as nothing anyway."

So no one raised their hand for that either.  
"That just leaves the notebook." I said.

After some hesitation, everyone but Matsuda, including myself, raised their hand. And that settled it. I called in Yoko and the others and had them sit down, shut the door tight, and we told them the whole story.

When it was over, they were quiet for a while, then Izanagi said, "So you're saying that Kira's power was…a note book."

"Exactly. Whoever's name was written in the book died."

"So Kira wasn't killed by a person, but a shinigami?" He seemed more interested than skeptical. I hoped that was the case with all of them. I'd worked with Okoshi and Izanagi in the past so I knew they could be trusted. As for Yoko, Mogi had worked with her, and I was sure he'd have said something if he thought she couldn't be trusted. We just had to hold our breaths and hope that Kei wasn't going to cause a problem. She seemed sweet enough.

"Well," Okoshi said slowly, "we can't tell the killer that…it won't be satisfying at all."

"Not to mention it would be bad for another murderer to be aware of the notebook." Kei pointed out. "So what _are _we going to do, Captain?"

"The four of us decided that the only thing we can do is to just tell this guy we won't negotiate with him and try our damndest to find out who he is before he can start killing people…but that's not one hundred percent up to us. I think we should take it to the whole department and see what everyone says."

They all agreed that that was the best idea, and we scheduled the announcement for the following morning, and then I dismissed everyone, reminding them to not mention the notebook to anyone else.

As I walked out of the room, I realized I was going to have to get a ride home from somewhere. Ide lived closest to me, so he was probably the best candidate.

On my way out, I saw Matsuda, hurried a little to catch up to him, "Hey, Matsu."

"Yeah, what is it?" His voice lacked all the usual pep.

"You mad at me?"

"No. Just a little annoyed, I guess."

I snorted, "What do _you_ have to be annoyed about? My car blew up today."

He didn't answer.

"Just because you don't get to be a martyr you're gonna' throw a fit?" I was only half-teasing.

Matsuda looked at me, "No…I guess I just…" he broke off and shook his head like he was trying to forget something, "It hasn't been a very good day…"

"Yeah, I hear you. Hopefully tomorrow will be better."

"Hopefully." He sighed. "Good luck, Aizawa."

I didn't ask what for. I already knew it was going to be a tough case. Tougher than we'd expected—and lucky me, I got to be in charge of the whole damn thing.

Sayu

I checked my watch for what felt like the one-millionth time. It was getting late, almost too late to call someone. Should I do it anyway? What if he didn't come? No. He had to come. He'd said that if I needed anything I should call. This was a huge need. I had done all I could by myself, but as just a simple citizen-what's more, as a university student-there really wasn't anything else I could do. Not to mention, I was a girl and ever since my kidnapping episode I'd been deathly terrified of being out alone at night. Every shadow I saw, every face I passed, every noise I heard, they were all enemies, out to steal me away and do terrible things to me.

Granted, when I'd been kidnapped they hadn't done anything terrible to me, but still, the memories and the fear I harbored from that experience stuck with me. I had come so close to being killed. I'd had guns pointed at me. I'd been gagged and bound. I'd experienced 'prisoner' completely, and I doubted I would ever be the same for it. The fact that I was even out now said volumes about my parents, more than it could ever say about me.

Just on my own I wasn't very special, but my parents had raised me to be courageous and just. They'd taught me to never give up, no matter how life was going or how down I felt. So I kept my chin up, even when my father and brother were dead, even when I was horribly depressed and my mother felt like there was nothing left in life for her.

And really, it didn't feel like there was much left in life for me either. Even though my life had just begun, as an adult in particular, I felt like there was nothing for me. I didn't have special talents like Light had had, and I wasn't all that special. I felt older than the kids around me now, and they didn't want to have much to do with me. The only thing I could do now was, hopefully, find out as much as I could about what had happened to my father and brother. If Kira was still alive, as the media was gloating these days, and as had been written on the wall when Misa died, then I was going to find him and get rid of him myself.

Not entirely by myself, obviously. I was going to need a little help. But I already had a good start, and now all I needed was some manpower and a better mode of transportation. Taking the bus or the train took too long.

At last, after debating it for a few minutes, I hit the call button. It was ten past ten. Would he answer? Maybe he'd be mad. It was hard to picture that though.

The phone rang a few times, and I was breathless until finally a groggy voice said, "Moshi-moshi?"

"Hey, it's me."

It took him a second to understand who 'me' was. "Sayu?"

"Yeah. Sorry for calling so late. Did I wake you up?"

He yawned, "Yeah…actually you did, but that's okay. What's up?"

"Can you meet me?"

"Right now?"  
"It's not too late, is it?"

"No, it's fine. Where are you?"

"I'm at the grocery store a few blocks from my house. Do you need an address?"  
"Naw, I've been there. It'll take about twenty minutes. Is that okay? You're not in trouble are you?"

"I'm fine. There's just something I need to talk to you about."

"All right. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Thanks."

"Bye."  
"Bring your gun."

"What?"  
I hung up. I hated to lead him on like that, but I didn't have time to explain over the phone, and I was afraid that if I tried to he would be angry and not come. But he had to bring his gun or we might have problems.

For the next fifteen minutes I waited outside the grocery store, watching every pair of headlights that approached, lowering my eyes whenever someone passed too close to me. I was dressed like a boy, in baggy jeans and a large hoodie, my hair was tied back and I was wearing a beanie, but I knew that I still looked girl enough to get in trouble, if I wasn't careful. I held onto the little notepad in my pocket and hoped he'd come soon. He probably wouldn't recognize me dressed like this, but I'd recognize him.

When fifteen minutes had gone by I began to watch more intently. He'd call if he decided not to come, wouldn't he? _Don't panic, Sayu, he said twenty minutes, not fifteen. It could take thirty for all I know._

But I didn't have to worry for long, because shortly after that I saw a tall man with dark hair approaching. He was wearing casual jeans and a t-shirt with a black jacket, but I still recognized Touta Matsuda.

And I felt my heart flutter slightly. I'd always thought he was cute, ever since I was just a kid, and even though I'd told him that he was too old for me once I hadn't really meant it. Or maybe at the time I had. But after Dad and Light died I didn't feel like that was true anymore. I felt like I really, honestly could be with him, no matter how old we were. There wasn't that big a difference between us anyway.

Maybe some day, when I knew Kira was gone for sure and I was starting to move on with my life again. But not now. Now I needed his help, and that was it. I couldn't allow myself to feel anything romantic for Matsuda-san.

I waved to him when he was a little closer, and he picked up the pace, a look of shock on his face, "Sayu? Geez, I didn't recognize you. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. How are you?" Now that he was right in front of me I could see that he was tired. His eyes had sort of a hazy look to them, and he was blinking a lot. The shadows cast by his hair hid his eyes, but I could tell there were dark circles under them. "Sorry I woke you up. I didn't know you went to bed so early."

"I don't normally," he rubbed the back of his head, "but today was," Matsuda looked away, "weird. Anyway, what did you call me for? And why did I need to bring my…" he waited until some people nearby had walked past us, "weapon?"

"Look, I have sort of a confession to make."

"A confession? All right. What is it?"

"I don't want you to be mad, so…" I bit my lip, straining to look helpless and cute, "promise you won't be."

It sounded a lot like something Misa would say, but she had never had any trouble getting anything from men, and Matsuda in particular had fallen easily to her wiles, which was part of the reason I'd picked him for this. Of course, I'd always known that I was a lot smarter than Misa, but I wasn't as cute either. Maybe that was what the phrase 'can't have your cake and eat it too' was referring to. I wasn't really a manipulator by nature either, but this was really important.

"I'll try. Is it bad?"

"No. But it's sort of…stupid."

He was waiting patiently now with those sweet, adorably tired eyes.

"I've been investigating this case a little."

Obviously that wasn't at all what Matsuda had been expecting to hear, because his mouth dropped open and his eyes bulged, and he just stared, stammered, "Case? What case? _The_ case? The case Aizawa's running? With the crazy messenger running around writing Kira lives on anything that's stationary? _That_ case?"

I nodded, still trying to look as sweet as possible.

"Sayu why? That's _crazy_!"

"I know, but try to look at it from my perspective—my brother and my father were both killed by Kira, and now Misa…well, I don't really know what happened to Misa, but that message on her wall is now showing up everywhere, and I can't help but feel that it's connected somehow. Don't you feel that too?"

"Well, yeah, I guess maybe a little, but that's no excuse to run around investigating police cases."

"I have to avenge my family, Matsuda. Kira has taken everything from me—my future, my life, my happiness. All I want is to find him and give him what he deserves for murdering my father and Light."

"Sayu," he sighed, "Kira is dead. I told you that before."

"I know that he's _probably_ dead, but since someone _is_ running around writing 'kira lives' on anything that's stationary, I guess I feel inclined to have some doubts about it."

"Sayu-"

"Can you prove he's dead? Can you show me his body?"

Matsuda didn't even have to think about it, apparently, because he shook his head immediately.

"Can you show me where he's buried?"

Another firm shake of the head.

"Is that because there isn't a body?"

"No. There's a body."

"Then why can't I see where it's buried? If you just show me where Kira's buried I'll drop this right now. That's all the proof you need—I'm not asking you to dig it up or anything."

He sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose, "I can't, Sayu. Won't you drop this anyway? It's ridiculous."

"I'm already in it, so I might as well see it through to completion."

"I don't think you understand how dangerous this case is."  
"That's why I called you, because I know better than to investigate it by myself."

Matsuda frowned at me.

"So, about my confession-"

"Wait—wasn't admitting that you're investigating this case the confession?"

"It's part of it," I agreed. "But the rest of the confession is that when I saw you today I wasn't really going to a friend's house. I was actually downtown to investigate. I should have known the police would be there. Anyway, I had to wait a while for everyone to leave, but I did get a few answers I doubt you guys got."

"Really? Like what?"

He was just a little too excited, so I hesitated, "Now wait a minute. Are you going to help me or are you going to just take my information and dump me at my house?"

"Sayu, you can't withhold information like this."

"I guess that's my answer."

Matsuda sighed, "Okay, fine, tell me what you know and I'll think about helping you."

It was the best I'd get for now, so I told him, "Being a cop, you may or may not know this, but there's a lot of things people aren't particularly willing to tell the police. But they wouldn't mind telling other civilians."

"Okay, yeah, I believe that."

"So, what I did, was go into that bar after the police had left and asked a few questions of my own. You'd be amazed what I found out just by acting curious." I didn't tell him I'd been sure to wear a short skirt and a top with a low collar.

He waited quietly.

"The first thing I found out is that the bartender you guys talked to today isn't the bartender that was there last night."  
Matsuda's shock was obvious. His eyes got wide, "Are you serious? Oh my God, that'd be huge…if it turned out to be true."  
"What makes you think it's not?"

"Well how do you know it is?"

I smiled. This seemed to be going well so far. "He told me himself. I asked him casually about a friend of mine who had gone into the bar last night, and he said 'I wouldn't know about that, I wasn't here at all last night.' Then he even told me that the bar's not his, that he's running it for a friend who's having," I checked my notes to get it verbatim, "trouble with the law."

Matsuda's thoughtful expression was priceless—not to mention cute. "Man…if that's true…if that barkeeper really wasn't there during the shootout that means he was being forced to cover for someone else—or paid. He's not a real witness. It could mean anything." He seemed to come out of his reverie, "What else?"

"Don't you think we should find somewhere better to talk?" I glanced around, honestly nervous. Standing outside the grocery store alone for so long had really bothered me, now I just wanted to get to the safety of his car.

"Oh, right, of course. Let's go."

Matsuda smiled and put his hands in his pockets, began to lead the way back to where he'd parked.

As we went, my nervousness increased. The parking lot was dark, and everyone around us looked creepy to me. A large, bald man passed on the other side of me and growled a 'hey', gave me a wink.

Suppressing a gasp, I stepped forward to grab onto Matsuda's sleeve.

He gave me a curious look but didn't say anything. We reached his car soon anyway, and the moment it was unlocked I was in, buckling my seatbelt out of habit.

Matsuda looked at me, "By the way, how long have you been here?"

I shrugged and lied, because if he knew the truth he'd freak out, "Just thirty minutes; maybe less."

"Does your mom know?"

"That I'm meeting you to share classified information about a police investigation? No."

He smiled, but I could tell he didn't really think it was funny, "Whatever, let's just get this done so I can take you home. What else did you find out today?"

"Oh yeah," I grinned largely, trying to act like I'd forgotten. It was something Light had always fallen for. Maybe more because he'd wanted to than because he believed me. "This one's big. I was hanging around outside the bar after talking to the barkeeper, and I overheard some guys talking."

"Talking?"

"First they were complaining about how the place had been crawling with cops all day and how you couldn't trust anyone you saw around there anymore. That brought up the subject actually. It turns out that a little earlier in the day, one of the guys had had a stranger approach him, trying to sell a shotgun. I didn't know if it was important, but firearms are illegal so I figured…" I trailed off when I saw Matsuda's face.

I could have sworn he hadn't been that serious when we were at Dad's funeral. He almost looked like a different person, eyes all dark and pensive, head tilted down a little so his hair was in his face, staring up out the windshield at something I couldn't see. His eyebrows were knitting together and from the set of his mouth I knew that he was grinding his front teeth just a little. I was fascinated by the movements in his jaw.

"Matsuda?"

"A shotgun…"

"Yeah…I didn't hear very much about the model…but apparently it was semi-automatic."

"Really. Isn't that something?"

"Matsuda…are you okay?"

"Did the guy say where he was when that happened?"

His expression was starting to scare me, so it took me a moment to answer, and he had to prompt me, "Um, yeah. I think so. It was another bar, just down the street from the one where the shootout was. It was called…" I consulted my notes, "Blue Heaven."

Matsuda nodded, but it was to himself, not to me. Then, suddenly, he turned the car on and pulled out of the parking lot, quickly enough to burn a little rubber.

"Matsuda, what's going on?"

"I'm taking you home."

"What? No way! You can't go check that place out all by yourself!"

"Don't worry, Sayu, I'm a police officer."

"Exactly! Don't you get what I'm saying? People don't trust the NPA—not just because of Kira. People have _never_ trusted the police."

He looked at me like that was news to him, "Never?"

"Well, I guess some people do, but not the kind who would buy shotguns from strangers."

Matsuda nodded thoughtfully, "Blue Heaven… do you have an address for that?"

"Maybe."

"C'mon, Sayu," he sighed, "don't be difficult. Just tell me the address."

"Even if I told you what good would it do you? Honestly, what are you hoping to accomplish by rushing over there like some knight in shining armor?"

"More than you can get done sneaking around and withholding information from the police."

I knew he'd never turn me in-not Matsu-but I played the part I was supposed to just the same, and said quietly, "Are you going to tell on me?"

Matsuda bit his lip a little, "No. Just…I wish you'd tell me so I don't have to wander in Kabukicho looking." He added softly, "It's scary down there."

I hesitated, "If I gave you the address you could find the place, but not the guy."

"Don't you have a name I can go off?"

"No. They didn't say their names. But I'd recognize him if I saw him—he had a lot of distinguishable features."

"Want to tell me what _those_ were?" he asked hopefully, taking his eyes off the road a moment.

"They weren't exactly features you can describe to someone. There was just something…about his nose…the shape of his ears…"

"Shape of his ears? Man," he sighed, "that really doesn't help."

We were quiet a moment, getting closer and closer to my house, and I started to feel a little pressured. How could I convince him to take me with him?

"I probably couldn't find him anyway," Matsuda said, turning onto my street, "what are the chances he's there?"

"Big I'd say. They made plans to meet there later for drinks—I overheard it all."

He gave me another startled, adorable stare. "Wow. You really overheard a lot."  
"They didn't suspect me, that's all. Maybe if _you'd_ been standing there they'd be nervous." I smiled to show I was teasing. I couldn't imagine anyone being nervous around Matsuda.

He didn't smile back. He was thinking again, I could see it. The wheels in his head were really turning, his eyes were hard with the contemplation. Finally he said, "How old are you?"

"Twenty three." I tried to disguise my irritation. I didn't like being treated like a child.

"And…if we went there…just really fast to look around…you'd behave yourself, right?"

"Of course I would, Matsu." I laughed. "Don't be silly."

He didn't laugh too, but he did smile a little. It faded quickly, "If your mom finds out, or if something happens to you…"

My compassion was genuine when I leaned over to touch his arm and said, "What could possibly happen to me if I'm with you?"

"I guess." He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye, and then muttered. "It's the only lead we have, and we don't have a lot of time."

Since I had no idea what that meant, I figured it wasn't directed toward me, so I just settled back in the seat as Matsuda whipped a quick U-turn and headed downtown.

Matsuda

I was able to get a pretty decent parking spot not far from Blue Heaven, and then I looked at Sayu. She was biting her lip again and toying absently with her necklace, staring out at the building. "Do you want to wait in the car?"

She shook her head immediately, "I'd feel better if I was with you."

"I guess that makes sense." I opened my door and was about to go around and open hers too when she got out. Then we walked shoulder to shoulder down the block a ways and across the street.

I couldn't blame her for being nervous after being kidnapped not that long ago. I felt sort of nervous too, considering we weren't far from the place where someone had strapped a car bomb to Aizawa's engine just that morning. The blue light from the bar flickered, casting an eerie light over the street. The B in blue looked like it was about to go out, the building itself was shoddy, made of brick, with a dilapidated roof and a boarded up window. An alley cat was rooting through a dumpster, and there was broken glass in the gutter just outside the bar. "What a dump." I muttered.

Some kind of punk was leaning on the wall beside the door, smoking. His clothes were tattered and dirty, his hair buzzed short, jutting up into huge, pink liberty spikes along the crest of his skull, and there were holes large enough for me to stick my fingers through in both his ear lobes. For a moment I worried he was a bouncer of some kind, but he didn't say anything to us as we went through the door and into the bar.

Inside was even filthier than outside. The floors were concrete, coated with a fine layer of peanut shells, tables were piled high with heaps of trash, and there was a heavy reek of marijuana in the air. I had to remind myself I wasn't there to bust people as Sayu and I approached the bar and sat down, under close scrutiny of the muscle-bound, skin-head bartender. I ordered beer and so did Sayu, which startled me. The chief's little daughter was really an adult now. For the first time I realized that anyone in the bar who saw us was going to automatically assume we were together. That made me blush.

Sayu was looking around none too casually, probably trying to find the guy she'd seen earlier. I just hoped it wasn't too late.

"Do you see him?" I whispered, without looking over my shoulder.

"Yeah. I think he's in the corner."

For the first time, I chanced a glance at the other customers. They all looked like typical thugs-guys I'd be arresting on a normal day-with gang symbols on their clothes, tattoo sleeves on their bare arms and chests, tons of metal on their faces, and thick, bizarre make up. I really stuck out—a lot of them were staring at me and Sayu.

"He's got braided hair and." She said.

A lot of people in the bar had long hair, but this guy's was down to his waist, and he had a number of small braids in it, with weirdly colored beads on the ties. I saw what she meant about his nose and his ears too. His nose was sort of square-shaped, like someone had mounted a rectangle on his face, and his ears were really small and round. It looked like he'd had one of those huge earrings in his right ear but someone had ripped it out, and now there was scar tissue there. The cartilage of his right ear was still pierced with a little industrial bar, and the left ear didn't have any piercings at all. Something about him was freaky, and the guy sitting with him didn't look much better. His hair was long too, bleached, and he didn't have eyebrows.

Regardless, I had a duty to do, so I got up, leaving my drink where it was and tried not to look like too much of a straight shooter.

Sayu grabbed my arm, "Um, Matsuda, you know what it means when a guy has just his right ear pierced, right?"

"It means he's gay, right? I'm not _that_ old, Sayu."

"Well, still, I just thought I should warn you, since you're sort of pretty." She let me go and looked away, sipping from her glass. "He might try to hit on you."

My face got hot, but not because of what she was suggesting. It was probably because now I knew she thought I was attractive. "Thanks." I said softly, and started to march toward the two men in the corner, pretending to be confident.

But what should I say to them? How could I approach the issue of the shotgun _and _ask who owned it now without them realizing I was up to something? I was out of place, that was obvious, so they might just blow me off, not take me seriously in the first place. It seemed almost impossible to bring up the subject of the shotgun without arousing suspicion.

I was almost to their table and they had noticed me. The guy with the torn ear looked interested, but his friend seemed annoyed, and the whole time I could feel Sayu's eyes burning holes into my back.

_Okay, Matsuda. Quick. Think of something quick._

I stopped in front of their table, "Hey guys."

_You've got to think of something right now, Matsuda._

The blonde guy glared up at me.

His friend drawled, "Can I help you, sweet heart?"

I felt my face go totally red, and my ears even started to burn, and my heart started to beat faster. Every instinct in my body demanded that I just turn and walk away, but I knew I couldn't. I'd only come here because there had been this tiny window of opportunity to have a half-way decent lead in a case that was getting nowhere, and if I didn't take it, that window was going to close, and we would be back to having no leads at all.

So I frowned at him, grabbing the first thought that came to mind, "Actually," I reached into my jacket pocket, "I'm here to help you."

The man with the braids grinned, "I was hoping you'd say that. What's your name, kiddo?"

It caught me off guard, and the words slipped out before I even had time to think about them, "Taro Matsui."

"Taro." He mused. "I like it. So. What'dya' sellin' tonight, kiddo?"

Forcing myself not to panic as I realized what he thought I was doing, I pulled my gun halfway out of my pocket. "This. I've been trying to sell it all night, but I don't have any takers—someone mentioned this place, and the bartender said _you_ might be interested."

It was obvious to me that he was pretty disappointed by the revelation, but he kept smiling, shook his head, "Man what is it with guys trying to sell me guns today?"

I played dumb, "Sorry. Does it happen a lot?"

"No, not really," his eyes roamed from my face down the length of my body slowly, "it's just that you're the second babe to try to sell me an illegal weapon today."

It took everything I had not to freak out when he looked me over like that, but I kept it together and said, "What was the other guy selling?"

I had to wait as he took a hit of liquor straight from the bottle, "Shotgun."

_Well at least I got _that_ out of him. But how can I…?_

Actually, it probably helped that he thought I was cute—at least that way he wouldn't be in any hurry for me to leave. "Really? I've been thinking about trying to get a shotgun. But…it was probably pump-action, right?"

Unbelievable. The two of them didn't seem fazed at all—I hadn't realized that selling guns on the street like this was so common. But it brought home the fact that I could get in a lot of trouble for just being here like this.

"No, it was semi-auto. Nice gun too. Unfortunately, I couldn't afford it."

"He must have wanted a lot." I looked down at my pistol, "I wonder if he'd be willing to make a trade."

"Who knows. You've got a pretty nice eight-shot there—throw in a little cash and I can't think of any reason he wouldn't be willing to trade it out. Unless he don't want a gun at all. I could hook you up with him, if you want."

It was hard to hide my smile. This was working out way better than I'd thought it would. "Oh, naw, that's all right. I wouldn't want to trouble you."

"Honey, it's no trouble at all." He got out a dirty scrap of paper and a ballpoint pen, which he had to slam on the table a few times before it wrote, then jotted down a name and an address. "He hangs out at a little club a few blocks down from here a lot. Probably went home by now, but maybe you can catch him tomorrow or

Saturday."

"Thanks. Thanks a lot."

As I was reaching for the paper, the man suddenly clamped a dirty, bony hand around my wrist, pulling me just a little bit closer, and I saw a strange tribal design of a sword on his wrist. "Hey, why don't you stick around for a while? Have a drink with us?"

I was so startled it took me a moment to find my tongue, "No thanks, I've really got to get going…"

"Oh, come on, don't be like that. Drinks on me—it'll be fun, I promise."

Damn. How did I always manage to get myself into these weird situations? I smiled my best and tried to protest, but the smile only seemed to work against me. I couldn't exactly whip out my badge and tell him I was a cop, because that would blow the whole investigation, but if he tried anything that seemed even remotely suggestive I was going to knock his lights out. Pistol-whip him or something.

"The name's Kolimoshu, friends call me Koli; What did you say your name is? Taro? You've got some nice eyes there, kid. Why don't you and I just go and-"

"Matsu!" I heard Sayu storming up behind me, feet sort of stomping on the floor. Her voice sounded angry, "Matsu, what the hell are you doing? I've been waiting for you for forever! I thought you said you'd show me around town!"

Perfect timing. The guy with the braids was busy trying to decide what to make of Sayu, and it provided the perfect opportunity for me to wrench away and take a quick step back. I crunched the paper up and stuffed it in my pocket.

Sayu immediately made herself a permanent fixture on my arm, "Who are these guys? Friends of yours, Baby?"

"Not really," I said casually, but I could feel myself starting to blush again, "we were just talking."

"Well, I want to leave. You said you had something special planned for tonight, so let's go."

Koli was staring at me, eyes burning with disappointment and jealousy; his friend had gone back to his drink and seemed to be trying to keep a laugh under control.

I gave Koli a sort of cocky smile, then snorted, "Man, you're always so demanding, Sayu. All right, all right, we'll go."

"Yay!" She held on tighter to my arm as we turned away and walked off, hand in hand. I waved at Koli, "Hey, guy, thanks for the tip. You have a nice night."

Sayu and I stayed linked, arm in arm until we were out of the bar; I expected her to pull away immediately, but we walked almost a full block like that before she suddenly sighed and let go of me, "So, did you get it?"

"I got a name and a place where this guy might be found sometimes. Nothing's set in stone, but it's not a bad start."

"Great. Let's get out of here—this place stinks like weed."

I chuckled nervously, and we walked toward the car. It was good to get out of the bar—even with how polluted the city was, the air seemed really fresh compared to the atmosphere in the bar, and I took a deep breath as we walked.

"What now?" Sayu asked. "Is there any way to get in touch with that guy tonight?"

"I don't know really. The man who gave me his name and stuff said that he's probably at home by now. What time is it?"

"Don't you have a watch?"

"No—and I lost my phone today."

Sayu looked truly aghast, "How could you lose your phone?"

_Should I admit to her that I almost died in a car bombing?_ No. No reason to get her upset. "Who knows? I just can't find it."

"Whatever. You're really careless, you know that?" She grinned at me and got out her phone, flipped it open to check the time. "Just a little past eleven. He might still be there. Wanna' check it out?"

"I don't know…what if your mom starts to worry?"

"Then she'll call me, and I'll tell her I'm with you, and she won't worry anymore."

"What will she think about us being together? I mean…you aren't supposed to be dating cops, right?"

Sayu laughed, "Just because we're together doesn't mean we're dating. Silly Matsu."

My cheeks turned red again. I had to find a way to keep that from happening so often. "Yeah, I guess. Anyway, I still think we should wait until tomorrow—it'll be Friday, and this guy will probably be more inclined to stick around longer."

She was quiet a second before accusing, "You're going to ditch me, aren't you?"

"Why would I do that?"

"Because you don't think I should come along—you're going to go over there all by yourself and ditch me."

"No, Sayu, I wouldn't do that." I tried to smile at her as we got into the car.

She just glared, "You'd better not. I'll be expecting you to pick me up at nine."

With a sigh, I started the car, "Do you really think it's a good idea to tag along with me? I mean, I would never try to ditch you, but it's dangerous. We don't know what to expect, and if something happened to you what would your mom do?"

"Are you serious? It'll be fine if I stick with you, Mr. NPA; besides, you just might need my help."

I glanced at her, "For what?"

Sayu smirked, "Well, for example, if I hadn't been here tonight, who knows where you'd be right now."

"I'd be right here in this car—I wasn't going to let that freak do anything to me." I felt sort of insulted by her insinuation, but she just laughed.

"Right, right. Whatever, Matsu. You're just lucky I was there."

It was weird how casual she was being. You'd think that Light and Soichiro and Misa were all still okay. I wondered if she was just acting normal so I wouldn't guess how much pain she was in.

"All right, Sayu, I'll take you home for tonight and pick you up at nine tomorrow, okay?" Obviously there was no getting rid of her, and if I did try to ditch her she'd just keep trying to investigate on her own. The only thing I could do was take her too. "But you've got to promise to not do anything reckless without me. Deal?"  
Sayu just giggled, "You're cute when you're serious."

What in the world was I supposed to say to that? I looked at her quietly, memorizing again the delicate placement of her features and the strange look in her eyes. So much like Soichiro…so much like Light, and yet…she was totally different from both of them. Totally unique. "Well, is it a deal or not?"

"It's a deal. Just make sure you don't accidentally forget about me tomorrow night, or I'll be really mad."

"I won't." With that, I started the car and began the long drive back to her house.

The whole way there, she chattered and talked like everything was normal, like we were just two friends hanging around town together. Something about the lightness in her tone put me at ease, and I was able to relax for the first time in what felt like forever. It might not be too bad having her go with me. I'd be able to keep an eye on her, and I'd have some help with the investigation.

Of course, the logical thing to do would be to tell Aizawa about what I'd found, but if I did that Sayu would get in trouble with the NPA and with her mother. Besides, so far we didn't have any real proof of anything. If I found out that the man who'd tried to sell the shotgun to Koli could possibly be connected with the murder from last night _then_ I'd tell Aizawa. But not before then. It might not be connected at all in the first place, and then Aizawa would never need to know.

In the meantime, I got the chance to spend time with a beautiful woman.

By the time I got Sayu home, it was twenty till midnight, and I was worried that her mom was going to call at any given second, demanding where she was. The fact that she hadn't called at all yet seemed to be a miracle in itself. But I guessed that I was just underestimating Sayu's age or something. Or maybe she'd made up a really good excuse to keep Sachiko calm.

As I watched Sayu laugh at some joke she'd been telling, it struck me again how strange it was that she was being this cheerful. Obviously it was forced. Sometimes, when she thought I wasn't watching, or when she wasn't be careful enough, I saw a strangely ghost-like look on her face, like it was just a phantom of the girl she had been before tragedy fell on her family. I could see brokenness in her eyes, even when she was laughing, and sometimes her voice sounded hollow. Maybe she wasn't hiding it as well as I thought.

Still, no reason to blow her cover. If she's trying to be happy, who am I to stop her?

I wished I could at least pretend to be happy like that. Why couldn't I be the way I had once been? Instead Aizawa was always telling me I wasn't myself, and all my friends were worried.

If only I could be more like Sayu.

When I finally pulled up in front of her house, she was being quiet again, sort of sullen and subdued, like I'd said something to upset her. For a while, she just sat in the seat, not moving.

"Sayu?"

She looked at me, like she was startled to find that I was there. Then she smiled again, but it didn't touch her eyes, "I was just thinking about Dad. You spent a lot of time with him, right?"

"I guess I did." I thought about the chief. It was weird how I'd gotten attached to him. My own father was dead, and when he was alive we hadn't been close. Maybe I'd admired something about Soichiro. Maybe I'd wished he were my real father. At the time, it had just seemed like we were nothing more than boss and employee, but after he'd died I'd realized just how much he'd meant to me. That had probably been when the depression had actually started.

"You miss him, don't you?"

Slowly, I nodded. "He was a good man."

"Yes. He really was." Sayu hesitated a second, "Matsuda?"

A little reluctant to look at her, I turned my head, then lifted my eyes.

I was surprised to see that she was smiling again, "You know…you remind me of him."

And then it was impossible to hide how shocked I was, "Seriously? Me? _I _remind you of the _chief_?" How was that possible? The chief had been such a serious, hardworking man, reliable and always on task. Part of the reason I'd always admired him had been because he'd been everything I wasn't—or rather, everything I could never be.

She sighed and leaned her head back, looking up at the stars, "Well, it's not like you have very much in common with him—you're really a lot different than he was in a lot of ways, but…just something about your nature, I guess. Daddy always wanted to do the right thing, no matter what the cost of it was. That was why he stayed on the Kira case to start with, because he knew he was fighting for a greater cause, and even though he realized there was a chance he could die, he was willing to take that chance. He would have done anything to protect Light and me and Mom. He was…" Sayu practically whispered the word, "noble."

_Noble._ I found I was looking at the stars too, the same stars Sayu was looking at, having the same thoughts about the same man, maybe even some of the same memories. And at the same time, I was having greater memories of the chief than she could ever have, because I'd seen some of the sacrifices he'd had to make. Terrible, heartbreaking sacrifices. "Yeah…he was."

"And I see that in you too—you stayed on the Kira case, you fought with everything you had, even after Dad was killed, and even now, you fight for what's right. For what you believe in. You do what has to be done to protect your friends. You're noble too, just like he was. And you're brave—probably a lot braver than you realize."

As she spoke, we stared into each other's eyes, and I tried to figure out where all of this was coming from. It sounded like flattery-like when Light had spoke some times and I'd realized later that he'd just been saying it so he could continue on with his quest as Kira-but her eyes were sincere, like Soichiro's.

A single tear slipped down her cheek, "You're a good man too, Matsu. I'm grateful that you stuck by my father to the very end."

It was a weird thing to be thanked for, because I'd never given it much thought myself. It had just been my duty to stick by my chief, to support his decisions and do whatever he needed me to do. I hadn't really thought of myself as his friend, even though he had been mine.

She leaned over and brushed her fingers across my cheek, and I realized for the first time that there were tears in my eyes too. Without warning, she put her arms around my neck, burying her face in my shoulder and holding on tight, "Please don't ever die, Matsuda."

Slowly, I put my arms around her, running my hands up over her back to her shoulders. What did she mean 'don't ever die'? How could I help dying? And then…when she was in my arms, hanging onto me like this, how could I even dream of dying? I turned my face to smell her hair. It was soft and clean, something about it familiar and sweet. "Sayu…"

"Please. My brother and father… I just can't see anymore good men die." Sayu said. Then, just like that, she let go of me, dragging her fingertips down my jaw to my chin, briefly, before she opened the car door and got out. "Good night, Matsuda."

Before she could shut the door, I said, "Sayu…thanks for helping me tonight."

That grin came back, hiding the sadness that had been there just a second ago. "You're welcome. I guess we make a pretty good team, don't we?"

"I guess."

"Well, anyway, see you tomorrow, partner."

"Right. Bye."

With one last smile, she turned away and went up to her house. In another moment she was inside, and I was alone again, with nothing but my thoughts.

_It's not your fault..._

_Everything is _someone's _fault..._

_Quit trying to be heroic—it doesn't suit you at all..._

_It would just be kind of nice if you started moving on with your life again..._

_It's not every day you gun down a friend…_

…_all those earnest people like him who fight for justice they always lose. You want a world where people like that are made to be fools?_

_It's just…a world made for fools…_

I closed my eyes, and fell back against my seat. "Ah, Chief…I'm sorry."


	11. Chapter 11

Part Two

_The Paths of Glory lead but to the grave._

_-Thomas Gray_

-Day One-

Why did I feel nervous? It's not like I'd never spoken in front of a large crowd before. And most of these people were my friends anyway. Or they had been before. But ever since the Kira case had begun I felt like I'd been put into a box with the other guys who'd been on the task force. Other members of the NPA treated us differently all the time, almost like they didn't realize it. That was probably why they were thinking about promoting me to chief.

Now I had to go in front of them, pretending to know what I was doing, and tell them that we had made a decision, hope that they would be willing to stick to it as well. I tried to have faith in my fellow NPA officers, but I was already pretty sure I knew how they'd see it. They'd see it as the four of us banding together, putting our importance over the whole NPA.

"Mogi." I hissed. He was standing right beside me, and that made me feel a little better, "This might not go over well."

He just shook his head.

"What do you think is the chance of their seeing it our way?"

"Small." He answered.

It was the damn notebook that was complicating everything. If only it were as easy as just one of us killing Kira.

"This is the right thing to do though, right?"

Mogi only hesitated for a second, but I noticed.

I wasn't sure either. We'd explored all our options and had decided together that this was the best. Had we missed something? It didn't feel like we had…but maybe there was something we should have been doing instead.

Watching the other NPA officers file into the room, coffees in hand, chatting casually, I cleared my throat and went over the speech I'd written down-if it could even be called a speech-hoping it sounded all right. I'd pulled it together over night, so it wasn't flawless by any means. But I felt like if I could just say the right thing to get them on our side at the very beginning it would be all right. I started to read it over.

"Aizawa," Matsuda hissed, distracting me, "what do you think the chief would do if he were here?"

I didn't have to ask who 'the chief' was, naturally. It had been years since Soichiro Yagami had lost that title-even before his death-and Matsuda hadn't stopped referring to him like that. For a while he'd given it a rest and called him the deputy director, but since Light died it was the chief again. "How should I know what he'd do? I just know he wouldn't sacrifice one person in hopes of making it all go away."

Matsuda didn't answer. He was staring at the far side of the room, thinking about God knew what.

Hopefully he'd keep thinking about God knew what so I could focus on my speech.

I looked at the first line again. It seemed hokey for some reason, now that I was thinking about our old chief. He'd been someone who'd always seemed to know what to do, who'd done the right thing no matter what it entailed for him personally. Was I like that? Could I ever be like that? I liked to think I'd be able to set aside my personal safety and judgment for the greater good, but in the end I just had a lot to protect. Hopefully it would never come to that.

Irritated, I skipped the first line and went straight to the second. _As you all know we've been called upon to make a decision, and the one making that demand is a murderer who as the potential to be just as cruel as Kira. He has demanded that we give up one of our own as a blood sacrifice so that he can stave his own vengeance, but I tell you now, we will not negotiate with this terrorist. No matter how many lives it takes…_

That seemed a bit more like something Soichiro would say. Or I thought it did anyway. Maybe. Would he give up an individual to protect the whole NPA? Maybe it would depend on who it was.

_None of us deserve to die for killing Kira—Kira was a murderer, and he had to be stopped at any cost; and never doubt there were sacrifices…_

_Light…_ Light had been the sacrifice to Kira. We'd lost him, and that had been the price of being rid of Kira for forever.

My hands shook as I thought about Light's last moments, how hysterical he'd been, how different he'd seemed from the Light I'd known, panicking when we put the handcuffs on him.

It was a violent image: Matsuda shooting him, screaming at him through tears, blood spraying, so bright and red. Light flying back. How he'd writhed in a pool of his own blood. How he'd cried out, raging against fate itself. Gunshots and screaming, blood and death. Darkness and cold around us, the horrible, rock-heavy feeling that we'd all been betrayed by someone we had each loved.

A shiver sped through me. I hadn't considered that moment for a long time. In fact, I'd done my best to block it out. I hated to think about what had happened to Light. I hated the memory of Matsuda shooting him. I hated the memory of seeing him bleeding and screaming and desperately begging for someone to kill us all—his friends. I hated the memory of him lying dead.

Suddenly I felt sick to my stomach.

_Soichiro…you'll never know…_

Good.

"Aizawa?"

"What now?"

"We're gonna' be pretty hard-pressed to wrap this case up by next Thursday, huh?"  
"Of course we are. Why do you even have to ask?" I snapped.

"I've been thinking about that shotgun shell I found. I still have it, you know…"

"What about it?" Didn't the kid realize he was distracting me? There had to be a better time to talk about this.

"If we found that gun…it would be a pretty huge lead, wouldn't it?"

The forensics officers had found blood in the upper room and matched it with a man called Nishi Yamaguchi, but that would only be useful if Yamaguchi was alive, and chances were, he was dead, killed by the shotgun. I'd have to check around later, and if we could find the man who'd used that shotgun to kill him…

"It would be a really huge lead." Why was he asking me these stupid questions right now? He already knew the answers.

When he didn't answer, I looked at him.

His eyes were hard and he was grinding his teeth. I'd seen that look very few times, but I knew that it meant he was thinking very hard about something extremely important. In light of that, I left him alone. Matsuda wasn't usually the one to figure things out, but if he could think of a way for us to get our hands on that shotgun then more power to him.

It looked by this time that the whole NPA had gathered. There weren't very many people left—between the Kira case and this new mess, we'd lost a lot of men, and the force was nowhere near as big as it had been six or seven years ago. I saw the commissioner nodding to me, and I knew it was time to begin.

I stepped forward so that I was standing in front of my three friends, clearing my throat and adjusting the microphone so that it was the right height. Whoever had used it last had been a lot shorter than me.

"Good luck, Aizawa." Mogi whispered.

Ide added, "We're right behind you—if things go bad, we're here."

Comforting as that was, I knew it didn't matter very much.

One last time, I looked at the first line on my paper, decided that I'd better toss it out. It wasn't going to win anyone's heart or mind anyway. It was bullshit.

Again, I cleared my throat and then began, "I'd like to thank you all for coming this morning, inconvenient as it is. As you all know we've been called upon to make a decision due to a vicious demand, and the one making that demand is a murderer who as the potential to be just as cruel as Kira. He has demanded that we give up one of our own as a blood sacrifice so that he can stave his own vengeance, but…we can't do that."

There were some murmurs in the crowd, and I saw a few angry faces.

"Aizawa," someone near the front snapped immediately, "You're just saying that to protect yourself and whoever's responsible."

"No, you're wrong there, we've made this decision because-"

"Give me a break—you four have been cliquish ever since that damn case got started."

Cliquish.

"We spent a lot of time together investigating—it was a long case, and I admit certain attachments were made throughout the group, but we would never sell out the NPA for one man. What I'm trying to convey to you is that the NPA is above negotiating with terrorists, and I don't want this decision to go to just us. This is about all of us—the NPA as an organization. This is not a sacrifice the four of us are willing to make, and I don't think it's one the NPA should be willing to make either. Sacrificing one man just to appease a terrorist shows cowardice and-"

Someone else spoke up, "It's not a matter of cowardice for us, Aizawa. No one wants to sacrifice anyone for any reason, it's inhumane, but we all have things we want to protect too."

"You all know me. I'm a family man; I understand that as well as anyone."

"Just listen to him!" The guy near the front shouted out again, "You're a candidate for being chief so you think you can just tell everyone what to do, Aizawa? You think the four of you are more important than this organization."

That got another murmur from the crowd, louder this time, and I shifted my eyes through them. Not very many looked angry, but I could see that most of them were unhappy and scared. I sighed.

"If you would just let me finish I think things would be a lot clearer."

"All right, all right." Commissioner Oshima called, "That's enough everyone. Let the man speak."

The lull died down and I cleared my throat again, "Thank you, commissioner. As I was saying… this is a decision that the NPA has to make as a whole, it can't really be left up to four men, because in a way, maybe we are biased. A moment ago, I had a different speech ready for all of you, about justice and never backing down, even in the face of terrorism, and it reminded me of someone we all knew and trusted and believed in: Soichiro Yagami. He was a great leader to us all, and for the four of us he was even more than that."

As I'd expected, mentioning Soichiro made the whole room quiet.

"He was a man with an incredible sense of justice-we can all agree on that-but even so, he put his family and his friends and his loved ones above all else, and that's why I'm imploring all of you to side with us in our decision. That's what being a police officer is about—protecting others, and above all, protecting our own.

"Ever since Kira emerged, the NPA has been tried and tested and pushed to its limit. We've seen the worst of ourselves as an organization, and we've seen who our real friends are, the men who are really prepared to fight and die for justice.

"I understand if no one wants to die just because the four of us won't reveal who killed Kira, but we are not going to give each other up, and all we're asking is that you have faith in us, trust us, and support us in our investigation."

A man I'd known a long time stood up, speaking politely, "You're appealing to our best nature, so I think I speak for us all when I say that no one in this room wants to hand over a fellow officer to a terrorist, but what we do want to know is what our alternative is? Surely it's not okay to sacrifice just one person, but when we considered what will happen if we don't…well, Aizawa, I'm sure you understand. And I, along with many other officers feel like we aren't fully involved in this decision, particularly because you refuse to disclose what happened on January 28th in the first place? How can we as a group make a decision if only you four know the truth?"

"That is a problem, but I think you can identify with why. After all, there might be people among us who are desperate, and if we did disclose the events of that day there's no guarantee someone wouldn't sell the information."

"The truth comes out!" The man up front cried. "You don't trust us! Your own comrades!"

The commissioner glared at him, "Officer Hokashi, that's enough! One more outburst from you and I'll have to ask you to leave the room!"

_Hokashi. _He was a new cop, one I didn't know very well. I'd have to remember him if I became chief. Uncooperative and ill-tempered.

But his cry was enough to make other people start shouting as well, demanding to know why we didn't trust them, why we were being given the power in this instance-a thing even I didn't really understand-and I could feel the situation escalating to dangerous, the meeting spiraling out of control.

"We worked for over five years on one case, with the same men, something not every officer has experienced, but you have to try to understand, that after almost six years of working together, day after day, being forced to trust each other, it's impossible for us to just give each other up.

"Back when Kira first appeared, he was considered a monster throughout the entire world, but as time progressed he became a savior. Somehow, he made people believe he was a hero, and that we-" I indicated to myself and the three behind me, "were the evil ones. All we wanted was to protect our families, our friends, each other…the world. We were fighting for this whole pathetic world, even when it _is_ full of cowards and fools." I could feel my temper breaking as I thought about what I was saying-really thought about it-and realized just what the four of us were up against. "Now you tell me, should we die for that? We were fighting, risking our lives, for all of _you_ when you were too afraid to even come out of the shadows and standin the face of Kira! _We_ were the ones who stopped him, _we_ fought the fight to the end_, we_ vowed to never speak of that day, and that's why this decision is ours, because _we _were the ones who made the sacrifices and lost the loved ones and nearly died. You were all perfectly willing to enjoy the peace _we_ brought back to you, but you won't respect this decision to protect one another."

They were quiet again. I guess I'd gotten their attention somehow—the speech was utterly gone, and I was just telling them exactly how I felt now. I could tell that even my comrades were breathless.

"The man who shot Kira…to be honest, I can't believe he did that, even to this day. He's here now, and maybe what he did was stupid, and impulsive, and I would have never done it myself, and I might not have agreed with it then, but it _had_ to be done. The Kira case had to be investigated, and Kira had to be taken down. The man who shot Kira did a noble thing, the right thing, and it's because of that that I'll never give him up to this psycho. None of us will. Even if he were willing to give himself up for our sake.

"I don't think we're heroes anymore than anyone else who's in this organization, but the fact of the matter is that Kira would rule the world right now if it weren't for us. No one would be safe, not even the righteous. He had to be stopped.

"So we won't negotiate with this new enemy, we won't back down when he steps up, we won't bow to his wishes and spill the blood of a fellow officer, and we're simply asking all of you to join us in this new stand against evil. Just trust us, give us the time and the resources we need, and I promise you we'll find this man and stop him before he can kill anyone. We're officers too, just as likely to be killed as any of you are, and we have nothing to gain from doing this.

There was more mumbling. A lot of people were disgusted, but I could see a few nodding their heads in agreement. We had won a few anyway.

Do you think you can find him?"  
I nodded, "We found Kira."

Another officer sneered, "Will it take another six years?"

"I don't know how long it will take for sure, but I know it would go faster if we had more help. Honestly, you guys don't think letting one of the four of us die would end this, do you? You should help us."

The mumbling was louder this time, and it took me a moment to regain control, "I'd like to take this opportunity to put this to the entire force. Are you going to hold true to your titles as police officers and give us the time we need to bring this criminal to justice, or will you continue to live your lives as cowards and kill one of us to save yourselves?"

Immediately shouting erupted throughout the room. People got to their feet, cursing at me. Someone threw a piece of crumpled up paper and it hit Mogi in the head. Others started to come forward, like they were going to attack me. The commissioner demanded order, but they ignored him. This whole case must have really been messing with their minds.

Before I knew what was happening, Yoko took the microphone from me. I didn't even realize she'd come up beside me, "Awe, siddown, all of you!"

She was so loud and so forceful it startled them and some of the commotion stopped.  
"Officer Aizawa is right—it would be cowardly to kill one man just because you're all afraid of someone, someone who can be caught and tried like a regular man. This isn't Kira we're dealing with, it's just a man, a Kira super fan. Besides," she smiled, "how are you going to know which one of them shot Kira? They're never going to tell—if one admits the others will deny him and say that _they_ were the one. Are you going to kill all four of them? Take a good look—these men are your comrades and your friends. Could you live with yourselves if you killed all of them?"

That made some of them stop and think, and I saw a few exchanging glances.

"Commissioner," I said, "would the NPA condone using murder to fight murder?"

All eyes turned to the commissioner, and he looked visibly uncomfortable, but he shook his head, "No. You're right. As afraid as we all may be, we all know that it would be unexceptable to sacrifice you four just to protect ourselves. However, if the man responsible for Kira's death is _willing_ to come forward and admit to what he's done, give himself up, that would be a different matter."

I nodded. We'd have to make sure that didn't happen.

"One week, Aizawa." Declared the commissioner. "That was all the time this terrorist has given. If in one week he has not been caught he'll start killing police officers until he's satisfied."

"Very well, sir, one week it is. We'll work around the clock to find out who this person is, and if we fail we'll decide what's to be done next. Thank you everyone."

With that, I turned and started to march down off the stage and toward the door. The rest of the force resumed chattering.

Hokashi laughed as I passed him, "Just be honest, Aizawa, it was _you_ wasn't it? You killed Kira."

"No." I muttered, but they still heard me, "I didn't shoot Kira. And I'm glad it wasn't me, because the man who shot Kira…will likely never be the same again."

I thought as we lef the meeting room. One week. Just one.

So far, things weren't looking good. No leads, not one, and in one week, no matter what the commissioner said, if things got too bad, it might be the four of us against the whole force. We might all die. All because of a stupid notebook.

"Well, sir," Yoko caught my attention, smiling at me, "that was some speech you gave. Very riveting. I just hope it helps."

"Me too."

Her eyes crinkled in a smile again, then she bowed and turned away, "Excuse me, Aizawa."

I watched her go. I couldn't figure that girl out. She'd worked with Mogi before, but I didn't know much about her. What was she trying to accomplish? Why had she come up and helped me like that? She had a very clear, precise way of speaking, a bluntness that made people listen. But her actions made me think that she knew more than she was supposed to.

"Well," I said to the others, "we've only got one week, starting yesterday. We'd better get to work.

"What are we going to do, Aizawa?" Matsuda asked, as they followed me out of the room; his voice was hushed, "We don't have any leads, or any way to figure out who this guy is. And there's no way to get any more evidence until he kills again."

I growled, "I know that. But I've got an idea anyway."

"You do?" He sounded honestly stunned. "What is it?"

"We'll discuss it in my office."

"Okay."

We walked a ways further, and when I was sure that it was only Mogi, Ide Matsuda and I, I turned around.

"By the way." I stopped him, "I just wanted to reiterate one thing. Even though you are the man who _shot_ Kira, you are not the man who _killed_ Kira. You know the difference, don't you?"

He nodded.

"So even if it feels like giving yourself up to that guy to make sure no one else dies is the noble thing to do, just remember that it isn't. It won't solve a damn thing. Got it?"

"Yeah, okay."

"Great. As long as you keep that straight, we'll be okay." I resumed walking, Mogi going around Matsu to walk beside me.

"Hey, um, Aizawa, about the shotgun-"

"God, Matsuda, forget about the shotgun, okay? It would be great if we could find it, but the chance of that happening really isn't that great, so just drop it for now."

I heard him sigh pretty heavily, "All right…sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry—we all just need to focus on something we can actually use, that's all."

"What might that be?" Mogi asked, speaking for the first time in a few minutes.

"The evidence that's already in our possession. I think that if we can figure out as much as possible about the seven victims that have died so far there might be some similarity between them, or at least a reason why they were together, and hopefully that will lead us to the killer."

"What about the envelope that guy gave me?" Matsuda asked. "Wasn't there any evidence on it?"

I shook my head, "No. There was some of your hair, but no trace that anyone else had touched it before that. It's a dead end. But, keep in mind, we still don't know what the five fakes were doing at the Prince Hotel the other day. If they were really meeting for some reason, or if there was supposed to be a sixth person meeting them, that could be a really helpful clue for us. That's what I think we should focus on."

Mogi nodded, and then asked, "How exactly will we be focusing on that?"

"There were seven victims, there are eight of us. We'll go and interview their family members and friends and whatnot, see if there was anyone they owed money to, if they were in some kind of trouble with someone-the usual stuff-and the eighth person will go talk to Nishi Yamaguchi's family."

"Who's Nishi Yamaguchi?" Matsuda asked.

"Remember where you found your precious shotgun shell? Nishi Yamaguchi is the man whose blood forensics found in the second-story room at the bar."

"Ohh."

"Any priorities?" Mogi was taking notes on something. Maybe he was planning to be the one to talk to Yamaguchi's family.

"Yes…the first thing we need to do is figure out what the five fake NPA officers were doing at the Shinjuku Prince. Someone somewhere must know—that's the first step, and after that, I think the rest will fall into place easily. Also, Mogi, did you get a hold of Near?"

"No, but I got Commander Restor's voicemail. With any luck we'll hear back from him in a few days."

"Luck." Matsuda mused, clasping his hands behind his head, "Boy we could really use some of that right now."

**Matsuda**

"Matsuda?"

She sounded nervous.

"Yeah?" I gripped my steering wheel a little tighter.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I feel fine. Why?"

"You just seem a little out of it?"

I looked past Sayu at the bar. "I just didn't expect to wind up here."

We'd been sitting in the car a while now, because I was thinking. It was the same bar Aizawa, Yoko and I had checked out the other day—I hadn't expected the address Koli gave me to bring us back here. It was looking more and more likely that the shotgun was going to be a major lead, regardless of what Aizawa thought. After all, what were the chances that a shotgun that had nothing to do with the case was bringing me back to the scene of a murder that had involved a shotgun? I was sure this was an important clue.

"I have a lot on my mind." I told her with a sigh. "Hey, do you think maybe you should stay out here in the car? This guy-if he's here-could be pretty dangerous."

Sayu shook her head stubbornly. Something about the look in her eyes made me think of Light when he'd argued with L about how to go about the case. "You might need me, partner."

"And I might not. I'm a police officer, you know."

"I'd feel better if I were with you."

A little insulted, I couldn't help looking angrily at her. "Sayu, I'm not a kid; I-"

"Not because of that." She said solemnly. "I don't want to be left alone. That's all."

It stopped the words immediately, and I felt stupid. It seemed like I was always saying things without actually thinking them through. "I'm sure you'd be okay. I won't be gone long."

Sayu looked up at me desperately, lower lip trembling just slightly, "Oh, come on, Matsu—please don't leave me here."

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. I couldn't say no when she asked like that. It just wouldn't be right. Besides, I'd feel better if I had someone with me. "All right, fine. Let's go, I guess."

She smiled, slightly, nodded, and we got out of the car and headed inside together. I checked the paper again. This was definitely the right address, and now all there was to do was to find Hiro Miyami. I tried to form a plan in my mind as we walked. I'd ask Miyami casually about the shotgun, acting interested in buying it, question him a little about how he'd gotten it in the first place, and if I had to, keep an eye on him for the rest of the night.

A bell rang when we entered the bar. I didn't remember it from the other day, and it seemed strange for a bar to have one in the first place. Inside there were very few men, playing pool mostly, and drinking. There was a mist of cigarette smoke in the air, and the bartender, who I remembered from the previous day, was watching me warily from behind the counter.

"Woah. This place is really dead for a Friday." I said.

"Maybe everybody's spooked by what happened the other day." Sayu suggested, pressing close to me. I felt her clinging to my clothes. "Let's just try to hurry, okay? I don't like this place."

I nodded, and stepped determinedly up to the bar. Hopefully the keeper wouldn't remember me; or maybe he wouldn't recognize me at all.

_Just as long as he doesn't blow my cover._

"Hey."

The bartender looked at me with disinterest and continued polishing the glass he held in one hand, "What can I get for you, Junior?"

"Nothing for me." I smiled as politely as possible, "but she'd like a soda."

He cocked an eyebrow at me.

Sayu hit my arm, following my lead to act like a casual young couple, "Matsuda, you're so horrible! I'd like some sake, please." She grinned at him, that perfect smile.

It didn't faze the man at all-maybe he was gay too-and he started to get the drink while Sayu and I sat down. I leaned over to him and said sort of quietly, "By the way, I heard that an old friend of mine comes in here a lot. I was wondering if you could tell me."

"'Lotta people come in here, kid." He was mixing something that didn't look very much like sake. "How am I s'posed to know?"

"His name is Hiro Miyami. Know him?"

The bartender slammed Sayu's drink down on the table, "Drink up. Should I give the bill to your boyfriend?"

"Of course." Sayu smiled up at him.

I didn't have time to worry about that—I needed to know about Miyami. "Well?"  
His eyes hardened slightly, "Yeah, I know Miyami. You say you're a friend of his?"

"An old friend. Haven't seen him for years."

"Well, if he comes around, I'll tell him you were looking for him. Matsuda…?" There was a weird, twisted smile on his lips and it made me feel nervous. He already knew part of my name—if he found out the rest it could mean trouble. What should I do? Give him an alias? Was there even any point?

"Oh, no, that's all right. I'll just look him up later." I tried to smile, but it came out sort of nervous and shaky. Damn. I was really bad with this covert op stuff. "Um, just when was the last time you saw him?"

"I'd say," he checked the clock on the wall, "about five minutes ago."

"Really? That's great! Hey, is he still around here?" no one was there to curb my enthusiasm, so the words just gushed out one after another. "It be awesome if I could talk to him!"

"As a matter of fact," he smiled at me, large and generous. It distorted his whole face so he almost looked like a different person, "ya' just missed him. He was going to his car."

"Just now?"

"Just now." The bartender nodded. "In fact, I'll bet if ya' hurry, you can catch up to him."

It was all too perfect—just in time. If I caught Miyami at his car then I wouldn't even have to worry about other people overhearing our conversation.

"Thank-you very much." I tipped my head to the barkeeper, and then turned to run out of the bar.

Sayu shouted after me, "He-ey! Matsuda! Wait for me!"

"This will just take a second." I burst through the door, setting the bell off again.

I heard her come out after me, "No way, I'm going too! You said it yourself-this guy could be dangerous!" Sayu nearly ran into a man who was going into the bar. "Oh, sorry, sir."

"That's exactly why you should wait in the bar." I paused on the sidewalk and looked up and down the street, searching every shadow for any sign of a car. The left led back to the main road, and there were very few cars parked in that direction. The few that were there didn't have anyone near them. On my right it was a little darker, leading back into the apartment buildings and other bars and clubs that were nearby. Would he have parked back there?

It was my best bet, so I went to the right.

"This was all my idea, so I'm not waiting in some bar."

"Oh, come on, Sayu." I begged, "You promised to behave as long as I let you help."

"Yeah, but I didn't promise to obey your every order." From the sound of her footsteps, she was right behind me, and when I turned to look at her, her face was determined and relentless.

_I'll never be able to convince her to just go back._

"Fine, but stay close. It's dark over here."

She teased, "You scared of the dark, Matsu-chan?"  
"Matsu-chan? Since when do you call me that?"

Sayu giggled and we kept walking, getting further and further away from the bar. "What, don't you like it?"

"No. I mean, no, there's nothing wrong with it…but can't you just call me Matsuda, like everyone else?"

"I've heard Aizawa and some of the others call you Matsu."

"Not very much though."

"Well, I think it's a cute nickname."

"Cute?" I glanced back at her, cheeks getting a little warm.

She laughed again, but she was walking closer to me now.

It was really dark back here. I didn't see anyone about to get into their car, and a lot of the streetlights were out. Even though it wasn't very late, no one seemed to have their lights on in their apartments. We kept walking though, looking for any sign of a car.

After a while longer, Sayu said, "You sure he parked over here?"

"No. But where else could he park?"

"Maybe he already left."

"Maybe."

"Then we should go back."

"Let's just make sure—maybe the bar was more full when he came here and he had to park further away."

Sayu didn't answer.

I put my hand on my gun and snapped my head to the left when I heard the tinkling of glass._ Just a cat._

"Matsu… hey, Matsuda, let's go back. There's no one here."

We were only a couple blocks from the bar, but I still got this strange sense of foreboding and darkness. Maybe we had come too far. _I'm an NPA officer—there's nothing to be scared of._

_This is my only chance to find a lead—we're running out of time, and if I don't hurry and find out as much as I can it might be too late._

"Matsuda." Sayu stopped walking suddenly, just stood right there in the middle of the road. Her voice trembled a little, "It's cute that you're being so brave and everything, but this is ridiculous. He's not here—we'll just have to try something else."

But I wasn't trying to be brave. I'd spent hours at a desk all morning and most of the afternoon, doing what Aizawa said and trying to find clues in the information we already had, but there weren't any. The others had returned empty handed as well, and if we didn't start to get somewhere fast we might all wind up dead. I had to do this. No one else was going to take the shotgun seriously unless they heard what Sayu had told me, and she couldn't tell anyone else, because they'd turn her in for withholding information.

"Matsuda…I'm scared."

Finally I stopped and looked back at her, "Don't worry, Sayu, it'll be okay."

Her eyes darted back and forth, nervously, "How do you know?"

"I'm not going to let anything happen." I smiled and held out my hand, "Here. Hold my hand."

Sayu bit at her lower lip and her left hand tugged at her necklace; slowly she reached out with the other one and intertwined her fingers with mine. Her touch was soft and smooth, very feminine, and her skin was warm. For just a few seconds I was totally absorbed by the sensation of her flesh touching mine.

We smiled at each other a second, and I saw her relax. I felt a little better too. It was nice to have someone with me.

Behind her, I noticed some movement. A cat? Maybe it was Miyami coming out to his car. Maybe he'd stopped to talk to someone and we'd gotten ahead of him.

There were footsteps. But something was wrong—it was more than just one pair. It sounded like there were two or three people approaching. No. It sounded more like a whole group. I thought I heard someone chuckle. Miyami? An enemy? I touched my gun with my free hand again.

"So…" a gravelly voice spoke up. "Matsuda, am I right?"

Sayu gasped and turned around, clearly surprised, and six men emerged from the darkness, stepping into the dim halo of light from a weakening streetlamp.

_How does he know my name?_

The guy out in front was a good head or two taller than me with long hair, and he was smiling, but something about the way his mouth was turned up made my stomach harden with fear. The five he had with him had a similar demeanor, and they had punkish haircuts. All six of them were wearing what looked like gang paraphernalia, leather jackets with a red English letter K on the breast pocket. _Kira?_

Instinctively, I stepped in front of Sayu. "Who are you?"

Now the man in front was standing fully in the light, and I saw that he was holding a long, lead pipe in one hand, slapping it into his palm over and over like he was itching to hit someone. The other punks had their own weapons: chains, clubs, knives and crowbars.

"The name is Troy. Just Troy."

_It's an English name—an alias._

"What do you want?" Already I was getting a bad feeling about this. Random guys with street-fighter weapons and aliases appearing out of nowhere and calling me by name…it was just too weird. It couldn't be anything good.

"We don't _want_ anything; in fact, we're just hear to deliver a message."

I felt like I was trying to swallow a rock, and all I could do was listen, hoping that it wasn't anything too bad.

"We don't like your style, Matsuda."

_Style? What in the world does that mean? Who _are_ these guys?_

"Style?"

"That's right. In fact, looking at you, I'm pretty sure your don't have a stylish bone in your body."

_All this from a punk who still dresses like he's in high school? _I glanced down at my jeans and t-shirt. I looked normal enough, not at all like a cop. No, they weren't going to beat me up for something I was or wasn't wearing; this obviously had a different meaning.

Troy came forward, pipe ready, and the others circled around us. He spoke to Sayu, "Girly, unless you want to see your boyfriend get his teeth busted out you'd better beat it."  
Sayu didn't answer him, but clung to me a little tighter.

"Wait a minute. What's this all about? I didn't do anything to-"  
"Don't play innocent with me, Mr. Policeman." Troy was right in my face now, grinning with yellow teeth. "I know you're a member of the NPA, and we don't tolerate cops around this part of town."

_How did they know? _Was it that obvious? Did something about my appearance just scream 'law enforcement'? I couldn't believe that. They had to have some kind of external source. Maybe the bartender really_ had_ recognized me. If so, he'd done a good job of hiding it.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not-"

"Shut up, bitch!" Troy shouted, spit flying in my face. "We ain't here to debate it—we're here to put you in your goddamn place."

His fist flew and I barely managed to get out of the way in time, his knuckles just barely brushing the edge of my jaw as I ducked away. In the process, I stumbled into Sayu and almost knocked her down.

"Matsuda!"

"Get out of here!" I yelled at her. I couldn't let something bad happen to her. There were six of them, so chances were I was going to get my ass whooped unless I used my gun. But if she was standing there I was wide open to anything, and there was no way I was going to let something happen to the chief's daughter.

"But Matsu-"

I managed to duck another fist. "I said run!"

Whether or not Sayu listened to me, I didn't notice. I was suddenly busy trying to get around the attacks Troy was throwing. As a member of the NPA I had been trained in hand-to-hand combat, and even though I'd never been a very skilled fighter, my militaristic training far out-matched Troy's street-fighter, punk style. His friends kept us inside their circle, shouting and cheering him on, but none of them got involved, even when I kicked him so hard he fell down. Instead they just helped him to his feet and pushed him back to the middle of the circle.

He looked angry as he attacked again, throwing fist after fist, but only a few actually hit me, and even when they did, I knew how to take a punch so that it didn't hurt so bad. I got through most of his mad attack and punched him back, a lot worse than I'd gotten from him. After just a few minutes had gone by it was obvious I was winning. This was ridiculous though, and my heart wasn't in it. I didn't know what the hell I was fighting for.

_That's the problem with me_. I realized, as I socked Troy in the abdomen and felt his gut cave around my fist. He looked strong, but he wasn't made of muscle—in fact a lot of him felt soft. _I can't just fight because I want to…I have to be motivated…_

Like with Light. I'd shot Light because I'd been angry and feeling betrayed. This was a different situation. But at least I was holding my own.

"C'mon, Matsu." Sayu cried from the sidelines, "Knock this guy dead!"

_Right. Easier said than done._

Troy came at me with the pipe, and I side-stepped it, letting it woosh by, elbowed him in the back as he went past me. He coughed and heaved, swung at my head again and missed. "You stupid bastard!"

Now I had to be more cautious. If I got hit in the head with that thing it was going to put me into non-REM sleep, and if I took it in the arm or shin, it would probably snap my bones. I jumped back as he tried to bring the heavy weapon down on my skull.

His knee caught me in the side, but I let the discomfort wash off and rammed him with my shoulder, knocking him on his back. I felt my shoulder pop and some pain flooded through my upper arm, but it wasn't bad, so I ignored it, stood over him as he coughed and writhed.

My personal, one-girl pep squad cheered. "Yeah, Matsu! You've got him on the ropes!"

It was like she didn't even get what was going on. The other five could get into the fight at any given moment, and there was no way I'd be able to survive that.

"Come on, man, give it up." I said, taking a step back, watching Troy clamber to his feet with the help of his friends.

Troy just wiped his lips and swung again.

I took his fist in my cheek and reeled backward. Sayu screamed my name. But I kept my balance and went right back at him, hitting him a couple times in the stomach and chest. I was smaller than he was, and faster. Still, it felt strange to be winning…almost like it wasn't real. I hadn't been in a fight since high school-not a fight like this one-but I distinctly remembered getting the snot kicked out of me. Had being part of the police force changed my abilities that much?

Warily, I watched his movements, trying to mirror them and avoid any subsequent punches and kicks. Even though I was a more polished fighter than him, Troy was younger than me, and he was resilient. His stamina was probably better, and I had to give it to him—he was tough. _If I don't watch it, he could turn it around._

He feinted back, pretending to retreat, and when I went after him, he dodged forward, punched me square in the face, and I felt the familiar pain of a blow to the nose. I felt it start to bleed, but kept fighting, shedding my jacket as I ran at him. It was starting to make me angry, this pointless fight. I just wanted to know who the hell this guy was and where he'd gotten the guts to attack a police officer.

I launched myself forward and hit Troy with all my weight. We both hit the ground hard and rolled back and forth a few minutes, struggling to gain the upper hand. I managed to sit up and punch him a few times in the face, and Sayu cheered for me like a high school cheerleader. His nose broke under my fist, blood sprayed on my shirt. It made me feel sick. The same feeling I'd gotten when I'd shot the chief's son. If this fight didn't end soon, I was getting my gun out.

_If they know I'm a police officer they must know I'm carrying a gun. So why would they attack me like this? It doesn't make sense._

_Now that I think of it…this feels an awful lot like a trap._

I had the thought exactly two seconds too late, because right after that, the others closed in around me. I tried to fight them off, but there were too many. They twisted my arms behind my back, clenching me in their hands. Somebody kicked me right in the stomach, knocking the wind out of me, and I doubled over. Another punched me in the face. My eye throbbed.

"Matsuda!" Sayu screamed, rushing forward, but they restrained her too.

Troy got up, spitting blood, eyes on fire with rage, "Well, well, well. You're a lot stronger than you look, copper." He backhanded me with his open hand, which didn't do much other than sting and make me feel humiliated.

"You actually had me there for a while." The second blow was harder, a punch in the jaw that knocked a few of my teeth loose. I felt blood dribbling down my lower lip and tasted it in my mouth.

"Too bad no one told you there's safety in numbers."

He kicked me in the stomach a few times, punched me in the face. Someone grabbed my hair when I tried to pull away, jerking my head back so I was forced to take his hits one after another.

"You'll get it now though—that's just one less dirty cop we have to worry about."

Troy hauled back and hit me with his elbow so hard that I actually lost vision for a moment, and then I felt dizzy so I could barely stand. Everything was just a blur. I saw a flash of a street light, heard Sayu screaming-it sounded like she was begging-felt another punch, but it seemed far away, and through it all, the only thing I could think was _If I could just get to my gun…_

What would I do if I got to my gun? Would I shoot this punk? Would I kill him?

I imagined his head on Light's body, screaming in pain and rage.

_No. Never again. I hated the way it felt then, and I'll never do it again._

Even if I could get to my gun how could I use it?

The punks threw me to the ground, and I landed right in a puddle leftover from the rain. My shirt was torn and stretched already, and when I hit a new hole was ripped in the knee of my jeans. I felt the asphalt tear away a patch of my flesh, but that was the least of my worries.

Troy stood over me, a sharp, black shadow being thrown across my path of sight. He was just a silhouette against the streetlight behind him, but I saw the glint of the pipe as he raised it in the air. So that was it then. He was going to beat me to death like a dog.

Furious, I struggled to get up. I had changed my mind. I'd shoot him if I got a chance—I was angry now. Angry at the thought of being killed for nothing, angry to think about Sayu having to watch him hammer on me until I was dead. If I got half the chance I was going to blow his head off. I reached for my gun, which was carefully tucked into the ankle holster I was wearing.

One of the gang members kicked me in the back and I was on my hands and knees again. Another put the toe of his steel-toed boot in my ribs.

Wheezing and gasping, I hit the ground, held my abdomen and sucking air in a futile attempt to breathe. I stared up at Troy. The blow was coming. There was no way to dodge it. There wasn't even time to close my eyes. It would be one fell swoop—his lead pipe hitting my skull, and then my head would bust open like a watermelon.

_Sorry Sayu._

There was the screeching of tires and a sudden flare of bright, white headlights. Some of the punks screamed and tried to shield their eyes.

Troy shouted, "What the fuck?"

I took the opportunity to get up again, kicking him hard in the back of the knees so that he fell face down; still controlled by anger, I cocked my fist back to pummel him.

A car door slammed. "What the hell are you kids doing? You'd better get out of here—I've got my cell phone, and I'll call the police if you don't beat it!"

"Holy shit! It's Hiro!" One of the punks screamed.

"No way, that ain't him!"

"Yeah it is, dumbass! I'm outta here!"

There was some more screaming, and I was distracted long enough for Troy to scramble to his feet, throw his pipe in the general direction of the headlights, and run. Just a few moments later, the punks had vanished down an alleyway, Sayu had slammed into me and was holding on tight, and a man in his late fifties had come up to us, looking on with a stern look.

I was so stunned I just stood there with my fist still raised.

**Sayu**

I had never known Matsuda to drink so much. He wasn't drunk or anything, but as I watched him down beer after beer I realized that he was brooding. It was American beer too, right out of a longneck, brown bottle. He wasn't even bothering to pour it into the frosty glass he'd been provided with by the barkeeper.

Concerned, I watched him. His eye was starting to blacken, the skin around the socket bruising. His shirt was ripped down the side so I could see that his abs were bruised too, and the collar was stretched so bad that it fell off his left shoulder a little, where I saw a fairly serious scrape. He hadn't put his jacket back on, and his hair was hanging disheveled in his eyes; he'd cleaned the blood off his forehead, chin and nose, but there were still scratches and cuts on his cheek and the corner of his mouth was purplish-red. The look in his eyes was scary—a blend of real anger and humiliation. Men hated to be beaten in fights, I knew. And they hated even more to receive any kind of help—or so I'd been told. I just couldn't imagine it being true.

My heart was still pounding like a drum, and I was holding the hand he wasn't using to drink with between my own. Probably more for my comfort than for his.

Hiro Miyami sat across from us, and we were back in the bar, in a booth way in the back where it was quiet and dark, and no one would bother us. The waitress brought Miyami some sake, and Matsuda beer after beer—on Miyami's tab, apparently.

Miyami laughed, "So kid, how'd ya' feel? Looks like you're gonna' have a nice shiner to show off to your friends."

That irritated me for some reason. It was like he thought Matsuda was some kind of college kid running around getting in trouble on a Friday night. But I reminded myself that it wasn't his fault—Matsu looked pretty young.

For an answer, Matsuda took a slug from his current bottle of beer.

That only made Miyami laugh more, "But seriously now, what was all that about exactly?"

I started to answer, but Matsuda spoke first, voice quiet so that I almost couldn't tell how angry he was, "Nothing. Just a little misunderstanding."

"I see." Miyami looked out the window and adjusted his glasses. He looked way different than I had expected him to, wearing a dress shirt open at the collar and some nice, black slacks. He was attractive, even for an old man. "Those punks hang around this part of town all the time—they don't seem to have jobs, school, or even families. The worst kind of scum."

"The kind Kira should take care of." Matsuda agreed.

I almost gasped out loud when I heard him say that, but I realized a split second later that he was going to pretend to be a Kira supporter to gain Miyami's trust; after all, this was the man who'd tried to sell a shotgun the other day. He looked easy-going and domestic, but we didn't know what he was hiding, or what he was capable of.

That seemed to catch Miyami off guard, but then he smiled, "So you're a Kira supporter, huh? Good for you. I am too. I think the world would be much better off if the Kira investigation were set aside and Lord Kira were allowed to work."

Matsuda didn't reply, but took another swig of beer.

"I'll admit, when Momo told me a kid named Matsuda was in here looking for me, I was worried. Thought you were a cop or something."

"Why would you think I'm a cop?" Matsuda looked at him innocently. "Are you in trouble with the NPA?"

"No, not me per say, but I have a few friends who are on the wrong side of the law at the moment."

"Everyone's on the wrong side of the law right now. That's why we need Kira to make a come back." Matsuda answered tiredly.

"You're right." Miyami nodded and took a sip from his glass. "I've always believed in the mercy of Kira, even way back when he was considered a common criminal. It has always been my understanding that as long as you live a good, peaceful life no trouble will come to you. Don't know about you, Matsuda-san, but I'm an honest man. I make an honest living and try to run an honest household."  
That interested me. Was this guy a family man? Maybe we had the wrong Hiro Miyami or something, because he seemed legit, and kind. _Then again, trying to sell a shotgun doesn't make you evil, it's just that it's not legal in Japan._

"It's the people who try to defy Kira that are in trouble. Like this investigation team that's always chasing him, and that L character. You know, I actually heard rumors that L is dead and that the man calling himself that now is L's protégée."

I'd heard that rumor too, but I had no way of finding out if it were correct or not. Even Matsu probably wouldn't tell me if that were true.

"They also say Kira's dead." Matsuda said.

"But he's not. Lord Kira is a god—no mortal man could kill him. No matter what weapon he chose to fight with."

"I agree." Matsuda said, setting his bottle down. "Kira's making a comeback-I can feel it-that's what all these murders are about."

"Murders?" Miyami looked genuinely interested.

"Haven't you heard? A lot of people have been killed lately—I don't think it's Kira himself, but whoever's doing it has been leaving messages behind. It's always the same message: 'Kira lives.'"

Obviously Matsuda was trying to prove that this man had something to do with the murders, otherwise he never would have brought them up. I watched Miyami expecially carefully as he answered.

"Is that so? Well, I don't watch very much news, so I haven't heard about it. Were the victims criminals?"

"No." Matsuda shook his head, eyes harder than ever, "NPA officers."

It was a terrifying reality. Even after Dad and Light were dead, my connection to the NPA still felt so strong…I didn't want to think of any police officers dying. I had friends in the force. Matsu and Mogi and the others…they were all good, honest men. But they were at risk as much as anyone else now.

I was surprised when the words that disgusted me so much brought an actual smile to Miyami's lips, "It's about time."

Matsuda looked at him, puzzled, but I couldn't tell if it was his honest, natural denseness, or an act, "Time?"

"Don't you know, kid? Kira has been promising to punish the NPA for a long time, and this is the first step."

"I've never heard Kira promise to punish the NPA." I snorted. Matsuda could pretend all he wanted, but I wasn't even going to act like a Kira supporter. I hated him too much.

Miyami looked at me seriously, "He's promised to put an end to all who oppose him, and he's never had greater opposition than the police. Even when they promised to abide by his rules and collaborate with him they still had that goddamn 'task force' out hunting him, working with L, pretending to be heroes."

"That was a special force." I argued. "It had nothing to do with the police."

"The police_ acted_ like they weren't working together, but they obviously were. After that one officer shot Kira all four of them were accepted back by the police force like none of it had happened. It's disgusting how hypocritical the police have been."  
Miyami probably didn't notice how Matsuda's brow shadowed, or how his jaw moved as he ground his teeth, but I saw, and I knew he was trying not to show anger. "Still, does that mean they'll be punished soon? It's not Kira doing these killings—it's someone else."

"Believe me, kid," Miyami tilted his head back to take a sip of sake, "they'll get theirs soon. That's part of what Troy and his gang of misfits stand for in the first place. The Paradise."

"Paradise?"

"Yes. A world without police or government officials. A world where Kira is the sole ruler—the god of everything. It's coming soon, and the fact that NPA officers are being targeted-even if it is by just one, brave citizen-proves it. I'm sure of it—The Paradise is not far off."

Unbelievable. _How could anyone believe something so ridiculous?_ Miyami looked like a sensible, level-headed man, and something about him even reminded me of Dad, but how could he honestly believe in something so farfetched and ridiculous? How could he not realize that what Kira had done was evil, and what was happening to the NPA now was wrong?

"Soon," he continued, "very soon, we'll see dramatic changes in the world." A bright grin lit up his face, and he even lifted his hands a little. The Shinigami will find the man responsible for shooting our god, Lord Kira, and once he's spilled his blood, Kira will be able to return to earth and continue passing judgment as he did before, until the world is as clean and pure as it was when it was created."

It sounded like a bunch of stupid babble to me, but Matsuda suddenly choked and had to slam his beer down, coughing and gagging slightly.

"Matsuda?" I looked at him worriedly, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." he cleared his throat, voice sounding tense like he couldn't quite breathe, "I just swallowed wrong."

Miyami leaned forward, "Sure you're all right? Is it possible those punks broke one of your ribs?"

Matsu shook his head earnestly, "I'm fine. Really. What's this stuff about a Shinigami though?"

"_The _Shinigami. The Reaper, if you prefer. He's Kira's hand-chosen messenger for the time, although his existence is very underground, and few people know about it." Miyami furrowed his brow, "That reminds me, Matsuda-san, just what is it you were looking for from me? Momo said you were an old friend, but I'm sure we've never met before."

"Oh?" Matsu looked surprised and even a little clueless. "Momo must have gotten it wrong. I never said anything like that."

"I see." Miyami was quiet a moment, then his eyes narrowed, "But you were looking for me, right?"

"Yeah, I was."

"Well, I'm sorry that you couldn't find me earlier, but I had to run an errand out of the blue. We can discuss whatever you like now."

_Weird. It's like he just avoided the whole conversation about the Shinigami. Maybe he doesn't trust Matsuda as much as he's pretending to._ I sensed a trap.

"Never mind, oji-san, I wouldn't want to bother you."

Miyami's mouth crinkled in a smile, "Oji-san?" then he laughed, "It's no bother, I feel like we're already friends. I'll even buy you another drink—just tell me what's on your mind."

"It's not important really. I should probably go home."

"Please," Miyami leaned forward, still smiling, all but clasping Matsu's free hand, "you came here seeking me out and were nearly killed for it. I insist."

_Does Matsuda notice how weird this is?_ Miyami seemed too eager to know. Matsuda wasn't always on the ball, but he wasn't a total idiot, so he had to notice it too.

Finally, Matsu shrugged, "I heard you have a shotgun you might be interested in selling. I'd like to buy it, if it's still available."

For just a split second, Miyami's forehead wrinkled like he was concerned, and his mouth frowned, but then it immediately went back to normal and the grin was even bigger, "Oh, so you heard about that did you? A shame. I was hoping to keep it a secret."

"Some men at Blue Heaven were telling me about it. Semi-automatic, right? I'd really like to buy it from you."  
"Hm. Does anyone else know about it?"

Matsuda shook his head slowly, pointed at me, "Just me and her. Is that a problem?"

"No. Of course not. I just don't want the NPA to find out about it."

"Well, we'd never tell them, right, Sayu?"  
"That's right." I agreed methodically. I wished this meeting would end already—the lying bothered me.

"That's good to hear. Unfortunately, Matsuda, I no longer have the shotgun."

"You sold it?"

"Yes."

"Are you serious? Dammit! To who?"

Miyami hesitated, "I'm not sure…I don't remember."  
"Don't remember? Are you sure you can't even think of his name?"

_Be careful, Matsuda._ If he acted too disappointed, Miyami might get suspicious and figure out what we were doing.

"I'm sorry, Matsuda-san, but I wasn't personally acquainted with the man, I just sold him a gun. In black market business it's better not to know real names anyway."

Matsuda stared down at the table for a moment, and I knew he must be feeling frustrated. If we couldn't locate the shotgun then all of this would have been for nothing. Him getting beat up, and hit on by that other guy and everything, it would have been just a huge waste of time and energy.

We both waited for him to say something, but he didn't. It looked like he was paying attention to something completely different.

Miyami waited a while, then politely cleared his throat, "Is there something wrong?"

"Oh, uh," Matsuda suddenly looked at him again and scratched the back of his head, "no, nothing. I just thought I heard someone say my name. Well, anyway, that's too bad about the shotgun. Guess I'm out of luck." He laughed a little. To me it sounded fake.

"Yes, I'm sorry I can't be more helpful."

"Who knows, maybe I'll stumble across one like it some day." Matsuda said brightly.

Why was he acting so strange all the sudden? Maybe he'd just thought of something major. It would have to be something really important to just omit all the disappointments we were having.

"Maybe."  
"Where did you get it anyway? Is there a place I can buy one?"

He was really pushing the innocent youthfulness now. Good thing it came to him so naturally.

Miyami laughed heartily, "I'm sure there is, but I wouldn't know where to start with that. See, I never wanted the silly thing to begin with. I found it."

"Found it?"

I felt just as shocked as Matsuda sounded. Where would he have _found_ an illegal weapon? "You mean…somebody gave it to you?"

"No. I really found it."

"Where?"

"Right outside this very building actually. In the dumpster in the alleyway."

_The dumpster._ Could it be the same alley and the same shotgun? That seemed almost too good to be true.

Matsuda sat back, pulled loose of me and folded his arms, "Oh, come on, Miyami-san, you don't really expect us to believe that you found something like _that_ just laying around."

"Well, I realize it sounds strange, and I can't really prove it to you, but it's the truth. Someone must have needed to get rid of it right away and couldn't bother selling it." Miyami checked his watch, "At any rate, I'm sorry I couldn't help you, Matsuda—you really could have used it tonight."

"Right. I kept thinking that if I just had a gun I'd put those kids in their place but," Matsu shrugged, "I'm just glad you came along when you did."

"I have to get going now," Miyami rose and placed a hand on Matsuda's shoulder, like they'd known each other all their lives, "I'd love to stay and chat, but my wife will worry if I don't get going. But if you two are going to stick around a while longer just tell Momo to put anything you order on my tab. In fact," he suddenly raised his voice, "Hey, Momo! This young man here is a very old, very close friend of mine—take care of him for me."

Momo smiled, revealing that he was missing a tooth, and called back, "Okay, Boss!"

"That should make up for any injuries Troy gave you." Miyami grinned kindly. "So both of you have fun, and come by again any time you like. I come here a lot."

"All right, oji-san, thank-you for everything."

"Thank-you." I echoed, dipping my head.

Miyami patted Matsuda on the shoulder, and then he picked up his briefcase and left, pausing by the bar to talk to Miyami again. I saw the bartender look at us out of the corner of his eye, and then he looked away and nodded, his mouth moved but I couldn't tell what he said. Miyami smiled back at us, then hastened out the door.

The moment he was gone, Matsuda sighed and lowered his head to the table.

I looked at him, touched his back and found that it was warm, "Hey, are you okay? You really had me scared for a minute there--I thought that guy was going to kill you."

"I'm okay. Let's just get out of here while we still can."

"Do you think it's safe to go outside?" I kept imagining Troy and his gang surrounding the bar and jumping us again.

"We'll be okay. I just want to go home."

"'Kay." We got up nonchalantly and nodded to Momo, who was watching us not so subtly. It made me feel afraid all over again, but Matsu walked confidently, jacket slung over his shoulder like he owned the place.

"Good night, Momo."

Momo seemed surprised, but nodded.

Then we were back outside, and the air felt really good. It was fresh and clean and cool, just like nights from my past, before everything had gotten so horribly strange.

Just once before the door closed, I saw Matsuda look over his shoulder, that hardness returning to his eyes momentarily, and then it was gone.

I walked just a little behind him, watching him without speaking. He was such a strange man. Nothing at all like the Matsuda I had known before Light died. I really didn't know what to think of him these days. It was like he was Matsuda, sweet and frivolous and sort of silly, but at the same time, some vital part of his nature, some cheerfulness, was completely absent, and I had no idea what the real cause of that was. Only one thing was certain—Matsuda was extremely unpredictable. I hadn't even been able to tell who was leading who on during his conversation with Miyami. He had seemed so clueless and dense then, but Miyami had totally believed everything he'd said about being a Kira supporter. I felt like I had missed something, and I wished I were as smart as Light had been.

As if to distract me from thinking about my brother, I noticed Matsuda's shoulders shaking. It struck me as odd. Was he cold? If so, why didn't he just put his coat on? A moment passed, and I kept watching. I thought I heard him sniffle, and when I saw that he was holding his ribs, I was sure that he was hurt bad and had been hiding it all this time.

"Matsuda-chan!" I grabbed his arm and turned him around.

To my surprise, Matsu had a huge grin on his face, and he was obviously straining to stifle a laugh.

"What?"

He didn't answer, just kept laughing quietly like an idiot.

"What's wrong with you, you moron?"

Without warning, he burst into laughter so loud and so genuine it startled me, echoing off the buildings around us, and a few lights in a nearby apartment came on. I just stared at him as he stood there, laughing and covering his face and straining to breathe. That laugh…it was real, like how he'd always laughed before, not hiding anything, not forced to look genuine, but a true, sincere, Touta Matsuda laugh.

"Did you see it, Sayu? Did you see how amazing that was?"

"What are you talking about?"

"What am I talking about? The fight! I totally had that guy on the _ropes_! For a while there, I thought he was just letting me win or something, but even he said that I'd beaten him! If it hadn't been for his buddies, I would have totally kicked his butt!" Matsu suddenly pumped his fist, "Whoo! It was a great rush—I haven't fought someone like that since I was a kid! And I've never won a fight before in my life!"

"But you didn't win."

"I know, I know. Not technically, but that's only because I was outnumbered. If it had been fair I definitely would have been the champ. And on top of that, Miyami totally fell for my act! He actually believed that I'm a Kira fan!"

I looked at him skeptically, "Are you sure? He said something to Momo on the way out."

"Maybe he doesn't totally trust me, but he believed me, and that's all that matters. Maybe all that time hanging out with L and Light actually paid off—I had him eating out of my hand."

Incredible how happy those simple things had made him. _Boys are so strange._ "Not meaning to be a downer or anything," I said, after he'd laughed a little more, "I mean, I'm glad to see you're happy and everything, but you didn't exactly get the shotgun. Doesn't that mean this was all a waste of time."

"I never needed the shotgun to begin with." he said importantly, "All I really needed was to find who _owned_ the shotgun and I did it."

"Yeah, well…Miyami did own the shotgun, but that doesn't mean he had anything to do with the murders."

Matsuda started to gush. The more he talked, the more excited he sounded, and the more excited he sounded, the happier he looked, and soon his happiness started to spread into me, "Oh, come on, Sayu—you heard all those things he said. He _found_ a shotgun? Who goes digging through dumpsters? Especially outside of bars. _Especially_ when there was just a murder there in that alley. I can't believe that it's just a coincidence that a semi-automatic shotgun was there, so that means it had to have been the same gun, and that means he would have found it just yesterday. Am I supposed to believe he found and sold an illegal weapon all in the same day?

"All of that added to how much he hates the NPA seems like proof enough to me. Random Kira fanatic finds a shotgun-likely story-he's _got_ to be involved with the case. He's _got_ to be the man who fired the shotgun in the upper room and killed the first guy! It's a _huge_ lead!"

"You're losing me."  
"Oh, sorry—I forgot I'm not supposed to discuss the case with you. Working with you like this makes me feel like you're a part of the investigation. Anyway, it's a huge lead, and now all we have to do is tail Miyami until we have solid proof that he was there that night then, BAM!" I jumped. "We got 'im! That means I did it—without Aizawa or Ide or Mogi, or anyone!"

I chuckled as he pumped his fist again and did a brief victory dance. Just like the old Matsuda. _All wound up and rowdy. It's cute…_

"But even if that wasn't enough to get me psyched, I totally found another lead to follow while we were sitting there talking to him!"

That startled me more than anything, "Really? You did? Wait, when? How?"

"Unh-uh," he wagged his finger at me teasingly, "I can't tell you yet, partner—I'll tell you tomorrow when I pick you up."

My heart skipped a beat like I'd just been asked on a date, "Pick me up? You mean…you want me to keep working on this with you?"

"Of course I do, Sayu! Don't you get it? I never could have done all this without you! You found the lead in the first place, and you stuck by me through the whole thing, even when it was dangerous—I'd have been totally lost without you! You were like…like…like the Misa to my Kira!"

I didn't get that either, since obviously it was something only Matsu understood, but I didn't have time to worry about it, because suddenly he threw his arms around me and swept me up, spinning in a circle so my hair flew out behind me, laughing like a madman the whole time.

And after a second, I was laughing too, laughing in a way I hadn't laughed since before my kidnapping, laughing like nothing mattered and everything was fine—like Daddy and Light were at home with Mom, worried sick about me, like the only thing I had to worry about was who to hang out with over the weekend or what to wear tomorrow. I was laughing like I was fifteen years old and in love for the very first time. It made me feel like my heart would burst.

The next thing I knew, Matsuda had stopped spinning, and he was holding me close, my arms around his neck, my legs straddling his torso, and somehow our faces were pressed together, our lips locked in a kiss. I could taste the alcohol on his tongue, but something about it was sweet, and his mouth was warm and inviting. I loved how it felt to have him holding me. I loved the security and the pleasure of it.

It wasn't a very long kiss, but when it was over, I felt breathless, staring into his tender, brown eyes, feeling his breath on my neck and chin. I didn't even know if I had kissed him or if he had kissed me, but I felt completely love struck—dizzy and floaty, like I'd taken drugs.

"M-Matsu…"

He set me on my feet immediately, facing away from me, "S-sorry Sayu…I shouldn't have…"

"It's okay…I don't mind."

Matsuda looked back at me shyly, face sort of pink, but the smile was still in place, and his eyes were still shining. "Come on, let's get you home."

I took his hand, and we walked to the car with our fingers interlaced. I felt braver than I had in my whole life, like I could fall from a cloud or walk across the ocean or even fight Kira himself and win. The darkness seemed totally gone. And before long, we were back on the main road, heading for my house.

Matsuda parked outside as usual and said goodnight to me.

"Are you sure you don't want to come inside and let my mother take a look at your injuries?"

"It's late." He smiled, "I don't want to worry her."

"All right. Just make sure you take care of them yourself. Okay?"

"I promise."

"Good night."

I fought the urge to lean in and kiss him again.

"Good night, Sayu."

He squeezed my hand briefly.

I didn't remember going inside or saying hello to mom or even climbing the stairs to my room. I didn't remember passing the door where Misa had died. All I could think of was Matsuda, from the moment I left him, to the moment I was asleep in bed.


	12. Chapter 12

**Mogi **

-Day Two-

"What the hell happened to you?" Aizawa demanded, grabbing Matsuda's chin and tilting his head to the side so he could get a better look at the huge, black eye that had almost swollen his right eye shut.

Matsuda grinned weakly, "Oh, I fell down."

"Fell down?" I sounded totally disbelieving, and I knew it. And I wasn't going to hide it.

Aizawa echoed me, "Fell down? It looks like you got a fist in your eye."

"Yeah…I hit my face on the coffee table. Does it really look that bad?"

"It looks like someone walked on you." Aizawa replied. "Matsuda, do you even _have_ a coffee table?"

Matsuda laughed and brushed his fingers back through his hair. It was a laugh I hadn't heard in a long time, but I noticed that the knuckles on his right hand were battered and scabbed a little. "Of course I do."

"You were drunk." Ide accused, smirking slightly, "How else could you fall down and hit your face on the coffee table? Even _you_ aren't that clumsy."

"Hey," the smile faded, and Matsu looked a little hurt, "I'm not clumsy."

We both teased him for a moment about all the clumsy things he'd done in the past, and he took it with the same abashed expression and chuckle as he always had before. It came to an end when Aizawa cleared his throat and said, "I hate to break this up, guys, but we do have an investigation to run. Don't you think you can revisit all Matsuda's faults later."

"You're right." Ide said immediately, "We don't have time list all of them anyway."

"Geez guys, you're really harsh." Matsuda complained. I saw the sparkle in his eyes and wondered when it had come back. It had been so long since it had been there, I'd thought maybe I'd never see it again. But as strange as it was, he seemed like himself today—no moping, no serious demeanor, no worries at all. He was just Matsuda again.

_I wonder what that has to do with his black eye._

Ide got up and sighed, "Well, anyway, before we start, I'm going to go and get a cup of coffee from the lounge. Anyone else?"

No one else wanted anything, so he left, just as Yoko prowled into the room, sleek like a cat; she was carrying a folder under one arm, and she looked fairly serious. For a moment she paused to look at Matsuda, cocking one slim eyebrow.

"Good morning, Yoko." Matsuda beamed at her.

"What happened to you? Is your boyfriend abusive or something?"

Matsuda just laughed and said, "No, I'm just clumsy."

"We all know that's true, Honey." She smiled at him, but it seemed a little forced. The case had been bothering us all lately.

Yoko seemed like a hard woman, but I'd worked with her more than the others had, and I knew that past that exterior she had a very tender, feminine heart; I also suspected she was interested in Matsuda on some level, because she paid more attention to him than she did anyone else on the force.

"Well, here you go, Aizawa," she handed him the file. "Everything I found out yesterday from interviewing Odaka's family and friends. Try not to be too disappointed, big guy."

Aizawa opened the folder and took out some papers-there were only two or three there-and immediately the wrinkles between his eyebrows deepened, "Dammit."

"What's wrong, chief?" Matsuda asked. He was holding a cold soda can on his eye. "Bad news?"

"No. There's nothing. Nothing at all. That's the problem. There's absolutely nothing in any of these files to incriminate anyone! No one seems to know why those five alleged NPA members went to the hotel or what they were meeting to discuss."

"Yeah, but that's okay, isn't it?"

"Of course it's not okay, Matsuda! If we don't know why they were there then how can we ever figure out who killed them?" He suddenly flung the file into the air, and the small stack of papers fluttered down like feathers.

"What if," Yoko mused, "there was no pattern in their death? What if they had nothing to do with the murderer? They could have been just five random people chosen just because they were all there."

"Then I don't understand what the point of the fake names were and everything. I mean, what was the point of it? Five people can't be dead just for nothing!"

"Maybe it's just a red herring." Kei said from her place in the corner. "I've been thinking that for a while, but I didn't want to say anything. Don't you think maybe those five men were killed just to distract us? Or maybe to get our attention."

"That's ridiculous." Yoko looked at her. "Not the idea, Kei, but just that anyone would do that is ridiculous. If they wanted us to see the tape Matsuda brought from the car-jacker why wouldn't they just send it in the mail or something? It's completely absurd to kill five people for no reason."

"But it is possible." Aizawa admitted. "It's possible that whoever's responsible for this did just kill five people at random so we'd waste our time investigating them while the real clues slipped by."

"Clues like a missing shotgun?" Matsuda called.

Aizawa ignored him; rubbing his chin, he began to pace. "The only problem is, how can we know for sure? There could be some vital clue hidden in the deaths of these five, seemingly random men. We can't afford to not investigate. But at the same time, we don't really have the time to pick through it all."

Suddenly he turned to Okoshi, and Kei, "What about the two of you? Did you find anything out about the two victims from the bar?"

Okoshi cleared his throat like he had something important to say, but he just shook his head, "I'm afraid not."

"They couldn't have been picked at random though," Yoko said. "They were both ex-NPA members."

"Coincidence?" I suggested.

"Possibly. But I don't think we should leave that to chance either. We have to look into all possibilities."

"Hey," Matsuda sat up suddenly, "where's Izanagi?"

I glanced around the room quickly. He wasn't there.

"Maybe he forgot to come in—it is Saturday after all." Aizawa said, grabbing his phone. "I'll call him really quick."

"He seemed really excited for the case yesterday," Kei said; "After he came back from talking to Nishi Yamaguchi's family, he told me he found some information he wanted to run past us all."

"Information is good." Matsuda said with a cheerful smile. "We could really use some of that right about now. Oh, that reminds me; when Chiba gets here I have some stuff to tell you guys. It's really important. In fact, it might-"

Aizawa hushed him suddenly, "Hey, blabbermouth, can't you see I'm on the phone. Hold off on your vast well of wisdom for just a second."

"Oh, sorry."

I smiled at Matsuda. It was good to see him behaving normally again.

We waited quietly for Aizawa to finish with the phone, but when he set the receiver down his face showed signs of trouble. "That's strange…it said the number was no longer in service."

Matsuda rubbed his eye, "Did he maybe change numbers?"

"I-"

Ide burst back into the room, "Aizawa, everyone—you'd better come and take a look at this right away!"

Aizawa stood up, "What is it, Ide?"  
"Just come look."

In a single-file line, we made our way out of the conference room and through the halls toward the lounge. It was Saturday so not many people were there. The few who had come to work were already gathered there, watching the news.

"It's a fire." One of them said. "Some apartment buildings."

I stared hard at the screen. _Why does that look so familiar?  
_"Hey, isn't that…?" Yoko leaned very close to the TV. "That's where Izanagi lives!"

"You're right!" Okoshi gasped. "He and his wife had me for dinner once!"

"That would explain why he's not answering his phone."

"Dammit!" Aizawa shouted, pounding his fist on the counter, "Of all the times in the world for one of our guys to have a house fire!"

The reporter kept talking, going on about the magnitude of the flames and the poor chance of anyone surviving it. She speculated as to how it had started and mentioned that the local police believed it to be the work of an arsonist.

"Not only are the flames unusually large and powerful, as if fueled by some sort of flammable material, there is also the matter of the message."

"Message." Kei whispered.

The camera panned suddenly to the right, where there was an enormous banner hanging from the wall of the apartment buildings. It had already caught fire and was being devoured, but I could still read what it said.

Okoshi read it out loud, "Only six days left—catch me if you can. Signed The Shinigami."

My heart lurched at that word. _Shinigami._

"Shinigami?" Aizawa practically shouted, "What the hell? Is this a hoax?"  
"Pretty morbid hoax." Yoko commented, visibly shaken, "Lighting an apartment building on fire like that—especially on a Saturday."

"What do you think it means?" Ide demanded. "It can't mean… can it?"

Aizawa set his mouth, "Jesus, it had better not. Hey, Matsuda, saddle up, we're going."

Matsuda, who'd been staring fixedly at the TV suddenly looked up, "Really? You want me to go with you, chief?"

"Trust me, you're not my first choice--everyone else already has a job to do. Now come on."

"All right…I'll be out in a second, I have to grab my coat."

Aizawa snorted, "Just hurry. The rest of you, get to work. We need to start wrapping this damn case up, fast." Then he stormed out of the room.

Yoko, Kei and Okoshi scrambled after him, chattering among themselves; Ide stayed in front of the TV a moment longer before going too.

Soon it was just Matsuda and I, both staring at the flames on the television. I couldn't believe this was happening. A Shinigami? Could it mean that there was another notebook? Another Kira? No. That was impossible. Maybe the original one had been stolen.

"Mogi," Matsuda said quietly, "before I go with Aizawa, there's something really important I have to tell you."

I looked at him, sort of surprised by the serious look on his face, "What is it, Matsuda?"

"I'm only telling you because I know Aizawa and Ide will be angry—but you'll stay calm, right?"

"Is it bad?"

"No. It's good, but-"

Good? We could really use some good news. I was hanging off his every word, ready to hear whatever it was he had to say, and then my phone rang.

Annoyed, I pulled it out, "Hang on, Matsuda. This'll only be a second." I looked at the phone. _Unknown number…better take it anyway. It could be a clue or an anonymous informer._

"Hello?"

"Hello, Mr. Mogi. This is Commander Restor."

_Here? Now? There's no time for this. _I should have been grateful for a prompt reply, but I wasn't I was just annoyed that I was being interrupted at this crucial time.

Down the hall, Aizawa shouted for Matsuda to get his ass in gear.

"Just a minute!" Matsuda called, then looked at me, "Mogi-"

"Hang on, Matsuda, it's important." Then I said to Restor, "Can't you call me back?"

"I'm afraid not. L has an important message for you. In fact, he'd like to talk to you personally, right now."

"But I'm at work. There's an emergency."

"You're the one who contacted us. I apologize if our timing is inconvenient."

"Matsuda!" Aizawa yelled, sounding closer.

"I'm coming! Mogi, this will only take a second."

"Matsu—I'm leaving!"

Near's voice came on a second later. I hadn't even realized Restor was handing the phone over. "Hello, Mogi, this is L."

"I-"

"Mogi, who the hell is that?" Matsuda was looking frustrated. "Can't you call them back?"  
I really wanted to, but it had been so hard to get in touch with Near in the first place, I was afraid that if I didn't take this call now I would never get another opportunity. "Just wait another second." I said quickly.

"..I received your message," Near was saying-I'd missed the first part of whatever he had to say, "and I want you to know that I accept your offer."

"But-"

"MATSUDA!"

"Mogi!"

"I will be in Japan from the twenty-sixth of this month, all the way to the first of next.

"But that's next week! I'm in the middle of a very important case."

"In that case, I'll make sure to call you when I arrive, and if your offer still stands, we'll arrange for a meeting. That's all."

"Wait! Near!"

He hung up.

"Dammit." I hadn't gotten a chance to ask him about the notebook. Sighing, I put my phone away. By the time I spoke with him again it might be too late. "All right, Matsuda, what is it?"

Unfortunately, he was already gone.

**Aizawa**

I had to practically drag Matsuda out of the police station, and then he was irritated for the whole car ride over to Chiba's apartment. Did he think the fire would wait for us or something? If at all possible, we had to try to get to that banner before it was utterly destroyed so that we could try to figure out where it had come from. I was already sure it would be too late. Not that that was his fault exactly, but if he hadn't taken so long we might have gotten there on time.

But it was too late to save the banner. By the time we arrived at the fire site the whole thing had been burnt to a crisp, and the firefighters were battling with putting the remainder of the flames out. Onlookers, news reporters, and patrol officers were standing by, watching with anxious, disbelieving eyes. I heard a few people reference the message, but no one I asked seemed to know anything about it. A lot of them looked at me and Matsuda with hate-filled eyes.

Just as I had suspected, all these events were making the NPA look worse and worse somehow, even though it was some Kira fanatic who was doing all the killing.

While we waited for the fire to go out, Matsuda walked around, asking people about Chiba and trying to find any witnesses or clues that might help, but when he came back to me he was unsuccessful.

So we were there for hours, waiting for the fire to be put out, talking to people who were completely useless, and then waiting for the rubble to cool a little so we could do some searching. But I really wasn't sure what I thought we'd find. I guess at this point we were just grasping at straws. So far the whole investigation wasn't going anywhere—none of the clues we'd been left had been helpful, and the pressure I was feeling not only from the entire NPA, but from my teammates as well, made it hard to sleep at night. My wife was mad at me, so I'd spent last night on the couch.

On top of that Kei had said Chiba had some information about Yamaguchi…but if he was dead we wouldn't know what that information was, who it was from, or how he'd gotten it.

_Nothing's working out. Nothing at all._ For a moment, as I watched the smoke rise up into the sky, I felt completely helpless, like a child, and I wished there was someone like L or Near or even Light around to help us with this. We were all smart guys, but those three had been brilliant, and I was sure that if they were there with us they'd be finding clues and seeing things no one else had even considered before.

Near was the only one left, and unless he contacted us, I had no way to get in touch with him.

_Not that he'd even bother. He'd have to be personally interested in this case to take it._

Another thing all three had shared—their arrogance. They toyed with people's lives and manipulated others for their own amusement. Maybe that was what came of being smarter than everyone else. Maybe being smart meant having a huge ego and no appreciation whatsoever for anyone who was just average.

I thought about it long and hard as Matsuda and I picked our way across the rubble that was left after the fire had died. There was still steam and smoke, but I hardly noticed.

L had always been conducting his ridiculous experiments to test everyone around him, doing whatever it took to catch Kira, no matter how it affected others, and Near had been the same way, from what little I'd seen of him. It had all been a game and a puzzle to him. As for Light… Light was the worst. He'd potentially been the smartest of the three of them, and he had treated life like a big joke, like killing someone didn't matter. It made me sick. We didn't need help on this case from anyone like that, I decided.

And it really made me appreciate simple people, like Matsu, even when he was mad at me for some reason I didn't understand.

Depressed, I crouched down on the pile of debris and looked at what seemed to have been a spoon before the fire. Nothing important. It was just sort of sad that lives had been destroyed so mindlessly. "It's starting." I murmured. This was the beginning. Six days. And in six days, if we hadn't solved this… who knew what was going to happen?

"Aizawa." Matsuda pulled me out of my thoughts. "I have a question."

"Is it important?" I looked up at him.

He just nodded.

"All right, go."

As he spoke, I couldn't help but stare at his black eye. It was insulting that he thought we'd buy his coffee table story, especially considering how obvious it was that he'd gotten his lights knocked out.

"What if there were a citizen withholding information from us? What would happen to them?"  
What kind of ridiculous question was that? _He should know the answer to this himself._

"Why're you asking? Lose your handbook or something?"

"I know they'd be in a lot of trouble…jail time and everything. Would there be any mercy?"

"No. I don't think so." I pushed a half-broken plate aside and looked at the pile of shattered, charred china beneath it.

"What if they had a good reason for withholding the information?"

"I can't think of a reason good enough to keep them out of trouble. That's a fairly serious offense, Matsuda, you know that."

"Yeah…" He nodded, kicked a blackened tea kettle to the side.

"Why? Who do you know that's withholding information from us?" I stood up and looked at him seriously.

"No one personally. I've just been thinking about how weird it is that we can't get anywhere with this case, and I was wondering if it's because someone's…holding out."

I shrugged, "Who knows. I guess it's definitely possible. Hey, that reminds me; what was it that you wanted to tell us when Chiba arrived."

He opened his mouth and actually started to tell me, but then cut himself off. I watched him plunge his hands deep in his pockets and start to walk away, "Never mind, it's not important. I'll just tell you later."

It seemed like we were there for hours before the paramedics finally approached. I guess it probably took a while to uncover bodies like that, but with the way this case was going, I would have gladly switched jobs with them.

"Excuse me sir, I don't know if this is good news or bad news, but we just wanted to let you know that we've uncovered two bodies so far, and based off eye-witness reports, we anticipate that there will be at least five all together."

"I understand. Well, are any of them male, aged at about forty-five?"

"I'm sorry sir, no. We've found a woman and a young boy so far."

"A young boy." Matsuda echoed. I felt the same anger and sadness I heard in his voice. It always made me mad when I heard about innocents being killed for nothing, maybe because I had a family of my own.

"Thanks." I said to the paramedic; he bowed and hurried away.

We were both quiet a moment, then Matsuda looked up at the sky, "Maybe he wasn't at home. Maybe he's still alive somewhere."

"You know, your optimism really makes me sick sometimes, Matsuda." I snapped, "Can't you take anything seriously? Izanagi's dead, that was the point of this fire—that sick bastard set this up with the purpose of killing one of us. Don't you understand that?"

"All I'm saying is we won't know that he's dead until they find his body."

"Which will be soon, no doubt. Even if they never find it, that just means there's nothing left to find."

"Aw, stop being such a downer, Aizawa; this case is going to turn around soon. I can feel it."

I snorted and folded my arms, thinking. It would really be nice if the case turned around, but I really couldn't imagine that happening soon. I had learned not to put too much faith in Matsuda's feelings anyway. They changed sort of frequently. "You should give up the cop stuff and go be a promotional speaker or something. You'd be great at it, except that you never have any idea what you're talking about—not that it really matters in that line of work. You just have to be able to make people feel good. Hell, you could probably just go up on stage without saying a word and people would feel better."

He laughed a little.

"Matsuda!"

Matsu turned around, and over his shoulder I saw a girl coming up the hill toward us. She was carrying a bag of some kind and waving, brown hair flying in the breeze. Did he have a girlfriend I didn't know about? She was wearing a red blouse and a skirt that was sort of short, but her coat was long. Something about her was familiar.

Matsuda sounded startled, "Sayu? What are you doing here?"

_Sayu? Sayu Yagami? What in the world?_

Sayu grinned, brushing some hair from her eyes—something about the expression made her look exactly like the chief.

"What is right. This is a restricted area right now, Sayu." I said firmly. "You'll have to move along."

"I just want to talk to Matsu for a moment; can't I do that, Aizawa?" She gave me pleading face. "I promise I won't get in the way or ask any prying questions."

"I guess. But hurry it up, all right? We're on duty."

"Thank-you." She bowed respectfully, then looked at Matsuda, "Sorry for just dropping by like this."

"How did you know I'd be here?"

"I didn't—I just happened to be walking by. My school is nearby. I thought I saw you, so I came over to say hello."

Matsuda smiled at her. I got a strange feeling from the look they were exchanging—something private and emotional about it, like two puppies in love.

"It's nice to see you." Matsuda said simply.

Sayu's smile grew. Then she leaned forward to touch his face, "Oh, your eye looks really bad. What happened to it?"

"I fell."

"Fell?" Sayu laughed. "Matsu, you clutz! I can't believe you."

"Yeah," he looked down, face reddening, "the guys already gave me trouble for it."

She went right on laughing.

I snapped, "Hey, didn't you have something important to say? If this is just a social chat why don't you move on and call Matsuda later? Like I said, we're on duty, and you should be in school."

"Oh right!" Sayu looked embarrassed, covering her mouth with her hand, "Sorry, Aizawa-san. Matsu, I just wanted to make sure our date is still on for tonight?"

"Huh?"  
_Date?_ "You two are dating?"

"It's just a casual thing. Right, Matsu?"

"Yeah, just casual. Nothing serious, chief."

_But last I knew Sayu was really upset about Light and Misa, not to mention Soichiro. I didn't think she'd be in any kind of condition to date._

"So what about it, Matsuda? Our date is still on, isn't it?"

"I don't know, Sayu…today doesn't look like it's going to go very well…one of our guys might be dead."

Her eyes got big, "Are you serious? Who? Not Mogi or Ide, right?"

_How does she know who's working on this investigation. There's now way Matsuda would be stupid enough to tell her, right?_

If he trusted her he might be.

"No. Neither of them."

"Wow, I'm really sorry to hear about that."

"So is it okay if we cancel?"

Sayu looked really disappointed. "Really? We have to cancel?"

"I think so, Sayu. I doubt I'm going to be in the mood… I'm really sorry."

"But Matsuda, you promised! You said you were taking me somewhere really nice tonight, and I got all excited and picked out a new outfit and everything! Are you sure we have to cancel?"

"Well-"

"Matsuda, if you cancel I'll never speak to you again!"

What the hell? How could Sayu be acting so selfish? I'd always known her to be a sweet, good-natured kid, so why was she treating him like that? Maybe the loss of so many loved ones had changed her, or maybe she was really clinging to him out of grief.

"Well…I guess if you put it that way, it's not really fair for me to cancel on you just because I might be a little tired tonight."

"So we're still going?"

He smiled and nodded, "Of course."

"Yay! Thank-you, Matsu!" She threw her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek loudly. "Pick me up at the usual time, okay?"

"You got it."

"Anyway, school's going to start soon, so I'd better run. Bye Matsu—Aizawa-san, it was nice to see you again."

"You too."

"See you tonight, Sayu."

With a wave and a happy smile, Sayu Yagami started down the sidewalk again, a little bit of a spring in her step.

Once she'd disappeared around the block, Matsuda and I exchanged looks.

"You're _really_ dating Sayu?"

"Of course. Why not?"

"For starters, she's your dead boss' daughter. It's a little weird."

"I think the chief would want us to be happy." He smiled.

"Maybe; but what about the case? It's sort of a bad time to start dating."

"I know that." He looked away, "but hey, aren't you the one who told me to start moving on with my life. Just doing what the doctor ordered."

"I'm not your doctor, Matsuda."

"Maybe not, but I thought you had a good point. Now I'm just trying to be happy. That's okay, isn't it?" He looked at me again.

"Damn. Of course, just… Ah, hell, never mind, Matsuda. Do whatever you want. Just don't let your personal life interfere with work."

"Don't worry, I won't. But really…would it be such a bad thing if I _was_ dating her?"

It sounded like another stupid question and I wasn't sure what to make of it. "I don't know, Matsuda, I'm just surprised. I mean, in less than a year Sayu has been kidnapped-she was unresponsive to everything for a good month or two-and then her father died, followed almost immediately by her older brother. Now with Misa's suicide…she might not care about you at all. She might just be looking for something to comfort herself."

Matsuda looked down, "I see."

"What you should be _really_ careful of, is that you don't start to take advantage of her on accident. Life's been rough for you too lately-for all of us-and you wouldn't want to start messing around with Sayu just to make yourself feel better. It's a difficult situation…that's why I think maybe it's a bad idea."

"Right."

"Also…considering that she's Kira's sister, don't you think that could get a little messy if you guys ever got serious?"

His voice was genuinely subdued for the first time, "Maybe."

"Remember, Sayu can never find out that Light was Kira, so be careful what you tell her."

"Don't worry about it, Aizawa. I'm never going to tell her anything—I don't want to hurt her."

"It's the people we care about the most we have the least power to protect."

**Matsuda**

My eye was throbbing by the time I got home, and every muscle in my body was sore, but I had managed to hide it from Aizawa and the others. Obviously they didn't believe my falling down story, but it was the best I could do. At least they didn't know about the fight I'd gotten into, and that was all that mattered anyway. The moment I got in the door, I went to my couch and flopped down face first. "Geez, what a day…"

Immediately my phone started ringing. With a sigh, I forced myself to get up and answer it.

I was surprised to find out that it was Sayu, and she sounded a little uncomfortable. "Hey, Matsuda…"

"Oh…hey, Sayu. What's up?"

"Nothing. I just felt like calling."

That was strange. Why would she call me for no reason, especially when her last few calls had been pretty important? "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Hey, I hope I didn't get you in trouble with Aizawa today."

"No, it was fine."

It sounded like she shifted the phone from one hand to the next, "So listen…I started thinking today after I saw you, after we told Aizawa that we're dating…"

"You mean after _you_ told him."

She laughed a little nervously, "Right…um, anyway."

I could practically picture her tugging at her necklace and biting her lips.

"Anyway, I thought that, maybe it would be kind of cool if…if we really _were_ dating."

For some reason that freaked me out. My heart started to hammer a little faster and I felt too hot, tugged at my tie until it was off, and my hands started to sweat. Sayu wanted to date me? She was actually interested in me? It was such a surprise, but I wasn't really sure why. I just wasn't expecting that. "Are you serious? You'd really want to?"

"Yeah. I mean, you know…casually. I'm not saying we're soul mates or anything, but maybe it would help…it would give us a good excuse to be together for when we investigate. Besides, I told you before you'd be a good catch."

My face flushed and I nearly dropped the phone. What was I supposed to say? Yes? Was that appropriate? _I'm in the middle of a case…should I get involved with a girl right now?_

Aizawa said I was supposed to be moving on with my life; having a girlfriend would definitely be a step in the right direction.

_He also said to be careful. Sayu might just be latching onto whoever she feels a connection with._

Still, I was flattered that that person was me.

At the same time, how could I know her feelings were sincere? She might just be saying all this because she felt a certain way at the moment. It could change in a few days, or even in just a few hours. Not that she'd break my heart or something if I found out she didn't really care about me, but still…

I tried to think logically, and it was surprisingly hard. Even when my thoughts tried to connect and form a half-way intelligent thought, my feelings kept getting in the way and confusing me. I _wanted_ to go out with Sayu. I felt better when I was with her. I felt strong and needed, like I was making up for shooting Light, and I liked her a lot. But I knew that I shouldn't get involved with anyone. Not right now.

"Matsuda? Are you still there?"

"Yeah. Sorry."

"What do you say? I could give you some time to think about it."

"Time? Time would be good. I can't really give you an answer right now…"

"All right. You're still picking me up at nine though, right?"

"Uh-huh."

"And you're going to tell me what this new lead of yours is, aren't you?"

"Of course."

"Okay, I'll see you then."

"Bye."

Bye, Matsu."

I hung the phone up feeling more confused and frustrated than ever, leaned against my counter tiredly. First I'd spent all day hanging around at a burn site with a pissed off Aizawa, and now this. Could my life get anymore confusing? Under any other circumstances, I would have called Aizawa or Mogi or even Ide, maybe, and talked the whole thing over with them. Even though we were partners on the police force they were still the closest friends I had, and I appreciated their support and advice.

But as long as Sayu and I were sneaking around, collecting classified information without their knowledge of it, I knew that I couldn't talk to any of them about it. Something might slip.

Would it be awkward to work with her now? Now that I knew she liked me, would I feel strange when I was around her? No. That was high school stuff. If I were mature it wouldn't be a problem.

I looked up at the clock. It was five now. In four hours I had to go and pick her up and we had to start hunting for something that would make this nightmare end. But I really didn't feel like it. Losing Izanagi had been disheartening; in spite of my best effort to stay positive, enough to make up for Aizawa's sour mood, Chiba had been found, charred black and dead. The image of his burned body had stuck with me, and now I felt depressed all over again. The last thing I wanted to do was run all over the city hunting criminals.

Sighing, I flopped back onto the couch.

_So much for optimism._

Seconds later, my phone rang again, and I got up to get it with a moan. "Gonna' disconnect this stupid thing. Moshi-Moshi?"

"Matsuda, it's Aizawa."

_Great_. Mr. Be-Of-Good-Cheer himself. I wondered what bad news he had to pass along now, "Hey, Aizawa. What is it?"

_If someone else is dead I'll just scream and hang up._

"I know you just got home, but I was wondering if you'd come with me to check something out."

"Like what?"

"I hate it when you're right, but I decided we should really try to find that shotgun, like you said. It might be the only lead we can come up with."

"So you're going to go look for it _right_ now?"

He growled, "We have a deadline, Matsuda. There's no point in wasting time. Every day we get closer to that deadline, and let's face it, no one really knows what's going to happen when it comes."

"Well, why me? I just got home."

"You're the one who's obsessed with finding that thing. You're also the one who's been complaining about being left out."

"I don't complain about being left out."

"You complained about me making you file papers."

"That was different."

"It was still complaining. So now you're included—you could at least act grateful."

"What about my date with Sayu?"

"What time is it scheduled for?"

"I'm supposed to pick her up at nine." I looked at the clock again.

"I'll get you back by then. Anything else?"

I sighed. There was a lot else. I didn't want to go investigate with Aizawa and then come back and run off to pick up Sayu and investigate with her too, and then get up tomorrow-what was supposed to be my day off-and investigate more. I was already doing twice as much investigating as everyone else as it was. Again, I felt tempted to just tell him about what Sayu and I had been doing, but I knew that if I did we'd both be in trouble.

"I guess not."  
"Good. I'll be over in thirty minutes."

Aizawa was punctual. I took a quick, fifteen minute shower, and then changed, and by that time he was knocking on my door.

"Grab your badge and let's go." He said when I opened the door.

"What makes you think I've even had time to take my badge off?" I couldn't help sounding irritated.

He ignored it and led me out the door.

Not an hour later I found myself sitting outside Momo's bar again, mind racing with a way to get out of going inside. If the bartender saw me parading around with Aizawa and acting like a cop he'd tell Miyami or somebody worse, and then I'd never get any information out of anyone ever again.

The most logical thing to do was to tell Aizawa the truth—Sayu and I had been investigating on our own and we'd already been here and found out everything there was to find out. We already knew what had become of the shotgun and who might have it now. But if I did that, not only would he be really, really mad at me, he'd also get Sayu in a ton of trouble. Probably. Maybe not. I couldn't imagine Aizawa being that tight about the rules, but the less people who knew she was working on this the less chance there was of it being leaked to others.

Again, my emotions were interfering with my logic.

"What's wrong?" Aizawa demanded, "let's go?"

There was no time. I had to decide what to do right then and there. "Before we go…I have to tell you something—something important."  
He sighed, "Can't it wait?"

"No. It can't."_ At least I have to leave Sayu out of it. I'll take a hit—it's the only thing I can do._

"Well, what is it? Is this about what you were saying earlier?"

"Actually, yes. I didn't think I should tell you today, because you were in a bad mood-"

"I'm still in a bad mood." It sounded like a warning.

"I know. But now it's absolutely essential for me to tell you…so I'm going to."

"Well let's hear it."

Slowly, I looked at him, groping for the right thing to say before he got impatient. I licked my fat lip, "Um, this… I mean, I didn't really fall down last night. I got beat up."

"I figured that much. How is that important?"

"This place," I gestured to the bar, "is where I got in the fight."

He just stared at me, but I couldn't really tell what he was thinking—probably some mix of disbelief and angry thoughts. It was the expression he usually wore when he was about to yell at me.

So I kept talking, hoping that somehow he'd calm down by the time I was done, but I already knew that the more I told him the angrier her was going to be. "I know you told me that looking for the shotgun was a waste of time, but I didn't think it was, so I started looking for it by myself. I pretended to be a normal civilian and came across a man who said that a guy had tried to sell him a semi-auto shotgun the same day we were investigating here; for the last few nights, I've been conducting my own investigation, trying to find the shotgun, or at least the man who had it."

"Dammit, Matsuda!"

I flinched.

"Why would you do that? Are you completely insane?"

"It seemed like our only chance for a real lead to me, but you brushed it off, so I went for it."

"You can't blame me for this."

"I know. I'm sorry, Aizawa…."

"And after I told you to be extra careful and everything!"

"I was just trying to help."

For some reason that seemed to calm him down, and he sighed and we were quiet for a second before he said, "I'm not…mad at you."

"You're not?"

Aizawa shook his head, "Just shocked. I mean, it was a stupid thing to do. Hell, it's exactly what I told you not to do. Investigating by yourself. I wish you would have said something."

"You would have made me stay home, and I wouldn't have found anything out."  
"That's not true."

"It's not? What _would_ you have done then?"

"I would have come here with you, of course." He glared at me. "If I had known you were going to be so insistent about finding the damn thing that you were going to look for it yourself I would have just bit the bullet and come along. This is a crappy area—not even the cops should be over here alone."

"I know."

"Then why didn't you tell me?"  
I shrugged. I couldn't tell him about Sayu, so I didn't have a good reason.

Aizawa isn't a touchy-feely guy, so it startled me when he suddenly touched my bruised eye, "Matsuda, you idiot. I didn't want you investigating by yourself, because I didn't want you to get your ass kicked. Which is exactly what happened."

I couldn't help feeling offended, "Hey…how helpless do you think I am?"

He rolled his eyes and sat back in his seat, "I don't think you're helpless, Matsuda—that's not it. But you're impulsive, and stupid. Even _I _didn't want to come over here alone. Why do you think I asked you to come? Let's face it, right now being an NPA officer is pretty dangerous. I don't think any of us should be wandering around by ourselves."

Aizawa was probably right about that. Last night I'd come dangerously close to getting my head dented in by a lead pipe, and if it hadn't been for Miyami, Aizawa would probably be dragging my dead body out of the same alley we'd found the other guys in right now, muttering about what an idiot I was to go investigating by myself.

Now that I thought about it, it was weird that Miyami, the exact same guy who I'd been looking for, had shown up just in the nick of time like that. Could it be more than a coincidence? I already knew he was connected with this Shinigami business somehow. What if the fight with Troy was a set up?

"You're right, Aizawa. I'm sorry."

He nodded, "Next time just don't be such an idiot."

"Yeah, all right."

"So, are you going to tell me what you found out?"

I looked at him again. Of course I had to tell him everything I knew now—maybe this way the case would be closed a lot quicker. And maybe I could keep Sayu from getting involved. As much as I liked being with her, it was stupid to keep putting her in danger.

Aizawa listened quietly as I told him everything I had found out: my visit to Blue Heaven and what Koli had told me-omitting the fact that he'd tried to pick me up-how I'd come back here and run into Miyami, and the conversation we'd had after that."

"So this Miyami guy said something about a shinigami too."

"Yeah. I don't know what he was talking about though. Do you think it could be another notebook?"

"I don't know. Maybe. But it doesn't seem likely, since all the deaths we've seen so far have been pretty violent—Light-I mean _Kira_-never had people murdered like this. It was always a suicide or natural or an accident. Of course, this new guy is probably a lot different than Light was."

"What are we going to do if there _is_ another notebook?"

"Find the bastard and bring him to justice, I guess."

"What else is there to do?" I sighed. "God, I hope there isn't."

"Let's worry about this later; right now we need to focus on what we do know. You didn't leave anything out, did you?"

"There is one other thing, actually. While I was talking to Miyami I heard some guys behind us talking about how weird life has been lately and how things were going with their jobs."

"And?"

"I don't know who the first guy was, but the second guy seemed to be a forger of some kind. He tried to whisper it, but I still overheard most of what he said. Something about making fake IDs, and he used someone's name, but I couldn't make it out; then he said 'Taro Matsui.' That was what really got my attention."

Aizawa raised an eyebrow and looked toward the bar. "Taro Matsui."

"I don't know for sure, obviously, but I think he might have been the guy who made up the fake NPA IDs; if he was, then maybe if we can find him we can make him tell us who hired him."

"That sounds like as good a place to start as any." He hesitated, rubbing his chin like he did when he was thinking, then added half-heartedly, "Good job, Matsuda."

"So I guess my next move was going to be to figure out who that guy was…now that you're here I don't know how to do that…"

He glared over at me, "Wait a minute. What do you mean, 'now that you're here'? I'm trying to help you, Matsuda."

"I just meant that no one in the bar knows I'm a cop-or I don't think they do-but if they find out I don't know if we'd be able to get any information out of them." I touched my eye without thinking about it, "This isn't a very cop friendly area."

"No, you think? So what are you saying then? We've got to pretend to be just unnaturally curious citizens?"

"It worked last time."

Aizawa groaned, "All right…I guess we'll do it your way. But this had better not backfire."

"It won't." I added mentally, _I hope._

So we went into the bar, walking side and side, and I found myself biting my lip nervously. Being with Aizawa should have made me feel better, but it didn't. I just felt uneasy. If Momo realized I was a cop there was no way I could expect him not to tell someone. And to be honest I was getting kind of sick of this bar all together.

He looked a little startled to see me, but he smiled, "Hey Matsuda. Didn't expect to see you back here today. A beer?"

"Yeah, thanks." I dug out my wallet and looked at Aizawa, reluctant to acknowledge his presence at all. "Want anything? On me."

"No."

He probably thought it was a bad idea to drink when we were investigating, but I just wanted to look natural.

I noticed Momo staring at him and felt the need to explain, "This is my friend Aihara."

The bartender nodded to him, and Aizawa muttered a quiet, "Nice to meet you." But it was extremely insincere.

"I'll bring you that beer now."

As Momo turned away, Aizawa said quietly, "God look at all the scumbags in this place. I can't believe you came here by yourself—you really are an idiot, Matsuda."

"Probably.  
"There's no 'probably' about it."

"Here you go." Momo returned, setting the beer bottle down in front of me, "Do you want a glass or will you just drink it like that?"

"I'll take a glass please."

He nodded and started to clean one out, casually glancing between the two of us, "So where's your girlfriend tonight?"

"Girlfriend?" Aizawa stared at me, eyes narrowing. "Don't tell me you brought Sa-"

"Girlfriend? What are you talking about, Momo?" I blurted, frantically trying to find some way to escape explaining. "You mean that girl I met here the other night?" Then I laughed in a poor attempt to seem at ease, "She's not my girlfriend. We just had a few drinks together."

The bartender looked really confused and sort of suspicious, but he just shrugged, "Okay." Then he had to go and tend to some other customers for a moment, and I started drinking my beer, hoping that if my mouth was busy Aizawa wouldn't ask me anything.

"You didn't bring Sayu here, did you?"

Never mind the busy mouth theory. "No, of course not. Don't be ridiculous."

"Then what was he talking about?"

"There was just some girl who tried to buy me drinks, that's all."

_Please just believe me_.

I could see from his expression that he didn't. "Matsuda, you're really a bad liar. Either that or I've wasted too much of my life with you and I know you too well now."

I laughed again, no more sincerely than the last time, "I really don't know what you're talking about, Aizawa."

"Whatever. It's none of my business anyway. So do you have some plan for how we can find this forger?"

"Hm? I thought I could just talk to the barkeeper and maybe he'd tell me."

"Right. He's just going to tell you all about one of his customers."

"You never know. I just want to try."

"Fine." Aizawa folded his arms on the bar and looked around, "Just make it fast—I'd rather not be in here for very long."

"Okay. Um, excuse me, Momo. I have a question about someone I saw in here the other night."

"Another old friend of yours?"

"Not mine. Aiza-er Aihara." I jerked my thumb at my friend.

"What's his name?"

"I don't actually know. Aihara, what _is_ that guy's name?"

Aizawa looked annoyed. "Hell if I remember."

"Can you at least describe what he looked like?" the barkeeper asked.

"Well, he looked like he was in his thirties or forties, and he's really, really fat, going bald, and when I saw him last night he was in that booth over there, wearing a red business suit. It was…sorta' flashy."

Immediately, a look of realization came over Momo's face and he nodded, "Yeah. You're looking for Atashi Rei. He comes in every Friday, but that's about it."

I glanced at Aizawa. It wasn't everything we needed to know, but it was about as much as we were going to get, and chances were, it would be enough. Now it was just a matter of calling the station to get someone to figure the address out.

Momo walked away, and I grinned at Aizawa, "See? That worked out perfectly."

Aizawa groaned, "Don't get cocky, kid. A lot could go wrong."


	13. Chapter 13

**Aizawa**

"I have a bad feeling about this, Matsuda—that was way too easy."

I stared across the street at the huge mansion where the supposed forger, Atashi Rei, lived.

"It was sort of weird that he just told us everything we wanted without even asking a question."

"What I really can't believe is that you actually used the 'have you seen my old friend?' technique. I don't know what's more astounding—that you used it or that he fell for it."

"What did you want me to do?"

I looked at him. That black eye was starting to look worse. Or was it just my imagination? It seemed like it was going to eat his whole face.

Really, I didn't know what he should have done. I didn't even know what I would do if I had been in his position. Maybe what he'd done had been the only way, but at the moment everything seemed out of place to me. I had the distinct feeling that Matsuda was keeping something from me, and I had no idea what it was or how I could find out.

"This is a seriously stupid idea." I muttered.

"What are you all mad at me for? It was your idea."

"I never said it wasn't—I just wish there was a better way to investigate this guy. All right, let's go. Make sure you have your gun. This could be a trap." I started to get out of the car. It looked like it might rain soon.

"All right. Um, Aizawa, what exactly is the plan?"

"We're just going to go in and ask some routine questions. Get the fake IDs out of the glovebox, would you?"

He got the envelope out, "I can't believe we had to go all the way back to the station to get these." He checked his watch.

"Don't worry about it. You're not going to miss your date, if that's what you're worried about."

"No. It's nothing." Matsuda handed me the envelope, and we began to walk across the street, side by side.

It was a large, western style home, with gables and stone and brick, the front yard lush and green with bushes and sakura trees. Something about it was creepy.

"Wouldn't it be better if we just snuck in and looked around for business records?"

I glared at him. I didn't like the way he'd been thinking lately: sneaking into places and checking out shady, underworld bars on his own. "That's illegal, you know. We'd have to get a search warrant and everything, and even then there might not be a point. This guy could be clean, you know. After all, we are just going off of a hunch that you have."

"What's wrong with that?"

"No offense, but your hunches aren't generally all that productive."

"Hey, that's not true! It was my idea to check out the shotgun."

"I said generally. I didn't say you've never had a good idea in your life. Now shut up—let's get this over with." I knocked firmly on the door, and we both waited quietly.

For a long time nothing happened. I heard crickets and cicadas chirping in the bushes and a dog howling in the distance, but inside the house everything was still. We glanced at each other, said nothing, then Matsuda reached forward and pressed the doorbell. I thought I felt a raindrop hit the back of my neck, but it was just my imagination.

"Maybe nobody's home." Matsuda said quietly, when still the door didn't open.

Almost the second the words were out, the door popped open, and there was an older man standing there, wearing what looked like a traditional butler uniform. He sniffed and looked at us like we were a couple of dirty children who'd come to say that our ball had bounced into the yard.

I flashed my ID, "Good evening, sorry to bother you. I'm detective Shuichi Aizawa, and this is my partner, detective Matsuda; we'd like to speak with Atashi Rei. Is he home?"

The man sniffed again and said stiffly, "I'm afraid not; however, if you like, I can deliver your message to the master when he returns."

"It would be better if we could talk to him in person. When might he be home?"

"The master is away on vacation for several weeks, sir. I'd let you wait, but you'd be here for quite some time."

"Can we just come in and take a look around?" Matsuda asked.

I shot a warning glance at him.

The butler snorted, "Preposterous. I'm offended by your audacity, detective."

"All right." I muttered, annoyed by the man's posh attitude, "Just forget it then. We'll call back later."

He nodded very slightly and shut the door in my face without another word.

"Geez, he wasn't very friendly, huh?"

I rolled my eyes, and started to walk back to the car, "Another dead end." I felt another raindrop, only this time it was real.

Matsuda didn't follow me, "Wait a minute, Aizawa."

"What?" I looked back to see him sneaking around the corner of the house to the fence. "Matsuda!" I hissed. "Where do you think you're going?"

"I just want to take a look at something. It won't take long." He was already stripping off his jacket, looking up at the trees for a branch to grab.

With a tentative look up and down the street, then at the house, I trotted back to him. "Matsuda, I said _no._ We're not breaking and entering somebody's house. We'll just call again later."

He had already found a branch low enough and was pulling himself up.

I tried to yank him back down, but he kicked me off and scrambled over the tall, wrought iron fence, dropped down on the other side, landing smoother than I would have expected him to.

"Matsuda!"

"Toss my jacket over."

"Absolutely not. Are you stupid? Get back over here—if we get caught it'll ruin everything we've found out so far!"

"At least watch it for me." He said over his shoulder, as he started to walk away, staying close to the wall as he went.

"I'm not watching nothing for you! I'm going to leave you here if you don't get your ass back over here!"

He obviously didn't hear me, because he just kept going, and soon he was around the corner and out of sight.

"Dammit! Matsuda!" I hissed, trying to keep quiet. "Matsuda, come back!

It was no use. He wasn't going to listen to me—obviously he was determined to do this._ When did that guy get so damn stubborn?_

At any rate, I couldn't let him do it alone, so I took off my jacket, picked his up, threw them both over the fence where they landed in a heap. The rain was starting to pick up as I made sure my gun was secure, and then jumped up to grab the same branch Matsuda had found. From there, it was easy to pull myself up with my arm muscles, and swing myself over the fence. I gathered up the jackets and started walking in the same direction he'd gone, eyes alert for any sign of cameras or watchmen. So far it was clear. But that didn't mean this was a good idea. Of all the stupid things for Matsuda to decide to do, why did it have to be this? I understood that we were pressured for time and that if we didn't figure this out in less than six days it would mean a lot of problems for the whole NPA, but that didn't mean we could just start doing illegal things whenever we felt like it.

The wall was a lot longer than it looked, and the further back I went the darker it got, and still there was no sign of Matsuda? Had he gotten caught already? _That idiot._

"Matsuda?" I whispered, as it began to rain harder. I kept one eye on the windows to the left of me, sure that at any moment one of the servants was going to see me and raise an alarm. "Matsu? C'mon, dammit, where are you?"

Finally I reached the corner of the house and saw a wide, back yard that looked like a garden. There were hedge sculptures and a fountain shaped like a fish in the middle, and dozens and dozens of white rose bushes. "Geez. Fruitcake."

I turned the corner, still sort of distracted by the gaudy sense of home décor, ran straight into someone, almost hard enough to knock myself down.

"Dammit, Matsuda!"

He rubbed his head, "Hey. What are you doing here?"

"You make it sound like you haven't seen me in years." I muttered, readjusting my clothes, "I figured it would be stupid to let you stumble around back here by yourself. Didn't you hear me calling you?"

"No. Sorry." He smiled a little. "I'm glad you came though. I think I found out something important."

"What is it?"

Matsuda pointed up at the window almost directly above us, "Look."

The light was on and I saw a huge, fat man sitting at a desk. He was probably older than me-or else he was just not in very good health-and there was a sharkish quality to his bug-eyes and sharp smile. The butler was standing in the doorway, nodding. I saw the fat man's mouth moving, but couldn't hear what he was saying.

"That him?"

"Yeah. That's definitely the guy I saw last night.  
"Whatd'ya' know? He's home after all."

"They shut the window just a little bit ago, but before that, the butler came in. Rei asked 'what did they want?' and he told him we wanted to ask a few questions. Then they speculated for a while about what we were after and how we'd 'found out about it'; then the window closed."  
I rubbed my chin. I still hadn't shaved, and it was starting to bother me. "Why would the butler lie about Rei being out of town?"

"Maybe he told him to. It sounded to me like he already knew we were here."

"If he doesn't want to talk to us, then maybe he really did make the IDs."

"How can we prove it if he won't talk to us?"

"Well, we could try to bring him in for a different offense and question him about it then."

"Isn't forgery enough? If we suspect him of forgery can't we just arrest him?"

"Yeah. But here's the thing about that—if he's not responsible for the IDs, or even if, for the sake of argument, he is but doesn't know who he made them for, then we're just wasting our time again. For all we know, this guy is the friend of a friend who wanted some fake IDs made but didn't give a reason for it. He could be just another dead end." I sighed and pulled my jacket back on, turning the collar up to try to keep the rain off my neck. Matsuda's hair was already soaked, hanging down in his eyes. "Let's get out of here for now. There's not much we can do on our own."

He didn't seem to be paying attention to me. "Hey, did you hear something?"

"No. Like what?"

"Like growling…"

"Growling?"

Simultaneously, we turned around. A few yards away was a large, black dog with some brown markings, stubby ears and a blunt snout, full of white, clean teeth. It was blocking the way that we'd come, like it had followed me around the corner.

"Holy crap!" I jumped back.

"N-nice doggy. What is that, Aizawa? Is that a Doberman?"

"I-I think it's a rottweiler."

"Great. This sucks."

"I told you coming back here was a stupid idea."

So far the dog wasn't advancing at all, but it didn't look friendly either. As it crouched there, I heard a deep rumbling in its throat, and a growl rolled off its tongue. _Just don't bark. Please just don't let it bark._

"What now, Aizawa?" Matsuda had pressed himself back up against the wall of the house and his hand was on his gun, like he was going to shoot the dog if it came at us.

"Don't you have any more brilliant plans?" I sneered.

"No. It's your turn to come up with something."

"I wasn't aware that we were taking turns—I just thought you were getting hit by one great idea after another."

The dog moved forward, its eyes burning, getting ready to attack. At any moment it was going to leap forward and tear into one of us, or start barking and alert Rei that there was an intruder.

"All right, here's the plan. I'm going to count to three, and when I do, we'll run that way, around the house, and look for another exit."

"What if there isn't another exit?"

"Then we'll double back the way we came."

"Wait a minute…if there's a dog there are probably a few guards, right?"

"We don't have time to worry about that, we just have to get out of here. Are you ready?"

He sounded reluctant, "Yeah, okay."

"Okay." I looked at the dog again. It still hadn't attacked, so maybe it was waiting for the command from a human. In that case, as long as we got out in a hurry there wouldn't be any problems. I started to count, "One…two…Go!"

I shoved Matsuda with my shoulder, pushing him to the left, and he started running, me right behind him.

Immediately the dog started barking and howling; it snarled and came after us. Somewhere across the yard I heard voices, and in the house a light came on, but I didn't know if those things had anything to do with the noise or not.

The dog was right behind us, and I was running as fast as I could. Over my shoulder someone shouted, "Stop right there!" Ahead of me, Matsuda cleared a bush that had been trimmed to look like a dancing rabbit in one easy spring; when I jumped it a second later my foot got snagged on one of the ears and I stumbled right into my partner.

Fortunately we both managed to keep our balance and kept running. Good thing, because now I heard more barking and more voices: there was more than one dog, and at least two guards behind us. If we got caught we'd be in a ton of trouble. Especially if it turned out that this Rei guy had something to do with our case.

The yard seemed endless, like one big, stupid parade of ridiculous yard art and weird, abstract fountains. I ran past what looked like a statue of a teddy bear wearing a top hat and a tutu, and then I started to feel like I was tripping on something. As if that weren't bad enough, I didn't know how long I could run for. I was in good shape, but I also had to face reality. Not like I was old or anything, but I wasn't a kid either. I had great stamina when it came to running, but I wasn't quick like Matsuda was. He was a good ten or twelve yards ahead of me, and gaining distance all the while.

Lucky for me, we were nearing a fence. It was made of brick and overgrown with vines, but it signified a way out. If we could just find a gate or something, and then get back to the car we'd be out of here.

I chanced a glance back at the people chasing us.

Shouldn't have. It looked like five guys, and two dogs. The dogs were right behind me, practically snapping at my heels. If I tripped or even just faltered for a moment they'd have me.

Up ahead, Matsuda reached the wall, and threw his coat over it. He leapt, grabbing the edge, and pulled himself up so quickly he made it look easy, and then he turned around and looked at me, seeming surprised to see me so far behind. "Hurry up!"

"Easy for you to say." Now that I was closer I could see that the wall was about ten feet tall-taller than the last fence-and there were no tree branches to help me along. Plus it was wet. "There's no way in hell…"

_I'd never be able to climb that in time. Not before the dogs catch up._

I was about to call out and tell Matsuda to meet up with me later, but then I saw him kneel down, bracing himself with one arm and holding his other hand out. "Come on!"

_It's worth a shot at least._ I ran straight at the wall, kicked off it to give myself a boost, and snagged his hand, half worried that I was just going to drag him down with me and we'd both get caught.

But then I was looking right in his eyes, and I saw the same strange brand of ferocity in them that had been there when he'd shot Light, something dangerous and determined. That weird courage of his that just sort of showed up out of nowhere sometimes, and I knew he wasn't going to fall. He pulled and I pushed, shoes sliding on the wet brick of the wall, and the next thing I knew, I was right beside him.

"Stop!" Yelled one of the guards.

Matsuda slid off the other side of the wall without so much as a glance at him.

It was pretty far to fall, and he landed roughly. I dove after him and wound up on my knees in the wet grass, but we were both up a second later sprinting away from the house and toward the car.

I got in the driver's side and started to pull out before my partner even had his door closed; we peeled out, and I took the first corner I came to at random. He turned his head and watched for a long time to make sure no one was following us; for about ten minutes I took streets and corners at random, making us impossible to follow.

At last, Matsuda sighed and sat back in his seat, "Whoo. That was a close one, huh Aizawa?"

I glanced in the rearview mirror, just to be safe. "Next time you suddenly feel like wandering onto someone's private property, please try to control yourself. You almost got us caught."

He looked at me, "You were the one who almost didn't make it over the wall."

"I'm not as young as you, Matsuda."

"You could at least be grateful—I saved your butt."

I gritted my teeth and yelled a little, "Are you kidding me, Matsuda?"  
"What? If it hadn't been for me that dog would have had you."

"If it weren't for you that dog wouldn't have been chasing me in the first place. Seriously, do you think before you do _anything?_"

"I'm sorry." He said frivolously. He'd gotten way too used to being let off the hook for a lame apology. "I guess that was a little impulsive. But hey, we got some useful information, didn't we?"

"Yeah," I relented, "a little."

"It's not enough to solve the case or anything, but at least it's _some_thing."

I had to admit, we were better off than we'd been earlier today. He did deserve credit for that at least, I just hated his stupid way of rushing into things without thinking about it.

"It's good that we found out about Rei being home, isn't it? And what I heard him say to his butler. Right?"

"Yeah. It's great, Matsuda. It's better than nothing. But it probably wouldn't have done us much use if we'd gotten caught. You need to think these ideas through a little better from now on."

"Guess I'll work on that." He laughed.

Up ahead I saw a fastfood place and realized for the first time just how hungry I was. I hadn't eaten since lunch, and now it was well past six o'clock. In fact, it was almost seven. Normally I wasn't all that into fast food, but I needed something to get my strength back, so I whipped into the parking lot and pulled into the driveway."

"What are we doing?"

"I'm hungry."

He was quiet while I ordered, and then I looked at him, "Well?"

"Well what?"

I wasn't in the mood for that blank expression of his, but I tried not to take my agitation out on him, "Well are you getting anything or are you just gonna' wait until your date with Sayu?"

"Oh, right. That. I'm probably going to cancel that."

"The date? Are you allowed to do that?"

"Yeah. I don't think she'll mind."

"Mind?"

_What's going on here? Earlier she made it sound like tonight was going to be really special, and now he thinks she won't mind?_

"Uh, Matsuda, this morning Sayu didn't act like this was…optional."

He leaned across me to shout his order into the speaker, and then said, "I'm sure she'll understand."

I shook my head but said no more. It was his love life, not mine. Who knew? Maybe Sayu didn't have him as whipped as I thought she did.

We pulled up to the window to pay and I handed the kid with the headset a few bucks, then watched as Matsuda searched through his jacket pockets, inside and out, then his jean pockets, front and back, and then his through his jacket again before finally looking at me sheepishly, "Uh, Aizawa…I don't think I've got my wallet. Think you could spot me?"  
I just stared at him. Was it a joke? "You don't have your wallet?"

"No."

"What about your ID?"

He checked each of his pockets all over again, then shook his head, "No…"

"Even after I reminded you?" I demanded. "Well where is it, Matsuda?"

"At home I guess. Look, if you don't want to lend me money you don't have to."

"No, no, I've got it." I dug out a few more bucks and paid for him as well, muttering, "Just when I think you might actually be growing up a little… you'd better hope it's not in that idiot's garden."

Matsuda looked worried, "You don't think it is, do you?"

"It's _your_ wallet, Matsuda, you're supposed to know."

He fidgeted with the seatbelt a moment before saying, "I'm sure it's at home."

I sighed. "Yeah. Probably." Might as well hope for the best. It was better than freaking out—besides, we couldn't exactly go back and ask if it had been found.

We got our food and I pulled around in the parking lot so I could eat. "Try not to get ketchup everywhere." I told him as he got out his stuff.

"I'll pay you back later." Was all he said.

After we'd been eating a few minutes, Matsuda suddenly said, "So now what?"

"Well," I took a bite and chewed so I could think, "now I guess we'll have Rei brought in for questioning, and maybe I'll send a few guys over to keep an eye on your friend from the bar."

"Miyami?"

"Yeah. Hopefully one of them can point us in the right direction."  
"Even if they do," Matsuda crammed a few fries in his mouth, "we only have five days left. Do you think that's enough time?"

"Best case scenario, Rei and Miyami are both working for the same guy-maybe one of them is the guy we're after-we arrest them both and get it out of them all the information we need. If that's the case, we should be able to wrap up by next week.

"If not…if maybe Rei was hired at random and Miyami really_ did _find that shotgun in the dumpster, then we won't get anywhere. We'll just waste time. But…" suddenly my food seemed unappealing, "it's the only option we have right now. We have no choice but to follow this lead."

"Five days isn't very long." He said quietly. "It seems like a lot could go wrong… If L were still alive, or if we could get Near to help us, or," he didn't finish, but I knew he was thinking about Light, because the normal glow of his eyes suddenly faded, "then we'd probably have this finished in just a couple days."

"We don't need L or Near." I said. "We can figure this out by ourselves."

"Yeah, I know, but…it all just seems so risky. If we mess up, who knows what will happen."

"You need to stop relying on other people so much, Matsuda."

He looked down. "I-I know…you're right. But…it's not that easy for me. I'm not tough like you are, Aizawa."

"You're probably tougher than you realize, kid."

"Maybe."

"It's something you've got to find on your own, I guess."

"I guess."

It was weird to hear Matsuda say he thought I was tough. I had never thought of myself as being really tough. I just felt the need to do what was right, and I was determined to not let anything get in my way. I'd joined the NPA not really to be a hero, but to keep trash like the man who was killing NPA officers from controlling the world, to stop people like Kira-like Light-from terrorizing society. It was just my sense of justice, I supposed, that drove me to fight, even when I was afraid or outmatched. I wasn't a runner. Ever since I was a kid, if I ever came up against a challenge or an obstacle, I faced it head on, regardless of any sense of fear or uncertainty; I wasn't the type to retreat or to give up unless the odds were impossible to overcome. Did that make me tough?

_I guess…maybe in Matsu's eyes it does…_

Not that he was a coward. I'd never seen him run away from anything-the dog from earlier didn't count-instead, it seemed like he was always charging into things without really thinking them through, acting on feelings more than logic. Actually I got the feeling Matsuda was just as tough as I was, but maybe in a different way. Maybe the difference he was seeing between us was due to the fact that he was younger and just simpler all together. Whatever it was, I didn't think it was a matter of strength, but of heart. He was emotional, and soft in a lot of ways. His sense of duty was crisp and his courage was indisputable, but even though he had great marksmanship with a gun and no discretions about carrying or using one, he lacked killer instinct. He was naïve.

"Hey, speaking of being tough," Matsuda spoke up, and I heard the beginning of a laugh on the edge of his voice, "did you see some of those crazy sculptures in that place."

"What, like the dancing rabbit?" I grinned.

He laughed at the thought, "Man, I didn't know what to think of some of that stuff. I mean that guy had to either have a wife or be a total fruit."

"Maybe his mistress has a thing for abstract art."

"Art? Seriously? That stuff was horrible!"

"It's like something you'd see in Misa Amane's bedroom." I agreed, just an instant later I regretted saying it. I hadn't forgotten she was dead…it just didn't occur to me every minute of every day. "Matsuda, I-"

He had stopped laughing, but the smile wasn't gone, and he was looking out the window at something very far away, "It was…wasn't it? Misa…she always had interesting tastes… those dolls, those outfits…Light…"

It felt strange to talk about Light-wrong somehow-so I dodged it. I didn't want to think about Light or Misa Amane. They were both dead now, and for no reason. Even though no one would ever know where Light had gotten the notebook or how it had come to him, we knew that it had ruined his life; and not just his, but his family's lives as well, Misa's life, and our lives. Not just Matsuda's and Mogi's but mine and Ide's as well. So much had been altered because of a notebook.

_What was the point anyway?_

Matsuda seemed to be thinking the same thing, "A lot of people died because of him…because of Light…I don't really understand how…I mean, it was Light. We trusted him."

"I don't want to talk about this." I decided, reaching for the ignition.

Even then, he just kept staring, "He would have killed us, Aizawa. Right? If Near hadn't figured out about the fake notebook, if I hadn't shot him…he would have killed us."

"I don't know." I did know. He was right. Light had been intending to kill us all as soon as he had a half-way decent chance. I didn't want to admit how angry that made me feel, or accept the pain it caused either. I had trusted that kid too, just like Matsuda had. And I'd liked him. He'd been like a little brother to all of us. To think that…

"Just forget it, Matsuda." I said stiffly, starting the car.

"How can I? I don't know if I can ever forget it, Aizawa…" he looked at me, "can you?"

"I already have."

"How can you say that? Light-"

"Because it's not important anymore, Matsuda. It's over now. Just let it go."

His eyes blazed with frustration, but he just exhaled heavily and sat back.

It was a lie. Every word of it was a lie—Kira had left a mark on each of our lives, and I already knew that it wasn't a mark that could be easily erased, if at all. But I wanted to forget it, so I drove away fast, hoping that somehow I could leave it behind.

**Sayu**

My phone rang and I picked it up quickly; it was only a little past eight, but I didn't know if Matsuda would call or not.

It was his voice on the other end, "Hi Sayu, it's Matsuda."

"What's up, Matsu? Is there some kind of problem?"

"No. Not really, it's just that I think we're going to have to cancel tonight's…mission."

That really caught me off guard since I'd just seen him this afternoon and he hadn't mentioned it at all, "Really? Why? Did something happen? You're okay, right?"

"I'm fine—but I wound up going with Aizawa to investigate a little, and I had to tell him about last night."

"What? No way, you couldn't have!"

"Don't worry, I didn't tell him about you—as far as he knows I was on my own. Anyway, the lead I was telling you about, I had to tell Aizawa about it and we already checked it out…"

"So is that it then? Was it enough to wrap up the case?"

"No, but we found out enough to get us a little further. Don't get me wrong, there's still plenty that we can do to figure this out before next week, but tonight…I don't feel like it."

"No, of course not. I'm sure you're tired."

"Yeah, I really am." He yawned—it sounded genuine, but it really emphasized the point.

"But can you at least tell me what the lead was?"

He hesitated, and I was afraid that he wouldn't. Technically he wasn't supposed to be sharing information with me, and I got that, but I would still be kind of offended if he didn't tell me after I'd been in this since the beginning. Finally he said, "Yeah, I guess so. See, last night when we were talking to Miyami I heard some guys behind us talking about forging some fake IDs, so I thought maybe he was the man who made the NPA fakes we found at the Prince Hotel murder site."

_So the cops murdered at the hotel were fake…_ I hadn't known that, but I didn't speak up, since he'd probably feel like an idiot for accidentally slipping me that information. He must have been really tired.

"Did you go talk to him then?"

"Yeah. Me and Aizawa talked to Momo and found out where the guy lives."

"And you talked to him?"

He was quiet again, "Sayu, I don't know if I should tell you anymore. It's sort of…er…classified."

"Why not? You said last night that I'm your partner—you said you're going to need my help!"

"I know. I just don't think I should tell you everything I know."

"Matsu, I'm not going to leak any information, you know that; just tell me what happened at the forger's house. Please?"

"Sayu-"

"I'm involved in this case as much as you are--Don't you trust me?"

Silence. A heavy breath. "Yeah. I do…"

"So what happened?"

"We went to see him at his house, but we couldn't get in. It was weird—the help told us he was gone on vacation, but then we saw him through the window."

"Hm? So…he was at home…? He must have realized you guys were cops and didn't want to talk to you for some reason."

"Yeah, that's what we decided. But…Aizawa said we're going to arrest him for questioning."

"What about Miyami? Did you tell Aizawa about him?"

"A little. We're going to put a tail on him for now."

"I see." I thought hard. Miyami had seemed like a nice guy, but he'd obviously been a big supporter for Kira, and if he really had owned the shotgun that had been used at the site, that would definitely be helpful. Still…

"Matsuda, this forger you guys might arrest, what's his name?"

"Huh?" He sounded on guard again, "Why?"

"I'm going to try to do some research on him, just in case he doesn't talk. If we can prove he's a forger it might help."

Matsuda waited, probably weighing the consequences of telling me.

I pressed, "You've already told me this much. Might as well go the whole ten yards."

"Rei." He said at last. "Atashi Rei. He lives in Chiyoda."

Atashi Rei. _Why_ _does that sound familiar?_ "I think I've heard of him?"

"You have?"

"Hold on." I slipped into my computer chair and brought up the internet. After putting his name into a search engine I looked through the information. "I thought so. He's a big charity doner."

"A charity doner?"

"Yeah, I remember a while ago, before you joined the NPA, they did a big article on him in the newspaper. There was a party in his army: my dad was there, and there's a picture of them together downstairs on the mantle. That's how I remembered."

Matsu was quiet a moment before he asked faintly, "Why didn't Aizawa say something?"

"Who knows? Maybe he didn't remember. Or maybe he didn't know about it either."

"A charity doner…"

"You realize that since he's a charity doner it will be hard to arrest him; especially if it looks like there's no reason for it."

Matsuda sounded disgusted, "You're right. Especially since right now the police aren't being looked at very favorable."

Both of us were quiet a moment, then I asked gently, "What are you going to do?"

"What can I do? Aizawa's in charge of the investigation—even if I tell him, he's not going to care enough. We only have five more days, Sayu. It's one of the best leads we have; there's no way Aizawa is going to give it up just because this guy donates to charity. And I agree with him. We've got to get as much information as we can."

"Why? What happens in five days?"

It sounded like he started to say something, and then he faltered, "Nothing. Nevermind."

So he was keeping some aspect of the case from me. I hoped it wasn't too serious.

"I guess I'd better let you go." Matsuda said suddenly.

"Okay. But we're going out tomorrow, right?"

The pause that followed was longer and more annoying than any of the previous ones. I could practically hear him thinking.

"I'm not sure, Sayu…now that Aizawa's involved I don't know if I can keep investigating with you. We're sort of…partners in this investigation."

Maybe if he hadn't used the word partners it wouldn't have hurt so bad, but to hear him say that made me realize that he'd only been investigating with me because I'd made him, as well as the fact that being a regular citizen was working in my favor for this case. Still, I'd taken him seriously when he'd said I was his partner for the case. Apparently he was just going to trade me out for Aizawa now that he'd taken my information and was able to make a real case of it. "Hey, now wait just a minute, Matsuda Touta! How can you say that when you already told me that _I'm_ your partner? I thought you needed my help!"

"Well yeah, but…now that Aizawa's paying attention to Miyami and Rei I don't know what we can do together. He'll notice us sneaking around for sure."

"But Matsuda-"

"It's not just that…one of our men was killed today," he sounded even more tired when he spoke those words, "and I think it was because he found some information. Obviously, whoever's behind all this is watching everything, and he's going to kill whoever he thinks is in the way. I just can't let you get involved any further."

"But you need me! I can go places you can't—Momo and Miyami and all those other people we talked to never would have trusted you if they'd known you were a cop! And they definitely would have been a lot more suspicious if I hadn't been with you! We make a good team, remember?"

"Sayu-"

"No! I don't want to hear the 'I don't want you getting hurt' speech, Matsuda! Kira killed my father and my brother, and even if he is dead, I think I deserve to find out who is doing this just as much as anyone else does—if not more! I want to be sure Kira's dead, and I won't rest until I'm positive, and I'll _never_ be positive until these messages stop popping up around Tokyo! How can I just ignore it when someone is out there saying that my brother's murderer is still alive?"

"I know that, but I just don't think you understand-"

"I understand just fine, Matsuda, and if you won't help me figure this out then I'll figure it out by myself, in my own way."

"No, Sayu, don't do that! You can't!"

"I'm going to find Kira, whether you help me or not."

"But Kira's-"

Before he said 'dead' I turned the phone off and set it down as gently as I could, even though I was mad. I felt sort of guilty for yelling at Matsuda-I knew he was just trying to protect me-but he didn't get how involved I was in this. If there was even just a sliver of a possibility that Kira was alive I had to do whatever I could to make sure he got caught. I owed it to my father and brother.

For a moment, I just sat and looked at the computer screen where the newspaper picture of Dad standing with Atashi Rei was hovering in cyberspace. The look on Dad's face was so easy-going and young somehow. I could barely remember those days since I'd only been five or six, but he looked happy. I wished with everything he was still alive and that this hadn't happened to him. It wasn't fair.

And Light…

Light had been so young, with so much talent and such a bright future. He'd been in love with Misa. He'd had a good career at a very young age, and he'd been good at his job. It just wasn't right for him to be dead like this.

_Why did he have to die?_

After a while I got up and left my room, going downstairs, I found my mother in the kitchen, sitting at the table and reading a magazine. Or at least, she was looking at it, but her eyes were distant, and I was sure she was thinking about Dad and Light too. I spoke, just to bring her out of it and ease the pain, to remind her that I was still there. "Well, my date just called and he had to cancel. Guess it was a rough day at work."

She looked up, "Oh, that's too bad. Maybe another time?"

"Maybe." _I hope so._

"Remind me again, Dear," she shut the magazine, "who is this boy you're going out with?"

"Oh, just a boy I met at school." As a test I added, "His name is Touta."

"Touta?" She paused from putting the magazine back up on the shelf, "That's Matsuda's name, isn't it?"

"Yep. I guess it is."

"Sayu," she looked at me, that worried look I hated so much on her face. I'd always hated worrying my mother, and now it was even worse, since I was all she had. "please tell me that you're not dating Matsuda Touta."

"No." I was able to answer honestly at least, "I'm not dating Matsuda-san. Why?"

"Oh, good." She pressed her hand to her chest and smiled, "It's nothing, just, you know your father and I had always hoped you'd stay away from having police officers as boyfriends."

"Yeah, I guess. But I don't really understand why. Matsuda's a nice guy."

"He's charming." Mom said distantly. "But…a cop is a cop. The problem is," her voice got a little quieter, and she looked out the window, "you never know…when they're coming home, or even _if_ they are at all…"

That settled that. Mom was completely opposed to me dating Matsuda, and I could easily understand why. I felt bad for bringing it up at all. "Don't worry, Mom, I'm not dating any cops."

_Not yet._


	14. Chapter 14

-Day Three-

The next day, I called Matsuda back after he got home from work; first I apologized for hanging up on him and for yelling, admitting to overreacting a little. When he'd accepted that I went on to ask how the arrest of Atashi Rei had gone.

According to Matsuda the arrest had gone smoothly, but the interrogation hadn't. They'd used every trick they knew to find out whether or not the forged IDs had been Rei's handy work, but the man had denied it vehemently, and after he'd called his lawyer, they'd been forced to let him go.

Matsuda said that he didn't think Rei had been a dead end-even though he wouldn't tell me why he felt that way-and that he was frustrated with Aizawa for giving up so easily.

In the meantime, Miyami looked like he was going to be a dead end too. All he did was go to work every day at some big corporation, and then home to his wife and kids every night. The police were running out of leads, and Matsuda said they weren't getting anywhere with recovering whatever information the cop who'd died in the fire had found. I could hear the despair in his voice, and when I made the mistake of asking a second time what would happen in four days he got upset and said he had to leave.

Well, I didn't know what would happen in four days, but I knew it was bad at least-Matsuda's reaction had told me that much-so I decided I might need to take matters into my own hands once again.

I found Atashi Rei's phone number online-it was unlisted in the phonebook-and called him.

A straight-laced old man answered. "Rei Residence. How may I be of service?"

I told him that I was the daughter of a friend of Atashi-san's and that I would like to meet with him and discuss certain…papers. It was sort of a long-shot, but if Rei was really a forger, as Matsuda was sure he was, then maybe he'd believe I wanted to hire him and I'd be able to infiltrate his business.

It took a bit of doing, but I managed to convince the butler to let me talk to Mr. Rei himself; at first, Rei didn't want to listen to anything I had to say, and he kept denying that he was a forger. At last I had to admit that I was Yagami Soichiro's daughter and that seemed to get his attention.

We scheduled to have lunch the very next day—he wanted to have it later in the week, but I remembered that Matsuda and the others were running out of time, so I pushed until he agreed on noon the following day. I was particularly startled when he named the Shinjuku Prince Hotel as the place we'd be meeting, but I didn't show it.

I told him what I'd be wearing, and then we hung up.

_So far so good._

-Day Four-

Around eleven, I got dressed up sort of nice and made sure to put Light's tape recorder in my pocket, then I told my mom I was going to my afternoon class, hired a cab and went to the Shinjuku Prince hotel. I met Rei in the lobby and we walked into a hotel restaurant to eat.

"Well, well, Miss Yagami." he grinned at me as we sat down. Something about his mouth reminded me of a piranha's, "You're a very beautiful young lady. Soichiro must be proud."

Instead of telling him my father was dead, I said, "Yes, thank-you."

"Shall we order first, or would you like to get straight to business?"

"I apologize, Rei-san, but I don't think I'll be ordering at all. I'd like to get right down to business."

"Are you sure? You realize this is my treat, don't you?"

"Yes. Thank-you for your generosity-"

"My dear, I'm a generous man." He grinned again, like he was going to eat me.

"I'm sure you are. It's just that I ate before I left. I'd really just like to discuss business."

"Very well then. I hope you don't mind if _I_ order."

I tried to smile cheerfully, "Not at all."

So he waved the waiter over, somewhat rudely, and while he was busy ordering a disgustingly large portion of rich food, I made sure my tape recorder was on. _Good thing the atmosphere is quiet. Matsu and the others have to be able to understand what we're saying._

"Miss Yagami, can I order a drink for you?"

To be polite I agreed to lemonade, and then, once the waiter was gone, Rei leaned forward, "Now then, on to business. You say your father is Soichiro Yagami?"

"That's right."

"A good man, Soichiro. How is he?"

"Well." I lied.

"I'm happy to hear that. Now how can I be of assistance to his lovely daughter?"

Thinking about my father made me feel sort of sick, but I kept right on smiling, leaned forward as well to whisper, "I've heard that you're in the business of forging papers."

"Papers? Oh, yes of course. I can forge any legal paper you like—birth certificates, passports, you name it. I can forge it. Is there perhaps a young man? I can whip up a marriage if that's it."

Obviously he was trying to figure out what a girl my age would want with a forger. It hadn't been exactly what I'd had in mind, but it was better than anything I could come up with, so I agreed, "That's exactly right! Wow, you're incredible—you must be _really_ good at your job."

"My dear, I've been doing this a very long time. I forged my first paper for a government official when I was younger than you are."

_Wow. This guy is really, really stupid. Is he going to implicate himself in every way possible right now?_

"Now then, my dear. Tell me more about these papers you want."

"Oh, of course. You see, I have sort of a…Romeo and Juliet situation."

"Ah, I see. You and your young man aren't allowed to be together."

"Well, not me. My brother."

"Your brother?"

"That's right. He and his girlfriend really, really want to get married, but our parents are being _so_ totally stuck up about it. My brother decided to elope to America with his fiancée, but he was afraid that they might need fake papers, since Dad is the Deputy Director of the NPA and could find them pretty easily."

"Yes. That all makes sense. I see. Then you'll need passports, a wedding liscence _and_ IDs?"

"That's right. You can manage the IDs," I feigned a worried look, "can't you?"

"Naturally, naturally. In fact, my dear Miss Yagami, fake ID work happens to be my specialty."  
_There. I got him to admit that. If I can just get proof that he's a forger at least the police will have some grounds to base his arrest on, and then they can work on getting him to talk._

"Is that so? How interesting." I giggled, trying to seem as stupid as possible.

"As a matter of fact, I made some very good IDs just the other week."

_Just keep talking, blabbermouth. _"Really? For what?"

He started to speak, but then frowned, "I'm afraid, Miss Yagami, that I can't share that information. It's to protect the identity of my client. I'm sure you understand."

"Of course I do." I smiled hugely.

"Anyway, I'm sure your papers are much more important." His eyes drifted up and down my figure a moment and lingered on my chest. I realized for the first time that he could see right down my shirt when I was leaning over.

I sat up straight, disgusted. Was it possible he was acting so stupid because he was _attracted_ to me? _What a pervy old man._

He smiled, "Forgive me. A man can't help but admire a beautiful woman."

_Keep it together, Sayu. You don't want to lose this opportunity._ I smiled back, as widely as I could, "I guess I have to accept your compliment, don't I? Well, if it's all the same to you, I'd like to keep our relationship strictly to business."

"That's fine. I'm sure there's some lucky man in your life already anyway."

"No, not at the moment." I kept of the smile and tossed my head so my earrings danced, "but I want to help my brother before I start looking for anyone one for myself."

"That's very noble of you."  
"Thank-you."

"In any case, because you're asking me to forge IDs, I hope you brought pictures of both of them."

I nodded. "Yep!" Then I took out the wallet-size photos of Light and Misa, even though I felt horribly guilty for using them. _Light, Misa…I'm sorry. It's for the case…_ "Here they are."

"A handsome couple to be sure. Hm… Raito…" he stared at Misa's picture a little longer, "Misa Amane? But…I heard that she was found dead just a few days ago."

Even though the horrible image of Misa dead on Light's old bed suddenly flashed in my memory, I winked at him, "All part of the plan."

He appeared confused a moment, and then he grinned, "Oh! You were being literal about Romeo and Juliet then, were you? How amusing. Well, I think I'll be able to get a great deal accomplished with these photographs. May I keep them?"

"Yeah." I shrugged in an attempt to hide how much I didn't want to let the pictures go. "I have other copies."

"Thank-you." He tucked both pictures into his pocket, then looked at me, eyes sparkling, "Well, if that's the only request you have, I'd like to discuss payment now."

"Payment. Right."

Right then, the waiter brought our drinks, and we had to wait a minute until he was gone.

"I'm willing to pay whatever's necessary." I said around my straw.

"Yes, well, as much as I like money, that's not what I'm looking for in your case."

A chill sped up my spine, "Then what-"

"Oh, don't worry, it's nothing scandalous-I wouldn't dare hurt Soichiro's daughter-but, uh, since you _are_ the daughter of the Deputy Director, I was hoping I could get you assistance in some police matters."

"What kind of matters?" I couldn't believe this guy really didn't know that my father was dead. He obviously didn't pay much attention to the news. But he seemed up to date with pop culture, seeing how he'd heard about Misa's suicide.

"It's a bit embarrassing, but it seems that my business has been discovered. The police arrested me recently, but they didn't have enough evidence to incarcerate me. However, I fear that if I'm not careful they'll find out sooner or later, and then I really will be thrown in jail. When I found out that you're the deputy director's daughter, I hoped you'd be willing to help me."

Before I could speak, he added, "Understand that if my business is shut down by the police I won't be able to help your brother."

"In that case, I'd be happy to help if I can. But…what can I do?"

"Use your influence over the police to keep them from investigating me further. Now, I know it sounds like a difficult task, but I'm sure that you'll think of something when you put your mind to it. Just try to direct their attention away from me. At the absolute least, you could simply inform me if and when they ever plan to attempt another arrest so that I can be prepared."

He passed a business card to me, and I looked at it speechlessly. I'd be stupid to act too eager, so I hesitated, "Well, I don't know. I could get in trouble, couldn't I?"

"You're the deputy director's daughter," he sniffed, "I'm sure you'll be fine. Besides, keep in mind that I'm not asking for any money from you. That will be your payment in full."

I picked up the card, "Well, I suppose…"

Rei smiled, then added, "There is one other thing."

I looked up to see a dark, sly look on his face.

"Have you heard of a police officer named Matsuda Touta?"

I barely kept myself from gasping out loud_. Matsuda?_

"N-no…I don't believe so. Why?"

"Ah, just curious. I heard that he's in charge of the investigation of my business. I thought maybe if you knew him you'd have a better chance of keeping the NPA off of my trail."

"I've never heard of him."

"Hmm." That seemed to bother him, and he interlaced his fingers in front of his face, eyebrows sinking, "Interesting. What about Matsui Taro?"

I thought honestly for a moment, but I didn't know any police who went by that name. "Nope. Not him either."

"He owes me money." Rei explained darkly, and for those few minutes that we sat there, the look on his face really scared me.

We made arrangements to meet later in the week for me to pick up the forged documents; I tried really hard to get him to meet me on Tuesday or Wednesday, but he insisted that it would have to be Thursday if I wanted the papers to be done by then. I figured there was nothing I could do about it. I'd done my best, and now the rest was up to the police.

So I finished my lemonade and left.

All the way home I thought about some of the things Rei had said, and I couldn't quite get the creepy look on his face when he'd asked about Matsuda out of my head. I knew that Matsuda wasn't in charge of investigating Rei-Aizawa was-so was it a misunderstanding and he'd heard wrong, or was he after Matsuda for some other reason?

I didn't even want to think about that creep being interested in Matsuda for _any_ reason. Still, I knew I just had to get the tape to Matsu, and that was that. He could figure it out from there.

I smiled to myself—we were one step closer to figuring all of this out. Maybe it wouldn't get done in four days, but at least it would be over soon.

**Matsuda**

-Day six-

As I listened to the tape, I couldn't believe what I was hearing, and I was sure that the look of disbelief on my face was growing and growing.

When it was finally over, I looked at Sayu, "Are you crazy?"

We were in my apartment living room on Wednesday evening. I'd been busy all week investigating things with Aizawa and the others—we'd run all over the city, looking for clues about Nishi Yamaguchi, since whatever Izanagi Chiba had known had died with him. The only thing we'd been able to figure out was that he'd been a bartender somewhere in Kabuchiko. That wasn't helpful at all.

Anyway, whether our search had been fruitful or not, I hadn't been able to meet with Sayu at all until today. I'd come home and checked my messages-which I'd neglected to do yesterday-only to find that she'd called half a dozen times, demanding that I reply and saying that it was urgent. I'd called back and she'd come over, bringing her tape with her. The contents of the tape were shocking.

Sayu frowned, "What do you mean? I risked a lot to get this evidence."

"Exactly—that's what I'm saying. You never should have done that!"

"All right, I know that you didn't want me to get involved anymore, but you said yourself that you weren't getting anywhere with Rei just because you didn't have any evidence to implicate him—and now you do. You can arrest him, toast him, figure out whatever you need to figure out, and solve the case."

"But Sayu, don't you get it? How can I do that?"

"Just take it to the station."

"Right, and where am I supposed to tell them I got the tape from? It's obviously you on there—you're going to get in so much trouble if I take this in!"

"It'll be worth it if you catch this guy."

"Maybe—if he has anything to do with our murderer it _might_ be worth it to someone. But he might not have anything to do with the case."

"He admitted to making IDs last week; I think that's a pretty good indication that he's involved."  
"Either way, it means jail-time for you. Don't you care?"

"If it means catching Kira or whoever else is behind this then it's worth it to me." She said solemnly.

"But it's not worth it to _me_." I snapped. I felt tired from working so hard, and even though it wasn't like  
me to snap at people I couldn't help it. I grabbed her shoulders, "Sayu, I _know_ that Kira is dead. You're putting way too much on the line for nothing. You can't help Light now, it's too late."

She glared at me, probably not appreciating that last comment, but then she said stiffly, "You don't _have_ to take the tape in if you don't want to, but I think its way too much good information to let it all go to waste."

I looked down at the tape. It was a lot of really good information, and I did feel reluctant to dump it just because Sayu would get in trouble for interfering with the case. Would Aizawa and the others understand? Maybe they could keep her from being put away. Then again, it wasn't exactly up to them. Even if my friends didn't want to get Sayu in trouble we might not be able to protect her.

"Here's what we'll do," I said at last, "I'll go with you tomorrow night and hide nearby and watch you guys make the exchange. I'll even take some pictures. Make sure you disguise yourself a little so you won't be recognized in the photographs. If I take that information in to the police station it should be enough to get Atashi Rei arrested. Then, later, I'll talk to Aizawa about this tape—maybe if I just tell him about it for now we can get a confession from Rei about the other IDs without getting you in trouble."

She smiled at me, but she also looked a little startled, "Wow, Matsu, you thought that all up by yourself. I'm impressed."

I laughed slightly, "I…can think of smart things from time to time."

"What about that other stuff on the tape?"

"What other stuff?"

"Rei asked me about you. He said that you're supposedly in charge of this investigation, but I know that you're not—could he be looking for you for some other reason?"

I thought a moment, and then nodded, "My ID."

"What about it?" She made a worried face.

"When Aizawa and I were first investigating Rei, we…snooped around his house a little. I think I must have dropped my wallet in his yard or something, 'cause I looked all over for it after that day, and I can't find it. I had to get a new ID and license and cancel my credit card and everything. He must have found it and asked to make sure I was really a police officer or something." To her horrified look I added, "Don't worry about it. The worst he could do would be try to sue me for trespassing or something, but he hasn't done that yet, so he must be laying low."

I didn't tell her that I had also lost my fake ID of Matsui Taro along with the real one. The real problem was that if Rei _was_ involved with whoever was behind these killings, and they had put that fake ID on the fake NPA officer who'd been killed at the hotel, then they now knew exactly who I was. I had no idea what they would do to me if that were the case, but assuming the Matsui Taro ID found at the hotel was more than just a coincidence I could be in a lot of trouble.

Sayu seemed dissatisfied. "That's it? That's all you're going to say?"

"Huh? What do you _want_ me to say?"

"I don't know…that's just not very comforting."

I sighed, "Nothing's going to happen to me, Sayu, I promise. So he found my ID—who cares? If you think I should stay out of this because he might try to kill me or something, I'm sorry, but we don't have time to worry about that. We have to pick this guy up as soon as possible and hope that he tells us everything we need to know. We're already going to be too late, but at least if we hurry we might be able to figure this all out before anything too terrible happens."

"And you still won't tell me what's going to happen on Friday?"

"I can't…I don't really know. It's just…it won't be good. That's all I know. Honest."

"Fine. We'll do it your way then. You tag along tomorrow night and collect more evidence. But on Friday I expect a full explanation."

"You'll get one. I promise."

After a second, she grabbed my face between her hands and stared up into my eyes a while, then she leaned up and kissed me briefly on the lips, not even long enough for me to kiss her back, but it was intoxicating.

"I'd better get home."  
"Already? You just got here."  
Pulling her purse up onto her shoulder, she smiled back at me, "What, you want me to stay the night?"

"What? Oh. No, no, that's not what I meant. I mean, not that I _don't_ want you to…I mean, I wouldn't mind. But only if you wanted to. I just meant…you could stick around a while if you want. We could talk or watch a movie, or just-"

Sayu placed one finger on my lips, "Matsuda, you're sweet." She kissed me again, only longer this time, and I felt the tip of her tongue teasing inside my mouth. I kissed her back, running my hands up her back. Then she released me, all too soon, "But I promised my mother I'd be home early tonight."

"I-I could give you a ride." I suggested.

She giggled, "Maybe another time."

I grinned slowly when I got the insinuation. I guess I just didn't expect something like that from her, maybe because I still thought of her as sweet, innocent, little Sayu Yagami.

Patting my cheek, she turned to go, "I like taking the train. So, I'll see you tomorrow night then, huh?"

"Yeah…okay…see you then…"

Sayu paused at the door, looked over shoulder at me, eyes sparkling, "Good night, Touta…"

It was really rare for anyone to call me by my first name-if anyone wanted to be affectionate they called me Matsu-I really didn't even like my name, but the way Sayu said it, so huskily and full of warmth that I didn't even mind.

"Good night, Sayu."

I caught her hand just before she went out the door, and squeezed it. Then she was gone.

-Last Day-

I drove to the café in Chiyoda where Sayu was meeting Atashi Rei. I took the best camera I could find and set it up so I'd be able to take good photographs, even though it was getting toward nighttime.

The place was upscale, a place for the upper class to eat for sure, with bright lights and fancy, classical music coming from inside, and Sayu was already there, sitting on the sidewalk, waiting. She was wearing all black, dressed in what looked like some of Light's old clothes, and glancing back and forth nervously.

I cursed under my breath—I'd meant to get there before her so she wouldn't have to sit alone, but I'd had a hard time getting away from work today. It had been the last day we had to investigate, and everyone had been either stressed, worried or angry because we hadn't gotten anywhere at all. Aizawa had organized the others and they were going to go out and investigate more, see if they could get anything on Miyami, but I'd managed to get away. They'd probably be mad at me tomorrow. Until I explained what I'd been doing to Aizawa. He'd take care of everything else.

I pulled up to the café and got out, taking the camera with me, "Hey, sorry I'm late."

"It's all right." She got up, dusting herself off, "I haven't been here very long."

I nodded. "What time is Rei supposed to show?"

"Eight."

"It's like seven thirty now. Why are you so early?"

"That's just how it went."

It was a weird answer, but I didn't push it. "I guess then, I'm going to set up across the street."

"Do you think you'll have a good enough vantage point from there?"

"Yeah, I think so." I looked across the street toward the alley where I'd be sitting. It looked dark and scary, but I tried not to let that bother me. "Just make sure you stand under this street light. And when he gives you the papers, if they're in an envelope, make sure you take them out, and hold them up so that I can get a clear shot of what they are."

"You must have a pretty amazing camera."

I laughed. "Even with the zoom as high as possible I won't be able to show exactly what you have, but they can be blown up later. You'll be okay over here, right?"

Sayu nodded. Then she looked across the street too, "Will you?"

"I'll be fine. Feel free to sit in my car until he shows up."

"Thanks."

I smiled at her, and then started to cross the street. I had to wait for a couple cars, but then, the next thing I knew, I was in the alley, making sure that I couldn't be seen from where Sayu was standing and setting up my tripod. I'd remembered to bring a watch for this operation, so I checked the time. Rei was supposed to be there in just about twenty minutes. I took a deep breath to calm myself, and then sat down with my back against the wall of the building to wait.

It was a cold night, crisp and cloudy, like it might rain again, and the city seemed very still. There wasn't much traffic, and there weren't any people walking down the street. It was Thursday after all, not really the best night for partying. I could smell food from the café, and because I hadn't eaten since lunch I started to feel hungry, had to force myself to focus on something else. Breeze tugged at my hair and I turned my jacket collar up, blew into my hands to warm them up. _This had better not take long._

Time passed quickly, maybe because of the anticipation, and soon Rei would be arriving, so I turned back to look across the street. Sayu had gotten in my car and I could hear some music playing from the interior. I checked my watch.

Five til eight. He would definitely be arriving soon.

Ten minutes passed. _Any minute now_.

Then twenty minutes had gone by. After thirty I really needed to get up and stretch, but I was afraid that he'd pull in at any second and if I weren't ready I might miss it.

By the time forty minutes had passed I was really cold, and I had to pee really bad. I felt really annoyed at Atashi Rei for making Sayu wait so long. What kind of guy did that to a girl? I tried to warm my hands up again—at this rate, I wouldn't even be able to take the stupid pictures because my fingers were numb.

A whole hour passed, and then another twenty minutes, before, finally, Sayu got out of my car and walked across the parking lot until she was standing on the sidewalk. Then she cupped her hands around her mouth and hissed loudly, "Matsuda?"

With a groan, I got to my feet, twisting to pop my back. I felt stiff and sore from sitting there so long. I scanned the parking lot before answering, "Yeah?"

"Come here."

So I picked up my camera and tripod and everything else I'd taken with me and was just about to dash across the street when there was the sudden scream of an engine and the screech of tires burning on the asphalt as a non-descript, white car tore around the corner, sliding into the oncoming lane, then barreled right at me, bright, white headlights blinding me so that I had to raise a hand to shield my face. I heard the loud, terrifying pop of gunfire, the same kind of gunfire that resounded in my head every time I thought of Light. My police training took over, and I dropped the camera and other equipment, screamed for Sayu to run, and sprinted back into the alley, diving down behind a dumpster and covering my head with both arms.

More gunfire, loud and destructive like a war zone, hitting the trashcans and the walls and the fire escape above my head. But I stayed perfectly still, biting my lip, eyes closed, praying that I wouldn't be hit. The shots seemed to go on for forever, and then I heard the cries of voices and the howling of dogs. Lights in the apartments above me came on. The gunfire stopped, the tires squealed again, and the sound of the car engine got further and further away until it was gone.

For a few moments, I lay there, not moving a muscle, listening for signs of danger. When I heard nothing, I sat up on my knees, terrified that Sayu had been kidnapped while I'd been huddling in the dark like a frightened child. "Sayu!"

"Matsuda!" I saw her running toward me, a crowd of people behind her, milling around the café parking lot, trying to figure out what had happened.

Sayu hit me hard, falling to her knees and flinging her arms around my chest. She buried her face in my shoulder and started to cry at once. "Matsuda! Oh my God, I thought they hit you—I was sure that you were dead!"

Out of instinct, I stroked her hair with my shaking hand and held onto her tightly, my whole body trembling like a leaf in the wind. "I-I'm okay. Are you?"

She just nodded, still sobbing. Other people were starting to gather around. Several of them were on their cell phones.

"Sayu. Sayu…it's okay. I'm all right. Just calm down."

Sayu pulled away and stared into my face with large, tear-filled eyes. "Calm down? How can I calm down? Oh my God, Matsuda, you're bleeding!" She swiped at my forehead, and her finger came back red with my blood. I touched the spot myself, and then I realized that both my palms were bleeding too, and so was one knee where my jeans had ripped. I looked down and saw that I was sitting in a pile of broken glass. My right palm still had a sliver of it lodged in the fat part of my thumb. "I'm okay."

She shook her head, "I can't believe this. I'm calling Aizawa and the others." She reached for her cell phone.

"No," I grabbed her hand, careful not to get blood on her clothes, "No, it's okay. I'm fine. I promise."

"You idiot!" She snapped. "Someone just tried to kill you!"

"I-I know that, Sayu, but if the others come here…you'll be in trouble for interfering with the investigation."

She shook her head in disgust, "You're so stupid, Matsuda."

"Excuse me." an older man with glasses and a mustache approached. For a second I thought it was Watari, "I'm a doctor. I'm just here to make sure you're okay, son. Does anything hurt?"

"No. I'm sure I'm fine." For some reason I wasn't even scared. "Thanks."

"Well, just so you know, the police have been contacted, and so have the paramedics. They'll be here soon. Why don't you both come back across the street to the café? Just in case."

He offered his hand and I took it, then we walked back across the street, Sayu still clinging to me and sobbing fiercely. Before I realized it, she was on the phone.

"Sayu." I hissed.

"Aizawa? It's me, Sayu."

"Sayu, don't get him over here."

"Yes, I'm all right, but…but Matsuda…"

"Dammit, Sayu, don't scare him."

"No, he's fine…but…someone tried to kill him. Just now. Right. Chiyoda." She gave him an address, just a blur of numbers to me, and then she said goodbye, looked at me, "He'll be here soon."

"Great." I muttered.

Everyone in the café had come out by now, including the manager and the wait staff. They made me sit down and promised over and over that the police and ambulance were on their way and that I should just try to remain calm.

I'd never felt so calm in my life. I felt totally desensitized to the fact that someone had just attempted to take my life. As I waited for the ambulance, I pulled the glass out of my hand and the blood ran even richer. Then I looked up at Sayu, who was hovering over me like a worried mother. I wondered where my mother was right then and what she'd think if she knew that her youngest son had almost died.

"What were you calling me over for?" I asked Sayu.

"What?" She wiped at her eyes.

"Before the…shooting…you called me over. What did you want?"

"Matsuda, I don't think that's important right now."

"But it is. Please tell me."

She sighed, "I was going to tell you that Rei had just called and told me he couldn't make it and that we'd have to reschedule our meeting for later."

So that was how it was. Had he known I was going to be here? Maybe he had tried to kill me himself—that would make sense if he had my IDs. Real and fake.

I couldn't believe I'd been stupid enough to lose my wallet. From the look of things, it had almost cost me my life.


	15. Chapter 15

Part Three

Often the test of courage is not to die, but to live.

-Vittorio Alfrieri

"What exactly did Sayu say?"

Aizawa's brow was creased in frustration and what looked like worry, "She just said someone tried to kill him."

"No details?"

"Mogi, don't you think I'd give you details if I had them? She was upset, she was crying, I could hardly understand what she was saying; we're lucky we even got the address from her."

"So, what does that mean? Matsuda skipped helping us to go on a date?"

His voice darkened as I reminded him, "Apparently."

That didn't make sense. If he was just on a date why would someone try to kill him? I suspected that he and Sayu were doing something they weren't supposed to be doing—I'd had that feeling ever since Aizawa had told us that Matsuda had supposedly been investigating by himself. It was just too convenient for him to start finding vital clues all by himself _and_ get unusually close with Sayu at the same time. They must have been investigating together behind our backs. But why? Sayu could get in trouble if she'd found information but hadn't filed a report with the police. Why would she even want to be involved in this case in the first place?

Aizawa probably suspected it too, but he wasn't going to say so until he knew for sure. And neither was I.

"Where are they now?"

"Some café in Chiyoda."

We were driving really fast. A lot faster than Aizawa normally drove—he must have been pretty worried about Matsuda. I knew I was, and I wished I could get more information from him.

"Is he hurt?"

"What?"

"Is the kid hurt?"

"No. She said he isn't."

I nodded and thought about Matsuda's black eye. It had faded a lot since last Saturday, but it made me wonder if he wasn't in trouble because of something that had nothing to do with the case. At any rate, this wasn't good. We'd been up since dawn trying to figure something out before tomorrow, and now, just when we'd seen Miyami doing something that was potentially suspicious, we were called away.

"What do you think Miyami was doing?" I asked. "I didn't realize normal citizens were allowed at that warehouse."

"They aren't. That place closed down years ago."

We'd followed Miyami to an abandoned warehouse down by the docks-we both had reason to believe it had been a headquarters for an illegal arms dealer back in the eighties, but we hadn't had time to confirm it yet-and he'd been acting suspicious, checking to make sure no one was following him as he went in and everything. We'd been seconds from getting our guns and running in to arrest him for trespassing on government property when Aizawa's phone had gone off and we'd both had to leave.

Obviously I couldn't arrest Miyami on my own, and besides I was worried about Matsuda. So we'd radioed Yoko, who was with Okoshi. They were supposed to be asking around various bars in the slum area for any information on Nishi Yamaguchi, but now they had to rush over to the docks and try to arrest Miyami themselves.

"Think Okoshi and Yoko will make it on time?"

Aizawa's mouth twitched and he shook his head.

So Miyami was getting away. We hadn't been able to get Atashi Rei to admit to forgery, and unless Ide and Kei could cover all the bars we needed to check out tonight we weren't going to have anything new to use in our case.

Aizawa's phone rang and he had to slow down just a little to answer it. "Hello? Yeah, I know. I told her to call you right away. No, I don't think so. Yeah, she said he's all right, but she was pretty upset… You should probably just stay where you are. We'll handle- Yeah, I know, but-" Aizawa made a face, apparently he didn't like being cut off. "Well, I guess…but don't you think…I can just call you when we get there." He sighed, "Fine. If that's what you want. No, you should probably just bring her and we'll figure the rest out later." Then he read off the address to the place we were going, said a terse goodbye and hung up. "Damn Ide."

"What did Ide want?"

"According to him, Yoko called to tell him that Matsuda's hurt, so now he's all worried. He's going to meet us there."

"And he's bringing Kei?"

"Yep. I didn't think it would be smart for her to be left alone."

So that did it for checking up on bars. Now, unless Okoshi and Yoko were able to arrest Miyami we'd have nothing. Absolutely nothing.

"Shoulda' just arrested Miyami when we had the chance. We had almost a week to do it." Aizawa muttered.

"We couldn't." I reminded him. "We don't have anything on him."

"We should have just arrested him tonight."

"But Matsuda-"

"I know. All right. I know. He could be hurt or in trouble or whatever. I know we couldn't just ignore Sayu's call." He pounded the steering wheel, "Damn that Matsuda!"

"This could be a new lead—if there's a witness we-"

"It's too late, Mogi. We were supposed to have this figured out by tomorrow. We just…underestimated our opponent."

I said nothing else the rest of the way there. There was no consoling Aizawa, and no point in trying. He was extremely stubborn once he'd picked an opinion.

It didn't matter very much anyway. Twenty minutes later, we were in front of the café Sayu had given the address to. There was already an ambulance and a few police cars there, a group of onlookers off to one side, being question, a crowd of restaurant workers standing nearby, talking to a second officer. Matsuda was sitting up in the back of the ambulance, a medic wrapping his hand, Sayu holding the other. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying.

Aizawa stopped the car and got out, slamming the door behind him and storming in the direction of the ambulance. I was a little calmer as I followed, but I worried he was going to chew Matsuda out.

From the look on our friend's face, he thought so too. "H-hey Aizawa…Mogi…"

"Hey?" Aizawa demanded. "How can you say it so casually when we rushed over here because someone tried to kill you? We were worried about you!"

Matsuda lowered his eyes, "Sorry, Aizawa…I didn't mean to worry you."

I waited for Aizawa to say more, but he just sighed and put his hands in his pockets. "Never mind. Are you okay?"

It surprised me a little that he was going to relent so easily. Matsuda seemed surprised too.

"I'm fine…just a little scraped I guess."

Aizawa looked at the medic, like he wanted that to be confirmed.

The medic finished disinfecting a small cut on Matsuda's forehead, and the stuck a band-aid on it. "He should be fine—a few mild abrasions. Nothing serious. Are you his father?"

I think all three of us gave him the exact same look. I knew Matsuda and Aizawa were about ten years apart in age, and granted Matsuda looked a little younger than he was, but I had never thought anyone could jump to a conclusion like that. Maybe it had to do with the way they interacted.

"Give me a break!" Aizawa snapped. "Do I really look that old? I'm his _partner_."

Sayu gave a little sniff that sounded slightly like a laugh, and the medic nodded gravely.

"Oh. I see." He glanced between them, "I just assumed that he and the young lady were-"

Matsuda turned beet red and Aizawa practically shouted, "No, no, no! Not like that! We're _partners—_we're detectives together! You know, we drive around in the same cruiser sometimes!" As if it was somehow going to prove his orientation, Aizawa ripped out his detective ID and showed it to the man, "See? Detective Aizawa Shuichi—I'm married and got kids and everything."

"No offense was intended," the medic said simply, starting to pack up his supplies, "I was only making sure."

Matsuda still looked mortified, but I was starting to feel a laugh creep up my throat, and I coughed to disguise it.

"Excuse you." Aizawa growled at me. "Look, does he have to go spend a night at the hospital or can he go home? That's all I want to know."

The medic seemed offended by his manners, "There's no need for him to go to the hospital, no; unless he feels like he needs to."

We all looked at Matsuda. Sayu stroked his hand like she was comforting him.

"I feel fine." He repeated.

"In that case, he should go home and get some rest." the medic snapped his medical bag closed, "But I will not permit him to drive, and it might be better if someone stayed with him for the night."

Matsuda frowned, "Can't drive? Hey, what do I need someone to stay with me for if I'm fine?"

"Someone tried to kill you, dummy." Aizawa muttered. "Use your head."

"And now that you bring that up," I looked between them, "shouldn't we talk about what happened here tonight?"

"Absolutely."

We looked at Matsuda expectantly.

"Where should I start?"

"Let's start with what you two are doing here in the first place." Aizawa said with all his general command and firmness.

Matsuda and Sayu exchanged the briefest glance; it made me feel like they'd already talked about what they should tell us. Then she held onto his hand a little tighter, and he said, "We came here for dinner."

"Dinner? You're telling me that while the rest of us were out there busting our asses trying to clean up this huge mess you were having _dinner_?" Aizawa sounded pretty angry. And I too felt annoyed, but still, I was hung up on that look they'd given one another. What was going on here?

"Yeah…I know. I'm sorry about that."

Sayu started to speak, "Matsuda, maybe-"

"Anyway, I came out to the car to get my wallet-"

"You left your wallet in the car? Jesus, why are you even qualified to _have_ one of those things?"

"A car or a wallet?"

"Matsuda, I'm not in the mood for jokes. Just get on with the story."

"Anyway, I came out to get my wallet, and-"

I heard the screeching of tires and headlights flooded the parking lot for just an instant.

Right away I recognized Ide's cruiser, but Matsuda jumped right out of his skin, a cry getting strangled on its way out of his mouth.

Aizawa raised an eyebrow at him, and then he said sort of compassionately, "Drive by, huh?"

"Ye-yeah…I…could tell what was coming so," he kept his eyes nervously on the cruiser, even as Ide and Kei got out, "I was able to take cover…but it was really close."

Ide arrived seconds later, Kei right behind him, blowing bubbles with her gum. "Hey. Looks like I made it in time for the tailgate party." He looked at Matsuda, "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Aizawa turned to catch him up to speed, "Apparently our friend here was almost the victim of a drive-by shooting."

That seemed to disturb Ide, "A drive by?"

"Oh my gosh!" Kei interrupted, throwing her arms around Matsuda and nuzzling his neck with her forehead, "That's terrible! Are you sure you're okay?"

Sayu looked her up and down as if to say 'who the hell is this?' and then sent Matsuda a nasty look.

He seemed to be at a loss for what he should do, sort of pried Kei off, "I'm okay."

Maybe they really _were_ together. Maybe they really _had_ been here to eat. I stepped back to look around. He said he came out to the car, but he hadn't really described what had happened next. Was that because he didn't want to give all the details, or just because he'd been interrupted? His car was intact—I didn't see so much as a nick in the paint. So where had he taken cover? Across the street I saw an overturned garbage can. "Matsu, what side of the street were you on when this happened?"

His expression suggested to me that he had been withholding that detail on purpose. "That one." He pointed toward the other side.

"What were you doing over there?" Aizawa asked.

"I saw something…I was just checking it out."

Ide shook his head. "Even after those two ex-cops were shot the very same way just last week?"

"Incredible, isn't he?" Aizawa scoffed.

"I know…it was stupid."

"At least you're all right." I said gently. There was no point in grilling him right now—maybe later we could get the full story from Sayu.

"Mogi's right. That's all that's important. But I do think we need to ask—what kind of car was it and did you get a plate number?"

"It was white. That's all I know." Matsuda sighed.

I looked at Sayu.

She shrugged, "White. Compact. I didn't see plates but…I wasn't really looking for them. I was inside the café when it happened. I was watching him out the window, wondering what he was doing across the street, and then…" she shivered. "I couldn't get a license plate number. I'm sorry."

Aizawa mumbled something and rubbed the bridge of his nose, "Well, I guess that's the best we can do for now. I'll take Matsuda home now…hang out with him for a while. Uhh…Kei, do you mind taking Sayu home?"

"Not at all." Kei smiled at Sayu, popping a bubble.

"Mogi, you and Ide stick around here and see if you can get any information about the car. When you're done with that, give me a call."

Ide was already producing a notepad, "Got it."

"I'd like to come with you." I told Aizawa.

He seemed sort of caught off guard, but I looked at him seriously. Usually Aizawa could guess what I was thinking just by looking at me-whether that was a perception of his or just because my face was unusually candid I wasn't sure-but he seemed to get the point that I needed to talk to him about something, because he just nodded. "Fine. You're on board. But we're leaving right now. Kei, you take Matsuda's car to take Sayu home, bring it by his apartment later."

"All righty. Let's go, Sayu." She smiled at the girl again.

"Just a sec." Sayu looked at Matsuda seriously, still holding onto his hand pretty tightly, "You gonna' be okay?"

He nodded. Maybe he was tired of answering that.

"Good. Uh… call me later."

"Right."

She leaned over to kiss his cheek, then let go of his hand, at last, and walked away with Kei, not looking back even once.  
"We should leave too." Aizawa announced. "C'mon you guys, let's get moving."

Matsuda hopped down off the back of the ambulance, but his legs immediately buckled and gave out. I grabbed his arm to steady him just in time before he fell on his face, and then I saw for the first time that he was shaking really bad.

"You all right?"

"For the last time, I'm fine." The words were firm, but his voice didn't match up with them. It was too quiet, and like the rest of him, it was trembling.

Whether he thought he was fine or not, we had to half-drag have lead him to the car. Then Aizawa drove, I sat shotgun, and Matsuda sat in the back with his forehead pressed to the window, breath leaving a steamy mark on the glass.

We got back to his apartment in decent time, and by then he was able to walk again; he was surprisingly casual as we went inside, "Uh, I guess it's a little messy, but make yourselves at home anyway. I've got food in the fridge, drinks—I think there's some leftover take out…you know, just grab whatever you want. I don't think I'll be eating."

Shocker. In the light he looked pretty pale and sort of nervous, eyes darting occasionally like he heard something, but he smiled sort of wanly and started to head to the back where I assumed the bedroom was, "I'm going to take a shower. Mogi, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Probably not." I muttered.

"You going somewhere?"

"No."

"Mogi's about a million times more perceptive than you are, Matsuda. You think I'm going to expect you at work tomorrow? How hard did you hit your head?"

"But Aizawa, tomorrow is-"

"I know." Aizawa sounded really tired, "I know and I don't care if tomorrow is doomsday and we need the help of every man in the world, you're staying home. And if I have to lock you in the closet to ensure it, I will."

Matsuda looked at him steadily, then said, "Hey, c'mon, don't be so serious all the time, Aizawa. I'm fine."

"Kid," Aizawa walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder, "you survived a drive-by shooting—you could have easily died tonight. That doesn't happen every day, not even to a cop. You are not fine. And if you want to freak out now, no one's going to laugh at you."

"But…I'm really not freaked out. Or at least, I don't feel like I am." He lifted his hands to look at them, and they were both still shaking clearly, "Even though, I guess I really am sort of gun-shy now…"

"We get it, Matsu…quit trying to be a tough guy. You suck at that." To my surprise, he sort of tousled Matsuda's hair, and for just a second I could see how the medic might have mistaken them for father and son. Aizawa was so serious and street smart, and Matsuda still looked like a naïve kid. "I'm not saying you have to sit down on the couch and cry or something, but quit saying you're fine when we'd have to be brain dead to buy it."

Matsuda didn't look at him for a moment, and when he spoke his voice was finally full of all the fear he'd obviously been trying to suppress all night. "Guys…who would try to kill me?"

"Why don't you tell us?"

He shook his head a little. "I have no idea."

"You sure? I think you probably have a good idea. Better than what we've got."

I waited patiently for Matsuda to answer him. From the look on his face he was pretty close to confessing everything we needed to know to figure this all out, but at the last second he visibly changed his mind, pushed his hand back through his hair, "Yeah. I guess. But…is it all right if I tell you later? Right now…I'm kinda' tired."

Aizawa nodded. I was astounded by how quickly he could change between being annoyed and authoritative to being compassionate and understanding. I guessed it was part of being a dad. Maybe I'd get it some day too. Although, some part of me got the feeling I was never going to find anyone to spend my life with.

"That's fine."

"'Kay. Goodnight you guys."

"Goodnight, Matsuda."

I watched him walk away, sort of doubting he'd get any sleep, then glanced around the apartment. It was really sort of messy—the dishes hadn't been done in a few days, the faucet was leaking, and the floor needed to be mopped. In the living room clutter was everywhere. I wasn't even going to try to sit down.

Aizawa obviously felt different; he came over and sank onto the couch, "So, Mogi, you wanted to talk right? Let's talk."

I nodded.

"Let's start with Matsuda's question, since he brought it up. Who would try to kill him? What could they gain from killing him?"

"You clearly have a theory, Aizawa, so you go ahead. If I feel like you miss something, I'll let you know."

"That's sounds fair." He rubbed his chin, "In that case, I'd say the most logical answer is that it's a Kira fanatic who uncovered the secret events of January 28th. But even if that's the case, we'd have to assume that they got their information either from word of mouth, or writing—like a newspaper article. There shouldn't be any written information on that day, but let's say for sake of argument they did find it written down somewhere-the names of the five NPA officers who were there that day, as well as which one of them shot Kira-even then they'd still have to know what Matsuda looked like, and they'd have to know where he was somehow.

"We already know that idiot dropped his ID somewhere, so that answers that mystery. The only way they'd be able to know where he was tonight be 1). If they followed him, 2). If they overheard his conversation with Sayu, or 3). If they set him up. As for which one it is…your guess is as good as mine, Mogi. Personally I don't believe the two of them were actually there for a date."  
I'd been thinking that all along, but I didn't want to interrupt him, so I stayed quiet.

"Matsuda's a doofus, but I can't believe he'd honestly go out on the town with his girlfriend while the rest of us were working to prevent a catastrophe. It's not like him. I also don't think he'd be anywhere near that alleyway unless he had a good reason to be. That also isn't like him. Obviously Matsuda's been sneaking around gathering information without us, so to answer the original question-who would want to kill him-I say it must be someone who he was investigating that saw his face, found his ID, felt threatened by what he was doing, and decided they'd better eliminate him. What I don't understand," Aizawa bit his thumbnail, an action that reminded me of L for some reason, "is why Matsuda would feel inclined to sneak around behind our backs. There's not logic for it. He investigates the same things we do all day long, so who in their right mind would want to get off work and investigate even further on their own?"  
At last I spoke, "I think it has to do with Sayu."

"Sayu? Why?"

I shrugged, "They were there together, and they only started seeing each other right when this case started. When was the last time Matsuda had a girlfriend? He hardly dated at all while we were on the Kira investigation. Last I checked, he was depressed and didn't want to have anything to do with anything other than work."

"You're right." He got up and started to pace. "You know, that makes me think of something else. Don't you think it's weird that we haven't gotten anywhere on this case?"

I didn't follow his reasoning, so I waited.

"We've been investigating these deaths for over a week now, and the only leads we've gotten have both come from Matsuda, who's apparently been sneaking around, acting like a normal citizen at night."

"So what do you think that means exactly?"

"Mogi." he stopped pacing and looked right at me, "What if people don't trust the cops anymore? What if all this Kira business has somehow turned most of the populous against the NPA?"

"I suppose, if they didn't trust us, they'd lie about what they had and hadn't seen. They'd start omitting details-"

"Withholding information." Aizawa growled. Evidently he already had a good idea of what was happening. "Maybe that's what he was talking about… Maybe people have been purposely keeping things from us. Who knows, maybe some people witnessed the murders but didn't tell us because they don't like cops. Let's face it, Mogi, people don't fear the government or the justice system anymore. They fear Kira. Kira is absolute to them. His word is law. But since Kira no longer exists, they fear nothing. Honest citizens who never would have lied to the police before don't trust us and they don't think we're necessary because they have Kira to protect them. Just the opposite in fact. They now see us as the enemy. Especially after it was announced that Kira is gone."  
"Are you trying to tell me that somehow _Matsuda_ realized that before we did and that's why he started investigating by himself? So people wouldn't realize he was a police officer?"

"It looks that way…"

"In that case, he might know a lot of things we don't."

"No. He wouldn't try to hide something important from us."

"He hid his little escapade at the bar last week."  
"Not for very long though. He told me about it the very next day."

"Well then, if there's nothing he knows that we don't know, then why is someone trying to kill him but not anyone else?"  
"Because they found his ID and realized he's really a police officer."

There seemed to be a big hole somewhere in Aizawa's theory. Unfortunately, I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was, and before I could even begin to talk it through, his phone rang and he had to answer it.

"Okoshi? What did you find?" he looked disappointed right away. "I see. I'm at Matsuda's apartment right now-yeah, he's okay, just a little shook up-would you guys mind hitting a few more bars to see if you can find out anything about Yamaguchi? All right. Then you can call it a night. Great. Thanks. Bye."

He looked at me, "By the time they got to the docks Miyami was gone. They tried checking the warehouse out, but there was nothing there. They think maybe he met with someone and then left, because there were a couple different pairs of tire tracks in the gravel. I suppose we could get a plaster mold of both tracks, but so many people drive similar cars these days that it would hardly matter."

"I'm sure we'll find something." I said, just because I knew that I needed to.

"I hope you're right."

My own phone buzzed after that. "It's Kei." I read the text, "She says she finished dropping Sayu off and now she's outside waiting. I guess, if you want, we can take a taxi back to the café, meet up with Ide and go try to find out more about Yamaguchi."

"That sounds fine. Just make sure you aren't out too late. I've got a feeling we'll all need to be fresh for tomorrow."

"All right." I looked around the messy apartment, "Goodnight, Aizawa."

"Goodnight."

"Take good care of the kid."

"See you tomorrow."

I went down to where Kei was waiting, and we walked to the train station together. The whole way over to Chiyoda, I kept thinking about what Aizawa had said about people not trusting the police anymore. My whole premise for joining the NPA had been to protect and save people.

In light of that, as long as the people I was trying to help were going to hate and distrust me, there was really no reason to stay a police officer.

If I hadn't been sure of my decision before, I certainly was now. I'd help Aizawa and the others finish this case, and then I was done with the NPA. Forever.

Aizawa

After Mogi was gone, I called my wife to tell her what had happened and reassure her that I was okay. She seemed disappointed that I wouldn't be home at all, but at least she didn't complain a lot and seemed to understand that what I was doing was necessary; we talked for a little while, and then I let her go.

It was eleven by then, and I wondered what I should do for the next seven or eight hours. Finally, I turned the TV on, but I couldn't really concentrate on it. I felt nervous. If someone had tried to kill Matsuda what was stopping them from trying to kill the rest of us? Not to mention tomorrow was the day the murderer was supposed to announce what would become of us for not complying with his demands. It was a crucial night, and I felt useless—if Matsuda hadn't been involved in a drive-by shooting I probably would have been out all night looking for clues anyway.

I decided to do what little I could from where I was, and started calling bars to ask about Nishi Yamaguchi. It took me a while to find a phonebook in the mess, but I did come up with one at last, and then one by one I started to phone bars that we'd written down as possibilities, but after contacting at least fifteen I got the feeling I wasn't really getting anywhere. No one had even heard of him. Or they were lying to me and saying they hadn't. I wondered who in the world this guy was and how he could just drop off the face of the planet without anyone caring.

I was sure that he was dead by now, but why hadn't anyone found his body? It just wasn't adding up. If Chiba weren't dead he could just tell us whatever he'd found out—I shouldn't have made everyone go and investigate on their own. I should have paired them up. At least then two people would know what Chiba had known.

_Or two cops would be dead instead of just one._

The calls were fruitless, so I just went back to the couch and sat there brooding with the TV on. Briefly, I considered sleeping, but the couch was lumpy and covered with junk, besides I wasn't tired. I just wanted to think things through and see if there was any kind of oversight in all the evidence.

_If L were still around he'd have this cleaned up by now…_

No. I couldn't start thinking that way. We didn't need L or Near to solve this case. Obviously the person we were dealing with was smart and violent, but not nearly as smart as Light had been…

Light could figure this out quickly too…I wouldn't mind having his help since he'd just been a normal cop, and he'd had good morals, like Soichiro.

Or so I'd thought. Back before I'd realized he was Kira.

_Damn you Light._ I had so wanted him to not be Kira. We all had—in fact, most of the others had chosen to ignore the possibility completely.

At midnight, Matsuda came back from his room, looked at me like he'd forgotten I was there, shoved a pile of crap off the couch onto the floor and sat down.

I greeted him vaguely, since I was still thinking about our dilemma.

He returned the formality just as distantly and then focused on the television.

After a few minutes had gone by I asked, "Couldn't sleep?"

"No. I thought I'd get up and see what you're doing."

"Not doing much."  
"You can go home if you want." he toyed with the bandage on his hand, "I'll be okay."

I shook my head, "I said I'd stay, so I will."

Matsuda gave no indication that he'd heard me, and started to cruise through the channels with the remote, but he obviously wasn't really looking for anything in particular, since he just wound up cycling all the way through a few times. At last he sighed and tossed the remote onto the coffee table and we were watching some late-night talk show.

"So much for late-night TV." I muttered.

"Yeah." He played with the bandage a little longer, eventually unwound the whole thing, spent a few moments looking at the long, angular scrape on his palm and then half-assed tied it back on. "Aizawa, I've got something to tell you."

I shifted, looked at him out of the corner of my eye, but he wasn't looking at me, so I stared back at the TV. "You don't have to tell me tonight."

"No, I do. I've been thinking about it for hours. I've been thinking about how Izanagi died before he could tell us what he knew…I've been thinking that I should tell you, just in case…something happens to me…"

I tried to sound skeptical and annoyed, "Nothing's going to happen to you, Matsuda. Just shut up."

He continued like I hadn't spoke, "At first, tonight, I guess I was in shock. It didn't really register with me right away what happened, but…now that it's been a few hours, and I've been playing it over and over in my head, I realize…I could have died. I'm lucky to be alive right now at all."

"Matsuda…"

Finally he turned so he was facing me, "C'mon, Aizawa—first the car-bomb last week, then the punks outside the bar, now this. Do you really think it's all a coincidence?"

"Maybe not completely, but I don't think it means someone is out to get you."

"They could be though, so just listen to me. Even if there's just a small possibility that someone's trying to kill me we should take it seriously. If I die before I get a chance to tell you this…I don't know what will happen."

I looked at him. His expression was totally serious, so I said, "Fine. What is it?"

"Sayu and I weren't on a date tonight—we set Atashi Rei up; we were going to get some hard evidence that he's a forger so that we could arrest him for real."

Even though Mogi and I had discussed the possibility that Matsuda had been investigating on his own again, I was still sort of surprised. "Wait. How did you do that?"

"Set him up? Well, it turns out he met the chief once, so Sayu already had sort of a connection to him; I had her commission some forged documents from him, and they even met in person. She got their whole conversation on tape—him admitting to forging documents in the past, including a set of IDs for last week. God, he implicated himself so many times on tape, it's unreal."

"Where is this tape now?"

"Sayu's got it. I didn't give it to you right away, because I didn't want anyone to know that she was involved. I was trying to think of a way to give you the information without mentioning her."

I glared, "That's just great, Matsuda. What about tonight? What were you guys really doing?"

"Tonight Rei was supposed to meet with Sayu to give her the papers she commissioned. I was going to take pictures from the alley across the street so I'd have some hard evidence. I thought if I was careful to not get Sayu's face then maybe I could keep her out of it for a while."

Struggling to keep my temper, I got up and walked away from him, went to the window. Every time I was sure he'd reached his peak of idiocy he always came back and surprised me by doing something even more idiotic. "You…you shouldn't have done that, Matsuda. What were you thinking?"

He shrugged, "We were running out of time. I was desperate."

"Yeah, but that's no excuse! No wonder someone tried to kill you—you and Sayu know something no one else knows, something that could not only put Atashi Rei away for years, but could lead us to the man responsible for what's going on! Of course they want you out of the picture!"

"Wait," he got up, "are you saying Sayu could be in danger too?"

"Are you kidding? Of _course_ she's in danger! As soon as Rei figures out she set him up he'll want her dead too! You could both wind up dead!"

"Well then we have to arrest him right away! The tape will be enough. We'll just go get it and arrest him."

I shook my head at him. He really thought it would be that easy. "If Rei knows what you were trying to do tonight, it will be almost impossible to arrest him. He could skip town or go underground or any other number of things."

"Still, don't you think we should try?"

"Try? Of course we have to try, but there's nothing we can do right now—it's almost one o'clock in the morning." I muttered a few choice words and then got out my phone to call the station. I had dispatch send a few officers to Rei's house to try to arrest him, and then another officer to Sayu's house to check on her and make sure no one got near the house.

It was the best I could do.

When I got off the phone Matsuda asked, "What do you think's going to happen tomorrow?"

"I really have no idea. Guess we'll find out soon enough."

He was quiet a moment more, "Aizawa, if it's really bad…like if a lot of people are going to die…I don't think we should waste any time."

"What are you talking about? Waste time doing what?"

"Look, I know that what I think doesn't matter all the time, because I'm usually not on the same page as everyone else, or because my opinion is a little off beat from everyone else's, but I think we should do whatever we have to do, no matter what the cost."

"Yeah, well, there are rules, Matsuda."

"That's true but…it just feels like it's been a long time since the rules mattered."

For the rest of the night, we were on the couch, being quiet, alone with our own thoughts on what should be done tomorrow, considering what tomorrow might bring. I dozed off once or twice as time went by, but I didn't get any decent sleep, and from what I could see, Matsuda didn't get any sleep at all. He just sat up, alert, like he was listening for something, half the time it looked like he was totally ignoring the existence of the real world.

At last I fell asleep and got a few hours of rest. When I woke up it was six, and I felt stiff and irritable, forced myself to get off the couch, "I'd better get moving." I mumbled.

"Help yourself to anything in the fridge—and you can use my shower if you want."

There wasn't much worth eating in Matsuda's fridge, so I opted to get breakfast elsewhere. But after spending the whole night on the couch I felt sort of gross and maxed out, so I did take a shower. Then I put yesterday's uniform back on and headed out around six-thirty, calling to him, "I'll send someone over later if you want."

"No. I'm fine."

"All right, suit yourself. Try to get some rest if you can." Then I left.

The drive to the station was peaceful enough, but when I actually arrived it was nothing but problems for me to personally attend to. Everyone wanted to know if Matsuda was all right, first of all, and then the rest of my team came to tell me that they hadn't found any sign of Yamaguchi last night. The cops sent to Rei's house were also empty-handed and claimed that Rei's help insisted he wasn't home. They'd searched the house, but Atash Rei was nowhere to be found. The only person who did have good news was the man who'd spent the night parked outside of the Yagami's house. Apparently Sayu was safe and sound, now it was just a matter of getting the tape from her. And of course I'd have to make sure someone kept an eye on her until this all blew over.

The last person to approach me with a problem was a man with a report from Chiba's house fire. "Sorry it took so long," he said, opening the folder, "it was really hard to get a decent dental sample from the corpse it was burned so bad." He looked the papers over, "That being said, I'm afraid I don't have good news."

"Great, what else is new?" I drummed my fingers on my desk. _This case is _really_, really starting to chafe my ass._

"Well, when the bodies were found in the apartment building one was confirmed to be Izanagi Chiba-you yourself were there, I think-however, that supposition was only based on the size and speculative age of the body. However, when we did an autopsy and matched dental records, we found that this man was _not_ Izanagi Chiba at all."

I stopped drumming my fingers, and in fact, my whole body seemed to freeze. "What? Then who is it?"

"The dental records match those of a man called Nishi Yamaguchi."

If I hadn't been startled before, I was totally shocked now. "Nishi Yamaguchi…" so he _was_ dead. Whoever burned down the building must have left the body there as a decoy so we'd think it was Chiba. "But…then where _is_ Chiba?"

Ide knocked on my door, "Aizawa, you'd better come look at the TV. It's starting."

"What's starting?"

He gave me a 'you know' look, and turned to lead the way out. I got up and rushed after him without even grabbing my jacket.

Most of the NPA had gathered in the lounge and the television was on. I saw Matsuda standing there with Mogi and the others. "You? What the hell are you doing here?"

He barely glanced at me, "Oh, hey Aizawa. Sorry. You can be mad at me later." Then he faced the screen again.

I glared at him a moment, then looked up at the TV myself.

The news anchors were saying they'd received disturbing footage and that if there were children in the room they should be sent away.

Then the screen blipped and I was staring at a white screen with a hideous face in the center. The face was long and gaunt and thin, black as coal, with wide, round eyes and tiny pupils. Its mouth was drawn in a jagged smile with sharp teeth and it had horns on its head. It looked like a demon on a man's body.

"W-what the hell is that thing?" Yoko whispered.

"It's a mask." Mogi observed. There was some murmuring throughout the room as people tried to figure out what it meant.

Then a voice started to speak. It was harsh like a winter's night, but rough like sand, dark and cold, muffled by the mask, which didn't appear to have any openings for breathing.

"Greetings. If you're watching this you should know that there is no way to trace this video or to stop it. It is a digital broadcast that was recorded three days ago, and it has been sent to over a dozen newscast stations via an anonymous e-mail, and therefore, it will take you far too much time to trace. If you do choose to pursue such a hopeless undertaking, please know that you will all be dead before you find it."

"What the hell is this?" I demanded. "Is it really on all the stations?"

On a separate, smaller TV, someone began to flip through the channels, proving that it was playing on at least six of them at the moment.

The masked man continued to speak, "You don't know who I am, but I am watching all of you. My name is Reaper. Or Shinigami, if you prefer. I am the chosen disciple of Lord Kira, now that he has passed, it has fallen to me to see his wishes carried out."

"Shinigami…" I whispered. "What is all this?"

"As the NPA knows, last week I sent them a tape, warning them to hand over whoever is responsible for the murder of Lord Kira; I was generous enough to give them a week to decide, but since I have not yet received an answer, I must assume that they do not intend to cooperate with me, and in that case, the whole NPA must suffer.

"Consider, for example, your friend and comrade, Izanagi Chiba; he was an NPA officer, a man who knew too much and asked too many questions—all police are like that. Nosey, selfish, greedy bastards. Lord Kira knew that they were needless. He knew that to make a perfect world the police would have to be removed, like a wart taken off a human hand. And I believe that's why he confronted the five police officers on January 28th. Unfortunately, those officers were found to be particularly disobedient, and they succeeded in killing Lord Kira.

"But do not mourn, my people, for I believe Lord Kira has chosen this opportunity-perhaps even allowed it-so that we could prove ourselves and our loyalty to him. I believe in a great and wonderful Paradise, when, after we've spilled the blood of Kira's murderer, Lord Kira will return to Earth and rid the world of all evil, including corrupted politicians and all oppressive authorities who seek to exploit humanity for their own pathetic gain. Therefore, it has become my special assignment not only to rid Japan of the NPA, but the world of the police and government officials in general, for when Kira returns we will no longer need them. Kira _is_ justice.

"Along with that goal, it is my vow, my sworn duty to kill the man who murdered our god Kira. Only then will I cease the slaughter of National Police Agency officers, and our Lord will return to rule in peace and happiness. So I now offer this opportunity to everyone-every man, woman and child who believes in justice-stand with me, and together we will overthrow the NPA, as well as the rest of the oppressors in the world.

"In the meantime, I realize that the police are still hunting me. Even now. But know this; you will never find me, you cannot catch me, and even if you do, you cannot kill me. I am a servant of Kira's, and my Lord will always protect me. So end this futile pursuit and simply convert. Even now your evil hearts may be made clean at last. If you wish to join me, you will sacrifice yourselves to Kira and be reborn as pure-hearted children. If you will not join me then you, all of you, every last one of you," he pointed his finger at the screen ominously, "will all die."

There was more murmuring in the lounge. Someone dropped a coffee cup; the noise made me jump.

"However, I understand that it may not be as simple as that to you. Therefore, I have provided a gesture that you can perform in order to prove that the NPA is loyal to Kira. If you simply bring me the man who is responsible for Kira's death, as specified earlier, I will spare the National Police Agency, and even allow you all to join us in our march toward paradise."

I glanced at Ide after hearing that. So this psycho really was out to avenge Kira. And he thought that if he did Kira could come back. It was religious fanaticism.

"I understand that perhaps you feel some need to protect your own, but I assure you that there is no point. I will kill an officer every day, until Kira's murderer is brought to justice. I will kill one today, and then two tomorrow, and three the day after that, and so forth, in that trend, until only the four are left, and if by then, you four still have not seen that trying to protect your brethren is pointless, you will die as well, and the man who killed Kira will stand alone with his crimes."

"This is absurd!" A man behind me screamed. "Why are we listening to this psycho's demands? Just turn the TV off!"

That incited an argument—some people wanted to listen to what the masked man had to say, and others wanted nothing to do with it. There was a fight over the remote, in which it wound up being dropped on the floor and accidentally stepped on. People started trying to climb the desk below the big screen TV to reach the button, and others attempted to pull them down. It was chaos.

The whole time, the broadcast continued, the masked man laughed to himself, "You think you can outsmart me, but believe me when I tell you that I will win this battle, for Lord Kira, for I already have a name to go with the man who killed Lord Kira, and in time I will know his face as well, and then he will die." He looked directly at the screen, "I promise, I _do _know your real name, and I will find you, Taro Matsui."

My heart stopped beating. _No way…so I was right…the ID…it wasn't coincidence._ I looked at Matsuda. He was staring up at the TV, mouth hanging open, eyes wild with fear.

"If you wish to save your comrades, you will fall on your own sword, just as our Samurai ancestors did so many centuries ago." The masked man let out a loud, deranged laugh, and then the screen went fuzzy and I saw the news anchors sitting in their studio, both looking stunned and horrified. They began to talk at the same time, and there was some commotion in the studio as the camera cut to a commercial break.

"You four!" Shouted an officer, pointing in my direction. I vaguely perceived that Mogi, Ide and Matsuda were around me. "This is all your fault!"

"You said you were going to catch that maniac!" Someone else agreed.

"What are you going to do now?"

"We're still going to catch him." I said angrily.

"There's no time! He's going to start killing us all now, just because you four were too stubborn to just hand one man over! Which one was it anyway? Was it you, Aizawa? You've always seemed trigger happy to me!"

"I say we should just sacrifice them _all_ to the Reaper! It's got to be one of them—he'll be satisfied!"

"We can't do that!" Someone else screamed. It sounded an awful lot like Okoshi, "We can't give into this blatant act of terrorism!"

"You'd rather see innocent men die for nothing?"

"We've done nothing wrong!" Ide shouted, taking a half-step forward, "We were fighting Kira for the good of the world!"

The shouting got louder, people started pushing forward, trying to get at us, while others held them back. Everyone was screaming and throwing things and panicking and trying to be heard over the noise. In the midst of the commotion, I nudged Ide and jerked my head toward the door, then slipped away and out of the lounge. The others followed me down the hall and to my office where I grabbed my coat and started to stuff pile upon pile of papers into a briefcase. "I think it's best if we get out of here for now. This might blow over, and it might not. Some people are willing to die for justice, but there's also a lot of people who would rather just kill all four of us than risk that. We don't know who's who, so for now, I think we need to get out of here. Take whatever you think you'll need—we meet at Light's old apartment in one hour. Everyone keep their cell phones on at all times."

"What about Okoshi and Yoko and Kei?" Ide asked.

"We'll call them when we get to the apartment and see what they've decided. It would be nice to have their help, but I don't think we should hold our breath for it. The four of us might have to," I stopped and looked around, "wait a minute, where's Matsuda?"

They looked too. "I could have swore he was right behind me." Mogi said. "I even made eye contact with him before leaving the room, he-"

"Dammit!" I slammed my fist on the desk, and then handed my briefcase off to Ide, "Take this to Light's apartment, all right?"

"Where are you going?"

"To find that idiot before he does something stupid."

I ran through the station, even though I knew he wasn't there anymore, then I burst out the front door. Where would he go? Would he drive or walk? It would depend on how he was feeling at the moment. If he was sort of dazed he was probably just wandering nearby. If he was outraged by the message or felt cornered he'd probably be driving. I looked up and down both directions, thought I saw someone in the distance that looked like him and ran after them. "Matsuda!"

He didn't turn or glance back at me or even stop.

"Matsuda, wait!" I caught up to him and walked beside him.

"Leave me alone, Aizawa." He said quietly.

"Where are you going?"

"Nowhere. I'm just thinking. I need to clear my head…"

"You think it's okay for you to be out wandering around when there's a psycho who wants to kill you?"

"Maybe…maybe I should die. Maybe that's for the best."

I raised my eyebrows at him, "What? That doesn't sound like you to say that."

"No…but this is all because of me, because I shot Light. Now that guy, Reaper or whoever he is, is gonna' start killing NPA officers until I'm dead. I can't let that happen."

"What are you going to do? Matsuda, don't try anything stupid."

"I don't know what to do, that's the problem. I'm not ready to die-I'm not that old-but I don't know if I can actually sacrifice everything I want just so everyone else can keep living. Is that fair? I mean, it looks like it's going to be either one or the other, me or everyone else, and it can't be both. The question is," he pushed his hand back through his hair, "the question is…do I deserve to die for what I did to Light.

"Sometimes I feel like maybe I do deserve to die…shooting him made me feel so horrible. Sometimes, when I'm alone, I can still hear the gunshots and see all his blood…I hear him screaming at me…it's like a nightmare."

"Matsuda!" I said loudly, to get his attention, "Stop talking like that! You didn't kill Light!"

He looked at me for the first time, sounding like he was talking in his sleep, "I don't know what to do, Aizawa…what do _you_ think I should do?"

"You don't have to do anything right now. For all we know, it was a bluff and he has no idea who shot Light, so you need to snap out of this self-pity bullshit and come with me."

"It's not a bluff. There's no way it's a bluff. Not after last night."

I grabbed his arm a little roughly. It hadn't been my intention to come out here and yell at him, but seeing him act like this, suggesting that he should die because of what had happened to Light, made me feel angry and helpless, and really it scared me, "Shut up! This isn't over—we're going to figure out who's behind this and stop them before anything happens to anyone. Got that? And this weird, out of whack, pessimistic thought process you've got going is _not_ going to be helpful! So quit all your damn moping and come with me right now!" I yanked his sleeve hard, turning him around and marching him back down the street to my car.

"Where are we going?"

"To Light's apartment—everyone's meeting us there, and we're going to figure out what to do."

Matsuda looked up at the police station. "I think we already know what we have to do, Aizawa…"


	16. Chapter 16

**Mogi**

Aizawa was already there when I arrived at Light's old apartment, and I was relieved to see Matsuda with him. Not long after Ide arrived, and then we decided the first thing we should do was call Okoshi, Yoko and Kei. They agreed to meet us, and showed up one at a time a little bit later.

For the next few hours we talked about what we should do, talking it over and over again, hashing it out as many different ways as we could and trying to find the quickest solution that didn't involve giving ourselves up. I hadn't seen Aizawa this flustered in a long time, and I assumed he felt stressed because he was suddenly in charge of the whole thing-all of our lives were more or less in his hands-and he hadn't gotten enough sleep to handle it.

"We need to remember that the guy we're dealing with is just a man-a maniac, judging by what he did to Chiba-who thinks that he's been chosen by Kira. Kira's dead, so this guy doesn't have any power, even if he thinks he does. He might not even be able to carry out his threat in the first place. We have to hope that's the case and just move forward as rationally as possible. There's no reason to be impulsive and do something stupid. From the way it sounded, this guy is going to wipe out the NPA whether or not the four of us die first."

Once he'd established that we talked about whether or not we'd be able to get the help of other officers, and Okoshi, who had quite a bit of influence at the headquarters said that he thought we probably could. There had been a lot of people who were afraid and wanted us to give ourselves up, but there were also a lot of people who knew us too personally to sacrifice us like that.

The next thing that we decided all together was that our best leads at the moment were Miyami's connection to the dead man, Nishi Yamaguchi, and Atashi Rei. After Aizawa explained what Matsuda had told him about the audio tape, we agreed that our priority was to arrest both men as soon as possible, no matter what it took. That wasn't exactly by the book, but it was the best we could do.

"We need to find them and bring them in right away," Aizawa said, "there's substantial grounds to base Rei's arrest on, but we'll have to be creative with Miyami. They're probably both hiding now, assuming Rei realizes he was set up last night, but there are six of us, so we should be able to do something."

"Um, Aizawa," Ide glaned around the room, "I think you might need to recount. There are seven of us."

"Well, I wasn't counting Matsuda, since he won't be working with us on this case."

I flinched.

Matsuda got up, half-shouting, "Aizawa, what do you mean I won't be working with you guys? This is my case as much as anyone else's!"

"At the moment you're just a liability." Aizawa said, not looking at Matsuda, "You're in danger, and we can't be worrying about you every time we're out investigating, so you'll be staying here in Light's old apartment until we get this case solved."

From Matsuda's expression I could see that he was totally insulted. "You think I'm a liability?"  
"Sorry, Matsuda, I know you don't like to hear that-and we could really use your help-but it's just not worth the risk of you getting killed, so we're going to have to work on this without you."

"Wait a minute! I'm a detective too—you can't just push me into a corner and tell me to stay out of this like I'm a little kid!"

Aizawa looked at him at last, "You want to die, Matsuda? Last night you were freaked out because someone _might _be trying to kill you, but now that there really is someone trying to kill you you're not going to take it seriously? That's exactly why I'm going to have to suspend you from the force for a while."

"Hey, no way! You can't do that!"

"He could be right, Matsuda," Ide said, looking up at him, "the man we're going after is off his rocker, and as best we can tell, he knows that you're the one who shot Kira."

Yoko looked up, eyes wide, "Matsu _you_ shot Kira? No way! Bad-ass! I always figured it was Light or Aizawa, but you!"

Matsuda didn't look even remotely proud.

Ide continued, "If this 'Reaper' really believes that killing you will resurrect Kira then he's not going to stop at anything to get it done. He knows your name, so now all he has to do is figure out who you are, and then boom, you're dead."

"But I want to help!"

"If you really want to help," Aizawa told him, putting a hand on his shoulder, "then keep the hell out of this case, got it? I don't think any of us want to drag you out of a dumpster. You dying wouldn't solve anything."

"But Aizawa-"

Aizawa gave him a sharp look, "As your superior, I'm ordering you to keep out of this case, do you understand?"

Matsuda looked defiant, but I knew he was too good at following orders to argue, even if he really, really wanted to, so he nodded."

"Good. So now I need your police ID and your gun."

Reluctantly, Matsuda took out his wallet and pulled the ID out, handed it to Aizawa, then he took off his gun holster and handed that to him too, his eyes betraying anger. I felt sorry for him, but I knew that Aizawa was right. Nothing was worth losing Matsuda to a homicidal sociopath. Especially since we'd just lost the chief and Light and Misa recently. Losing another comrade was not something I was personally willing to go through.

Obviously everyone else felt similarly, because no one tried to argue with Aizawa.

"It's for the best." Aizawa told him, but Matsuda didn't look convinced.

For the next couple days we went through a series of shifts. Some of us kept an eye on Sayu, some of us hunted for Miyami and Rei-both had seemed to disappear-occasionally we tried to find other officers who might be interested in helping us.

We wound up with five—two who wanted to go out and actually help us solve the case, and three who said they'd stay at HQ and collect intelligence when and where they could. According to them, there were a lot of police officers that secretly supported us, and even a group that was open about it. We were able to obtain a list of our allies' names and phone number just in case we were ever in a tight spot and had to have some back up.

The same day as the Reaper launched his broadcast, an officer of the NPA was shot and killed in an alleged bank robbery. That seemed strange for several reasons—first of all, not many people committed crimes these days, thanks to Kira. If someone felt secure enough to rob a bank what would make them secure enough to kill an NPA officer? The same message, KIRA LIVES was found painted on the wall in the bank safe. The robber must have felt he was secure enough to have time to paint on the wall before the cops arrive, and by the time he was done, the police were there, but there weren't that many of them. Not enough at any rate. The culprit then shot at the officers, injuring two and killing one.

On Saturday, there was a similar incident, in which a pair of policemen died while apprehending a criminal, and the same message was found not far from the scene of the crime.

Sunday came and three more cops were killed.

That day I was hanging out with Matsuda. One of us was always 'hanging out' with Matsuda, to make sure he didn't go anywhere, and no one found him. Not that he seemed interested in going anywhere. He just sat around and watched TV and bounced ideas around with me. Technically though, I wasn't supposed to be discussing the case with anyone who wasn't investigating with us, so I couldn't really say much about it. Still, I was impressed by how well he was handling it all. Sure, he seemed bored and a little bit frustrated, but he wasn't trying to escape or anything, and he didn't act like he was trying to convince us to let him work on the case. He seemed to be accepting Aizawa's decision. As I'd noted before, he was good at following orders.

When the report that three more officers had been killed came on, we were sitting on the couch. I was sitting anyway. Matsuda was on his back with his knees hanging off the arm of the couch, and he was wearing a white t-shirt and a pair of blue jeans. It was weird, since I was used to seeing him dressed for work with a sports jacket and tie.

"Wow, he's really doing it, huh, Mogi? This guy is really going to kill more and more cops every day until he gets what he wants."

I didn't answer, and he kept talking, "You know, this proves that we're not looking for one guy. He's obviously the leader of some kind of cult, and he's having his followers kill for him. That must have been what happened to Nishi Yamaguchi. Reaper sends men in pairs, one man kills the target and the other one kills the first guy. I guess it's pretty smart to work that way, but that would mean they would all have to be 100 percent loyal to their leader, otherwise someone might start leaking information to the cops. Then again…if you hate the cops you're probably not going to tell them anything."

Right in the middle of Matsuda's theorizing, there was some breaking news, and the female anchor announced that two more cops had been killed.

I leaned forward, eyes threatening to bulge out of my head, and Matsuda sat up.

"What? Another two? But that's five for today—the quota was already filled."

Both of us listened for the next few moments as the reporter went on to explain that the man who'd shot the cops had been apprehended as he'd been attempting to escape the scene of the crime. She was still speculating what it might mean in accordance with The Reaper when I got a call from Aizawa.

"Mogi, are you watching the news?"

"Yeah, I saw. What's going on?"

Matsuda looked up at me, "What's up? Is it Aizawa?"

I nodded.

"Is Matsuda in the room with you?"

"Yes, he is."

"I'd prefer it if he didn't overhear our conversation."  
"All right." I got up and walked into the kitchen. Matsuda could still hear me but he wouldn't be able to make out what Aizawa was saying. "I've moved. Go ahead."  
Aizawa sighed, "There were already three deaths today, so I think these other two were killed by someone who has nothing to do with The Reaper."

"Do you have any way to confirm it?"  
"Fortunately, the police who arrested him are cops who are sympathizing with us at the moment. I'm going to speak with them right now. Still…I don't think we need them to tell us that this killing was probably done by an every day citizen."  
"Do you think that's really the case?"

"It's possible. The Reaper talked about having everyone stand against the NPA with him, and about how the police are evil. I guess criminals, or even just Kira fanatics, might take that as an opportunity to start killing cops."

"If that happens we'll have a real mess on our hands. Everyone will be an enemy, cops will be dying left and right, we-"

"It will pressure the four of us to giving into this guy's little game. He said _he'd_ kill three today, four tomorrow, and so forth, but if other people start to band with him and start thinking they can kill police officers and get away with it…it's a tough spot to be in."  
"Do you think the rest of the NPA will force us to turn ourselves over to him?

"They might try. I've already received a call from the director saying he wants to discuss something important with me. That could be part of it."

"Eight cops have died in three days…that doesn't happen very often, so there'd definitely be a reason for concern."

"Anyway, I just thought I'd call and give you the heads up."

"Thanks."

He was quiet a moment, and then he lowered his voice, almost like he was whispering. "There's one more thing, and this is just between you and me. For now. …I-I don't know how to tell the others."

"What is it?" I listened carefully, expecting to hear the worst.

"They found Chiba."

Immediately I felt a swell of emotions. Fear, a little relief, some curiosity. I hardly knew what to focus on, so I turned my undivided attention to Aizawa. If he didn't know 'how to tell the others' that was a clear indication that Izanagi Chiba was dead. But I suspected it also meant that something else was going on.

"They dragged him out of a lake today, a few miles from his apartment."

"A lake? That doesn't seem right."

"No. I think it means that he was left there recently. Maybe just a day or so. Maybe less. But that's not the worst part."

"It never is." I said quietly.

"I saw the body. They asked me to identify him at the morgue. And…and…"

He stopped there. I never saw Aizawa break down, so it was strange to hear him at a loss for words.

"God, Mogi…I don't know what they did to him but his body was so…_mutilated_… his eyes gouged out. His tongue cut out. Throat slit. Fingers missing. Ears missing. Acid burns. It was awful."

I closed my eyes, exhaling a slow breath. Now we knew for sure that Chiba was gone, but we could have lived the rest of our lives not knowing that his last days on earth had been spent in suffering. The knowledge was unbearable.

Aizawa kept talking, sounding angry, "We let that happen to him, Mogi. _I_ let it happen."

"Aizawa, you didn't-"

"I'm in charge of this investigation. I should have known better."

"There's no way you could have."

He paused again. "This man we're dealing with—he's a sick fuck, Mogi, and he's after us. After Matsuda."

"We'll get him." I guess it sounded like a promise, but I felt just as sick and just as angry as he was. How could we find this guy with so few leads? How could we protect the NPA? Ourselves? Each other? It was a hopeless situation.

"We'd better. Because obviously he's not going to have any mercy, and if he does find Matsuda…well, let's just say a quick, painless punishment for 'killing' Kira isn't very likely."

Of course. If he'd tortured Izanagi for no reason, I hated to think of what he'd do to Matsuda.

"We caught Kira, we can catch this guy." I assured.

Aizawa sighed, and said at length, "You're right. I know you're right. We have to stay positive."

"Justice always wins." I said, feeling more grim and sarcastic than anything. Light had believed himself to be justice, but he hadn't won. "Aizawa? Let's finish this quickly."

"You got it."

I smiled, even though he couldn't see it. It was good to know that I was working with him, and with Ide on this case. After chasing Kira with them for so long, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I could trust them.

"I've got to go now; you be careful when you go out. We can't tell anymore who's on our side and who's not."

"Right. See you later, Aizawa."

"See you."

I sighed and put my phone away. Nothing but bad news: Chiba found, tortured to death, and the news about the officers being killed by citizens. He could have told me something cheerful, no matter how petty, just for the hell of it.

_Eight cops in three days… could this guy actually destroy the whole NPA?_

I went back into the living room, but Matsuda wasn't on the couch, and I saw that the bathroom door was closed. I sat down heavily. This whole situation could get really bad really fast, and it didn't help to be short handed or to have half the NPA against us.

Another five minutes went by, and Matsuda didn't return. I started to feel nervous, got up and paced the room. Five minutes was a long time to be in the bathroom. I went over and knocked on the door, but there was no answer.

That's when I noticed two things: his shoes, which had been sitting by the front door, were gone, and my gun, which I'd left on the coffee table, was missing as well. I checked my holsters, and then my pockets, just to make sure I didn't have it. But I didn't.

I pounded on the bathroom door again, "Matsuda?"

_He'd better not have…_

Finally I kicked the door open, saw that the small room was empty and the window was open.

_He couldn't actually fit through there, could he?_

I ran across the room and poked my head out. It was a long drop-a five story fall-and the window was way too small for his shoulders to have fit through. But, did that mean…?

I turned around just in time to see him standing in the doorway, dressed in some tattered jeans and a denim jacket; he had my gun in one hand.

"Matsuda!"

Before I could reach him, he slammed the door and I heard it lock.

"Matsuda! Don't you dare! Let me out of here right now!"

He was quiet a second, but I knew he was still there. "I'm sorry, Mogi." He said quietly, "but I'm not going to just sit here and do nothing. Aizawa should have known that."

So he'd been planning this. That's why he'd never complained or seemed dissatisfied. He'd been waiting for one of us to let our guard down, leave our gun somewhere he could grab it, slip up a little, so that he could escape and do…whatever it was he was planning to do.

"Matsuda," I said a little desperately, not even sure he was still there, "whatever you do, please just don't give yourself up to that guy."

The pause that followed was so long I was afraid he was gone, but then he said, "Don't worry, Mogi, I won't. Not unless I absolutely have to."

"Matsuda-"

"I'll see you later." I heard him walk away, and then the front door closed.

Immediately I got out my phone and speed-dialed Aizawa. Maybe if someone was in the area they could pick him up before he got too far.

"What is it, Mogi? More news?"

"No…listen Aizawa, I'm sorry, but…"

"What? Did something happen?"

"I lost him."

Matsuda

It was a long walk to Chiyoda. In fact there were a lot of long walks ahead of me, and I knew it, but I couldn't take the train or drive or anything, because I knew that my friends were going to be looking for me, so I had to stick to all the back roads and least traveled routes that I could. From what I'd been able to gather from Mogi's conversation with Aizawa the situation was not getting any better, and since they hadn't arrested Rei or Miyami yet, I had to guess that they weren't getting anywhere with the case. But maybe that was because they weren't in the right position to find information—with the general public not trusting the police, and now even starting to work against the police I didn't see how there was much chance of Aizawa or anyone else finding anything just by flashing their badge around. I was the only one who'd managed to get close to either criminal since the case began-even if that was only because I'd had Sayu's help-so maybe if I just went back and started over, I could find out something useful.

By going out when the Reaper was looking for me, I realized that I was walking a pretty dangerous line. But maybe that line would give me an edge. If the Reaper thought I was being careless I might be able to move in without him even realizing it.

On the way over, I stopped by a small corner store and bought a cheap Go phone that I could use throughout my investigation and dispose of quickly if need be. Then I called Sayu.

She sounded tentative when she answered, but lightened up when she realized it was me, "So you got a new phone?"  
"Yeah, finally. I just couldn't stand to be without one anymore—you know how it is."

"Are you okay? You sound sort of strange."

"I'm fine."

"Why didn't you call me? I've been worried about you."

"Sorry, Sayu, I've just been busy with the case—did you see the news?

"What, the police dying? Duh. Why do you think I've been worried?"

"Did you watch on Friday morning?"

"No, but I heard about it. To be honest, I'm glad I missed it."

"Yeah, I'm glad you did too." I tried not to think about the horrific image of the Reaper killing Izanagi for no reason.  
"Well in that case, are we going out on an investigation tonight, partner?" She giggled, "Or is Aizawa your partner now?"

My face turned sort of hot, "Not tonight. I think Aizawa sent someone to watch your house."  
"What? Why?"

"We decided that if someone is trying to kill me they might be after you too. It's just a procaution, Sayu." I smiled, even though she wasn't there to see it. She had already noticed that I wasn't quite myself, so I had to act as cheerful and easygoing as possible. It was hard though, because I didn't feel cheerful _or_ easygoing. I was scared and angry and desperate. All of that piled on top of the guilt that was starting to take hold made me feel sort of sick.

"Man…I see the car…they're watching me all right. Who is it?"

"I'm not really sure. But either way, you won't be able to sneak out without them noticing, so you'd better sit tight for a while."  
"You're probably right." She sighed, sounding totally disappointment, "Man, what a bummer. In that case, what do you want from me?"  
"We're trying to hunt down Atashi Rei, and I remembered he called you right before the shooting. Do you still have his number?"

"I think so. You want it?"

"Please."

"Okay, I'll text it to you."

"Right. Thanks. Bye."

"Bye."

A moment after I'd hung up, the phone buzzed and played some annoying, standard ring tone, and I read Sayu's text:_ Hope this helps. Please call l8tr_

I texted back. _Thnx it does. Don't worry abt me. ___

The smilie made me feel sick, and I put the phone away and walked on until I came to a strip mall with a grocery store and a few restaurants. I walked around to an area where no one would bother me and dialed the number Sayu had just sent.

My heart beat a little faster with each ring, and I was afraid he wasn't going to answer, but after a few minutes had gone by, the ringing stopped and I heard the same voice that was on Sayu's audio tape.

The conversation I had with Rei was really short. I knew that I couldn't outwit him on a good day, mostly because my mind didn't work that way, so when I was feeling less than perfect it was almost pointless to try to lie to him. So I was really honest about everything—honesty usually worked out better for me. If I lied I'd just stumble all over myself and make a mess and probably get myself killed.

So I told him who I was and exactly what I wanted up front.

He seemed surprised, and I couldn't blame him. After all, this was the guy who had probably tried to have me killed just a few days ago, and now I was contacting him directly. I asked him to meet me in the train station at noon tomorrow so that we could discuss some terms, and then I asked him to please come alone and promised that I would, that it wasn't my intention to arrest him. In fact, I told him I could keep him from being arrested at all if he just cooperated with me.

The whole conversation sort of seemed to leave him speechless, but he agreed to meet me and to come alone, which was probably a lie, but it was good enough, so I ended the call and went on my way.

It was sort of a stupid thing to do, meeting a criminal who wanted me dead without so much as some back up, and the idea really scared me. If Aizawa or Ide had been there they would have said I was an idiot. Mogi probably wouldn't say it, but he'd be thinking it. I was an idiot. But maybe, just maybe, on the off-chance that Rei really did come alone and actually listened to what I had to say, then it was possible that I could walk away alive and get the information I needed as well.

After all, no matter what my friends would think, I was less than twenty-four hours away from meeting Atashi Rei face-to-face, and they were still watching his house, hoping he'd come back.

When I was done with the conversation I went looking for the cheapest hotel I could find, and then I rented a room for the night, hoping to get some rest. But it was still early and there was so much on my mind I couldn't sleep anyway.

I was playing a risky game. If Rei was really involved with Miyami and he called him up to tell him I was snooping around I could wind up dead. Or Reaper could just figure out that I was no longer being protected by my friends and he'd kill me. In this case, it looked like there were half a dozen ways for me to get killed.

But that was the least of my worries. I felt terrible for the things that were happening around me. NPA cops were getting killed every day, and the bodycount was sure to rise over the next few days, getting worse and worse. No matter what Aizawa said, that was on me.

Maybe this really was my punishment for shooting Light. Maybe it was karma for hurting a friend—Light had been a little bit like a brother. I'd been at the Yagami's house a lot, and at times I'd felt like Soichiro was my father. Now with my new connection to Sayu, I felt even closer to them all, and even guiltier about Light's death.

I didn't have to shoot him, did I? Couldn't we have resolved it without me shooting the hell out of him? What would Soichiro and Sayu think if they knew I'd shot Light.

They'd hate me. But…I'd done it for the good of humanity, hadn't I? I'd done it _for_ Soichiro and Sayu, because he'd betrayed them. It had been the right thing to do…the just thing to do…

_…all those earnest people…who fight for justice, they always lose. Do you want a world where people like him are made to be fools?…_

Was I one of those people? Was I going to lose? Maybe I was supposed to lose this battle—maybe my number was up.

Still, how could Light justify his father's death with that logic? Soichiro hadn't been a fool…had he? He had just wanted to do the right thing, to protect his family and friends. That was all I wanted—I'd shot Light under that flag, to protect people I cared about. But also, I'd been so angry…the anger had seemed to have a life of its own.

_Where is that anger when I really need it?_

It looked though, like what Light had said was true. Here I was, fighting for justice, and losing. No matter what I did, no matter what risks I took, there was no guarantee that this was going to work out. All my friends might die, the NPA might be destroyed, I might be left alone with my punishment, just like the Reaper had said.

Maybe _that _was justice.

**Aizawa**

I paced and paced, and paced some more. It seemed like I was always pacing these days, ever since I took command of this mission. Sometimes it felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown, because somewhere between the pacing and the clue-hunting, we were losing this battle.

When Mogi called and told me he'd 'lost him', I knew what he meant immediately. My first instinct had been to say 'fuck Matsuda, now you can come help us look for leads', but I knew I couldn't do that. Not only because that would really make my teammates doubt me-if we didn't look out for our own then what were we messing with this case for anyway?-but also because letting Matsuda just wander around arbitrarily was bad on several levels. First, there was the fact that he could get in the way and make collecting evidence even harder than before. And then there was the possibility of him getting killed, which was definitely something we needed to avoid. After seeing what this psycho 'Reaper' had done to Chiba it made me all the more determined to make sure he didn't get his hands on Matsuda.

Then of course the idiot had to go wandering off alone: it would be damn near irresponsible not to find him.

So I called everyone together at Light and Misa's old apartment again, and Mogi told us all what had happened.

It was obvious to me what had happened.

"He overheard our conversation," I told Mogi. "That's the only explanation."

"Why do you think that?"

I didn't have time to explain it all to them, but it was just really clear to me, probably because of the conversation I'd had with Matsuda yesterday.

It had been my turn to 'hang out' with him, and the tension in the air had been thick as I'd sat at Light's old desk and Matsuda lay on the couch, looking at a magazine that had Misa's picture on the cover. I hated looking at that cover—I hated to think about what we'd lost. Not just Misa, but Light and everyone else as well.

It had been a good two or three hours before Matsuda had even decided to talk to me, and it was only because Okoshi had radioed to report yet another failure in the case. Miyami and Rei were really avoiding us like pros.

Only then had Matsuda said, "Not getting too far on the case, huh?"

I had felt totally annoyed with him, because there was only one place this conversation could lead us to. "Not very quickly at least."

"I've been thinking, Aizawa-"

"That doesn't sound good."

"I got a lot further on my own than you guys are getting with a whole team of investigators. I figured out what happened to the shotgun, who owns it now, and even who the man who made the fake IDs is, all by myself."

"You were also in a car-bombing, a fistfight and a drive-by shooting."

"I'm just saying, maybe you're taking this case the wrong way."  
"What can I say? We can't _all_ wander around like aimless idiots and get into barfights."

"People aren't taking the police seriously anymore—they know things, but they aren't telling us, so maybe-"

I'd cut him off short there, "Don't even go there. This case just started. It's going to take some time before we can put all the pieces together, but we are making progress, and leaving our badges at home and walking around like tourists from a fishing village isn't going to speed up the process."

He'd sat up, mouth set the way it was when he was thinking hard, "Yeah, maybe you're right. I could just be not getting it or something. But…Aizawa…the longer this case takes, the more people will die, right?"  
For a long time I'd thought about that: the longer this case took, the more cops were going to get killed, and the fact that two cops had been killed by a citizen today confirmed it. And for some reason that was the last straw for Matsuda. He believed he could get further than we could by playing vigil ante, so that's what he was going to do.

"At any rate, letting Matsuda wander around like Sherlock Holmes isn't going to be conducive to the case, so we need to focus on finding him. I know it will make things even harder, but we'll have to break into teams. A few of us will look for him while the others work on the case, and we'll rotate every now and then."

There was some grumbling when I said that, but Yoko was the only one who challenged, "What are you talking about, Aizawa? This case isn't going to get solved if a bunch of us are running around looking for Matsu. There's a cop-killer out there, and you want us to waste manpower hunting for a rookie who just took off one day for no obvious reason?"  
"First of all, Matsuda's not a rookie. He probably doesn't know it, but he's actually a pretty smart guy, and he worked on the Kira case for over five years, which is more than enough experience to be considered more than a rookie. Is he an expert? No. But he's not some stupid kid either.

"Second of all, think about what you're saying—there's a cop-killer out there, and I want to waste manpower hunting for a cop who's gone missing."

"It's not the same." She sniffed. "He's obviously investigating because you wouldn't let him. What's so wrong with that? Let him look around—maybe he'll find something."

I almost told her about Izanagi, but stopped at the last minute. I still wasn't sure how to go about telling everyone about that. I knew I'd have to eventually, but it didn't seem appropriate at the moment. In fact, I was sure it would just incite panic. "I wouldn't let him because this murderer is after him specifically—the grounds for it are totally off-base, as we all know, but this Reaper guy doesn't know about the notebook or the shinigami or anything at all about how Kira died. He's gotten hold of information we gave to the public, made a few assumptions, and done enough research to pin the whole thing on one person. But that doesn't matter. If he finds Matsuda he's going to kill him."

I let the gravity of those words sink in a moment before continuing. "I don't want to 'waste manpower' looking for some 'stupid kid' either…but let's face it, he could be dead in a few hours. We don't know where he is or what he's doing, or if something happened to him or not. Technically he's a missing person's case. Or he will be in twenty-four hours. So we need to find him."

Even Yoko didn't have anything to say to that, so I gave some last minute detailed orders, and left.

Ide came with me, laughing a little.

"What?" I glared back at him.

"You really read Yoko the riot act, huh? It's just interesting, since you're the one who treats Matsuda like an idiot more than any of us."  
"I know that."

"Then what's up?"

"You know. It's one thing to give your little brother a hard time, but when some other kid calls him names you're right there to put a fist in his teeth."

Ide looked at me seriously, "I guess we all got pretty close working on the Kira case, huh? A lot closer than I expected. Hell, I didn't know Mogi or Matsuda hardly at all before the Kira case started."

"That's true." I thought back. Those days were fuzzy and far behind. "I knew Mogi a little…but I never worked on anything with him."  
"Neither did I. I guess neither of us are compatible with him as far as investigating goes."

"We worked together a lot. You and me."

"We go way back. I think the very first case I was ever assigned to you were on with me."  
"I was. God, that was forever ago. We were younger than Matsuda back then."

"You're right. I think I was twenty-five…"

"I was older than that." I remembered. "Strange how the Kira case changed all our careers. I never thought I'd be where I am today…way back then. 2006… Now that I think of it, Matsuda had just joined the NPA a few months before the Kira case began."

"It wasn't his _first_ case, was it?"

"No," I couldn't help chuckling. "I was there with him on his first case. It wasn't a very big thing-drug bust or something-but I'd never seen anyone so nervous in my life."

"No surprise there. What makes someone like Matsuda want to be a detective in the first place?"

"Oh, you know…I'm sure somewhere along the way in his life he decided he wanted to be a hero." I added more or less as an afterthought, "He's got great marksmanship."

"Hell yeah he does. Did you see how he shot the pen out of Light's hand? He wasn't even _looking_ at Light when he got it out. It was a perfect shot."

"Surprised the hell out of me." I paused at the car door. "I don't give him enough credit. Sometimes I wonder if these stupid things he does are just to prove he has some value."

Ide shrugged, "It isn't your job to give him credit, Aizawa—this isn't a family."

He was right. I knew he was right. This was an investigation team. But still, working so close with these guys had made me care a lot more about them than I would have if the Kira case had never happened. Not a family…but something like it.

I looked at Ide, "We could be identifying him at the morgue in a few days…hollowpoints…"

He returned the look seriously, "You ready for that?"

"I don't know…" I thought about Chiba again, barely suppressed a shiver, and knew that I wasn't ready. Not even close. "I guess we've got to find him as quickly as possible, and give him the benefit of the doubt in the meantime."

It was all we could do.


	17. Chapter 17

**Matsuda**

I spent the night tossing and turning in a cheap motel bed, trying to figure things out, feeling guiltier and guiltier about the past, replaying Light's death in my head, asking questions I couldn't answer. I felt dirty, like I'd never be able to get clean, and sleep escaped me.

Finally, when I was tired of tossing and turning, when I couldn't lay there a moment longer, I got up and took a shower. Then I made sure I had everything-my gun, my phone, my wallet and my jacket-and checked out of the motel, walked out into the bright morning with my sunglasses on.

Even though I hadn't eaten dinner, I didn't feel hungry for breakfast, and even though I'd only gotten four hours of sleep, I got ready to walk most of the day, over to the station, and then back. Or to wherever Rei sent me. As long as I didn't get picked up by a well-meaning friend I should be fine. Even if Rei didn't come alone, he wouldn't be able to do anything to me while we were in a public place. That was my idiotic hope any way.

I really didn't feel myself as I walked. It was like I could feel that something was wrong. Depression, I guessed. After thinking about Light and Soichiro and their fates all night, it was no wonder I felt a little off.

Time went by slowly, and I spent most of the morning wandering around Chiyoda, trying to stay out of places I might be noticed. I went into little shops and bookstores and tried to look casual, pretended to read magazines while keeping an eye out for danger, and then, when it was just a few minutes before eleven, I started to walk to the station.

It was pretty quiet for Monday afternoon—just a few high class business people walking around with briefcases in their hands and cell phones to their ears, and high school kids leaning against walls smoking cigarettes. Skipping class probably.

I went and stood not far from the ticket booth and waited. Right at noon my phone went off and when I answered Rei's voice growled, "I'm here. Where are you?"

We designated a shop to meet in front of, and then I headed that way, putting my hood up and my sunglasses on. Chances were, my friends wouldn't have any idea where to look for me by now, so they wouldn't be checking this station for me, but they might pass through here anyway, so I had to try to blend in.

Rei was exactly where he said he'd be; he was wearing a business suit and had a briefcase with him, and I recognized him immediately as the man from the bar and from his house, so at least I knew I was meeting the right guy. As soon as I was sure it was him, I turned my phone off—the last thing I needed was for this meeting to be interrupted. Not that anyone had my number. It was probably just a habit.

Then I approached.

He stared at me as I bent my waist in a curt bow, mostly out of habit, then he returned the gesture, probably just because he was confused.

"Well, well…you're certainly different than I imagined."

I studied him from behind my sunglasses, "Really? How?"

"Younger." He shrugged. "You're not as smart as you look either—you came alone just like you said you would."

Nervous, I glanced around. There didn't appear to be anyone with him, but I had to keep my guard up. If worse came to worst I had a gun on me.

"I figured this place would be crawling with cops, but _you_ don't even look like a cop."

I hesitated, "If you didn't think I'd be alone, why did you agree to meet me?"

"What choice did I have? One way or another, you figured out that I'm a forger, and since you survived my drive-by it makes you even more dangerous. You have information that could put me away for years, assuming you spoke with Sayu Yagami."

Maybe he didn't realize Sayu had set him up.

"I had to take a chance and hope you were telling me the truth—honestly, it probably wasn't a very smart thing to do on my part," he mopped his forehead, "but if I can get out of this mess with my life I'll just be thankful. And my only other option was to set you up, have you killed, and that's not my style. I'm a forger, not a murderer."

"Well that's good news." I looked around again.

"You seem nervous."

"Because I'm really alone. You're a criminal, so I have no way of knowing you're really telling the truth."

He laughed suddenly, scaring me, "From my perspective, it's the other way around—you're a cop, so I have no way of knowing if _you're_ telling the truth, but you look like an honest kid to me. Something tells me you're not too bright yourself. A couple of idiots meeting on a fine, Monday afternoon."

_He could be right. We might have both been stupid enough to actually show up alone. This could work out perfectly._

"Anyway, let's get to business. You said you can keep me from being arrested—I'll admit that intrigues me. I've got a daughter, Matsuda-san, so I'd rather not spend the next thirty or forty years of my life in prison. What's the catch?"

"I just need some information about a previous client of yours."

"I see." He rubbed his face again.

"I know you went to meet Sayu Yagami to exchange forged documents--we're friends, so she admitted that to me herself, but she never told any other police officers. If she testifies against you, you will go to jail. But I'm sure I can keep that from happening if you just answer some questions. I know it's sort of a weird way to handle things, but the police are in a situation right now…and if we could get even just a little information I think it would be enough to pardon you. Right now, forgery is sort of not a big deal."

"Yes, I've seen that a lot of brave police officers have been dying lately. Sort of a shame."

"A shame? But-"

"Don't get me wrong, I'm no cop-lover. Your kind have been more than a thorn in my side over the years. But I don't hate cops either. They do their job to keep the women and children safe, and as a family man, that's important to me. I don't know who exactly is behind these murders, but I want no part of it."

"So you'll help me?"

He stared me with his fish-like eyes, "Yeah, alright, but could you step it up a little? I've got business to attend to."

"Oh, right…sorry. Um, anyway, where was I?"

"The information you want?" He sighed.

"Yeah! Uh—I need to know about a previous client of yours. I don't know his name…but I believe he had you make five fake IDs." I reached into my pocket and got out the fake Taro Matsui ID I'd gotten before being removed from the case, handed it to him, "Look familiar?"

Rei took it and looked it over, held it up to the light, and then grinned, "Oh…I see how it is."

"What?"

"Nothing. Yeah. I made this a few weeks ago."

"For who?"  
He pulled at his collar and looked over his shoulder like he thought someone was coming up behind him. I followed his gaze, but didn't see anything suspicious.

"I'll be honest with you—I have no idea who the IDs were made for."

"What? But they hired you, how can you not know?" This couldn't be a dead end. Not after I'd risked my life and everything.

Rei cleared his throat and waved his hand, "Now, now, wait. Don't get all upset. I never met the client directly-the job was supposed to be 'top secret-I wasn't supposed to know what he was using them for. So we had a go-between."

"Huh? Like…a middle man?"

"There you go, a middle man. I wasn't supposed to know _his_ name either. My client, apparently, knows someone who knew someone else, who had heard of me, and so they used a go-between."

"Can you give me any clue to _his_ identity?"

Rei looked over his shoulder again and checked his watch. It was starting to make me feel nervous. "The only thing I know about him is that he's the bartender for a bar in Kabuchiko called 'Yemma's'."

_Yemma's…that's Momo's bar…_

"Or he _was_ anyway…I've been in there a few times since, and I haven't seen that guy at all. There's some new keeper."

_So not Momo…but whoever the bartender before him was…would his client have been Miyami?_

"Is that all?" Rei looked at his watch again after a moment, "I've really got to go somewhere."

"Sorry, just one more thing. The other night, you tried to have me killed, right?"

"If you're referring to the drive-by then yes, I was indirectly responsible for that. But that wasn't anything personal, I promise."

"How can trying to kill me _not_ be personal?" I glared.

"My client contacted me a few hours after Sayu Yagami met me for lunch. I don't know how he knew about Sayu, but he told me to be careful because she's 'involved' with a cop named Touta Matsuda, and that you might be using her to get to me so that you could get to my client. He scared the shit out of me, saying I could go to jail for the rest of my life if you found out I was working for him. So I tried to wrap up my liabilities. I found your ID in my yard, so I knew what you looked like, and I was able to find your address and have some men start following you."

"But why didn't you try to kill Sayu too?"

"Sayu…" he mopped his forehead and checked his watch, "I already told you, I'm not the killing type. I wanted to believe that she genuinely needed my help; especially since she said she'd never heard of you." He sighed, "Look kid…I don't know what's going on exactly, but when I found your ID there was a fake one with it. Taro Matsui. The same name I was paid to put on a fake NPA ID. In that case, you're the guy this whacko on the TV is looking for, and if that's true then I don't want any part of it. Maybe I'm already involved against my will, but I honestly never met my client, and so I had no idea who was hiring me. I thought the IDs were some sort of fraud operation, not for killing. All I know is Taro Matsui is the only name he specified—I wasn't told a damn thing about why, and I didn't think anything of it. That's the honest truth."

His words and expression seemed genuine, and they were disconcerting. Rei was confirming all the fears I'd been trying to ignore, and now I had to face the fact that someone had figured out that my alias from the Kira case wasn't real and was targeting me specifically, trying to figure out who I really was so they could kill me. At the same time, I couldn't help feeling compassionate toward Rei, maybe because I'd met him and he seemed like a nice guy and I knew he had a daughter. I'd told him I'd try to keep him from being arrested mostly so I'd have something to bargain with, but now I thought maybe I really could. So I smiled, "Well, the fact that you're cooperating with me and not trying to kill me seems like a good sign. Maybe if you hide for a while longer, and then come forward with a testimony later that can help the police put this guy away, then I think you'll be pardoned. I'm in good with the guy running this case."

"You are?"

"Yeah—I think I could convince him to not arrest you." I was starting to feel excited. This could be better than I expected. If Rei testified what he knew, and I could connect his forgeries to the Reaper, we could actually have him put away. "I know I could. It's just a matter of cooperation!" I gave him a thumbs up.

Rei smiled back weakly, "Thanks kid." He was quiet a moment, looked at his watch again. "You seem like a nice guy."

I laughed.

Suddenly, he grabbed my arm and pulled me close so he could whisper, "I've got something I need to tell you now. I've lied a little bit in the last few minutes."

The tone of the conversation changed so quickly I was more startled than anything. "Huh? Lied about what?"

"About coming here alone. Last night, after you called, I contacted my go-between and told him what was going on. He agreed to come with me today-"

I felt my eyes threatening to pop out of my head, "But…"

"I was supposed to talk to you for ten minutes, see what you had to say, and then give the signal."

"S-signal?" My heart was pounding again and I realized I was sweating and shaking. This was it. My last few minutes alive. He was going to say 'this signal', wave his hand or something, and then I'd be dead.

"The signal to have you killed." He hissed. "But I don't want to do that, Matsuda-san; I believe what you said about making sure I don't go to jail, and I desperately want out of this mess. If I'd known what was really going on, I never would have made those IDs. But they paid me good…I guess I'm just too greedy. I'm willing to help you, but only if you _promise_ I won't go to jail."

"I…I promise. Rei-san, what should I-"

"You really came alone, right?"

"Yeah, I…"

"There's not much time left. In two minutes I'm supposed to give the signal. So I want you to wrench away from me, like you figured out something was wrong, and then run for your damn life. Get on that train and go as far as you can."

"Will you be okay?" Stupid to worry about the enemy in a time like this.

"I'll be fine. I'll tell them you got away, and they'll have no choice but to believe me. They won't kill me, because they'll want the information you gave me."

"But that sounds backwards. Won't they want you dead because of the information _you_ gave _me_?"

"Kid," he growled, "you wanna' die? Just do what I tell you!"

"Right. Wrench away…"

"On three."

"Okay."

"And one more thing, before you go; the first go-between we had was a middle-man for a middle-man. Now there's just one man connecting me to my anonymous client, and that man's name is Hiro-"

A loud shot rang out. People around me screamed and took cover. I felt blood splatter on my face and run down my neck, and for just a second I thought I'd been shot. But then when I opened my eyes I saw that it was Rei. His head had been blown open—a chunk of his skull was gone, along with one eye, and he was falling forward, blood gushing down the remainder of his face. Hollow point bullet. Just like the other murders.

Screaming, I jumped back before his large body could land on me. More gun shots echoed through the station. People were sprawled on the station floor, covering their heads. A bullet zinged right past me and hit the wall.

Blindly, I started to run, turning around and sprinting up the stairs, bullets flying by my head, barely missing. I ran in a zigzag formation like I'd been taught, hopped over the exit gate and kept running until I saw sunlight.

"Don't let him get away!" someone shouted, and a bullet came so close it nicked my ear.

Outside were the screams of sirens, already pulling into the parking lot. _The police are here? How could they have arrived so quickly?_

It didn't matter. The men with guns were behind me chasing me, firing shots. I heard someone scream,

"The cops are here! We gotta' run!"

"But what about-"

"Reaper will be angry if we're caught!"

_Reaper…_

One last stray shot rang out, and then the gunfire stopped, but I kept running, right through the exit, and outside, just as a squad of police cruisers pulled up, lights flashing and sirens blaring. One pulled up right in front of me and I sort of ran into the hood, leaned against it a moment, and out of instinct, looked up at the driver.

Aizawa was staring back at me.

_Crap!_

I pounded the hood with a fist, and pushed away from it, running as fast as my feet would carry me toward the street.

_Maybe he didn't recognize me._

A car door slammed, "Matsuda, stop!"

_Guess not._

I rounded the corner so fast that I almost fell, had to steady myself on the building wall. He was behind me, running and shouting, but I ignored him and raced down the sidewalk, pushing through the crowd, elbowing my way past them. I tripped once and had to jump up immediately to keep going, ducked down an alley and streamed past a homeless man begging for change. I took a few turns at random until I was good and lost in the maze of back roads, then I just kept trucking until I was in sight of another street. I darted across it against the traffic lights, barely escaped getting creamed by an oncoming car, and made it safely to the other sidewalk. It was only then that I paused for the first time, shaking and panting, and scanned the area around me for any sign of Aizawa or the others.

So far, I didn't see anyone, so I took a moment to catch my breath before walking to the bus stop.

I got on the first bus that came and took a seat way in the back, where I sat with my knees hugged to my chest and my forehead pressed against them, struggling to get a grip.

But I kept seeing Rei falling to the floor, dead. Why had they decided to kill him? Because he was about to tell me his middle man's name? They must have figured out that he was going to let me go. There was so much to think about. Rei had managed to blurt out the name 'Hiro' before being shot. Hiro Miyami? The men chasing me had said 'Reaper would be angry if they got caught', so was Reaper Rei's client? Had they been using Miyami as a middle man to communicate, just like Light had used Takada to talk to Mikami?

_No. That has to be a coincidence—no one but us know that Light did that…_

Still, the idea of Miyami being the middle man for Reaper and Rei seemed to hold water, and there was only one person who might be able to tell me the truth now. I had to go back to Yemma's and talk to Momo.

_Just as soon as I don't feel like throwing up anymore._

I sat on the bus for a long time, just letting it go as far as it would go, not paying attention to where I was. I felt so honestly afraid and shocked, I probably couldn't have walked to Momo's bar right then anyway. So I just stayed where I was, head against my knees, heading further and further from the train station, and Atashi Rei's decapitated body.

**Sayu**

_He never called me back._

I stared down at my silent cell phone.

_Is that because something happened to him? Or just because he hasn't had time?_

It had only been a day, I shouldn't have been worried about him, but I couldn't help it. So much weird stuff was going on. More cops had died today; no one I knew, but it was still distressing, especially when I thought about Matsuda and the others being out there. Not that I'd ever known Mogi or Aizawa or Ide very well, but I didn't want anything to happen to them anyway. They had worked with my brother and my father, so I couldn't stop thinking of them as my allies.

Actually, when I thought about it, I hadn't ever been close to Matsuda either; it was only after Light's funeral that I'd even started differentiating him from the others, probably because he'd come up to my mother and I with the saddest look in the world on his face, and had apologized as sincerely as if he were directly responsible for my brother's death.

Somewhere between that day and now I'd developed the strangest, most indecipherable feelings for him. I knew he was quite a bit older than me-more than ten years-but the emotions I felt, the strange security I got from being with him, and the even stranger desire to be there for him, were all growing every time I so much as let him into my mind.

I kept thinking about that day Light and Misa and Matsuda had visited our house. Back then, even though Matsuda came by with Dad more often than any other officers, I hadn't really noticed him. But that day there'd been something about him—just the attitude he was generating or the lighting in the room, the light-hearted way it treated everything; whatever it was, it had caught my attention. That was the first day I'd thought I could possibly find myself interested in him.

Now, not even a year later, being without him was strangely like being unable to breathe. I wanted him to call me. I wanted him to come by and pick me up and be with me, to look at me with those soft, sweet eyes, smile like he had on that day that seemed so long ago-face blushing like a high school boy's-and I wanted to kiss him again. Like the night he'd gotten in the fight outside the bar. Maybe there was no rational process behind these thoughts. Or maybe I just felt needy after losing the two strongest male figures in my life. Maybe I wanted someone to replace what Dad and Light had been. Whatever the reason, it bothered me that he hadn't called back; someone had tried to kill him just a few days ago, and it made sense for me to worry. Or at least, I told myself that it did, just so I wouldn't feel like a cyber stalker.

Clutching my phone to my chest I willed it to ring. _Please call me. I just want to hear your voice…_

It didn't ring, and I tried yet again to call him. But like the first ten times, it just went straight to voicemail. He hadn't even recorded a personal voicemail message yet, it was just some standard, inhuman voice telling me I'd reached a number.

"Dammit." I muttered, all but throwing the phone down.

"Sayu," Mom knocked on my door just a split second later, "you have some visitors."

My heart leapt. "Visitors?"

"Yes. Will you come down please?"

Should I dare to hope that it was Matsuda?

"All right." I got up off my bed, putting my phone carefully in my pocket, and hurried downstairs a little more quickly than was necessary; the further I went, the better I heard the voices coming from the living room. Men._ It could be him. He could be here with one of his partners._

By the time I hit the bottom of the stairs I was convinced that it really was Matsuda, and I dashed into the living room smiling, only to see that my mother was serving tea to Aizawa and Mogi.

"Oh, here she is now." Mom smiled at me, but I could tell she was nervous. "Sayu, say hello."

At first I was a little too disappointed that it wasn't Matsuda, and a little confused as to why they were there to do much more than blink. Then I remembered myself, bowed and stuttered, "Aizawa-san, Mogi-san…how nice to see you again."

They returned the formalities, then Mom said, "Apparently the detectives would like to ask you a few questions."

_Questions?_ I thought I knew where this was going-they must have found out I'd been withholding information-but I wasn't sure how they could have figured that out without Matsuda telling them.

Regardless, I slunk over and sat down on the chair across from them, trying to figure out where I should look. Keeping information from the cops was a fairly serious offense, and I knew I'd probably be arrested now.

Mogi sipped his tea.

Aizawa looked up at Mom, "Thank-you, Mrs. Yagami. Would you mind excusing us?"

I knew from Mom's expression that she would rather stay, but there wasn't much room for bargaining, so she just nodded and turned to go. They must not have wanted her to know what I did for some reason.

_Is there anyway I can talk my way out of this? I don't really mind going to jail if I deserve it, but I don't want to leave Mom all alone here like that._

"Detective…what's this all about?"  
"We just want to ask you a few questions, Sayu. It won't take long, hopefully, as long as you cooperate."

"I'll try to answer honestly."

"That'll be helpful." He took out a notepad and a pen, "First things first, Sayu; you've been spending quite a bit of time with Detective Matsuda lately, haven't you?"

_Here we go._ They'd make me confess to sneaking around, helping him investigate, and then we'd probably both wind up in jail. "Yeah, I guess so."

"And has he been confiding in you a lot?"

"Confiding? You mean leaking information about the case? He never-"

Aizawa shook his head, "That's not what I mean. I mean, has he been confiding personal things in you."

"I'm not sure what qualifies as personal."

"Oh. Say for example, where he's going, or maybe what kinds of plans he has."

"Sometimes." I found myself idly playing with my necklace.

Aizawa nodded. So far he hadn't written anything down, and he looked stressed. I felt sorry for him.

"When was the last time you spoke to him?"

It was starting to feel more and more like this had absolutely nothing to do with me withholding information. "Yesterday."

"What time?"

"Uh…a little after noon."

"I'd appreciate it if you could be more specific, Sayu."

It was a strange thing to be so meticulous about. It felt like Aizawa was asking me about someone who'd gone missing. Or who was dead.

"Why are you asking me these questions? Did something happen to Matsuda?" I couldn't help sounding quiet and fearful.

"That's what we're trying to figure out, so we need you to be as honest and as accurate as possible about what time you talked, and what he said."

"It was…after one. I'd say one-twenty or so. And he was just calling to let me know he got a new cell phone—he wanted a number I have; that was all."

"He didn't say where he was going or anything like that?"

"No. Nothing like that. I asked him to call me back later, but he never did." I lingered on that thought a moment, watched how it affected them both—Aizawa lowered his head just a tiny bit, like admitting defeat, and scribbled out a few notes, even though nothing I'd said had been particularly helpful. Mogi set his tea aside, making a face like something was wrong with it.

"Could we get his number from you?"

I hesitated just a second, and then nodded, got my phone out, and as I was scrolling through my contacts asked, "Where is he?"

"We have no idea." Aizawa mumbled.

Worried, I looked up, "So he's missing? What happened? Is he okay? I mean, after that drive-by it's pretty clear someone's trying to kill him, so do you think he's-"

It was like Aizawa didn't want to hear me say 'dead'; he cut me off hurriedly, glancing at Mogi as he spoke again, "Last we knew he was okay, but that was a full day ago…anything could have happened since then. Unfortunately, we can't give you any details…because we don't have them ourselves, but basically what happened was that I suspended him from the investigation and had him under surveillance,"

"Because of the drive-by?"

"Exactly. Yesterday he just sort of left. Got away from Mogi and disappeared. No one's heard from or seen him since…that's why we thought we should come talk to you, in case he said something revealing. Although…from what you've told us, there's not much we can go off of."

Mogi cleared his throat, "The number helps though. If you give us the number he called you from we might be able to track him down."

"Oh, right." I had almost forgotten about the number, but now I looked back at my phone and recited it while Aizawa wrote it down.

When he was done, he nodded and put his pen away, "Thanks Sayu. This is really helpful. Let us know if he calls you again, and we'll be sure to let you know if we find anything out."

"Wait a minute, Aizawa." Mogi interrupted before I could agree, looked at me seriously, "I know you already told us what he said to the best of your recollection, but I was wondering if he might have mentioned anything about a train station."

"Not that I know of. Why?"

Aizawa sighed, "I thought I saw him in the Chiyoda station this morning. We got a call about a man with a gun in the station and went to check it out. He ran past my car."  
"Matsuda didn't say anything about going anywhere."

"Right. I see. Well, in that case, sorry to bother you, and we'll just be on our way now. Take care of your mom."

They both got up to leave, but I had thought of something else by then, so I stopped them, "Hey, Aizawa-san, did you ever figure out who tried to kill him Thursday night?"

The detectives exchanged glances and then looked at me, "No."

I swallowed hard. They weren't going to bust me for withholding information. In fact, they obviously still didn't even suspect me of it, but I might have to tell them anyway, to help Matsuda. Wherever he was. "I-I think…it might have been Atashi Rei. On Thursday Matsuda and I were going to meet him at that café. See, I have this tape that-"

"I know already, Sayu." Aizawa interrupted gently. Then answered my distressed look by saying, "Matsuda told me about what you two were doing. I was going to get the tape from you, but seeing how Atashi Rei is dead-"

"Dead?" My mouth dropped open, and my whole body lurched. "Atashi Rei is dead?"

He looked at me strangely-they both did-and then nodded, "Yeah…"

"When did he die? How did it happen?"

"This morning." Mogi told me. "At Chiyoda train station."

I could have fainted. There was no way…he wouldn't have done something that extreme, would he? Not Matsuda… _But how could it be a coincidence? He called asking for Rei's number, then Rei shows up dead at the train station where Aizawa thinks he saw him? There's no way that just happened._

"Sayu?" They both took a step toward me, like they thought I was going to pass out.

"What's wrong?"

_Did he get the number because he was planning to meet Rei and kill him?_ I thought about Atashi Rei, with his ugly, shark face and grotesque body, and I didn't like to think of him dead. I liked it even less to think of Matsuda being responsible for it.

"Sayu." Mogi knelt and touched my hand.

With a deep, stammering breath, I croaked. My throat felt like it was coated with sand, stomach was so heavy, it seemed like the sand was sitting in it, "There…there's something I need to tell you, I think."

They studied me, brows wrinkled with concern, "About Matsuda?"

"What I just told you a minute ago…I edited it a little. Matsuda did call me yesterday, and he didn't tell me where he was going…but he did say that you were hunting for Atashi Rei-I just assumed it was all of you since he said 'we'-and he wanted his number.

"See, I…when we were setting Rei up on Thursday, he called me right before the drive-by, telling me he couldn't make it. He had my phone number, since I was pretending to be his client; I told Matsuda that, before you guys got there, so he knew that I had it. I think…maybe he wanted the number so he could go after Rei himself. I think," I choked and closed my eyes, not wanting to picture it, blinked hard as I tried to bat back the tears, "I think…Matsuda killed Rei."

Aizawa stared at me with eyes that looked like they were going to fall right out. "Why didn't you say something sooner?"

"I didn't want to…unless it was absolutely necessary. See, I…I have a bit of a confession to make…one that might get me in a lot of trouble, but, I know that I have to tell you, especially if Matsuda's in danger…"

"Great." Aizawa looked around like he wasn't sure what to do next, and eventually sat down on the couch. Mogi followed suit. "Well, let's hear it."

"Um…well, I don't know how to put this to make it sound good, so I'll just put it out there. I didn't want to tell you about the number Matsuda asked for, because I didn't want you to know about my connection to Atashi Rei…"

"It _was_ stupid of Matsuda to get you involved."

"But he _didn't_ get me involved. I got _him_ involved—when he told me you guys were having trouble finding a reason to arrest Rei, I thought I could help, so I went and met with him, pretended to be a client, and recorded the whole thing on tape. Then I told Matsuda about it, and he agreed to let me help him capture Rei."

"Wait a minute," Mogi cut in, "why would he be telling you about the case? Whether we were having trouble arresting Rei or not wasn't your business."

I flinched, "Yeah…that's the rest of the confession. The truth is…" I took a deep breath and whispered so Mom wouldn't overhear, "the truth is, I've been helping Matsuda investigate ever since the five men were killed last week."

Then I went on to tell them the whole story, how I'd overheard Koli talking about someone trying to sell him a shotgun, and how I'd picked the cop most likely to work with me and called him. I took them through all the events I could remember, editing some of the personal details, like Matsuda kissing me and how I'd started to feel something for him shortly afterward. Then I reiterated the story about Atashi Rei and the tape and the events of Thursday night, and finished. Waited breathlessly for them to explode.

Seconds ticked by, and both of them just stared, dumbfounded by the story, not looking at each other, and after a while, I started thinking that maybe they wouldn't comment. Maybe they'd just take it in and let it go.

Then Aizawa jumped up, "That idiot! What was he thinking? No wonder he was asking about the seriousness of withholding information, he was worried about _you_ getting in trouble! Hell, I wonder how many stupid things he's done over the last week just because he was trying to protect you!"

"Aizawa," Mogi attempted to calm him down, "just-"

"And you're no better, Sayu!" He pointed a finger at me, and I suddenly felt like my father was in the room, chastising me for being stupid. "Don't you realize how much trouble you could get in?"

"I wanted to help," I said quietly. "Kira killed my father and my brother…he destroyed my family and ruined my whole life."

"That's no excuse! You could go to jail for hiding things from the police—Matsuda could go to jail too!"

"But technically," I ventured, "I didn't withhold the information very long, since I _did_ tell a cop."

"She has a point, Aizawa; Matsuda's the one who didn't file a report properly."

"Because he knew that if he did she might still get busted for it!

"Even so, he told us a lot of this already. He told you about the shotgun and about Rei…there's really not much he left out, except for parts that directly involved Sayu."

I smiled gratefully at Mogi.

Aizawa started to pace.

"Am I going to go to jail?" I asked softly, after the pacing had lasted a moment or two.

The older detective bit the tip of his thumb and stared out the window for a while, then said, a little more calmly, "Are you positive that you told us absolutely _everything_ now? You've not leaving anything out?"

"No. I told you everything… If I have to go to jail for this, at least-"

"You're not going to jail," he snapped, "I mean yes, technically you should, since technically you were interfering with police business and preventing valuable information from being filed. Generally, I'd arrest you right now and you'd have a trial."

I nodded grimly.

"Aizawa, don't you think-"

"_Since_ you're the chief's daughter, and Light's sister, and because you're all that your mother has left in the world right now, I'd have to be one cold son-of-a-bitch to arrest you like that, so I won't do it."

It was a moment that called for smiling and gratitude, but I just nodded again, even more gravely than before.

"But you've got to swear you're going to stay out of it from now on. Don't go playing Nancy Drew and hording the information you find. If you find something out-like if that idiot calls you back-tell someone for God's sake."  
"Yes sir, I will."

He shook his head at me, "I know you want to be helpful, Sayu, but what you did was really pretty stupid, on top of being dangerous."

"I understand."

"But Aizawa," Mogi spoke up again, "you do have to admit that what a lot of what Sayu and Matsuda uncovered helped us get where we are today. Even though we haven't exactly solved the case, we _are_ making progress, and a lot of that progress is thanks to them. If Sayu hadn't overheard about the shotgun we might have never found out about Miyami at all."

There was a painfully long pause, then Aizawa relented, "Goddammit. Yeah, I have to admit that's true. But," he looked seriously at me again, "investigating is one thing, and lying to the police hinders the case. I hope that as the daughter of Soichiro Yagami you get the difference."

"Oh, I do." I said a little too eagerly. "Believe me, I do. In fact, I wanted to tell you everything on Thursday, Aizawa-san, but Matsuda wouldn't let me. I just hope that what I told you helps find him."

He sighed, "Me too. We'll make sure to keep you updated."

"Thank-you. And I'll do the same."

Mogi finished his tea and I saw them to the door, apologizing a few more times as they left. Mogi went out first, and then Aizawa paused on the front step to speak to me, but he didn't actually look at me.

"Sayu…?"

"Yes, Aizawa-san?" I was worried it was more bad news, or another scolding; I could tell that Aizawa was used to being in the disciplinary-paternal role.

"Just one last question."

I nodded. "Go ahead."

"You…" he sort of cocked is head, so that he was barely looking at me from the corner of his right eye, shoved his hands deep in his pockets, "you _love _him…don't you?"

The question was so unexpected that I honestly wasn't sure how to reply for a moment. Did I love Matsuda? Love seemed too strong a word since we really hadn't known each other very well for all that long, but still…saying I _liked_ him didn't seem like enough. What was really off-setting was that Aizawa had been able to tell. At last I just stuttered, "I-I guess that…I feel _something_ for him. It might not be love. Yet. But…that doesn't mean it never will be."

"I see." His voice seemed dark and sad. Then he sighed and nodded, but it looked like he was confirming something to himself rather than to me. At last he spoke so quietly I almost mistook it for the breeze rustling his clothes, "That's sad."

"Sad?"  
"Good bye, Sayu."

He left without explaining, and I went to bed worried.


	18. Chapter 18

**Matsuda**

I wound up pretty far away from Kabuchiko, but by then I was at least in walking condition again, so I started heading that way, letting my thoughts grow and ferment and turn dark.

Rei had been killed in cold blood, just because he'd wanted out. So many people were dying for no reason, just because some nutjob thought punishing me for killing Kira would fix everything. It was ridiculous. Stupid. I had to stop it. Even though I was by myself and I didn't have many resources, and I wasn't as smart as L and Light or as strong as Aizawa and Ide, or perceptive like Mogi and Yoko, I had to do what I could to stop these killings. Another four people at least would have died today-cops-plus Rei, and who knew if there were other deaths? I had to use my own talents and unique abilities to track this 'Shinigami' down.

But what talents did I actually have?

As I passed a window and looked at my reflection the thought drifted to me, _Nothing. I don't have anything at all._ I hadn't been able to help on the Kira investigation-in fact, I had always seemed to be in the way, hindering progress-so why should I be able to help now? This was all I could do. This pathetic excuse for an investigation.

Not long after my walk started, it began to rain, and the rain continued until I'd reached the bar, so by the time I got there I was soaked and sort of muddy, with my hair hanging in my eyes and my clothes a little worn and the gun riding in the back of my jeans—I looked nothing like a cop.

_Good. Wearing a uniform these days is like asking to be murdered._

It wasn't very late yet, but there were still a few people in the bar, playing pool and smoking, putting coins into the karaoke machine. Momo was behind the bar, wiping out glasses and getting ready for happy hour to arrive. He smiled up when the door opened, but he looked shocked when he saw that it was me.

With forced cheer, I smiled back at him and shook the rain out of my hair, "Hey, Momo."

"Matsuda? Haven't seen you in a while. Alone?"

"I am today." I slid onto a stool, glancing around as subtly as possible to make sure that it was safe. There were some people looking at me curiously, but no one who looked like a threat. "Not too busy before happy hour, are you?"

"No, but that's all right. It's Monday anyway. Not a lotta' action on Monday. Can I get _you_ somethin', Sonny? You're looking a little worse for the wear."

"No. It's too early."

"Then'd you just come in to chat, or what?"

"You could say so." I looked around the bar, up the stairs where Nishi Yamaguchi had been murdered. Strange how the body had been dragged away without anyone to see or tell about it. Did people really think it was a good idea to hide things from the cops? "I'm going to be honest with you, Momo," I put my hand on the handle of Mogi's gun, hoping I wouldn't need to use it. I heard the horrible pop in my head and shot Light all over again. I didn't want to pull the trigger on anyone, but I might have to. "I sort of need some help from you…it would be cool if you could give me a little information."

His eyes narrowed, but his voice stayed friendly, "Information about what?"

"Atashi Rei?"

"Oh yeah?" He wiped a spot on the bar. "That old friend of your friend?"

"Uh-huh."

"What do you need to know? Be warned, I'm not sure I can help you this time, kid. I don't know much about Atashi. But, hey, I'd be happy to help if I can. What's up?"

"Rei was a forger, you knew that, right?"

Momo seemed to hesitate, "Was?"

"Is I mean. Rei's a forger. Did you know?"

"No…can't say that I did."

"Oh. Well he is. He forges all kinds of things: wedding licenses, passports, fake IDs."

Momo seemed unbothered. "Huh. Hey, what's this all about, Matsuda? You leaving the country or something?"

"I just…need to know about some things Rei told me. He said that he made some IDs a few weeks ago for an anonymous client who was using a middle man to communicate with him."

"Yeah? And what's that got to do with me? You think _I_ was the middle man?" He laughed, "Kid, I just run a bar. You want a drink, I can help ya', but other than that, I'm pretty far outta' the loop."

I pondered that a second. Could Momo have anything to do with this, or was it just a coincidence that he ran this bar now? "I guess I didn't really think you were the middle man, no. But I thought maybe you might know him, since Rei said he was the guy who ran this bar before you did."

For the first time, I caught a glimmer of worry in Momo's eyes, but he kept his voice smooth, "And what would I know about _him_? He's just some guy who had a job before I got it."

"Couldn't you have met him a few times?"

"Nope. Can't say that I did. Sorry."

I sighed, "I wish I could believe that, but I think you met him, at least once. And I think you know the man who killed him." I kept my voice quiet too, not wanting the other customers to overhear.

Momo glared up at me defiantly, "'The hell _is_ this? You playin' secret agent or somethin'? How about you leave me outta' it?"

"All I need to know is the name of the guy who used to work here."

"I _don't_ know, Matsuda. Now either buy a drink or get out!"

Other customers looked over at us, a few murmuring to each other. I tried to ignore them.

Obviously, Momo was going to be difficult about this. That proved to me that he knew something; I would have liked to handle it rationally and calmly, like the way I'd delt with Rei-that was more my style-but I was tired from not sleeping, sick from not eating, exhausted from walking, and badly shaken from nearly dying and watching a guy be killed right in front of me. I guess to sum it all up, I was pretty angry, and I was letting my emotions control me, as usual.

Without warning, I grabbed Momo's collar in one hand, pulled Mogi's gun out of my jeans with the other, and stuck the barrel against the barkeeper's chest. His eyes got really big, and the bar got really quiet; I felt my hands trembling and my hair standing up on the back of my neck as I relived what it felt like to shoot someone. To kill someone.

"Wh- the hell ya' doin'? Put that thing away!"

"I just need you to answer me straight, Momo."

"I-I-I don't know nothin'; I swear to you, I don't know nothin'! Somebody call the cops!"

People came a little closer, some getting out their phones. I couldn't let myself be distracted by them though, or else Momo might get the gun away from me.

"I _am_ the cops." I growled; it sounded strange to me, growling like Aizawa would. "If you called them they'd be on my side, so I think you should just answer the damn question, Momo!"

He whimpered slightly.

I bumped his sternum with the muzzle of the gun. "Well?"

"N-Nishi…his name was Nishi. Nishi Yamaguchi. He worked here for eleven years before I did."

_Nishi Yamaguchi…so this was the bar he worked at._ "Where is he now?"

"I-I really don't know, Matsuda-san. I really don't know."

"Did he know Hiro Miyami?"

Momo gasped, but stayed quiet. His eyes were filled with terror.

"Did he know him or not?"

"Yeah…they were partners…Miyami and Nishi…they owned this bar together. Nishi took care of the customers, Miyami took care of business details."

I thought a minute. "In that case, was Nishi the go between for Rei and Miyami? Did he take care of the customer while Miyami took care of the business?"

"I don't know anything about that."

"This gun _is_ loaded." I cocked it.

"Hey, c'mon, kid," a customer dared to get within arm's reach of me, "put that gun away."

"Shut up!" I ordered, unable to resist glaring at him. I'd never felt so strange in my life—it was like I wasn't even me.

Aside from when I'd killed Light. That had definitely been weirder.

The other man stepped back and Momo closed his eyes, breath quivering, "Please…"

"Just tell me the truth. Was he their middle man?"

Slowly, Momo nodded. "I-I think so…a few weeks ago, before Nishi disappeared…he was talking a lot to Rei. I was a bus boy…so I noticed he paid extra attention to Atashi Rei…then he'd go and talk to Miyami later when Rei was gone. He could have been their middle man."

"Where is Miyami now?"

"I have no id-"

"I think you do!"

Momo swallowed hard and looked around. Some of the customers had gone back to their own business, pretending this wasn't happening, but a few others were still watching anxiously. I glared at them the best I could. If any of them had had a weapon I'd be dead right now, so I was probably safe for the moment.

"He's hiding. That's all I know."

"Hiding where?"

"If I knew, I swear I'd tell you, Matsuda, but I have no idea, I really don't. He didn't tell anyone where he's going or when he'd be back or even why he was leaving. You've got to believe that!"

I did have to believe it, because it made sense. Why would Miyami tell someone where he was going if there was a chance we could figure it out by talking to Momo or another associate? Finding him would be almost impossible.

Finally, I let Momo go, pushed him back a little so he couldn't take my weapon from me, and lowered the gun. "I guess I have to believe you." It seemed like the whole room sighed with relief, and I looked at the others out of the corner of my eye, "Sorry for the scare, everyone—Momo, thanks for your help." It felt stupid to be thanking him when he'd clearly only helped because I'd forced him to, but I couldn't just walk away without saying anything. I wanted to apologize to him too. None of this was his fault.

He was breathing hard, pressed back against the wall, "Y-you're a dangerous man, Matsuda-san."

_Me? A dangerous man? No…_

I turned to go, hesitating for just a second. I thought that maybe if I helped him out a little it could sort of make up for what I'd done, "Nishi is dead, Momo. I don't know if you know that, but I think Miyami killed him…and if he did…you could be next. So I'd get out of this if I were you." Then I put my gun in my coat pocket but kept my hand around it, ready to pull it out again if someone came after me, and walked back into the rain.

So now I had some proof. Rei had been hired to forge IDs for the murder but he'd never met his client. Instead, Nishi had gone between them to sort out details. When his purpose had been filled and he was nothing more than a loose end, someone had talked him into killing the two ex-NPA officers in the alley way, then they'd killed him, used his body in the fire so we wouldn't waste time looking for Chiba, and gotten rid of the shotgun. It had to have been Miyami. He had killed his own partner, probably to get more money out of his bar.

Most of the loose ends were tied up, now that Rei and Nishi were both dead, so it made me wonder if they'd kill Momo too. Who knew, Miyami himself might be a loose end. After what I'd heard in the train station earlier, I had reason to believe that Miyami was working for Reaper, so soon he might be out of the picture too. I had to get to him first.

On my walk back out of Kabuchiko, I felt paranoid and nauseated. I kept feeling like someone was sneaking up behind me, but every time I turned around I was alone. That made me feel lonely. I didn't like investigating on my own, it left too many openings for guilt.

_You're a dangerous man…_

_Not me. I'm just trying to get this figured out before it's too late._

_I know you understand, so kill the others! Shoot them!_

I had understood Kira, in a way…did that make me dangerous? Did I have the potential to be like Kira? What if I had found the death note? Would I have done the same thing Light did?

_I'll kill him. I'll kill him! He has to die!_

I'd been so determined to kill Light at that moment…it was like there'd been nothing past my anger. Like tonight, I hadn't been myself. But then…maybe that fury and loss of control was me, in some form. Maybe deep inside, past what everyone else saw, I had a sharp edge.

_Does that make me dangerous?_

I acted on emotions, not on logic…did that make me unpredictable? Did that make me a threat?

The guilt swept over me in a thick, stifling wave. Yes. It must have. I'd killed Light because I was angry. Now Sayu was out a brother, and Sachiko was out a son.

_You didn't kill him_

But I did. I shot him five times. Even if Ryuuk _hadn't_ written his name down he'd be dead now. Didn't that make me the man who'd killed Kira? The man Reaper was looking for?

_Light…I'm so sorry._ So my impulsive actions had not only killed someone I had cared about-the son of one of my greatest friends-now all my other friends, and the whole NPA itself were paying for it. _Just because I'm not logical._

Maybe logic wasn't everything, but it was imperative for a police detective. Rushing into things and doing whatever I felt like at the moment wasn't helpful. It was counteractive to what the others were doing.

_Maybe that's the real reason Aizawa didn't want me on this case, because he knew I'd screw it up. Because I'm emotionally involved with what's happening…_

But I couldn't just sit there and let it all fall apart around me. I had to do something.

I had to do something, so I'd contacted Atashi Rei and tried to get him to help me. Now he was dead because of me, and his daughter was probably an orphan. As far as I knew, Rei wasn't married. That was on me, just like the deaths of the NPA officers that had been killed up until this point were also on me. I couldn't keep my mouth shut, and I couldn't think things through the way Light could. He was a million times the detective I was, and now he was dead, because of my inability to control my emotions.

_Dangerous._

…_a world where people like him are made to be fools…_

_I'm a fool. I'm the biggest fool there is._

The guilt consumed me for the rest of the walk that night, and soon I was barely aware of the rain or the cold or even how many miles I'd gone. I just knew that after a long time, I was tired and I wanted to sleep more than I wanted anything.

So I went into the first dirty motel I came to and checked out a room; it was a trashy room that smelled like cigarette smoke and was full of grime, but I didn't care. I lay down on the bed, still wearing my wet clothes and clutching my gun, and thought about Light.

I felt a drop of moisture on my cheek, but I didn't know if it was a raindrop or a tear.

_I'm sorry, Light…_

_The warehouse seems so cold, the creaking of the giant fan infiltrating every open space, the heavy breathing of the others, listening. And the fear. It penetrates everything. The hammering of his heart is so loud he's afraid that they'll hear it, and then they'll know how afraid he is and they'll call him a coward. Or think so at least. If they don't already. After all, he's on his knees now, just sitting there being useless. Just his luck to drop into a puddle. His slacks are soaked. They're ignoring him anyway. Listening to the exchange between Near and Light._

_Then there's a gunshot. For a second he can't even believe that he's the one who fired that perfect shot. It's unreal. He's always been good with his weapon, but he's never had to use it before. Not like this. _

_Aizawa whispers his name. They didn't expect him to shoot. Hell, he didn't expect to shoot—it all happened so quickly, it was more of an instinct than anything. No. That's not even the right word. What he did was retaliation. They're all stunned, but for him the shock passes quickly, and he's trying so hard to hold back the tears, trying in vain to soothe the alien rage that has suddenly come over him._

"_who do you think you're shooting at? Don't screw with me!"_

_It's a threat but he doesn't care. He's past caring. The pain is just so deep, like a trench that can't be filled. This feeling… He knows it as betrayal. "What was it all for then?" He chokes the words out, "What about your dad? What the hell did he die for?"_

_It's all a flash. Light's answer seems so far away. But he gets the gist of it._

_'…They always lose…you want to live in a world where people like him are made to be fools?… shoot them.'_

_He does want to fire again. His trigger finger is itching from outrage, but he wouldn't dream of hurting any of his comrades._

_"You led your own father to his death, and now he's gone—you call him a fool?"_

_Everything happens so quickly. There are four more shots. He realizes that he's the one firing them. He watches Light flop motionlessly on the ground, moves in for the kill, the rage squirming up out of his stomach, making its way toward his mouth, like vomit. It's taken over, and just yesterday he didn't even know it existed._

_"I'll kill him. I'll kill him! He has to die!"_

_He aims at Light's head. He looks into the panicked, brown eyes. He pulls the trigger._

_"Why did you do it?"_

_Light's just standing there, a few feet away with his back to him, not even looking at him, and suddenly he wants to run to him and touch him and make sure he's okay and be forgiven._

_"Why did you shoot me, Matsuda?"_

_"I…guess you made me angry."_

_"But how?" Light looks over his shoulder at him, brown eyes so youthful, "Don't you realize everything I did I did for them? For you? For the whole world?"_

_"But it's impossible for one man to change the world…isn't it?"_

_Light smiles, "Matsuda, you're so stupid. Kira _did_ change the world. While I was alive didn't it seem like the world was better? Good people were safe and happy. Things only would have gotten better if I had been allowed to live."_

_"But…"_

_"Do you think I'd allow this Reaper to kill so many good, innocent cops?"_

_"No…I guess not, Kira…"_

_"Of course I wouldn't have. I was a defender of justice, just like they were." Light sighs and shrugs, "If only you hadn't killed me."_

_"I know that now!" He says frantically. "I know that I shouldn't have done that. It's just that…my emotions got the better of me, and I couldn't think clearly. I'm sorry! If I could go back I would do it differently! I'm sorry I sided with Near—I should have listened to you."_

_Light looks at him for just a moment, but it seems like forever, and as his eyes glow red, he knows that Kira's judging him. At last he speaks, "But it's too late now, Touta Matsuda. It's too late for you and the rest of this filthy world. Everything will rot, thanks to you. I'm afraid," he lifts his pen and sets it on the notebook he's holding, blood oozes away from the tip, staining the page, "I'll have to punish you for defying me."_

_Then there's a gunshot._

Again, I woke up all but screaming, feeling sick and nervous. It had been a while since I'd had that dream…I wondered what had delayed it. For some reason it seemed like ever since I'd started spending time with Sayu the dream, and the feeling of being impossibly dirty, had disappeared.

I looked at the clock and saw I'd only been asleep for a couple hours. It wasn't a gunshot that woke me up anyway. It was someone pounding on the door.

_Aizawa?_

Why did I feel like this had all happened before?

On edge, I got up from the bed and went over to the door, holding the gun at ready. Had someone followed me here to finish me off?

The knocking sounded again, and this time was accompanied by a woman's voice, "Open up—this is the police."

_Police? What's going on?_

I debated for a moment. Should I open it? I was technically hiding from the police. But if they were looking into something I didn't want to hinder their investigation. As long as they didn't ask for my ID I should be okay. Right? Hopefully.

"C'mon! I don't have all night—I was told someone's checked into this room, so open the door!"

Stuffing my gun into my jeans, I started to unlock the door, "Jus-just a minute!" _That voice, it sounds a lot like-  
_"Yoko?"

"Matsuda?"

We stared at each other for a moment, and I glanced out to see who she'd brought with her, but she looked like she was alone.

"What are you doing here?"

"Me? Never mind me, Matsuda—what are _you_ doing here? Don't you know how worried your friends have been? Ever since Aizawa thought he saw you at the train station today he's been freaking out."

"The train station? I wasn't anywhere near a train station."

_Great, what should I do now? Yoko's seen me—there's no way she's going to just not tell someone else about it. She's probably going to radio Aizawa as soon as she gets a chance._

Yoko looked past me, into the motel room, "Have you been _here_ all day?"

"No. I just checked in a couple hours ago. What are you doing on this side of town?"

"We got an anonymous tip that someone had seen a man matching Miyami's description over here. Aizawa sent me to check it out."

"By yourself?"

She nodded stiffly.

"I thought you guys aren't supposed to be investigating alone."

"We're not but," she lingered a moment, eyes dropping to the carpet, "something happened today…Okoshi and two other cops…they were the kill de jour."

"Seriously?" I gaped. "Okoshi's dead? How? _When_?"

"He went with Aizawa and two other men to the train station in Chiyoda to check out a report about a man with a gun. While they were there, Okoshi and the other two guys were shot—hollow points like the rest. Blew their heads to pieces. Aizawa was chasing some kid he thought was you and didn't even go into the station. If he had, I'm sure he would have been the fourth one to die."

_That 'kid' was me, wasn't it? I saved his life and didn't even realize it._ Somehow, in spite of the depression I was overcome by, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. "I-I'm sorry to hear that…about Okoshi and the others. But I'm glad Aizawa's okay."

She nodded. "So am I. We need him for this case. Which reminds me, what are _you _doing over here?"

"I already told you didn't I? I'm not doing anything. Just laying low."

"Right." I could see she didn't believe me. "Well, maybe you should come back with me before the others lose their heads. Now that Okoshi's dead you might have a chance of getting back on the investigation."

I shook my head, "There's no way Aizawa's going to put me back on. It's better this way." I hesitated, "But…I guess you have to tell him you saw me, don't you?"

"I definitely _should_. I could radio him right now, detain you, and I'm sure he'd be here in just a little bit."

"I know." I murmured. This couldn't be over already. I had some good information to go on. I just had to find Miyami, and then…

"But I'm not sure I will."

I looked up at her, startled, "Seriously? Why?"

"I don't really see any reason why I should. You're not a baby—you're obviously handling the situation all right on your own, keeping out of trouble. I think it's better this way. Besides, I understand what you're trying to do. I'd be doing the same thing too if someone told me not to investigate."

"I'm not investigating. I'm just laying low."

"Right." She laughed once, "Well, I've got to keep moving, so see you later, hot shot."

That couldn't really be it, could it? She couldn't actually be letting me go that easily.

A moment later, she stopped, "You know, on second thought, since I am alone…maybe you could help me out for a while."

"Help you out? You mean like…investigate with you?"

"Sure. It's still pretty early, and I'd appreciate the company."

"I don't know. It's been a long day for me, so I'd really like to just get some sleep."

Yoko sighed, "I understand. Well, how about a drink then?"

"Drink?"

"On me. I know I could really use one, and from the look of things, so could you."

Did I really look that bad?

_Half-drenched with rain water, covered in mud, sleepless, hungry…I probably look horrible._

"Fine." I nodded, closing the door behind me and locking it with the key, "I'll go have a drink with you. But only as long as you promise not to call someone."

"Babe, I wouldn't dream of it."

**Yoko**

Matsuda and I went over to a bar not far from his motel. In the light, he really wasn't looking too good. He looked like he'd been out in the rain, gone without food and sleep, and walked around town all day. I could only guess, but that was probably exactly what he'd done. Even if it wasn't, I definitely didn't believe his blatant lie about just laying low. If he had any intentions of laying low he would have just stayed at Light's apartment where at least there was a guarantee of protection and fellowship. Especially for the fellowship. The fact that he was wandering the city alone indicated that he didn't feel like he needed protection, but I knew from observation that Matsuda was a sociable person who liked to be around people and made friends with everyone. _Like a kid._ So I could see from looking at him that he wasn't enjoying going around alone.

As I drove, I watched him out of the corner of my eye, noting the way he kept biting his upper lip and gazing out the window. I felt compassionate toward him—after all, I could see how he might think this was all his fault, and certainly there were plenty of people who'd be willing to blame him. But at the same time, I thought it might be possible for me to take advantage of his loneliness. If he was desperate for company and I could get past the right barriers, I could probably find the information I needed. And as soon as I was _finally_ done with that, I could focus completely on the case. This little secret mission of mine was getting annoying.

"So," I asked casually, "is there anyplace in particular you like to go to, or shall I pick?"

It took my companion a moment to answer; he tilted his head to look at me, "What? Sorry, I was thinking."

A smile tugged at the corner of my mouth. Something about his expression and the innocent look of his eyes was so cute I felt compelled to kiss him. But I refrained, "You must have a lot on your mind."

"Yeah. I guess."

"After all, it's just been a little over a month since the Kira case ended, and now this psycho is threatening to kill all our friends…you only got two weeks off, didn't you?"

Matsuda didn't seem inclined to answer, but I knew he was listening to me this time. Something about the stiffness of his shoulders told me so.

"That's ridiculous if you ask me—only two weeks? That case lasted over five years. It ended in tragedy, it was a dangerous investigation-you all put your lives on the line to catch Kira-and the commissioner couldn't give you more than two weeks?"

Still he said nothing.  
"Sort of cold of him, if you think about it. I'd hoped the commissioner would be a little more compassionate, seeing how Light was killed and every-"  
His voice was frigid as he finally cut in, "Could we not talk about that?"

"Right. Sorry." I kept driving, but quietly.

Did he not want to talk about Light dying because it was a painful memory of losing a friend, or was it that, as I suspected, Light had been Kira and Matsuda had killed him? Well, not killed. Now that I knew about the death note I knew that none of the officers who'd been there that day were responsible for killing Kira, but it was so otherworldly and fantastical that at times my brain would almost rather accept that someone as sweet and gentle as Matsuda had killed his friend and associate than that a god of death had written Light's name in its killer pad of stationary.

"The notebook," I said as I pulled up at a parking meter outside of one of my favorite bars, "I would have been interested in seeing it. What was it like?"

Matsuda shrugged, "It was just a normal, black notebook, like a student would carry."

"And the shinigami," I got out of the car and pumped some coins into the meter, "What was its name?"

"Ryuuk." Matsuda murmured, walking beside me into the bar.

It was pretty quiet, seeing how it was the middle of the week, but there was loud music playing and the lights were low. A few couples were dancing in the middle of the room; it made me feel lonely. I'd had very few men in my life, and sometimes it seemed like I'd be between boyfriends for the rest of time. Sometimes I felt like all I'd ever wanted was to be with someone. Someone who'd never leave me.

"Bar or table?"

"Bar."

We went over to the bar and sat down, and the bartender came by almost immediately. Our drinks were retrieved promptly, and Matsuda took a long slug from his glass, "Hey, is it really okay for you to be drinking like this? You have to go into work tomorrow, right?"

"I'm not much of a drinker, so don't worry, I won't get plastered or anything. Most of the time I just come to the bar to meet men."

"Well, what about Miyami? I thought you were looking for him."

I bought a split second of time by taking a sip of my own drink, then lied, "Yours was the last room I checked—I didn't see him anywhere around that motel, so I don't think he was there. We're just going to have to start over fresh tomorrow." Really, I should have kept looking for Miyami—the Reaper case was a lot more important than this special mission of mine, but as I'd been walking away from Matsuda's room I'd realized that if I left I might not get another chance to talk to him, so Miyami had to wait for a little while.

"We might not find him at all," Matsuda said, finishing off his first glass and ordering another, "he could be a dead end, you know?"

"I guess it's possible. But he's the best lead we have right now, and I guess that's thanks to you. It's just too bad you had to get your lights knocked out to find that information."

Matsuda smiled, "It'll be worth it if we can catch this Reaper guy."

"I agree."

For the next few hours, the two of us sat and made small talk, drifting between the topic of the case we were working on and other, less important things, like family and social life. I was a little surprised to find that he didn't have much family left, other than a handful of brothers scattered throughout the globe and a mother who lived in a small village north of Tokyo who he hadn't seen for years. Apparently he'd grown up there, left in hopes of becoming an NPA officer. He didn't say anything about his father.

I only had two drinks, sipping them slowly, but he kept kicking them back like he wanted to get 86ed. Maybe he wanted to get plastered for some reason. I wondered if it had to do with our conversation earlier or if there was something else bothering him.

I waited until he was four sheets to the wind before asking, "So, I know you don't like talking about it, but how was working on the Kira case?"

Matsuda laughed, sloshing his glass a little, "Aw God, it was _great_. L built this _awesome_ base w'th all these tricked out rooms—like our own pers'nal hotel or somethin'. An' we all jus' hung out there, allll day long." He drained that glass and demanded that the bar tender 'go again'.

The bar tender looked at me, like he was asking my permission, but I just smiled at him sweetly and said "It's his twenty-first birthday." Just to see if he'd believe me.

Immediately the man nodded and poured a drink.

"Twen'y one? Ha! Do I look twen'y one ta' ya', Yoki? Whooo…don' feel twen'y one."

"Wait til' tomorrow."

"An'way, an'way, 'bout the case. Um…it was great. Great case. Got all close with Ai an' Motchi an' the Chief an' ev'ryone else. I love those guys. Hangin' out wi' Misa-misa was a blast. It was great when Light was there too. God, I love those guys."

"But it was pretty serious, right?" I should have known Matsuda would be a silly drunk.

"Oh yeah," he sat up straight and made a half-assed attempt at looking serious, a mischievous simper on his mouth, "_real_ serious. Ev'ry day it was like 'Matsuda, if you're scared ta' die ya' shoul' jus' leave.' An' I was all like 'Naw. I'm stayin'. We were livin' on the edge, ya' know?" For just a second, the mirth seemed to ebb away, "Guess…that's why the Chief an' L an' Misa're all dead… Light too… Di'n't know I was gonna' lose so many frien's when I started…"

"It must be hard."

He stirred his drink a moment before taking another long gulp, "Death sucks."

"I guess I wouldn't know. I've never lost anyone."

Matsuda gave me a wide-eyed look, "_Never_?"

I shook my head.

"Not even like…a gran'ma or somethin'?"

"Yeah, three of my grandparents are dead, but…I was never close with them."

"Peo'le've been dyin' my whole life. But I don' care. 'M too easy goin' ta' get all…sad o'er stuff like that."

I smiled. "You do seem resilient."

"Yeah." His eyes fell to the glass, like he could see something in the booze. "'Cept for maybe this time…this time I think…I'm gonna' get sad…migh' be sad a while…"  
"Was Light that important to you?" This might be my chance to get my answers.

"Naw." He shook his head, "Naw. Not Ligh'. I mean…don' get me wrong, Yoki…I liked Ligh' a _lot_. He was a fun kid. Smart an' cool, an' nice an'…an' just…_fun_ ta' be with…but I coul' get over his dyin' if I hadn' been th' one ta'…"

I waited impatiently for him to finish, but Matsuda just suddenly grinned and laughed.  
"What?"

"Nothin'. 'M jus' an idiot… 'f Ai were here…he'd prolly hit me for tellin' ya' so much…"

_That's frustrating. He didn't tell me anything._

"I've never seen Aizawa hit you."

"'Cause he don'…he's never hit me…but…he prolly would…" He mumbled, "No one's s'posed ta' know…"

After a little silence I realized I wouldn't get anywhere going that route, so I backtracked, "Well, if you're not hung up on Light's death then why do you think you're having a hard time moving on from the Kira case?"

He shrugged. If he were sober he might have realized that the question was baited, but as he was now I could ask him just about anything and he wouldn't even know it was a trap. "'S'all jus' so much at once…So'chiro dyin' was rough…he was like my dad a lil'. Not a lot, ya' know, but…he was there for me sometimes…when I needed him… then Ligh' was…murdered…right af'er that, 'n now Misa-misa…jus' more than I can handle, guess."

"I understand." I touched his shoulder. "Losing someone you cared about can't be easy."

"'s not." He informed me, drinking more from his glass. He seemed to be slowing down. "'s why I gotta' get _this_ case in th' bag. 'Cause…if more 'o my frien's die…dunno…it won' be good. Ai an' th' others…they're like my fam'ly. I saw 'em ev'ry day for six years…got used ta' it. If somethin' happened…if they were gone…"

I'd never felt attached like that to any of my friends, and it made me a little jealous. "Don't worry. I think we're really close to solving this. Thanks to you."

"Me?"

"Yeah. You're the one who found out about Miyami and Rei and the shotgun, right?"

"Oh…right…" Now he was staring into his booze again, some weird emotion on his face, blocking out the light that had been there moments ago. "So…wha' 'bout _you_, Yoki?"

"What about me?"

"Yeah. Ya' got like, a boyfrien' or somethin'?"

_Why is he asking me that?_ "No. I'm between."

"Not a lesbian or somethin', right?"

I laughed, "Do I seem like a lesbian?"

He grinned, "Naw. You're real pretty."

"And lesbians can't be pretty?" I mocked. I would have much rather gotten back to our previous conversation so I could get more information, but I didn't want to seem too insistent.

"Dunno. I've ne'r seen one. I've got no gay-dar. Don't know 'em when I see 'em."

Shaking my head slightly, I giggled, "Well, no, I'm not. What about you? I heard about the medic thinking you and Aizawa were together."

His face turned so pink I had to laugh again. He was really cute when that happened. Then he looked at me, almost frantically, "No way—Ai's married and has kids an' everything."

"What if he weren't?" I teased.

Matsuda set his mouth firmly and shook his head, "'m straight."

"Well," I said with a smiled, "that's one thing we have in common."

Our eyes met.

Suddenly I was all too aware of how close we were, how his elbow was touching mine, how our faces were just a little less than a foot apart, and I could feel his breath on my cheeks and smell the booze on his lips. Those soft, perfect lips, in that smooth, adorable face. Those sweet eyes…

_No. No, Yoko, stop thinking like that. You're on a mission-this is a coworker-don't even think about it._

But I could feel my body working against my will, leaning in just a little closer until our noses were practically brushing against one another. I parted my lips and started to go in for the kill.

Suddenly, Matsuda turned away, "'Bar keep, again, please."

With a sigh, I drew away, listened to the tinkling of the glass as Matsuda kept drinking.

"I'm sorry." I said after we'd been quiet a few minutes, but I didn't look at him.

"Never min'…I felt it too…" He didn't look at me either.

"You're…with Sayu, aren't you?"

"I'm…we're…jus' frien's…"

"Please." I snorted. "Kei told me about how you look at each other. How Sayu looks at you—at least _she_ doesn't think you're just her friend."

"She's 'motional…after Ligh' an' So'chiro dyin'…she just wants a shoul'er ta' cry on."

"What about you?" I asked quietly, looking at him at last. "Isn't that what you want?"

He kept his eyes averted, "I don't know…what I want."

We stayed a little longer, but I didn't have the heart to keep asking about Light and Kira, so I cut our visit short and told Matsuda I'd take him back to his motel.

Cheerful again, he agreed, and we left the bar, me trying to support him as he stumbled, singing an old, Japanese folk song and encouraging me to join in. I just laughed and said I wasn't much of a singer.

Once he was in the car, he pretty much passed out, and when I pulled up in front of his room, I had to shake him a few times to wake him up, then I half-dragged him into the room. He bumped a table, knocking over a small clock, and laughed hysterically at it.

I stripped off his coat and he flopped down on the bed, still singing quietly as I got his shoes off.

"Craa-aazy night…" he said while I pulled the blankets up to his chest, feeling suddenly maternal, "haven't been _this_ drunk since…ever."

"You must be really depressed or something. Have you thought about seeing a counselor?"

I was completely serious, but he just laughed.

Sighing, I sat down on the edge of the bed, "I think you drained my credit card."

"Sorry." He grinned.

"It's my own fault, I guess." I smiled back.

For a few moments, we just looked at each other, and I felt that chemistry again, that almost unapproachable desire to kiss him.

"Thanks Yoko." Matsuda whispered.

"For what, Honey?"

"Takin' me out like this…I really needed it…"

I refused to feel guilty over that. I refused to let my personal feelings distract me. I had a mission to complete, and I couldn't let my emotions for a silly boy get in the way. "Don't mention it."

He was quiet a while longer, then he closed his eyes. "You're right, prolly. 'Bout me bein' d'pressed."

"It's not your fault—you lost someone you cared about, we can all understand that."

Matsuda shook his head a little, hair falling in his eyes, "It's not…that. I coul' prolly get o'er it…I liked Ligh'…but we weren' _that_ close. I think…'m like this…'cause…" there was a horribly long pause, and I thought he'd passed out or wasn't going to continue or something, but then he choked out, "'cause…I'm th' one…who shot 'im."

My chest clenched. I couldn't believe he'd just told me that when I hadn't even prompted it or anything. "What do you mean you shot him?"

"Light."

"I thought Kira killed Light."

"No…" his voice was rough now, like he could barely speak, "no…Kira…_was_ Ligh'."

What was he thinking? Why was he telling me this? Granted, it was what I wanted, but still something about it felt wrong. I felt guilty for winning. "What are you talking about?"

"Th' whole time…all six years…while we worked on th' case…it was Ligh' th' whole time. He lied 'bout it over an' over. I di'n't even suspect 'im af'er a while. When I found out…idunno…I jus' coul'n't believe it… I was mad. So I shot 'im—five times."

"Why are you telling me this?"

A very slight, sad smile crept over his mouth, "I donno… guess I jus' am sick of lyin' 'bout it ta' ev'ryone…'specially now with all this other…stuff goin' on. It's my fault, an' no one'll 'dmit it. 'Sides, "he closed his eyes, "I trust ya'…Yoko. We're frien's, righ'?"

The urge to kiss him hit me again, and this time I couldn't resist; I leaned down close to him, and he watched me, not bothering to protest this time as I pressed my lips against his hot, moist mouth, tasting the alcohol and the sweet flavor of his tongue. I bit into his mouth with my own and folded my hands in his shirt, while he threaded his fingers though my hair and ran one hand down my back.

When we finally pulled away, I felt dazed.

Matsuda pulled his boyish smile, "Don' tell Sayu, 'kay?"

"Of course not."

"G' nigh', Yoko."

"Good night."

A long time passed, and I sat there, thinking, turning everything over and over in my head. I hadn't asked him about Light, but he'd told me anyway, and it had been my job to find out, and still I felt horrible for it, like I'd betrayed him. Still, there was nothing I could do about it now.

"Matsuda?"  
He didn't answer—sleeping.

So I finally got up, brushing a stray lock of hair out of his eyes, and went over to the window, pulling the curtains back to look out at the city, the blinking, red lights, the far away roar of early morning traffic. I got out my cell phone and made the call, but left the message brief.

"I got the information you wanted—we were right. It was Yagami. Killed by Matsuda Touta. I expect my pay tomorrow." Then I closed the phone and sighed, hanging my head slightly as the guilt became heavy.

More time passed, and all I could do was stare outside like a widow, before I walked slowly across the room and lay down beside Matsuda, curling up close beside him and burying my face in his neck where the scent of him was strongest.

He stirred slightly, turned his head, eyes half-open, to look at me.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.


	19. Chapter 19

**Aizawa**

"When are you coming home?" She demanded, that frustrated, angry tone I knew all too well after so many years of marriage.

"Soon." I promised lamely, knowing it wouldn't be nearly enough to satisfy her.

"You haven't been home in days, Shuichi. The kids are starting to ask about you. What am I supposed to tell them?"

"Tell them I'm working." I sighed, looking at my watch; I was glad my wife couldn't see me checking the time, or she'd get angry about that too.

"I just don't understand why you're doing this. Yeah, I understand that it's your job, but aren't we just as important? We're your family."

"Honey, I know, but-"

"You promised that when the Kira case was over you'd spend more time with the kids. More time with _me._"

"I know, but this new case is really important too."

There was a frustrated sigh on the other end of the line, and then some silence, "Honestly, I don't know how much more of this I can take. I mean, when was the last time we had a romantic evening, just you and me? Yumi is older now, so we woudn't need a babysitter. I miss you."

"I miss you too." I said softly, honestly. I did miss my wife, and I hated myself for not seeing her for so long, but still, I knew I had to put as much time and as much energy into solving this case as I could. I'd been trying to balance my time between locating the criminal mastermind behind the Reaper case, and finding that idiot, Matsuda. So far I hadn't gotten far with either, and as a price, I got home later and later every night. My wife had stopped waiting up for me a few days ago, and since I had to leave again early in the morning, I literally hadn't seen her or the kids in days. It was enough to make me want to scream.

"I'll be home soon." I promised. "Can you just hang on a little longer?"

Another sigh, "I don't know, Shuichi…when we got married, I knew I was marrying a cop and that there would be times like this, but I honestly don't know if I can keep this up. It takes a lot out of me not seeing you like this. Not to mention I have to take care of the kids all by myself—there hasn't been much me time lately."

"I'm getting close." I told her, even though I wasn't sure if I was. Last night Ide and I had gone to Atashi Rei's house to talk to the staff and deliver the news of his death. All I'd been able to get from them was that Rei had been frequenting a bar called Yemma's a lot lately, and that he had been behaving strangely ever since the visits began, having lengthy phone conversations with unknown callers and disappearing all day. His daughter had been there as well-good looking kid, about sixteen-and she told me that she'd answered the phone once, only to find that her father was already on the line, discussing 'something mysterious' with a man she didn't know. She said they'd set up a meeting for the thirteenth. That had corresponded with the hotel shooting from a few weeks ago—if Rei had really made the fake IDs we'd found then that might have been the night he delivered them for his client.

At any rate, the best lead we had was Yemma's now, so I'd sent Mogi and Kei to check up on the bar, see if they could learn anything from anyone there. I hadn't heard from them yet, but I hoped that the help would have some kind of information that could help us find Miyami, or at the very least, Matsuda.

He'd been gone for three days now, and no one had seen any sign of him. Could he be dead?

"Are you listening to me?" My wife demanded.

I'd been so deep in thought I hadn't even heard what she'd said. "What? Yeah. Of course I am."

There was a skeptical pause, then she said, "Well, anyway, just be careful, please? I know a lot of police officers are being killed these days, and I don't know what we'd do without you."

"I'll be fine." I promised, just as my landline rang. "Hey, I've got to get back to work. I'll call you later."

The news seemed to depress her. "All right."

"Tell the kids I love them."

"Okay."

"I love you too…"

She had already hung up by then. Discouraged, I put my phone away and rubbed the bridge of my nose before picking up my other receiver, "This is Aizawa."

"Good morning, Captain. It's Kei."

"Kei. Good to hear from you."

"I tried to get through on your cell, but it was busy. Hope this is okay."

I glanced around the apartment, wondering why it wouldn't be okay to call here. We'd had to totally leave the station, seeing how the other cops attempted to crucify us every time we so much as showed our faces, so I'd had a hotline set up in Light's old apartment and asked what few allies we had left at the station to redirect any calls concerning the case there.

"It's fine. What's up?"

"About last night." She sounded cheerful, so I hoped it was good news. "Sorry that we didn't call right away, but we figured it was too late. But I wanted to call you as soon as possible."

"Never mind all that—did you find out anything useful?"

"As a matter of fact, we did!"

I jumped out of my seat, suddenly pumped full of excited energy, "That's great—what is it? Is it about Miyami? Did you find out something about Matsuda?"

"No. Neither. But it's still good! We went to Yemma's like you asked, and we tried talking to the bartender; he didn't seem too cool with us snooping though, and we couldn't get him to tell us anything." There was a momentary pause, and I heard something pop. Chewing bubble gum as usual. Way to be professional.

"How is that good news?"

"Well, obviously that's not the end." Kei giggled. "While we were there, a customer overheard our conversation, and he came up to us later and told us something important."

"What?"

"You're going to flip! It's really, _really_ important."

"Dammit, Kei, just tell me what it is!" I couldn't help hitting the arm of the couch impatiently.

She just tittered again and said, "He told us that Nishi Yamaguchi was the bartender at Yemma's up until about two weeks ago, and that he just disappeared one night. He was working a shift, and then he said he had to go upstairs for a bit…and he never came back down!"

I was quiet. _Upstairs._ Could that have been the night the two ex-NPA officers were killed? Had Yamaguchi gone upstairs to kill them and then been murdered? I didn't understand why no one had reported that before now. Unless they were afraid of something. Or, like Mogi and I had guessed, they just didn't trust the police.

Kei didn't like my silence, "Isn't that great information? Now we know what bar he worked at, and we can start figuring out who he was in contact with before he died! Oh, and one other thing—I almost forgot: someone saw Matsu!"

"Really? Where? When?"

"At the bar last night. Apparently he was there a few hours before we were, talking to the barkeeper. The guy who told us that said he was acting crazy—pulled a gun on the bartender and everything, and then just left without shooting anyone. Isn't that weird?"

Matsuda? Running around pulling guns on people? "It couldn't have been him."

"That's what I thought too, but Mogi asked the man to describe him, and he said the description fit perfectly. I don't know. Maybe I just don't know Matsuda as well as he does. But he says he's sure that it was him."

If Mogi was sure I had no choice but to believe it, especially since I hadn't been there myself.

"But at least we know he's alive! Or he was, last night. Maybe if we search the area we'll come across him. Isn't that the best news ever?"

"It is great. Thanks a lot, Kei." _Now the only question is, what do we do with that information?_

"You're welcome, Captain." My response seemed to disappoint her. "I'm just glad I could help."

"By the way, where's Mogi? I was expecting him to call me."

"Are you upset that it's me?"

"No. I'd just like to know where he is…"

She laughed, "You're always so serious, Ai. Mogi was here with me earlier, but he said he had an important appointment to keep, and then he ran off. He should be back in a couple hours."

"An appointment?"_ What the hell could that be about?_

"Anyway, Captain, I'm starving, so if you don't mind, I'm going to let you go and run out to breakfast. Ciao!"

"Yeah. Um. Bye." I hung up, feeling even more exhausted than before. Something about Kei was so high-spirited and bubbly that it reminded me of how Misa Amane had acted. She also seemed to get along great with Mogi.

_Appointment? Who could he be meeting with?_ Was it possible that he was betraying us? No. Absolutely not. I felt ashamed for even considering that possibility.

I'd only been off the phone a moment when it rang again, and Ide was on the other line. "Aizawa, I have Niro Kesetsu on the line."

"Rei's butler?"

"He says he's got some important information that might help us."

"All right, put him on." _At least they're trying to cooperate with us._ Rei's whole staff had seemed furious and griefstricken that he was dead now, and they were all eager to help us in any way that they could. He must have been a nice boss. It was rare for hired help to stick their necks out for a dead employer these days. His daughter had seemed crushed as well, and had cried pretty much the whole time I'd been there. I couldn't help feeling sorry for her. It wasn't her fault her father had gotten involved with the wrong people.

There had been a lot of people who'd benefited from Rei's existence, now that I thought of it. He'd given generously to charity every year, funded research to cure diseases, sent support to orphaned children around the world. I had thought that it was just an act so he wouldn't seem suspicious, but now I wondered what all those people who'd depended on his money were going to do now. It was a truly unfair, cold world to live in.

"This is Aizawa."

"Hello, Mr. Aizawa. This is Niro Kesetsu; I was previously employed as the butler at Atashi Rei's home in Chiyoda."

"Yeah, I remember you. What can I do for you?"

"As a matter of fact, sir, I believe there is something I can do for you."

"Go ahead." I got out a notepad and then fumbled around a moment, trying to find a pen.

Kesetsu cleared his throat, "We've been going through the master's personal affects you know, as well as his paperwork, and we've found something we believe may be of interest to you."

Finally, I found a pen, "Okay."

"We were looking over the phone records, just to see if we could find anything important in them, and indeed sir, we found something we believe could be monumentally important."

I waited impatiently.

"I know most of Mr. Rei's contacts, you see: his clients, his associates, his friends. And, in fact, I knew all of the names on the phone records for this past month, except for one. The master spoke with a Jun Utagawa three times this month. The first time, Utagawa called on the twentieth, the second time my master contacted him-that was on the twenty-forth-and the final call took place on the day after that. It appears that the last call was made by Utagawa to Mr. Rei—it was very brief, and it was made only a few hours before the master was killed."

I wrote those dates down, and then stared at them. Made a time line on the paper. _The twentieth was two days before someone tried to kill Matsuda. The twenty-forth was the day after Matsuda disappeared. And the twenty-fifth, like he said, was the day Rei died. It could have to do with the case._

There was only one way to find out; I thanked Kesetsu for the information, encouraged him to call again if he found anything else, and then hung up so I could call a friend at headquarters who could look into this man Jun Utagawa. I asked him to hurry and get back with me as soon as possible.

"We might finally be getting somewhere."

**Mogi**

The park was pretty this time of year, cherry blossoms just beginning bloom, birds singing, with a very thin layer of crisp, white frost coating the tree branches and the sidewalk. I took a deep breath and steam wafted from my lips, dying quickly in the cold air. It was still early, and I hoped the day would warm up; we were in for a beautiful spring, and probably a short, sweltering summer.

I'd always liked spring the best. Something about it was breathtaking—so short I hardly noticed where it began and when it ended, but at the same time, more enchanting and magical than all the other seasons, a time when life got a chance to start over and go a new direction.

I stopped walking for a moment to look around. _Starting over. Going new directions._

Walking through the park always made me think strange thoughts, but I knew that this time there was more to it. Maybe it was because the purpose of my visit was to try to start over and go somewhere new.

A group of children ran past me, laughing and teasing, a teacher trailing them quickly, smiling. They were likely going on a field trip.

I watched them go by, and then continued on my way.

Of course, maybe it was just that I was drawn to beautiful things, even if I knew they weren't something I could have. No matter how much I wanted them.

For some reason the park made me think of Misa. I don't know if it was the youthful brightness of the children, the promising beauty, or just the feeling of a very strange, domestic freedom, but I turned my head and half expected to find her walking beside me, talking on like she always had, saying something about Light: the man she'd loved. The man who hadn't loved her. Misa had deserved better.

As I kept going, I lowered my eyes, wishing I could somehow wash Misa from memory, make it like she had never been there, so she wouldn't go on, like a thorn in my heart.

I'm not sure how I got to be so attached to Misa, whether it was just spending time with her as her manager or something else, something wistful in my soul. Whatever it was, I found myself caring for her, more than I should have perhaps. I hadn't been obsessed with her career and fame like Matsuda had been, but spending time with her had made me see what an incredible, sweet person she really was, and the fact that she was gone now hurt more than I would have liked for it to.

I'd wondered several times since she'd died if I'd loved her, or if I'd been given the chance, if I would have been able to love her. It was sort of a pathetic thought, since I was considerably older than Misa had been, but I couldn't help thinking that she was the kind of woman I could have been happy with, and that maybe if she hadn't been so in love with Light, we could have been given the chance to…

Anyway.

I scuffed my shoe at a stone on the path.

Anyway, she was dead now, and there was no way I could have prevented that; I'd tried blaming myself, tried telling myself that if I'd done something differently she'd still be alive, but in the end, I was just too level-headed to be controlled by my emotions, and I knew that she was gone now. And I knew that had nothing to do with me.

The best thing I could do was move on and drift away from those memories as best I could, until the thorn in my heart was just a distant, almost unreal, ache.

I rounded a bend and neared the park fountain. It wasn't running this time of year, of course, but it was still a good meeting place. There was a bench there, where a tall, American-looking blonde man was sitting. There was a child at his feet, sitting on the ground, playing with something and tugging at his shaggy, white hair.

Stopping again, I took a deep breath. _Near._

Or L now, I guess.

Restor noticed me and said something to Near. I proceeded forward, but the boy didn't look at me, not even when I was standing just a couple feet from him. I could see now that he had a pile of stones and was arranging them in some kind of pattern.

"Mr. Mogi." There was that calm, somehow cold voice. It wasn't natural for a kid to sound that way, but then, there wasn't very much about Near that was natural in the first place. "Please take a seat."

"I prefer to stand." Maybe it was just because Near reminded me of the hellish case we'd survived, but I had a hard time feeling comfortable around him.

"Very well then."

I watched Near a moment, waiting for him to speak first. I always did that—I just didn't have much to say about anything, I suppose.

"Let's get to the point of our little appointment, shall we? You called us, hoping to arrange a meeting with me, am I right."

"Yes."

"Your just lucky I happened to be coming to Japan."

I had nothing to say to that either, other than, obviously, he was right. But Near was usually right.

"Is it about the case?"

I'm not sure why that startled me—the whole world probably knew about the case by now.

"If you're seeking my assistance, I accept. After all, we can't have some madman running around just killing good NPA officers arbitrarily, now can we?" He began to stack the stones, meticulously. "After all, I'm sure that if I join the investigation, it will only be a matter of days before we can bring this murderer to justice."

I knew what he was thinking, even though he wasn't saying it—he didn't want there to be even the slightest chance that someone might get their hands on the notebook. I said quickly, "It's not about the case."

Even that didn't seem to startle him, although he did frown a little and stop pulling at his hair. "Then what is it about?"

"It's just…if it were up to me…" I knew I was stalling, but part of me didn't care, "…I'd ask for your help right away, if only because we don't have time to keep chasing this man like this. But-"

"But it's not up to you. It's up to Aizawa, isn't it?"

I wonder how he'd known that.

"Aizawa is a stubborn man-a smart man, but still stubborn-if he doesn't want my help on this case, I have no choice than to respect his wishes and stay out of it."

"Yeah, well." I mumbled, "Aizawa might be smart most of the time, but he's being stupid." Near had said it himself, if he helped this would be over in a few days, but without him, who knew how long it would take? Who knew how many people would die?

Near smiled, "Everyone is stupid sometimes, I suppose. Even Kira."

Kira. Why did he have to bring up Light? I didn't want to think about Light, or Kira, ever, ever again. If I could just get away from here, away from Japan, away from the NPA, maybe I could start to forget.

"This isn't about Kira." I said firmly.

Near just put another stone on his tower, "Then what is it about?"

"I-I…" For the first time in a long while, I found myself groping for words, "I was hoping…to join your team of investigators. As soon as this case is over."

For the first time, Near looked up at me, eyes mildly wide. Even he hadn't been expecting that. After a moment he looked down again, "You want to be part of L's Special Forces?"

"If that's what you're calling it."

"I see." He left the rocks alone at last and went back to fooling with his hair, "I have to admit, Mr. Mogi, you surprised me. That was the last thing I was expecting."

I stood there quietly. Restor studied me without speaking.

At last I said, "No one's expecting it."

"Your friends you mean? You haven't told them?"

"Not yet. They don't even know I'm meeting you today."

"I see. If I may ask a question, Mr. Mogi, _why_ do you want to join me?"

"I guess I just feel like I'm not reaching my…full potential here. I feel like I could be doing better, somewhere else."

Near looked up again, "Most of the men who were working with me before are dead now, thanks to Mellow and the Notebook: I could use a few new recruits. But you understand you'd have to leave Japan, your home, your family and friends, everything you know."

I nodded.

Near smiled, "Very well then. Wrap up this case, and then I'll let you join us."

He got up suddenly, and Restor handed me a small business card with nothing but a phone number on it. "We'll be here a few more days, but there's no guarantee your case will be over by then. You can reach me by that number at all hours of the day, so please, when you're ready, give a call." They started to turn away, and Near continued speaking, without looking back at me. "If we don't hear from you at all, I'll understand."

Then, just like that, they began to walk away. Near left his strange, little stone sculpture, and headed off, past the fountain and down the path, until they rounded a bend and I couldn't see them anymore.

I looked down at the card and the number.

He thought I was going to change my mind—or at least he knew the possibility was there. But I knew that the possibility wasn't there. I understood that I would have to leave everything I'd ever known behind, but what Near didn't know was how few attachments I really had. No family, no lover, no friends. Just the handful of men I'd worked on the Kira case with, and they could do fine without me, I was sure.

Slowly, I started to turn back the way I'd come, tucking the card into my pocket. Aizawa, Matsuda and Ide didn't need me. We'd finish this case together and I'd leave, off to start over, to go a new direction. Off to bigger, better things.

As I was walking out of the park, I saw a young woman with blonde hair and could have swore it was Misa. And then I heard someone calling the name 'Light'. Or at least I thought I did. I looked up at the skyscrapers and smelled the metallic scent of smoke and iron and industry, and I hated Tokyo with all my heart. I'd been here my whole life, and this city had stolen most of the things I loved, over time. I was more than willing to leave it behind.

_There's nothing here but painful memories._

I could be of more use when I was working for Near anyway. An NPA officer had his limits, after all.

I was crossing the street when the thought hit me: _Am I joining Near because I want to run away?_

Run away? Of course not. I didn't have anything to run from. Did I?

Well, maybe, in a way, I was running away. But why shouldn't I? There was plenty to run from. And sometimes, as any good cop knew, running away was the only way to survive.

**Matsuda**

My head hurt so bad, at first I thought I'd gotten into another fight; when I opened my eyes, the blazing light from outside made my forehead pound and my temples throb; on top of that, I felt sick to my stomach. With a moan, I rolled over, pressing my face into the pillow and straining to remember what had happened.

Slowly, it came back to me. The bar. The endless rounds of drinks. Yoko's weird questions.

_Yoko._

I sat up quickly and looked around; the motel room was quiet, the colors demure, the place a little bleaker than I remembered from last night. The bathroom door was wide open, and I didn't see a sign of her anywhere, but the last thing I remembered was her crawling in bed beside me.

_Did we…?_

No. I'd remember that, wouldn't I? I was pretty sure she'd just slept beside me and nothing else. But, I did remember her kissing me, right after I…

_I told her about Light!_

The thought induced panic, fear, shame, disbelief—one emotion on top of another until I felt the urge to just sink back into sleep and never move again.

"Matsuda, you idiot…" I curled up like I thought I could hide.

Aparently I fell asleep again, thinking about my huge blunder from the night before, and when I woke up again it was past ten. I still felt like I was going to throw up, but my headache had dulled slightly. Still there was no clue to where Yoko had gone. She probably couldn't believe how stupid I was either.

I definitely wasn't eager to face the day after a faux pas like telling Yoko about Light being Kira, and having a hangover didn't help either, so I put the pillow over my head to keep the sun out, and tried to go back to sleep. No investigating for me today. No more investigating period. I wasn't getting anywhere anyway. I knew I had to find Miyami, but I also had to face facts. I was just one man with one gun that only had a single magazine of bullets; there was no way I was going to just stumble into the guy I needed to find. Besides, if Yoko was looking for Miyami, that meant that Aizawa and the others were as well. They had a much better chance of finding him than I did. And once they had, I'd go back and tell them what I'd learned from Momo.

_We have to get this case wrapped up as quickly as possible…_

_Chief…it's no use…I just do more harm than good, and you know that. Maybe better than anyone._

_You're a disappointment to the NPA, Matsuda. If I were still alive, I'd take your badge._

_I deserve that. I know I do. I'm sorry._

_After all, what you did to my son was unforgivable. And it's not just what you did to Light—what about me? I was counting on you. I thought you'd take care of my family._

_I can't even take care of myself, Chief._

My phone rang, and I jumped. I'd fallen asleep again after all, without even realizing it. Massaging my head, I sat up, but the dull pain in my head didn't go away, and now I couldn't help thinking about Soichiro. _I was counting on you…_

He wouldn't have really been counting on me. There was no way. It had just been a dream, a biproduct of too much alcohol mixed with a lot of guilt and sleeplessness. Chief Yagami had been too self-sufficient to need a guy like me to do anything for him; but I didn't doubt he would be disappointed in my decision to kill his son.

I groped around for my phone and looked at it, expecting it to be Sayu. The number was unknown.

Running a hand through my hair, I flipped the phone open anyway, "Moshi-moshi?"

"Are you alone?"

_That voice… _I knew it, but I couldn't place it. I glanced around, half-expecting to see someone.

"Who is this?"

"I'll ask the questions—you just answer. Now, are you alone?"

"Yeah."

"I want you to meet me at noon-make sure you come alone-and don't tell anyone where you're going. Don't talk to anyone at all. If you get the cops involved I'm going to make sure everyone you care about suffers very, very much. Do you understand?"

My throat felt tight, and I could barely answer. "Yes…"

"Here's what I want you to do. Go to the place where we first met, and then walk four blocks east and six blocks north. There's an old building there that's going to be torn down in just a few days. There's sign says no trespassing. Go around back—the door there will be unlocked. I'll be waiting."

"But…who the hell…?"

_The place we first met…_ It was someone I knew. Not one of my friends—I'd know their voice right away. So someone I'd only seen once or twice in my whole life. Who would want me to meet them alone?

"Miyami?" I don't know how I knew it was him. Maybe it was just his voice that gave it away, but I was fairly sure it was, and the fact scared me out of my mind. The man who had killed Nishi, the man who was working right under the Reaper…he somehow knew my cell phone number. And this phone was brand new. "How did you get this number?" I demanded quietly.

"Just meet me at noon, Matsuda. If you don't come on time, I'll kill all your friends one by one, starting with Sayu Yagami. Remember, Kira gave death to the world, but the Reaper brings suffering."

The call ended suddenly, and I heard the disconnection signal on the other end. I stared down at the number on my phone again, shaking all over. It was unknown. The number was the only clue I had to where he'd called from, but chances were it was a public place. Even if it was a cell phone, he'd dispose of it immediately after calling me.

My first urge was to call Aizawa and tell him what had happened, but I knew where that would go. He'd want to go with me-instead of me-take the whole damn investigation team over there and try to arrest Miyami. Then…

_Miyami's threat was unspoken…but it felt real._ _I can't risk it._

Instead of calling Aizawa, I stumbled to the bathroom and threw up all the alcohol from last night. I hadn't eaten in about twenty-four hours, so there was no food in my stomach. While I was rinsing my mouth, I thought hard about what I should do. Did I dare meet him? What did he want with me anyway? Unless he'd suddenly decided I was dangerous and felt the need to take me out. I didn't think it was a coincidence that he was making this call the day after Momo had told me that he was partners with Nishi Yamaguchi. That information must have been more important than I thought.

It made me think about Izanagi Chiba again. Had he learned the same thing? Kei had said Chiba had found important information concerning Nishi Yamaguchi. Could it have been the same connection that Momo had given me last night? Was that why he'd been killed?

If it was that meant meeting him was going to my death. _So obviously, I should stay away from him._

_And go where? He found Chiba-he burned down his apartment just to get to him-he'd find me too. Even worse though, if I _don't_ go meet him, he'll go after my friends. I can't get them involved in this._

I pulled on my jacket and made sure I had my gun, and then went to pay for my room, and then, when I was a good distance from the motel, I stopped and leaned against the wall of a building, mostly because I felt dizzy.

My hands were shaking so bad, I could hardly hold my phone, but I managed to remember Aizawa's phone number, and I managed to dial it. _If nothing else…I have to make sure that I'm not the only one who knows this._

_Will he find out if I tell Aizawa? Will he just kill him too?_

_It's a risk you have to take, Matsuda. This is too important to let it slide by, just because you're going to die._

_If you don't show up, he'll kill you anyway. He'll kill your friends. If you do show up, he'll kill you. If you tell someone he'll kill you. No matter what happens, you're going to die. At least if I get this information to the others they might be able to make use of it._

The phone rang and rang; I started begging in my heart. _Pick up. Please pick up. Please. C'mon, Aizawa, pick up the damn phone. If you don't…_

_I'll die for nothing._

When I finally heard his rough voice on the other line, I breathed out so heavily it actually hurt my lungs a little, but I tried to sound normal. "Hey, Aizawa. It's Matsuda."

There was a long pause, I heard him talking to someone else. Would they be able to trace my call? Would it matter?

"Matsuda, where in the hell _are_ you?"

"There's no time to explain." They'd probably find my body soon anyway. I wondered if I'd be tortured to death. The idea made me tremble. "Listen to me. I have-"

"No, you listen to me! Do you have any idea how worried we've all been? Just what are you thinking, taking off like that? What part of this murdering psychopath is after you in particular do you not understand? You'd better tell me where you are right now—this is absolutely ridiculous, Matsuda. I honestly can't believe you'd do something this stupid. I mean, you've done stupid things before, but this is absolutely the worst. You could at least-"

"Aizawa!" I shouted, unable to keep the shaking out of my voice, "Please, you've got to shut up and listen to me! I have something really, _really_ important to tell you!"

He was quiet for what felt like a long time, and I couldn't quite find words to continue speaking. "Where are you? Are you okay?"

"No." I managed to choke. "I'm not okay. No, I'm not okay. Would you listen?"

"What happened?"

"I went to Yemma's last night-"

"I know."

How did he know? _It doesn't matter._ "I talked to the barkeeper-Momo-he told me something about Nishi. I think it's the same thing Chiba figured out. I-"

"How did you make him answer your questions? Mogi and Kei said he was too tight-lipped to talk to."

"I threatened to kill him, all right. Stop interrupting me. Look, Hiro Miyami is the owner of that bar. Up until Nishi died, they were partners there—Nishi was the bartender before Momo, Miyami handled the finances. I think Miyami killed him, but I don't have any proof. Also, Atashi Rei confessed to making those IDs we found—he said that he was hired by someone he never met, and that that client had a middle man talk to Rei for him. Two middle men, actually. I know that one of the middle men was Nishi, and I think the other one was Miyami. I'm not sure, but I believe they were all working for Reaper. That's all I know, but if you can take that information and use it in any possible way, do it."

He was silent for a second, and then he was so serious I knew that he had detected the absolute panic in my voice, no matter how hard I'd been trying to disguise it, "Why are you telling me this right now, Matsuda? Why over the phone? Tell me where you are and I'll come get you—we can sit down and talk it over. That'd be better. Why like this?"

Maybe he was just trying to extend the conversation so that they could trace my call and track me down, but I didn't care. "I don't have time to explain. I've got to go—just use what I told you to figure this mess out. I'm counting on you."

"Touta-" the fact that he was using my first name instead of my family name indicated something important, but I wasn't sure what.

"Shuichi…" I hesitated on that edge for a moment, trying to find something to say. Anything. What could I say to one of my closest friends when I was just a few hours from dying, without him realizing it was the last time I was going to talk to him? "You're a good friend."

"Touta, what's going on? You-"

"Take care of Sayu."

I hung up, feeling like I couldn't breathe, and then I dropped my cell phone on the ground, and stomped on it, grinding it into the sidewalk with my heel. Then I kept walking.

It took a little over an hour to get to where I was supposed to meet Miyami. In that timespan my mind went through every terrible thought and possibility in existence. Had he gotten my number from Sayu? She was the only one who had it. Did that mean she was in trouble now? What was he going to do to me? Kill me? Torture me? Maybe I was being too morbid. Maybe he was just going to make me do something for him.

When I saw the building we were meeting in, I doubted that was the case. It was set apart from the surrounding buildings, with its own small, plot of land, and it was tall, with thick walls, made of brick, few windows—a well-insulated place where no one would hear gunshots, or find a body, for a long time. If it was going to be torn down soon, my body might never be found. At least, not for a few days when the rubble was cleared away.

It looked bleak, with graffiti painted on it, and falling all apart, garbage surrounding it. I hated to think that this was the place where I was going to die. But that was what I got for sneaking around by myself.

I went around to the back, just like Miyami had instructed. The door there was almost completely overgrown by bushes and weeds, the doorknob rusty. It was a blue door, with paint peeling off and cracking. Someone had spray painted a skull in the center, but the red paint was fading really bad. I took a deep breath before pushing it open. The hinges creaked, making me flinch, and I stood there, staring straight ahead into the blackness. I was assaulted by the reek of musk and rats and chemicals. I heard nothing, and I couldn't see anything. As I stepped forward, there were a few, frail shafts of light falling down around me, but when I looked up they were fragmented and scattered, so I couldn't see the source of them.

Slowly, my eyes adjusted, and I could see that I was in a cavernous, blank room. It was cold, the floor made of concrete, the walls unfinished; there was a set of stairs on the far left side of the room, leading up to a set of doors that were all closed. It looked like some kind of warehouse, and for some reason it reminded me of the place where I'd killed Light. Was that on purpose?

In the middle of the room was a single, dark figure, tall with broad shoulders and short hair. I saw the bright flicker of a burning cigarette and got a wiff of the smoke it was spewing.

"Touta Matsuda." Miyami spoke in his rich voice, lifting one hand to take a drag on the cigarette and the other to check his watch. I could see the face of it glowing green. "You're early. I knew you would be."

I couldn't think of anything to say, but someone very near by was breathing so hard that I could hear it—loud, shaky breaths. Then I realized it was me.

"Why is that?" he came toward me, slow, measured steps, like a cougar, "Why hurry to your death? In fact, why come at all?" He grinned; his teeth were so bright, I could see them, and his eyes were shining too. It made me feel sick all over again.

"If I didn't come…" I panted, "you'd kill my friends. Right?"

"Absolutely. Well, actually, _I_ wouldn't do anything, but I have a good friend who might do nasty things to them. This friend is a little chemically unbalanced, you might say."

_Friend? Is he talking about the Reaper? I guess it doesn't matter._

"If you're going to kill me…just do it…but leave my friends alone."

"Ah," he laughed, starting to circle me, like a shark about to attack, "you're quite the noble one, aren't you? Impressive, for a coward. You know, you're really a fool to think you can protect your friends. But then…I suppose I shouldn't underestimate the man who killed Kira himself."

My heart slammed once against my chest, and then it stopped all together. He knew. How did he know? How could he have found out? This just proved he was working with the Reaper, didn't it? But then…

"What do you want with me?" I demanded.

"Do you really need to ask?"

"If you think I'm such a coward, and you're afraid of me, then what does that make you?"

Miyami's laughter filled the whole warehouse and a frost filled my veins, "I'm not afraid of you, boy," he got in my face, blowing cigarette smoke at me. "Honestly, have a little modesty. As it so happens, if it were up to me, I wouldn't bother with any of this. I don't feel threatened by you. Even with the information you got from Momo there's nothing you can do—there's nothing your friends can do. Even if they know that now, thanks to you, it won't matter. In fact, if it were up to me, I'd let you wander around and investigate as much as you wanted, and I wouldn't bat an eye, but, unfortunately, I'm not in charge."

I kept my eyes on him, trying to hide how afraid I was, "Then your boss…he must be scared of me."

His gaze was serious as he blew another puff of blue smoke into the air, "The Reaper fears no one—the power of death is stronger than love itself. Believe me, he's not afraid of you either. But he's also not a very forgiving man." Miyami snapped his fingers, and the shadows started to move, swaying back and forth at first, and I rubbed my eyes, not sure what to think of what I was seeing. And then I realized it wasn't really the shadows. There were three men in the room with us, all carrying what looked like automatic weapons, wearing all black. I saw a red English letter k sewn into their jackets. That seemed familiar, but I couldn't remember where I'd seen it.

I started to back away, but Miyami had gotten between me and the door.

"Do yourself a favor, Matsuda. Just drop your gun and surrender—it will save me a lot of trouble, and spare you a lot of excess pain."

I gritted my teeth and glanced at the four of them in turn, not sure what to do. By now the fear was so overwhelming that I could barely feel it anymore. It was like I was numb to everything. "Y-you're not going to kill me?"

"_I'm_ not going to, no. But that doesn't mean you should hope to live through the next twenty four hours. You see, Reaper's not going to let you get away with murdering Lord Kira; he's determined to serve justice, and he will, just as he has been doing for days now. And once you're dead and your blood is spilled, Lord Kira will be able to come back to earth, to lead all his loyal followers to the Paradise, where we will live forever in peace and happiness, without evil men like you to spoil it."

More of that Paradise nonsense. "Kira's dead." I said, much more calmly than I felt. "He's never coming back."

"Not until you're dead." Miyami agreed. "Truthfully, I'd like to kill you myself, but Reaper has reserved that privilege for himself, so I'm honored to be the one to capture you. Now for the last time, throw down your gun."

My mind raced. I couldn't just lie down and let them take me. But I wasn't sure I could escape either. They had their guns on me, and even though there weren't very many of them, that didn't mean there weren't more of them watching from nearby. That was what was really the problem. I didn't know how many men Miyami had brought. If it were just the four of them, I might have a chance, but that was unlikely. Who brought just three men to capture someone? It was much more likely that there were another five or six people nearby, waiting for me to make a wrong move.

I closed my eyes, listening hard, trying to figure something out.

_Making a break for it might be my only chance…if I can get out of here somehow…but…_ if I escaped they'd just hunt down and kill all my friends, wouldn't they? The situation seemed hopeless.

Slowly, I reached into my coat and got out Mogi's gun. I dropped it on the floor, shuddering at the clatter it made as steel hit concrete.

The moment it was out of my hands, two of the men moved in, one holding what looked like handcuffs. The sight made me quiver from the inside out. This couldn't be happening to me. This wasn't possible. I wanted to close my eyes and go to sleep and just forget it all.

One guy grabbed my arms and twisted them behind my back, the other one started to put the handcuffs on. The third was watching intently, and Miyami was gloating still.

Resigned, I lowered my head.

Somewhere deep in the back of my head, a voice that sounded very much like Soichiro Yagami's shouted, _Matsuda, run!_

Run?

_If you die, it won't solve anything—you've got to get out of this!_

_But, Chief, I-_

_Dammit, Matsuda, don't be a fool! RUN!_

Almost without thinking about it, I wrenched out of the grip of the man holding my arms, rammed him with my shoulder to knock him down. The second man fumbled for his weapon. I felt a scream being formed inside my chest as I kicked the gun out of his hands and dove after it. _What am I doing? This is crazy?_

_If you don't die here, you'll die somewhere else, under the hands of someone much more terrible._

That was true. At least if I tried to escape here, I might be killed quickly.

Amazingly, I managed to get my hands on the fallen man's weapon. It was a sub-machine gun. Definitely illegal in Japan. If this case were ever over, someone would have to figure out where these people were getting their weapons.

The third guy came at me, just a split second after I grabbed the gun, and I jumped back a little, trigger finger squeezing automatically; I watched in disgust as the bullets hit him, blowing him to pieces—his right arm got torn off, and so did the side of his face. He screamed and wallowed in his own blood.

_Hollow points…_

I spun around, aiming at the others, who were already in the process of attacking me when I shot their comrade. I saw the horror on their faces and saw them try to dodge, but they were down a second later-both of them-and I was breathing hard, shaking so bad I could barely hold the gun. I had just killed three men, just as easily as shooting Light. _What the hell is wrong with me?_

It was instinctive…it all happened so fast…I couldn't even tell what I was doing.

Now it was just me and Miyami. He was facing away from the door so I couldn't see his face, but he'd dropped his cigarette, and his posture was stiff as I pointed the gun at him.

"You're under arrest." I snarled.

"You…" he sounded far away, "you shot them. Just like that. Without even… no…that's impossible."

"Didn't you hear me? Drop any weapons you have and put your hands on your head." The muzzle of my gun was quivering, but I could probably still hit him, if I wanted to.

"But…I don't understand. Toyoshi said you wouldn't. He said that I could take just a handful of men and there wouldn't be a problem."

"What are you talking about? Are you stupid? Just give up already!"

"When you fought Troy," He continued in his distant tone, "you had a gun, but you didn't use it. Why not? Your fighting style…it's inconsistent. Everything you do is inconsistent. It's as if…every action is based on the way you feel at that very moment."

"You're out of your mind! You should hear yourself, babbling like a maniac! I don't want to shoot you, Miyami, but I will if I have to!"

He was quiet a long time, and I couldn't tell if he'd heard me or not. He seemed to look around at the dead bodies of his comrades, "You know…I'm not actually sure if I can believe that or not…if I run will you shoot me? If I attack will you kill me? Maybe you'll just stand there like you've never held a gun in your life…" Miyami glanced at the dead body nearest to him, "You're a good shot…I know that if you want to shoot me, you'll have no trouble doing it."

_What is wrong with this guy…? Doesn't he care that I have a gun on him?_

"For the last time, Miyami, lay down whatever weapons you have, and get on the ground, hands on your head!"

He smiled. Somehow, even though I could barely make out the features of his face, I could tell he was smiling, "I admit I underestimated you, and so has the Reaper. He'll have a harder time capturing you than he thought he would. In fact, I don't know if he can do it. But I do know this—he'll never forgive me for allowing you to escape. And if I surrender and allow myself to be arrested, he'll kill me for betraying him. Either way, I die."

"Seriously? You're insane. You think this guy will actually be able to kill you if you're taken into custody? You'll be safe, I promise, but you've got to surrender right now."

"No one is safe from the Reaper. No one escapes death. It's stronger than love. I will be killed, you will be killed, Kira will take his people to the Promised land; that's fate." He reached into his coat.

"What are you doing? You'd better drop that right now!"

"It's a shame that I won't be there to see it."

He lifted the gun, but instead of pointing it at me, he pressed the muzzle against his head.

A blur of thoughts hit me at once. _What should I do? How can I stop him? Should I shoot him? Is it better if he kills himself? He won't actually do it. He's definitely going to. I have to try to get information from him before he does. That's impossible. It's all over now. Did he really bring nothing but three men? What the hell should I-_

A single shot, just as I opened my mouth to tell him to stop, and then a spray of blood and brains as the hollow point bullet went into his skull, blowing it apart.

When I got home, a few hours later, I was still shaking uncontrollably, and I felt sick, tired and hopeless, even worse than before.

In a way, it was good to be home, back in my apartment, which I hadn't seen for almost a week, but at the same time, everything felt so out of my control, I couldn't exactly feel happy about being there, and with the experience I'd just been through, it was impossible to feel safe. All I really wanted was to lock myself in my bedroom closet and never come out, but instead, I went to the phone and checked my messages—there were a lot. Aizawa-just to see if I'd gone home-my landlord, Zanza-to remind me that rent was due soon-Mogi, Ide, Sayu, my mother-so many NPA officers had been killed she wanted to make sure I was alive-the landlord again…

After listening to about ten messages I got sick of it and turned off the answering machine, picked up the receiver, and called the station. Without saying who I was, I reported gunshots and gave the address for the building where Miyami and the others were dead, and then I hung up. I'd thrown the sub-machine gun in a dumpster outside the building; when the police went to check it out, they'd probably find it. My fingerprints were all over it, so they'd know it was me, and then…if that happened…then…

I didn't want to think about it at the moment. I was too tired and too stressed. So I went into my bedroom, locking the door behind me, and dropped onto the mattress, face first. My head still hurt from drinking all night, but that was the least of my worries; all I wanted was to sleep. Tomorrow I'd figure out what I should do next. But the rest of this day was devoted to nothing but sleep.

My subconscious though, didn't agree. As soon as I was asleep, nightmares of every subject and form took shape in my mind, and then I'd wake up screaming, lay there awake for a while, shaking and cursing myself for being such a coward, then fall asleep again, only to see something even more horrific, and wake up a bit later, all but crying.

In some dreams, Light wrote my name in his notebook for being a murderer, in others, I was forced to watch as Misa killed herself; Miyami held Sayu at gunpoint. Aizawa had his intestines ripped out by a rottweiler. In one dream, I saw myself, lifting a pistol to blow my own head off, and then I was standing there, looking at my decapitated body, blood oozing around my shoes. The Reaper murdered Chiba over and over. Sometimes it was one of my friends. Sometimes it was me. All too often, Soichiro was there, telling me I'd failed him.

It was too much to bear, and after waking up three times, I took some sleeping pills and drank a couple beers. That kept me out for a good, long time.


	20. Chapter 20

**Sayu**

"Mom! I'm heading out." I waited by the door, shouldering my purse and waiting for her to answer.

My mother appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, drying her hands with the dishcloth and looking at the clock. When she looked at me again, she seemed worried, "Out? But Sayu, it's so late."

"Don't worry about me, I'm just going to study at Arisa's house."

"Arisa? Do I know her?"

I nodded. Mom really _had _met Arisa, once, but she didn't have her phone number or know anything about her, so it was impossible for her to contact her if she got worried. "Yeah. She lives nearby."

"Well, do you want me to give you a ride?"

I smiled, "No thanks. I could use the fresh air after being in school all day."

Mom sighed, "All right. Just try not to stay out too late."

"I'll be back before you know it." I waved at her a little, and then, keeping the smile up, I headed out the door. As soon as I was outside, I let the smile drop, feeling the guilt hit the bottom of my stomach like a rock. I felt really bad for lying to my mom, but I'd been doing it more and more lately, consoling myself by saying that as long as I didn't get hurt it would be okay. She'd understand.

Adjusting my bag again, I started out on a brisk walk down the street and around the corner. It wasn't actually very late-only ten-so if I hurried, I could make it back before my mom got a chance to worry.

I half-walked half-ran to the train station and got on the train that would take me to Kabuchiko, and then picked a spot way in the back of the train so no one would notice me. I was wearing some of Light's clothes, like I did when I went out, and I kept my hood up and my head down so no one would suspect me, and if I was lucky, they'd just think I was a boy and leave me alone. Either way, I made sure to stay alert, and kept an eye on the passengers sitting closest to me at all times.

The ride to Kabuchiko seemed to take forever. I guess that had to do with anticipation. But I wasn't too scared. I'd been there alone a lot lately, sometimes at night, and sometimes during the day, and I knew it fairly well by this time. At least, I knew how to get to Yemma's. That was the important part. Still, I would have much rather had Matsu with me than be there all by myself. It was full of weirdos, and even though I was dressed like a boy, some of them leered at me.

_It's all right, Sayu. You can be with Matsuda again, just as soon as you find him._

Ever since Aizawa and Mogi visited me yesterday, I hadn't been able to forget about what they had said. I couldn't get it out of my mind that Matsuda was out there by himself somewhere, doing who knew what. He had obviously killed Atashi Rei, which meant he was desperate, and someone had gone so far as to organize a drive-by shooting to destroy him, which meant he was in danger. I knew that Aizawa and the others were doing all they could to find him, and I respected that, and I wanted to trust them and let them deal with it, but I also knew that they were extremely busy with the case, and finding an awol cop was a distraction. I would be helping not only Matsuda, but the NPA and the investigation as well, if I could only find him. Not to mention myself.

So here I was again, standing outside of Yemma's bar, praying to God that I'd find Matsuda here. Slowly I took the note out of my pocket and unfolded it to read it once more. It was in sloppy blue ink with a lot of misspelled words, and it was very brief, saying nothing more than 'I have some information. Please meet me at work.' Then was signed 'Momo from Yemma's'. The note had come to me earlier in the evening, slipped into my purse somehow while I was at school I guess. I had no idea how it had gotten there, or who had placed it there, but if there was even a tiny chance that Momo had information about Matsuda, I had to go.

And as always, there was the chance that this was a trap, that Momo was leading me here for his own personal gain, to get at Matsuda, or even at the other members of the NPA, but it was a risk I had to take. Not because at the bottom Momo had added 'P.S: you can trust me, I promise', but because it might be my only chance at helping Matsuda. He was out there, at risk, and so were all the other officers, putting their lives on the line while I slept in my nice, warm bed. This was all I could do, so I was determined to do it.

I stood outside the door a long time, listening to the wild music and thinking, people passing me to go inside, like I didn't even exist. Me, again, being shuffled to the side of life, standing in the shadow of my brother, always a liability. I was tired of that. I wanted to help, and I wanted to, just once, protect someone I cared about, so even though this was dangerous, and this was stupid, even though I'd lied to my mother, and even though Matsuda himself wouldn't approve, I knew I had to do this.

At last, I shoved the note back into my pocket, and with a deep breath, I went inside.

For some reason, the bar seemed dimmer than usual, the purple and red lights flickering off and on, like they were going to go out at any minute, the haze of cigarette smoke a little thicker, and the whole place seemed quieter than the other times I'd visited. It was a slow night, and the people who were there looked nervous and completely drunk. Chances were, they wouldn't be too helpful.

But Momo was there, like always, and he was sober. He saw me the moment I came in, like he'd been waiting for me, and immediately waved me over, calling out, "Miss Sayu! Thanks for coming. Please, sit down." Then he walked way down to the end of the bar, far away from the other customers, frantically gesturing for me to sit there. "Can I get you anything to drink?"

I didn't feel like a drink, but I had to look casual, just in case there were unfriendlies in the bar. "I'll have a Coke, please."

He nodded, vigorously, and grabbed the ingredients for my drink-a can and a glass-quickly. I could see from his expression that he was in a hurry. As he was pouring the drink, he leaned over and hissed, "Thank God you came tonight." His eyes darted back and forth, like he was looking for danger. "You're alone?"

"Yes. I didn't know if I should come by myself or not… Is it okay?"

"I…I was hoping you'd bring that boyfriend of yours."

I didn't bother telling him Matsuda wasn't my boyfriend, but said quietly, "I don't know where he is tonight, otherwise I would have."

Momo studied me a moment, and then folded his arms and leaned over the bar so he could keep whispering to me, "I'm sorry ta' do this to ya', Sayu; Kabuchiko ain't a place for a woman to be alone, but it was the only thing I could think of. I don't know how ta' get in touch with Matsuda…and I don't trust the cops. Hell, it was hard enough getting that note to you."

"How did you do that?" I sipped my straw, keeping eye contact with him, watching for any signs that he had ill plans for me.

"My nephew goes to your school. Small world, eh? I asked if he knows you, and he said yes."

That didn't answer anything in itself—it didn't tell me how Momo knew what school I went to, or how he knew which Sayu to tell his nephew about, nothing, but I didn't have time to sort it all out. If he was legit, we had business to discuss. If he was lying to me, I had to decipher that and get out as quick as I could.

"You said you have information for me, Momo. What is it?"

"I said I've got information. I didn't say for who."

"It's for Matsuda, isn't it?"

"Hey, you a sharp girl. Yeah, it's for our mutual friend. See, he came in here yesterday night, wanting some information…guess he connected me to the case somehow."

"Did you tell him what he wanted to know?"

"Some of it…er…not all. But I've got something to tell him, something really important."

"Okay."

"So important he'll never have ta' come here again. If he gets it anyway."

"Yeah?" I nodded, waiting impatiently to hear this super vital info. "What is it?"

"It's-" Momo stopped himself and held up one finger while he went to refill someone's drink, and was still holding the bottle when he returned. "I can't tell you."

Irritated, I snapped, "Then what did you have me come over here for?"

"Look, I'm sorry, Sayu." He made an apologetic face. "But my info's dangerous, nothin' you should be involved in. If I coulda' contacted him directly I wouldn't've involved you at all."

"That doesn't explain why you wanted me to come here." I checked my watch. Ten forty. This had better not turn out to be a big waste of time.

"I already told ya': I couldn't contact Matsuda directly. I need ya' to give 'im a message."

"Fine. What kind of message?"

Momo was quiet a long time, checking over his shoulder again and again, and then, suddenly, he grabbed my collar and put his mouth right next to my ear, murmuring, "Tell him if he wants to wrap up his case, he needs to come meet me here, ASAP. Tonight, if he can. Tomorrow at least. I'll be waiting right here, in this bar, all night if I hafta', but he's gotta' hurry, or else…" he swallowed hard. "Just tell 'im to hurry. I'll be waiting."  
"I'm confused." I admitted, prying his fist open and pushing it away gently, "So Matsu was here yesterday, wanting information, but you wouldn't give it to him; since then you've had a sudden change of heart and now you want to tell him whatever he needs to know."

Momo nodded quickly, "That sums it up."

"But why? If you were going to tell him anyway, why make him wait?"

"'Cause one of my _colleagues_ is dead, sweetheart. Miyami got killed earlier today, and whatever happened ta' him, whether it was 'cause of the NPA or the Reaper or even Kira himself, I don't want it happenin' to me."

"How do I know I can trust you?" I took another tentative sip of my coke.

At that moment, Momo's eyes were so desperate and so full of fear, I knew he wasn't acting, and I had no choice but to believe him, "Because, I want out. Tell that to Matsuda. Tell him I want out, and I'll do anything I hafta' ta' _get_ out."

I stared back at him a long time, thinking, weighing all the consequences and trying to come up with any reason I shouldn't buy his story. If he was going to do something, wouldn't he have done it by now? Wanting out seemed like a legit excuse. Did I dare believe him? Did I even have a choice.

At last I said quietly, "I see."

"Think ya' can do it? Think ya' can get my message to Matsuda?"

"I'll try my best."

"Oh! Thanks! Thanks so much!" he pumped my arm over and over, shaking my hand until I felt like it was going to fall off. "This is such a big help."

"There's just one thing… I don't actually know where Matsuda is…at all."

Momo's face fell considerably, so I said quickly, "But I think I can find him. I have his cell number, and maybe if I call and tell him what you said it'll be okay." It was the only thing I could think of.

"All right." Momo's voice was deathly quiet. "Just, no other cops, alright? I don't trust no dirty cops."

"No cops." I agreed. "Just Matsuda." I had no idea why he trusted Matsuda and not any other cops, but that wasn't my problem. My problem was finding Matsuda as quickly as possible, without even the foggiest idea where to start.

"Well," I sighed, taking one last drink, "I guess I've got a big night ahead of me. I'd better get going." I rose from my seat and pealed out some bills.

"Yeah. Uh. Be careful, alright? Don't tell nobody about our conversation. Nobody but your boyfriend."

"Absolutely." I smiled at him, attempting to be reassuring, and then I started to leave, "Thanks a lot, Momo."

"Thank_ you_. You tell your boyfriend, I'll be right here, as long as it takes. Just make sure he hurries."

I was walking out when he called me back, "Sayu, one more thing."

I turned to look at him.

Momo seemed like he was at a loss for words, then he said simply, "Watch out for Anubis. He's as cold as they come; Osiris too."

For a moment, I waited for him to say more, to explain what that meant, but then he just turned away to wait on customers, leaving me with his cryptic message.

After that, I left the bar quickly, with so many unanswered questions about how Momo had gotten the note to me, and why he was doing this in the first place. He must have really been scared. I guess that's what happened when your comrades started dying off.

Of course, my biggest problem was where to find Matsuda. Or rather, how to go about finding him.

The city looked black when I came outside again, taking rapid steps in the direction of the train station, trying to think like Matsuda. Where would I go? What would I be doing at night? Would I be with someone else, or alone? Chances were, he was alone, investigating somewhere. If I could figure out how much he already knew, maybe I could figure out _what_ he was investigating. But that would take time, and from the way Momo was acting, I didn't have very much of that. It was almost eleven now. He was going to wait the rest of the night, and probably all of tomorrow, and then he was probably going to leave town, and that was the end of the information we could get. So it was up to me to make sure that didn't happen.

I stopped a few people who were coming out of the bar with me and asked them about Matsuda, but they all shook their heads and told me he didn't sound familiar. Some of them were outright rude, but I didn't care. This was too important to let my worries about what other people thought get in the way.

As I was heading for the station, I took out my phone and tried calling Matsuda. He didn't answer, again. In fact, the phone said the number I'd reached was no longer in service, and I wasn't even sure why I was bothering to try it. With a sigh, I ended the call and thought hard. It was a new cell phone. His old one was gone. Where had he gotten the new phone? If I figured that out, it was possible I could figure out other details concerning his location.

Assuming he hadn't gone home, Matsuda had probably spent the last couple nights in a motel somewhere. If I figured out where he bought the phone, I might be able to figure out what motel he'd been in.

Or, if he had really been at the station in Chiyoda yesterday, to meet with Rei, then it was possible he was in a motel around there.

I sighed and took a deep breath. I could taste iron and pollution in my mouth. A few more people were up ahead, and I stopped them as well, but they didn't know anything about Matsuda either. It was possible they were lying to me.

In actuality, the possibilities were endless. Tokyo was a huge city, everyone knew that. And it only seemed to get larger when I thought about finding _one_ person somewhere within its boundaries.

I started going through the facts in my head.

Yesterday Matsuday had been in Chiyoda, and then he'd wound up here, in Kabuchiko. Now, who knew? He could be anywhere. My only option was to call Aizawa and see if he'd help me. But, I wasn't sure how fruitful that would be. If the police got involved, it might spook Momo, and then he might run anyway.

What a horrible situation to be in.

The chances of Momo running were already way up there. Someone was killing his partners in crime, so it was only a matter of time before they got to him.

_Yesterday_. I thought, stretching my arms over my head and then folding them into my hoodie pocket. _Yesterday, Matsuda went to Chiyoda, killed Rei, and came all the way over here to talk to Momo. He got _some_ information, but not all._ Would Momo have just given him _some_ information or had he forced him to? _Likely, he forced him to._

_Today, Miyami, one of Momo's 'coworkers' is killed, which scares the hell out of him. So, either Momo's boss is killing men, or the NPA got him. _If it was the NPA, it would have been on TV.

_Or Matsuda did it._

If Matsuda killed Rei yesterday, why wouldn't he kill another man today?

I stopped where I was. I should have asked Momo what information he gave Matsuda, but I hadn't thought of it then. Now I could see how important it really was.

I folded my hands in front of my face, breathing the familiar smell of my brother, and kept walking, closing my eyes, trying to think like Light.

_If Matsuda visited Momo yesterday, forced him to give up vital information somehow, and then killed Momo's comrade today…then it would only make sense that Matsuda was trying to find out from Momo where the other guy was, so that he could go take him out. So now…Momo is seeing that Matsuda is serious. That's why he wants to talk to him, so Matsuda won't kill him too._

Assuming I was right, Matsuda had killed a man today. And one yesterday as well. But the case wasn't solved.

_If I had killed two men over the last two days, where would I be?_

He was a simple guy, running on emotion, doing what he felt like in the heat of the moment. He's out killing people. Desperate to save the NPA and his friends. But he's not getting anywhere. So where would he go?

_Home._

I don't know why the thought came to me, whether it was just a fleeting idea or if Light was telling me from the grave, but suddenly, I was positive I knew where Matsuda was, and I was positive that that place was his own apartment.

It was the best place I could think of to start, and so that's where I'd go.

With renewed enthusiasm, I started to walk a little quicker, smiling to myself. The station was just a few blocks away, and then it wasn't far to Matsuda's apartment.

I practically ran around the corner.

And then stopped.

Three men were standing there, shoulder to shoulder, forming a human wall. Two had guns, and the one in the middle was holding a lead pipe. I felt like there was something distinctly familiar about the one in the middle, but I couldn't put my finger on what it was.

"Who are you?" I asked, voice shivering. What else could possibly go wrong today? "What do you want?"

The man in the middle just smiled, the shadows on his face were dark, making his teeth look bright and white as milk. "Hi there, girlie. What's your hurry?"

I stared at him, feeling my heart beging to race and my hand starting to sweat, backed away slowly, keeping my eyes on him. I felt like I couldn't look away, or I'd be killed.

"Looking for a good time?" He asked.

My heart seemed to stop. I couldn't believe this was happening to me, right now, right here, when I was in the middle of something so important. There was no way I was going to let this happen. If I could just get away, run somewhere safe, call someone, like Aizawa, or another friend, anyone really, then I'd be okay. But I definitely couldn't stand there like a helpless little girl.

"C'mere." The man hissed coming at me, one hand stretched out.

With all my strength, I swung my purse at Troy, hitting him square in the face, and screamed, "I'd rather die!"

The blow only stunned him for a second, but it was enough to give me time to take off running. I turned back the way I'd come and ran like hell.

**Matsuda**

I heard the phone ring, and it slowly dragged me back to reality. I'm not sure why I felt the need to answer it. I guess I knew somehow that if someone was calling me here it had to be important, so I made myself get up and wandered out of my room, nervously checking over my shoulder for any sign of danger, and answered, half-expecting it to be the ghost of Miyami on the other line, telling me to meet him somewhere.

It was Mogi.

"Matsuda? You're there? Really? Oh, thank God!"

"Mogi." I was aware of how husky and rough my voice was. "What's going on?"

"I didn't think you'd be there, it was just…it's an emergency. We had to try whatever we could think of."

_An emergency._ No. No more of those. I wanted to hang up on him. "Whatever it is, I don't want any part of it. Just leave me out of it."

That seemed to shock him, and he was quiet for several minutes, "Matsuda, it's Sayu."

"Sayu?" It was enough to get me interested. "Is she okay?"

"She's at the hospital, in the ER."

"What happened?" The panic was coming back. I was getting so familiar with it, I wasn't sure I could control it.

"We're not sure, but she's hurt."

"How bad?"

"I don't know."

"Will she be okay?"

"I don't know that either. I don't know anything. I just got a call from her mother—she didn't know anything at that point either other than that they picked Sayu up down town. I thought you'd want to know, but I really didn't think you'd pick up."

"Thanks, Mogi. I'll see you there."

"I'll swing by and get you."

"I-"

I didn't want to see anyone. I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. I felt too shaken and uncertain of myself. Outside the city seemed black. For the first time I looked at the clock. It was a few minutes til midnight. But I cared about Sayu. I had to go and find out what had happened and make sure she was okay. I owed that much to the chief.

"All right. See you in a little bit."

"Okay."

He hung up.

I sank into the couch, still holding the receiver and trying to figure out what could have happened to Sayu. Why would she be downtown? Had she been investigating more?

"God, I hope not."

Last I'd known, she was being watched by the police, and now she was in the emergency room. That could mean anything. People got taken to the emergency room for little things and major things alike. She could just need a few stitches for getting cut on broken glass. Or she could be full of bullet holes.

"God…" I lowered my head and held it in my hands. If something really bad had happened to her, I wasn't sure I could take it.

It seemed like just a few minutes went by before there was knocking on my door, but when I looked at the clock it was almost twelve-thirty. I took a deep breath and tried to smooth my hair before letting Mogi in, but he still stared at me like I had a third eye.

I greeted him quietly, "Hey."

He nodded to me. "Nice to see you're alive."

"Yeah. You too."

I followed him down to his car, pulling my coat on as we walked, "Thanks for the ride, Mogi."

"You're welcome."

It felt awkward to be talking to him so casually, but it was the only thing I could think of, "Who else have you called?"

"No one. Sachiko called me and Aizawa, then he called Ide. He said there was no point in trying to call you—apparently he'd been trying to call your cell phone all day." Mogi looked at me over his shoulder, like he wanted an explanation.

"Why didn't Sachiko try calling me?"

He shrugged, "Maybe she thought it would be a waste of time. Or maybe she just doesn't have your number."

"But she has yours right?" I got into the passenger side of his cruiser, waited for him to get in before he could answer my question.

"Aizawa and I went to talk to Sayu a few days after you disappeared. We left our cards with Sachiko. Just in case."

"What were you talking to Sayu about?" Hopefully they hadn't figured out that she'd been working on the case with me.

"We thought maybe she knew where you were."

That explained how they'd gotten my cell phone number, but I still didn't know how Miyami had discovered it. Had one of my friends betrayed me? I hated the thought of it, but after a day like today, I wasn't sure it was impossible. Everything seemed dangerous.

I nodded, and we started to move. A few minutes passed before I looked at him again, "Aren't you going to ask where I've been?"

"I don't care where you've been." Mogi said softly. "I'm just glad you're okay. You scared me."

"Sorry."

"Just…don't do that again, okay, Matsuda?"  
I wondered what would happen now that I was back. Would they try to keep me somewhere again, or had they learned that it wasn't worth the effort? I wasn't sure I'd bother running away again, since I'd already exhausted all my energy and resources.

Besides. Now, thanks to Miyami, I knew that Reaper knew exactly who I was and even what I looked like. What had happened today made me realize for the first time that I was really in danger, and now the thought of holing up somewhere, waiting for this to blow over and letting my friends handle everything, seemed a lot more appealing.

"I won't." I promised.

Not long after, we reached the hospital, and Mogi led the way inside and back into the ER. I was anxious the whole way there; Sayu could be dying for all I knew, and with the way things were going these days, it seemed almost impossible for it to be non-related to the case.

Of course, I had to go through Aizawa before I could see Sayu. He was standing outside her room, arms folded, apparently thinking, but that changed the second he saw me. He started walking toward us, calling out to Mogi.

"You actually got in touch with him?" He sounded disbelieving.

Mogi shrugged, "He was at home."

"Home? Matsuda, you bastard, after that call you gave me today, I thought we'd be dragging your body out of a river somewhere. What the hell happened to you? Where the hell have you been?" Obviously he didn't share Mogi's sentiments about not caring where I'd been as long as I was okay.

"Sorry, Aizawa."

"Sorry." He snorted.

Mogi asked, "Where's Ide? Did he come?"

"He's in the room asking Sachiko a few questions."

"What happened to Sayu?" I asked.

"No one's sure yet, but it looks like she just wandered into a bad part of town and got mugged. Some of her valuables were taken-wallet and camera and things like that-but there wasn't any extensive damage. She should be all right—they just want to keep her here for the night."

I nodded and felt relieved. "It didn't have anything to do with the case then?"

Aizawa shrugged, "We don't know yet. That's what Ide's trying to find out—'course it's a little hard when Sayu's asleep."

Ide opened the door and came out, looking tired. He stared at me a minute, and blinked hard, "Hell, I didn't think I'd see you again. Mogi actually got through, huh?"

"He got lucky." I agreed.

"What did she say?" Aizawa demanded.

"Nothing really. According to Sachiko, Sayu was going to study at a friend's place, not far from home. I guess since she was found downtown that was a lie. Sachiko has no idea what she was doing. That, on top of the fact that she's upset," Ide reviewed his notes, "she wasn't very helpful, let's just put it that way."

"She could have been investigating—she admitted to doing that earlier."

All three of them looked at me, and I knew they were watching my reaction, but at that point, I felt so out of it and so emotionally disturbed, I couldn't have given a response on purpose. "She told you, huh?" Was all I could say.

"_You_ should have told us."

"I know."

They exchanged looks.

"What's up with you?"

"I'm tired." I sighed. "Really, really tired."

"Want some coffee?" Mogi offered. "I was about to go get some myself."

"No thanks."

"I'll go with you," Ide said, "It's been a long couple of days."

He and Mogi walked away, relating some of the things they'd been through over the last forty eight hours. What little I heard of it was a little surprising. As far as I could tell, they knew just about everything I knew, including the fact that Miyami was dead.

Once they had rounded the corner, Aizawa looked at me, and I leaned back against the wall and slid to the floor.

"Let's have it." I invited. "Let's get it over with."

"Get what over with?"

"Whatever you have to say to me—we're alone now, so you can chew me out and no one will stop you."

"I'm not going to chew you out."

"Right." I snorted, resting my forehead against my knees. I'd slept for eight hours, thanks to the sleeping pills, but I still felt totally exhausted, and even though the physical shaking had stopped, my insides still felt like jell-o.

"I would like to know what that phone call was all about. …It scared me." He said the last part really quietly, like he didn't want anyone to know that he got scared.

I wished I were like him, for what felt like the one-millionth time. Reluctantly, I met his gaze. "I should have listened to you, Aizawa…what I did was stupid. I'm sorry I scared you." I looked down again.

Aizawa sank down beside me, much to my surprise. "I thought you were going to die."

"I did too."

"What happened?"

"Miyami…he…"

"Were you there? They found his body, said it was a suicide, but…I don't get why."

"I almost had him. I almost arrested him…I guess he thought it was better to take his own life than betray his boss."

"His boss?"

"The Reaper. As best I can tell, he was working directly under him. He could have answered all our questions, but…"

"There was nothing you could do."

"No." I shook my head, trying to drive away the memory of Miyami's last moments, "He was really, really fucked up, Aizawa…these Kira followers we're dealing with…they've got issues."

"Tell me something I don't see on the news every day." He muttered.

I thought a few minutes, and he was quiet.

"Ai…?"

"What?"

"Miyami told me death is stronger than love. Do you think that's true?"

I didn't have to be looking at him to know what kind of face he was giving me. "And speaking of having issues. That's a weird question."

"Sometimes crazy people say things that make a lot of sense—Light said a lot of things that made sense."

"Light wasn't crazy."

"He was a serial killer. Serial killers aren't normal."

"You're thinking too hard about this. Don't let what that freak said get to you."

"I don't think I'm cut out for this."

"Cut out for what?"

I looked at him and said simply, "To be a cop."

"Hey, come on. You're not a bad cop."

"I don't have the stomach to deal with stuff like this."

"You were standing right there when someone committed suicide, Matsuda, no one can deal with that very well. It's a tough thing to watch."

"He was afraid of his boss," I mused after a moment, "that was why he did it. I guess he thought dying by his own will was a lot better than letting that psycho with a mask do it."

"After what he did to Chiba I'm not surprised."

_That was almost me._ I thought about telling Aizawa that the Reaper knew who I was, but decided not to. I didn't want to freak him out even more—maybe I'd tell him later.

Aizawa sighed and leaned his head back against the wall, "Hey, I'm glad you're okay. When Mogi told me you were gone I wasn't sure where you were going—we thought maybe you were going to hand yourself over to that guy. But I guess you thought you could get a lot more done wandering around by yourself. And you did get some good evidence, you know. Maybe I was wrong to take you off the case."

"Maybe not."

"Either way, at least we're making progress—all we have to do now is figure out who Reaper actually is. It might take some work, but we'll get it done."

"And NPA officers are still dying, aren't they?"

"Five today."

"Six tomorrow." I murmured.

"It's a tough decision to make, but at this point, the only thing we can do is keep working."

With a groan, I rubbed my face. "I just want this to be over. I'm sick of it."

He studied me a couple minutes, and then he nudged my arm, "Don't you want to go in and see Sayu?"

Did I? I was afraid of what I'd see. But I hadn't seen her for a while, and I realized suddenly that I missed her a lot more than I'd been allowing myself to recognize, so I nodded.

Aizawa got up smoothly and offered me his hand, pulled me up like it was nothing, and then we went into the room together.

It was a typical hospital ward, all white, smelling of chemicals, with machines that beeped and flashed, an oxygen machine, a crash cart in the corner, an unused bedpan at the foot of the bed. Sachiko was sitting on the edge of the bed, holding her daughter's hand, and Sayu was sleeping peacefully. She looked all right, but her face was pale, and there was a nasty, yellow bruise on her left cheek, a cut above her eye had been stitched up. The heart monitor sounded pretty regular. I felt relieved to see her in one piece, so I sighed.

"Mrs. Yagami." Aizawa greeted.

She nodded to him, "Hello, Aizawa." Then she gave me a slightly cold look, and turned back to Sayu.

"I'm sorry this happened." Aizawa continued.

"So am I. But, the doctor said that she'll be fine."

"Good."

I drifted a little closer, looking intently at Sayu's smooth, beautiful face. For the first time in hours, the headache seemed to subside and my gut loosened just a little, like the fear was fading away. She looked angelic and perfect, brown hair floating, eyelids flickering slightly, her lips were parted, and I remembered all too well how it felt to kiss them. I resisted the urge to brush the hair out of her eyes, but only because Sachiko was there. If she knew I had feelings for Sayu, or the other way around, she'd be upset.

"So, she'll be all right?" I asked.

Sachiko glared at me, "She'll be fine. No thanks to you."

I did a double-take of her. It was the last thing I expected to hear from Sachiko Yagami, someone who'd always been good-hearted and kind, not just to me, but to everyone.

"Do you have any idea what you've put my daughter through for the last three days? She's been worried sick about you-more than worried-she's been in a state of panic for the last twenty-four hours. She hasn't done her homework, she hasn't gone out with her friends, she's just sat around, worrying over you."

"Me? Seriously? I didn't mean to make her worry."

"Just how clueless are you, Matsuda? Sayu was out _looking_ for you! My daughter, what little is left of my family, was out, wandering the streets of Tokyo alone, questioning strangers about _your_ whereabouts. According to the witnesses who were there when she was attacked, she asked each of them if they had seen you."

I started to speak, wound up standing there with my mouth hanging open instead, and looked at Aizawa for affirmation.

He averted his eyes immediately. He must have known the truth all along and just not wanted to tell me.

"Sachiko," I stammered, "I'm sorry…"

It was a stupid thing to say. Sorry wasn't enough, I could see that, but the way I felt couldn't be expressed in words. It was more than guilt. If I hadn't felt like crap before, I definitely did now. "I never meant to hurt Sayu…I left so that I wouldn't hurt her, so that she'd-"

"You left because you're a coward!" She cried, "You couldn't stand up to your own fears, and you couldn't trust yourself to do the right thing, especially when it came to Sayu, so you ran away. Do you think I don't know about what you two have been doing? Investigating like you're a couple of secret agents or something? You felt guilty about dragging my daughter into this, but you didn't have the guts to be firm with her, so you just disappeared instead! Who wouldn't worry? _I_ was worried about you, just as much as any of the members of the investigation!"

I glanced back at Aizawa.

This time he was looking steadily at me, not denying or agreeing with anything she said.

Sachiko shook her head, "I think Sayu has suffered enough after losing her father and brother; I thought you understood that too, that you'd try to spare her some pain, but obviously that was too much to expect from you."

"No, you don't understand—it was for them! I didn't leave because I wanted to, I left because if I didn't they-"

"What exactly did you accomplish by leaving?" She snapped. "Did you get anywhere? Did you solve everything? Is this nightmare finally over?"

It wasn't. Maybe the nightmares would never go away.

"Of course not. You wasted your time, and you scared the people who care about you—the people who love you."

_She's right. If I weren't such an idiot Sayu wouldn't have gotten hurt; I let her get involved. Why did I do that? Why didn't I just say no?_

Sachiko turned away from me to look back at her daughter, that awful look of grief and anger still on her face, but her voice was quieter, "I want you to stay away from Sayu from now on, Matsuda. Please."

I gasped just slightly, "Stay away from her?"

There was a long, frustrating hesitation, and I saw her starting to lose it, her breathing becoming irregular, her body heaving as she struggled to remain calm, and her face distorted by emotions, "Don't you think you've done enough to her? Sayu's all I got left, and I refuse to watch her get hurt just because she developed feelings for a police officer."

Did that mean she knew? What was to know? Sayu and I weren't together at all. Maybe she'd been able to sense it in her daughter.

The words that came next shocked me, "Soichiro always had such faith in you—you have no idea. If he knew about what you've done to his daughter…" she shook her head, "he'd never forgive you for hurting her. Especially after what's happened to Light. What kind of friend are you? Soichiro and Light are dead, and you dare to drag Sayu into a dangerous case like this. How can I forgive you for that?"

"Mrs. Yagami-" Aizawa sounded like he was scolding her.

But the words had already left their mark.

She shook her head, fury growing, "You know it too, Aizawa! Sayu and I were always thankful for Matsuda and the rest of you, because we believed all of you were taking care of him. Frankly though, you failed in that respect of your duty—you allowed my husband _and_ my son to be killed, and now this! I refuse to stand by and let this happen!"

"Mrs. Yagami, calm down. You're upset-"

"You all call yourselve police officers! Soichiro was ten times the officer any of you can ever be—and Light! Light could have been so much! Now that they're both gone all I have is my husband's daughter! Can't you just leave well enough alone?"

"You're being irrational," Aizawa said, but his voice was quiet, and I thought I detected some guilt in it, "no one meant for Sayu to get involved like this. She cares about Matsuda—that's her decision, not anyone else's."

_…Thank you for always taking care of my father… you remind me of him… noble…_

_But I let him down. I let him die…and Light…I killed Light… Sayu, I'm sorry. I let you down._

I hadn't been able to protect the chief, I couldn't save Light in the end, and now I couldn't even stop the Reaper from destroying everything left that I cared about, including Sayu. Sachiko had every right to be angry.

Sayu started to stir, and I thought I saw her eyes open just slightly. Aizawa and Sachiko were too busy arguing to notice, but she looked right at me and our gazes met.

I couldn't face her, so I turned without a word and left the room.

The halls were blank and empty, the smell of the hospital saturating everything, and I hated to leave Sayu here like this, but I was no use to her. And how could I ever apologize for letting this happen to her? It would be better if I never saw her again.

After a few minutes, I heard Aizawa running after me. "Matsuda. Matsuda, wait."

"Just leave me alone, Aizawa, please."

"Hey, wait a minute. Where are you going?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It _does_ matter. You disappeared for three days, we all thought you were dead, now where the hell are you going?" He grabbed my arm so tight I felt like it was going to bruise and jerked me back roughly, "Snap out of it!"

"She's right, Aizawa." I couldn't look at him, "You know she's right."

"No she's not. People say stupid things when they're upset."

"Even if she didn't mean it, she's still right."

"It wasn't our job to protect Soichiro. He was our senior officer, more than capable of taking care of himself, no one expected us to take care of him. Hell, Matsu, you can't even take care of yourself."

Angry, I wrenched away from him and even pushed him back a little, "Are you for real? Is that supposed to make me feel better? Telling me I'm so useless I can't even take care of myself? All right, you're right, I am useless, and helpless, and ridiculous, and _stupid!_ I'm an idiot! I wasn't expected to take care of the chief, because you can't even expect me to take care of myself!"

He sighed, "That isn't how I meant it."

"It was our duty! Even if we couldn't keep him from dying, we at least owe it to him to take care of his family now!" I clenched my fists so tightly I felt my nails dig into my palms, and gritted my teeth until my gums hurt. "I…I owe so much to Chief Yagami…he made me what I am—I admired him more than anyone, and I thought that if I stayed close to him I could become a better man: braver and stronger and even smarter. I thought I could be like him!"

Aizawa looked at me, speechless.

And now that I'd opened my mouth, the feelings were just falling out, cascading down like a waterfall, and I couldn't stop them, even though I wanted to. "After he died…even though I knew it wasn't our fault…I couldn't help feeling like we could have done more-like _I_ could have done more-I swore on his grave I wouldn't let anything happen to Light or the rest of his family1 I did everything I could to protect them!

"But surprise-surprise, I couldn't do that either—Light's dead-I shot him myself-and Sayu's in ICU, and Sachiko…I just…it's my fault this happened to Sayu. It's my fault Light's dead. If something happens to Sayu now…"

"Matsu…"

"I _couldn't_ do it, Aizawa!" I looked up at him fiercely, "I didn't want to believe Light was Kira, even when all the evidence pointed to it—I wanted to believe that he was good, like his father! So I gave him the benefit of the doubt: I trusted him! When I realized he was Kira…all I could think about was the chief and what he'd think, what he'd say. I wanted to prevent it. I wanted to make it stop!"

I took a deep breath. My hands were shaking again and the honesty was taking a toll on me, and I felt fire in my chest. "I…I failed. Just like I failed to solve this case, and now the whole NPA is going to suffer for the mistakes I made. I'm completely useless. I'm worse than useless—it's like I screw up everything I try to do, no matter what my intentions are, it always gets _fucked_ up!" I punched the wall so hard I thought I'd busted my knuckles, and sharp pain shot straight up to my elbow; but I liked the pain. It felt real at least. Not like this hole inside me. "Sayu got hurt because of me tonight. I'm not cut out for this…I'm not even fit to be part of the NPA."

"Matsuda, listen to me." he grabbed my shoulders harshly, "You're being absurd. Obviously you're not thinking clearly. When was the last time you slept or ate?"

"Just leave me alone, Aizawa." I pulled away, "I don't need you worrying about me anymore. Just forget it…"

"Forget it?" He sounded angry. "You think you're the only one with guilt issues? We were all there when Soichiro died—we all feel that way sometimes, like we should have done more! You think I don't feel like crap sometimes? I know exactly how it feels to think that I let somebody down! _Exactly!_ Chiba, Okoshi, all the NPA officers that have died up until now, their blood is on _my_ hands because I'm the one in charge of this case! I knew Light was Kira, I knew what had to be done, even though I didn't want to! I cared about them too, Matsuda—we all did! You're pretty damn cocky to think it was all up to you to protect them."

"Maybe it wasn't all up to me, but I am the one who got Sayu into this. Not even you can deny that. And Light-"

"You did _not_ kill Light! Where are you even getting that from? We all know that Ryuuk's the one who killed Light."

I didn't answer. When had I started thinking that way? I couldn't remember. It seemed like there had been a time when I'd realized that about the shinigami, but now…it was all so blurry. I remembered the gunshots and the blood and the anger, the vow to kill him, and… That was all. There was nothing past that anger and that vindiction.

We were both quiet a moment, remembering.

Aizawa's hand was heavy on my shoulder, "Matsuda, I don't know how long you've felt this way, but I know it's not good. You can't even imagine how ridiculous you sound right now."

"It's not ridiculous to me."

"Obviously." He sighed. "All right, look, I've been meaning to talk to you about this for a while, but I guess the time never seemed right. Maybe I should have said something a long time ago. You didn't kill Light, but you did shoot him, and that can't be easy to live with, so maybe…" he seemed to hesitate, "maybe you should go see someone. Talk to someone."

I was too tired to read between his damn lines.

"Like a counselor."

It was much easier to make sense of blunt statements like that one. I stared at him, not sure if I should feel offended or if I should just laugh. "A _shrink?_"

"Yeah. I guess some people call them that."

"Sorry, Aizawa, but why the hell would I do that?"

"The three of us have talked about it-Mogi and Ide and I-and we just don't think you're handling this whole Light being Kira thing very well. Think about it—the whole month after that incident it was like you were in your own little world. For a while it seemed like you got better, and I thought you'd be okay, so I let it go, but tonight…" he shook his head, "You're not okay. That's part of why I didn't want you working on this case with us, because it's tied too tightly to the Kira case, and the longer this thing goes, the worse it gets. You've had a lot of close calls, not to mention all this stuff with Sayu and the other officers getting killed. I know it's not your fault Light's dead, but I can also see why you would think that, especially now that this Reaper guy is blaming you for it.

"I guess, if you think about it, in a way everything you've done has made sense, but that being said, it's only made sense pertaining to a very skewed version of logic that only you get. I honestly don't understand how you can still think you killed Light when you know it was Ryuuk who did it. But obviously you do."

His suggestions made me angry. I don't know. Maybe I just didn't want to hear them. "What the hell would I tell a counselor, Aizawa? 'Kira turned out to be a friend of mine, and I lost control when I found out and shot the hell out of him. My friends keep telling me to get over it because it was really a God of Death who killed him, but for some reason I just can't get the image of me shooting him over and over out of my head'!"

"No one ever told you to get over it."

"Good!"

"Matsuda, I'm just saying-"

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," I said shortly, "I'm going home."

"Right now? You're just going to walk?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Do you want me to give you a ride?"

I shook my head and plunged my hands deep into my pockets, "I need to clear my head."

He sighed, "I'm not sure it's a good idea… just let me give you a ride."

"I want to be alone."

Aizawa still seemed reluctant, but he relented, "Fine. But call me when you get home."

"All right." I relented. I might as well give him, that, otherwise he'd be showing up at my door here in a few hours.

"Good night, Matsuda."

The city seemed lonely as I walked. Everything was quieter than usual, and the rain had started again, drizzling down in a steady cascade of polluted water. I walked with my face tilted up letting the drops pelt my skin and soak my hair, barely even watching where I was going. There was so much to think about, so much I felt I couldn't understand, and it made me long for the days when things had been simpler, before Kira and Shinigami and L and killer notebooks. I wanted to close my eyes and wish it all away, go back in time, or erase my memories, or something.

For months now, things had been going wrong, one after another, I actually expected things to start getting better. But instead, everything was just getting worse and worse. Hopefully Sayu getting attacked had nothing to do with the case; at this point though, it seemed like a false hope. What were the chances that she'd just gone out and gotten mugged while looking for me? The way things were going, it was much more likely that someone had gone after her because she was snooping around.

That definitely wasn't good. For the most part, I'd done everything in my power to keep Sayu out of trouble; really there hadn't been much I could do, since she'd had no trouble talking her way around me and had even taken matters in her own hands on more than one occasion, but still, up until now, she hadn't been in any real danger. After hearing Miyami threaten to kill her earlier, and with her turning up injured in the hospital, it was looking to me like she was in danger regardless of my efforts to protect her. It was obvious that everything I'd done to keep her out of the way had been pointless, and now it was even more pointless to hope that her being in the hospital would provide any protection. If the Reaper wanted to get at her, he probably could, and the fact that Miyami had mentioned her at all seemed to indicate that the Reaper knew she was significant. He might even assume she had more significance than she actually did and try to use her to get at me.

And all of this because I hadn't had the strength to tell her to stay out of the case. As if that weren't bad enough, there had even been some part of me that wanted her to work with me; maybe the real reason I hadn't made her stay home and had given in so easily to her requests, was because I liked working with her, and I wanted to be near her.

Had I knowingly put her in danger out of my own selfish desire?

No. I never would have let her get hurt if I had been able to help it. So much for my good intentions.

The rain started falling a little heavier; I paused on the curb, tilting my head back and closing my eyes; there had to be some way out of this, some way to fix it all and keep anyone else from getting hurt. That meant we either had to find the Reaper or I had to give myself up.

I couldn't do that though. If I'd thought my dying would solve anything I would have just let Miyami take me away today.

_Miyami…what was it he said? He used a name._ The memory was hazy from stress, but it seemed like he'd said someone's name. It seemed like it started with a t.

I sighed. Even when I was exhausted my mind was still working on this case.

For the first time, I noticed footsteps coming up behind me and started walking again. They'd think I was crazy if they saw me standing there like that.

The steps hurried, like they were coming after me. But I was just paranoid, wasn't I? _Maybe I really should think about talking to a shrink._ I chanced a glance over my shoulder, but all I was able to perceive was a tall man wearing all black with a large hood shrouding his head. Something about him was familiar.

Unnerved, I quickened my pace. The sooner I was home the better.

"Touta Matsuda."

That voice… I'd heard it somewhere.

I spun around, to get a better look, and because it was a natural reaction to hearing my name.

But it was no one I knew. His jaw was very square and bulky, and he was much too tall to be Japanese. His head was shaved completely, nose hooked like someone from Eastern Europe, and his eyes were so dark they looked totally black. I'd never seen him before in my life, and for some reason I got the feeling that I had.

"Who are you?" I asked warily.

He grinned, revealing very sharp, white teeth and got within arm's reach of me, "I warned you we'd meet again if the decision were incorrect."

The words themselves didn't mean anything to me, but the tone he used had a not so subtle threat in it, and I knew immediately that this guy was not on my side.

As if he'd heard my thought, the man reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a 45 Magnum Smith & Wesson, aimed it at my head and cocked it. It was a deadly weapon, even if it wasn't loaded with hollow point bullets. "I'm here to punish you for your crimes, in the name of Lord Kira."

_Kira._

_The hijacker._

I didn't have time to think or even to be afraid. I saw the look in his eyes and I knew he had every intention of killing me right there on the sidewalk. Reacting purely out of reaction, I went for the gun—it was a stupid thing to do, but I figured it was my best chance at surviving; I grabbed his wrist and tried to twist the weapon away from him.

"You little bastard!"

After that, I found myself pitted against someone who was twice as strong and twice as big as I was, and the fact that I was tired, hungry and emotional definitely wasn't going to work in my favor. But I didn't want to die, so I fought for all I was worth to try to get the gun from him. At one point, I actually thought I had it, but my opponent was quick to rip it away.

Before he could use it, I kicked his knee as hard as I could, and even though it wasn't enough to break it, it did knock him down. The man fisted his hand in the front of my shirt, dragging me down on top of him, and then we were wrestling on the wet ground, tussling back and forth on the sidewalk and down into the gutter. The gun was just out of his reach—he went for it. I knocked it away, punched him in the face, but his squared jaw was so strong I felt like I'd broken my hand. I couldn't let that slow me down though, not when I was fighting for my life.

He managed to kick me off, and as I sprawled on the wet asfalt, he produced a knife and came at me again.

I rolled out of the way and jumped up, twisting away just in time to avoid being stabbed in the chest. The very tip of the blade grazed my shoulder instead and I felt a hot, sharp burn lance through my muscle.

My opponent was going for the gun again, assuming the wound would distract me.

But I pushed the pain out of my mind and dove at him, hitting him hard in the waist and making him stagger back. The knife whistled close past my face, and it was only dumb luck that it missed this time.

Out of reaction, I went for my own gun, remembered quickly that I'd lost Mogi's gun somewhere along the way of meeting Miyami today. I'd have to take this guy out on my own. If that was even possible.

"Die!" He screamed, rushing me.

The knife cut across my side, his shoulder rammed mine, and I landed hard on the street, hitting my head on the concrete so that stars and colors splashed my vision, and then he came down on me, a fierce intent to kill blazing up his eyes, point of the knife going right for my throat.

I managed to stop his wrist, and with the last little bit of effort in my arms, struggled to keep him from killing me, but that strength was dwindling quickly, and unless I came up with something I was going to die, and Reaper was going to win.

There was a squeal of tires burning rubber and a bright flash of lights. I heard someone shout my name.

Just for a second, my assailant was distracted, and I managed to shove the knife back a little and roll away. The point of the blade hit the ground with a dull plink as he plunged forward.

Gunshots—one, two, three, four, all in a consecutive order. I didn't see where they came from, or who they hit, but I felt pain in my arm and side, so before I sank into unconsciousness, I thought maybe I was going to die.


	21. Chapter 21

**Aizawa**

Almost twenty years of being a cop had taught me to trust my gut instincts, and after Matsuda left the hospital I'd gotten the urge to follow him, and as time had ticked by, the feeling had only gotten stronger. I probably shouldn't have let him go anyway, but I just hadn't really known how to stop him. He was a grown man, he was upset, and he said he wanted to be alone. I'd be a royal ass to try to detain him, but I guess I should have done it anyway.

Ide and Mogi agreed I shouldn't have let him go, so I went after him, half-worried I wouldn't be able to find him just because there was no telling which way he'd gone. But I took the location of his apartment into consideration and assumed he'd want to take the quickest route there.

It was just lucky that I'd been right.

Doing my best to stay composed, I got out of the car, gun in hand, aiming as best I could. The first shot hit the man right in the shoulder and he cried out, clutching it. But as I aimed again, he suddenly jumped up, dark eyes wild, and started to run, holding onto his wound.

I ordered him to stop, but he just kept going, trotting in a conscise zig-zag pattern, so even though I fired three more times, they all missed, except for the last one, which grazed his leg, and he started limping.

There were still four shots in my gun, and I thought about running after him, but figured he couldn't go far with those wounds anyway, and right now there was a bigger problem.

I stuffed my gun back into its holster. I wasn't the killing type by nature, but if I hadn't shot him he would have likely murdered Matsuda. He was alive anyway, so now it was just a matter of finding him and figuring out who he was. Trying not to worry about it, I went over to my friend, who was lying on his back in a puddle.

I knelt beside him. His body was flacid, eyes closed, with a stream of bright red running down his forehead, blood on his hair, and a patch of it on his shoulder where he'd been cut. His side was bleeding too, but I couldn't tell how deep either wound was. I shook him, gently at first, just trying to wake him up, "Matsuda?"

Matsuda didn't so much as stir. I wasn't even sure if he was breathing.

Could he be dead?

No. He got hit in the head, but not hard enough to kill him.

"Matsuda? C'mon, Matsu. Wake up."

Still nothing, His face seemed to be getting paler, and I was starting to panic.

"Don't you do this to me. Don't you dare die."

I stared at his eyes, willing them to open, but nothing happened. The fear in me fought its way to the surface.

"Matsuda. Matsuda!" I shook him harder, slapped his face a little. I dipped my fingers in a nearby puddle and splashed his face. That was stupid—if water were all it took to wake him up the rain would have done it. "Oh, if you die, kid, I'll...I'll drag you back and kill you again."

A car came down the street, honked once and swerved to go around us. Typical.

_Why am I so upset? _

No one likes losing a comrade, and losing a friend is even worse. All those times Matsuda had annoyed me and driven me crazy, I never thought I would have missed him or worried about him dying, but suddenly the thought of going the rest of my life without once hearing him get excited about something as stupid and pointless as the pop music festival, seemed unbearable.

"Matsuda!" I hit him harder. "Touta! Touta, wake the fuck up! Open your damn eyes, right now! You have no right...you've got no right dying on me like this! You can't do it--I won't allow it. Who's going to make stupid jokes when we're trying to be serious? Who's going to keep us all up to date on the latest gossip? Dammit, you idiot! TOUTA!"

Finally, I thought I saw him move. Yes, I was sure. He twitched just a little, then writhed, moaning slightly. His eyes flickered open and he stared up at me like it was just a dream, "Ai...Aiz..."

I was so relieved I almost laughed, sucked in a breath and held it to stop myself. "Sh. Just relax."

"Where..." his eyes roamed arond for just a moment, looking at our surroundings, and then back at me, "Where are we?"

"Don't worry about that right now--I've got to get you to the hospital."

He frowned and sat up a little, touching his head and wincing. His hand was coated with blood when he moved it away. "Owe. What happened?"

" You got hit pretty hard: You probably have a concussion. I'm taking you back to the hospital."

"I… That guy…he's the one who blew your car up."

I felt my eyebrow quirk just a little, "Don't worry about him right now."

"He must be working for Reaper—it was stupid of me to walk home…but I guess…I'm always stupid." He rubbed his head again, wincing a little.

I sighed and grabbed his arm, pulling him up gently and supporting him with my arms. I held him to my shoulder, "No you're not."

"It's true. You don't have to lie too me, Aizawa."

"Shut up, kid."

As gently as I could, I helped him up and started to help him back to the curb, well aware of the blood that was running off his head and staining my clothes. He sat down heavily, clutching at his damaged shoulder. "You showed up just in time."

"Lucky for you." I looked at him to determine if he'd be okay. I had sort of a problem on my hands now. I couldn't just leave the crime scene like this, but I had to get him to the hospital. The wounds didn't look serious, but that didn't mean they weren't. So I called Mogi and told him and Ide to meet us, gave the address, and ended the call quickly. I walked back to where the man had been when I shot him and started looking for clues. There were a few spots of blood, but they were being quickly washed away by the rain and would be totally useless in just a few more minutes. The only helpful thing I found was a business card lying on the ground, soaked. It was black with read type, written in English, a single word across the middle.

_Anubis. What the hell?_

Anubis was an Egyptian god, or so I thought. But I couldn't quite remember my world history class, so I didn't remember what he was the god of. Maybe Matsuda would know.

"Didn't leave much behind." I called to Matsuda over my shoulder, "Any idea who he is?"

"No." The kid was holding his head in one hand, hunched over, "Did you get his gun?"

I stood up and looked at him, "He had a gun?"

"It should be over there." He gestured to the gutter with the hand that wasn't cradling his skull.

It added a whole new level of seriousness to the situation, "He didn't shoot you, did he?"

"No."

His terse responses worried me, but I went over anyway and fished around in the gutter until I found the water-logged gun. It was a big-ass magnum, and even if it didn't have hollow point bullets in it Matsuda was really lucky he hadn't been shot.

I spent a few minutes rummaging through my car, looking for a baggie to put the evidence in, but I didn't have any, which sort of annoyed me; my old car had been loaded with emergency equipment, but since it had been blown sky-high and I hadn't had a chance to stock my replacement yet, I'd have to do without.

_Probably can't get fingerprints off a wet gun anyway._

So I put it on the front seat of my car and went to sit next to Matsuda to wait for the others to arrive. The rain had died down to a weak sprinkle, but I was still anxious to get going. "You okay, Matsu?"

"I'll be all right." he winced. Then he was quiet a minute before he muttered, "Aizawa, thanks for coming after me. You probably saved my life."

"Probably."

There was another long stretch of silence. I thought I heard a car engine, but it was nothing.

"Aizawa...what am I gonna' do? If something happens to you..."

The question made me uncomfortable, so I just muttered, "You'll manage."

"You could die…any of us could."

I didn't like it when he was serious—that just indicated to me how bad our situation was.

"I'm not going to die." I muttered, my breath steaming in the cold air. It seemed like a very feeble promise.

"I know…"

"Then don't worry about it."

"Yeah. All right." He lowered his head, groaning slightly.

Not sure what drove me to do it, I hooked my arm around his neck. "This is all going to be over soon." That promise was feeble too, but he accepted it as well.

"I know."

We were both just lying now, each of us believing that we were fooling each other with confident lies, protecting each other in a weird way.

But I was sure the case would end soon. I just didn't know what exactly we'd have to give up-the sacrifice we'd have to make-to get to that point.

"They know who I am." Matusda muttered after a few minutes had gone by.

"What are you talking about?"

He lifted his eyes to look at me, "They figured out that I'm the one that shot Light somehow—Miyami and this guy both tried to kill me today, and they both knew me by name. They both said I was being punished for what I did to 'Lord Kira.'"

A shudder sped through me, and not because I was cold and damp from the rain, but because that's what we'd worked so hard to prevent. The fear turned immediately to anger. I hated things I couldn't control, or things I felt like I should be able to control but failed at. "Why didn't you say something sooner, Matusda?"

"I don't know. I guess it didn't seem important until right now."

_That's absolute crap._ "How could you think it wasn't _important_? Hell, if I'd known, I never would have let you wander away by yourself."

"Maybe _that's_ why." Matsuda didn't look at me, "I know I'm not in charge or anything, and that's probably a good thing—I know I don't have the common sense needed to lead this investigation, so I could be wrong, but…"

"But?" I prompted.

"But, I don't think we're going to get anywhere by hiding."

"We won't get anywhere purposely putting ourselves in danger either." I snapped.

He was quiet a moment. "I know. I'm sorry." Then he sighed and put his head down again. "I just wish I knew a way out of this."

"Let me worry about that." I watched a car come around the corner and head toward us. It looked like Ide's cruiser. "You just quit taking all these unnecessary risks."

"Yeah. Okay."

I got up, shaking some rain off my pants, "There they are. Let's get going."

Matsuda stumbled to the car while I briefed the others on everything I knew, and they promised to take care of it.

"We're definitely making progress now." Ide said, sliding the gun into a baggie, "With Rei and Miyami out of the way, there's this guy left to clean up, and then I'd say we must be getting close to the Reaper himself."

"I hope you're right. By the way, do either of you remember who Anubis is?" I produced the card and showed it to both of them.

Mogi looked at it first, but said nothing.

"An Egyptian god, right?" Ide answered. "Where did you get this?"

"I think it fell out of that guys pocket or something. I found it on the sidewalk. What was Anubis the god of?"

He shook his head, "It's been a long time since I had to think about anything like that. I really can't remember."

"Right. It's probably not important anyway…just an alias or something."

"I can't believe these people. They're like little kids, running around, dressing up and using these ridiculous names…" he shook his head. "If a bunch of officers hadn't died already I wouldn't believe we could take this seriously."

I assured, "We'll get them. Anyway, I'm going to take him over to the hospital, so I'll see you guys later."

On the way over to the hospital, Matsuda asked, "Hey, Aizawa, this whole thing with Kira and everything else…do you think it will ever be over? Like over-over?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't it be?"

"I don't know…" I saw him rub his head, "So many people believe in Kira, even now, it just seems like it will never end."

"It's only been a few months. Anyway, you should try to cheer up: worrying like this won't help."

"You're right." He admitted, and then he was quiet the rest of the ride there. So was I, because I didn't want to admit that I was worried too.

We went into the ER and filled out paperwork for about a half hour, and then he was admitted to the hospital at about one thirty AM. As I'd expected, he had a mild concussion, and they wanted to keep him there all night to make sure the knife wounds weren't serious and there wasn't any trauma. I hung around for a while, talking to him a little, but he went to sleep pretty quick. It must have been a rough couple of days for him.

After that, I sat in his room, thinking. It felt like we were making progress, but at the same time, I was sure that there was still something major that I was missing, like the very center piece of the puzzle was nowhere to be found.

As Ide had said, it seemed like the case should be over soon, now that Miyami and the other people we'd linked to the case were dead, but we still had no idea who the Reaper was or how he was operating. What really bothered me was the fact that he was able to kill multiple people every day-police officers no less-just like he'd said he was going to. Every day a group of current NPA officers were killed—most of them were slaughtered by hollow point ammunition, the calling card of this particular crime spree, and then a few of them were shot and killed by what I assumed were average citizens. And every day it was more. I had a feeling that it was all part of the plan. Reaper wanted the general public to help him rid the world of the police force, and they were taking him up on that literally. So far we were able to distinguish which officers had been killed by which group, but I was afraid that the longer this went on and the more officers were killed, we'd soon have a massive killing spree on our hands. Normal citizens would start to think it was okay to kill police officers in Kira's name, and that's just what they'd do. Soon there might not be an NPA at all, and then no one would be safe—common criminals would be able to roam the streets freely, taking whatever they wanted, just as soon as they realized that Kira really wasn't coming back this time.

I thought hard for a long time about how we could prevent more deaths, but since officers were being killed on and off duty it was obviously pointless to shut the NPA down until further notice. People were going to die anyway. Some of the men killed had even resigned a few days ago, thinking that would protect them, but it didn't seem to make any difference. This whacko really wanted to kill us all. And the fact that he killed officers who were on duty, recenty resigned, and even retired for years suggested to me that he must be someone with power, someone who had access to police records. He might even be a cop himself.

_It's arrogant of him to think he can drag this out and not get caught. He'd better cut to the chase._

Then I glanced over at Matsuda and I realized that was exactly what Reaper was doing.

_Will the killing really stop if Matsuda dies?_

What I didn't understand was how Reaper's group was able to kill so efficiently. We hadn't been able to catch even one of them since the case had started, even though they'd killed well over a dozen people. They kept to the shadows, appearing briefly to kill, and then vanishing again. The officers they killed were normally on duty or alone somewhere, and no one ever saw any trace of the killer. Either that, or no one reported it, because, just maybe, everyone secretly agreed with what was happening, and even if they didn't exactly have the guts to buy a gun on the black market and start offing cops, they were going to do their part by keeping information from us.

That's what made this case seem so hopeless. Without witnesses how could we gather any solid information? Even better, how could we build a case against Reaper when we caught him? Everyone obviously thought this was Kira's will, or else they were just indifferent or afraid.

I looked at Matsuda. He was really lucky to be alive. It was already way too dangerous for a cop to walk around alone like that, but if he was right and the Reaper already knew his name and what he looked like, and if he was actually hunting for Matsuda, then chances were he would find him, and I would be helpless to protect him.

Killing Matsuda definitely wasn't going to revive Kira in any way, but it would show people that they didn't have to respect the police anymore, and it would dishearten the NPA as a force to see a criminal get his way like that.

Maybe the Reaper knew that. Maybe that's what he was really trying to do—eliminate the police, not for Kira, but just so that he could do whatever he wanted and not pay for it.

Mildly, I touched Matsuda's hand. If the Reaper killed my friend I was going to make sure that he did pay for it, no matter what the personal cost for me was.

Ide, Mogi, Matsuda and I had come too far to let this case destroy us.

**Sayu**

I recognized the resounding beep of the heart monitor almost immediately, flooding through my head, making it pound.

_Matsuda…_

Slowly, I opened my eyes, saw the horribly blank room, the IV drip, the crash cart in the corner, heart monitor beside my head, the table holding the glass of water intended for me.

_The hospital…_

It took me a moment to remember what had happened, but once everything was clear, I sat up quickly, head throbbing worse than ever. _Matsuda…I have to tell him. I have to find him…_

_What time is it?_

I looked out the window. The sky was black, the city lit up bright, Tokyo Tower gleaming like a beacon.

_No time to worry about the time, I have to find Matsuda. I have to tell him about Momo._

For the first time, I noticed my mother sitting in the chair at the bedside, eyes closed, head resting on her chest. She looked older than ever, and it made me feel guilty for worrying her. "So sorry, Mom."

A young nurse came into the room, holding a clipboard under one arm. She was just a little older than me, and she looked intelligent. Her smile was warm, "Oh, I see you're awake. How do you feel?"

"How do I feel?" At first the question seemed strange, since as far as I knew it was just my head that was in pain, but as soon as she had asked I realized that my whole body was sore. My face felt swollen, my stomach and sides burned, and there were stinging scrapes on my elbows and palms; most of them had been wrapped up. I touched my cheek, only to find that there was a bandage on it. "I'm all right." I answered, a little huskily.

"Can I get you anything?"

"No thank-you."

I watched her start to move around the room, adjusting things, trying to be quiet. "We'll not wake your mother yet. It's quite late."

Had the police been informed about me being mugged? Since I'd been outside Yemma's when it happened I couldn't help thinking that it had something to do with the case. Had my mother contacted Aizawa or any of the others? If she had, there was a slim chance that someone had gotten in touch with Matsuda. If he knew I was in trouble he would have come back, wouldn't he?

"The police will probably want to talk to you in the morning." The nurse said cheerfully, smoothing my blankets.

"The police."

"Yes. They were here earlier. Three detectives, I believe."  
_Detectives. It had to be Aizawa, Ide and Mogi._

"Did they all go home?"

"Two of them did, but there's still one around here, I think."

_Who?  
_"Do you know his name?"

"I'm sorry, dear, no. I'm afraid I haven't seen much of him for the last few hours, since he's been sitting with his friend."

_Friend? Did another officer get shot? Oh, God, I hope not._ "Another detective?"

"No. Not this one. A young man."

I hesitated, feeling my breath catch in my chest, "Could you…describe him?"

She gave me an odd look, "Let's see…he's young, like I said, shaggy, black hair, I don't remember very much about him, other than he had a pretty face."

Did I dare to hope it was Matsuda? "What happened to him?"

The nurse shrugged a little, "I'm not sure. But he's a few rooms over now, with a concussion, I think.

Had he been attacked too? Maybe I was too late.

"Is he going to be all right?"

"I haven't been watching, but I think he will be. He walked in here and even filled out his own paperwork." She changed the baggie on the IV drip, and I thought hard. "Don't worry, dear. Why don't you just get some more rest, and I'm sure the detective will fill you in tomorrow morning."

"All right." Glancing at my mother one last time, I laid back and pulled the covers back up around my neck, but I felt frustrated. There was no time to rest. I had to give Matsuda Momo's message.

The nurse smiled at me, then took her clipboard and left, shutting off the light as she went.

I waited until I was sure she was gone, then I sat up again, pushing the blankets back and swinging my legs around. The floor was cold to my feet, and I had to strangle a cry, kept both eyes on my mom as I padded out of the room, "I'll be back soon." I promised. Then I turned away before the guilt could hit full-force, and snuck out of the room.

The halls seemed empty, but I still went carefully, watching and listening for any sign of a doctor or a nurse. My body ached a little as I walked, but it wasn't bad, and soon I got used to it—all that mattered right now was finding Matsuda and telling him what I knew. If Aizawa was there-if any of the detectives were there-it would be a little hard to keep them from getting mad at me, but there was no helping that. Ideally, I wanted to talk to Matsuda alone, but that might not be possible.

I passed about five rooms before I found him. He was lying on his side, facing the door, eyes closed, face perfectly smooth; his eyelashes looked long and dark against his cheeks, his skin seemed pale, almost matching the bandaged that had been wound around his forehead. I could tell from the regular way he was breathing that he was sleeping deeply.

Cautiously, I stepped into the room, looking around to make sure no one else was present, but the room was empty, so I went and stood over Matsuda, looking down at his handsome features and marking how tired he looked, even in his sleep. I wondered if he was dreaming. It seemed like it had been forever since I'd last seen him, and he looked thinner than before, like he'd been skipping meals.

As gently as I could, I reached out and ran my fingers over his hand, tracing the path of his knuckles, which were freshly scabbed from a recent fist fight, down over the tendons to the blue veins in his wrist. He didn't so much as stir.

"Touta?" I whispered. I knew I had to wake him up and tell him about my conversation at Yemma's but now that I was actually here, I didn't really have the heart to do it.

My hand found its way to his forehead, sweeping hair back so I could see his eyes. He shifted slightly and murmured something, but didn't wake up.

"Where have you been?" I asked softly. "I was so worried about you."

His cheek was cool and dry beneath my palm.

Watching him sleep made me feel tired myself, and my head started to swim a little. With a sigh, I went around to the other side of the bed and crawled up onto it, settled down beside Matsuda, spooning his body and wrapping my arms around his chest.

For a while I just lay there beside him, watching him sleep and thinking about everything I'd lost: my father and brother and Misa and my normal life as a happy-go-lucky college student. It just wasn't fair. And now here I was, standing by like a little girl as more and more police officers were killed. What would it take to make it end, and who else would we lose before it was over? After my conversation with Momo I'd been so sure Matsuda was dead, or going to be dead soon. Seeing him alive was a relief, but it wasn't good enough when I knew he could still die. As Soichiro Yagami's daughter, I felt like I had to somehow do something, help the NPA, help the men my father had considered his friends. I wasn't going to sit idly by as more people I cared about got killed. Not this time.

Thinking about Dad was like sinking down into the deepest part of the ocean. Even with the time that had passed, I couldn't believe he was gone. It was hard to come to terms with the fact that he was never coming home, never going to smile at me or hug me or say that he loved me ever again. His strength and his protection were gone from my life, like the wind had ripped away my umbrella; now I didn't even have so much as my older brother to stand in for him. I felt like an orphan.

"Touta, I'm so scared." I murmured, holding on to him a little tighter. "I wish none of this was happening at all—I wish there was something I could do…to protect you…and the others. But I can't even protect myself, and it scares me to not know what will happen next… I wish you could protect me."

Then I snuggled up to him, pressing my face to the back of his neck where the scent of him was overpowering: warm and smooth and potent, the natural musk of a male human that set my heart to pounding again and made my desires go wild. I planted a gentle kiss on the nape of his neck, and then closed my eyes.

I thought I felt him squeeze my hand before I went to sleep.

I wasn't sure how long I slept, but it didn't seem that long before I felt Matsuda stirring beside me, and then, when I opened my eyes he was sitting up, staring back at me, looking more tousled and boyish that usual.

Then I felt that his hand was closed over mine, and I felt my face turn hot, sat up as well, "Hi." That felt deficient, but what else could I say when I was curled up in bed with him.

"Sayu? What are you doing here?"

"I…" I tucked some hair behind my ear, "My nurse told me that you were here, so I came to see you…"

Matsuda glanced around, like he didn't know what to say or even think.

"I'm sorry. I can leave if you want."

"No." He shook his head, "It's fine. You just surprised me."

"Sorry. I was tired."

"Where's your mom?"

"A few rooms down. She was asleep when I left."

"She'll probably be worried when she wakes up." There was something dark and gloomy about his voice when he spoke, but I couldn't place what made me think that.

"It'll be okay. I just came to visit you."

He nodded, not looking at me.

I reached for his hand, "Are you okay? What happened?"

"Nothing," he ran his fingers through his hair, "I just got jumped when I was walking home. Aizawa saved my ass."

"Where is Aizawa?"

"Not sure. He was here when I fell asleep. Maybe he went home. What about you, Sayu? Are you okay?" He looked in my eyes, and I felt a flock of butterflies go crazy deep in the pit of my stomach.

"I'm fine. I just had to put up with a few punks—but they didn't hurt me too bad. There were people around, so they couldn't really… Anyway, I'll be okay."

"I'm glad." He said in a hushed voice.

"Me too." I leaned into him, resting my cheek on his shoulder, felt his arm snake around my side, hand resting on my hip. I really was glad. I'd been pretty scared when those guys had been chasing me—they were so much faster than me and had said such disgusting things. I was lucky to get out of it with just the few scrapes I had. I'd gotten the distinct feeling they had much worse plans for me than what they'd actually been able to accomplish.

The idea mad me shiver, and I cuddled closer to Matsuda, glad to be beside him again. "Where did you go for three days? I was really worried about you."

Matsuda sighed and settled his chin on top of my head, "I'm sorry."

"I thought you were dead."

"I didn't mean to scare you, Sayu, I was just trying to get some answers."

"Did you find any?"

"A few. But not enough to finish the case."

He sounded discouraged, so I squeezed his hand, "You're all right, that's what's important."

"It's not enough…as long as that guy's out there I don't think I _can_ be all right. I mean, other officers are dying every day, so it's only a matter of time before he gets me, or even worse, someone I care about."

I sighed and lowered my eyes. He was right: just because he was safe now didn't mean he'd stay that way, or that the others would be okay. It seemed like the whole NPA was teetering on the edge of a cliff. "Just don't ever do anything like that again, all right?"

"Like what?"

"Disappear without telling anyone where you're going. It scared everyone."

He frowned at me, "If I had told them they would have tried to stop me."

I glared a little, "Exactly. You shouldn't have been walking all over Tokyo by yourself—it was a stupid thing to do. You've got to promise to not do it anymore."

The frown turned into that charming, boyish smile of his, "Wow, Sayu, you were really worried about me, huh?"

"Of course. We all were." I added softly, "And anyway, I care about you."

"I know you do." His thumb traced down my face, over my lips and to my jaw, his voice gentle and quiet, "You worried me too, you know. What were you thinking?"

"I was trying to find you."

"I know. I wish you hadn't done that though, it wasn't worth the risk."

"Maybe it was."

He raised his eyebrows slightly, "Did you figure something out?"

I nodded, "Well, I actually don't know anything, but I know a way for you to get some information. After Aizawa told me that you'd gone missing, I was going through my purse, and I found this mysterious message telling me that if I went back to Yemma's I could get some important information regarding the case, and you."

His eyes hardened immediately, "Don't tell me you went over there all by yourself!"

"I didn't have a choice, Touta. What was I supposed to do?"

"You could have at least called one of the others."

"I would have called _you_, partner, but I had no idea where you were. Besides, I thought that if there was even a tiny chance of finding you I should take it. That makes sense, doesn't it?"

Matsuda still seemed disappointed, but he relented, "Yeah…I guess."

"Anyway, I took the train over to Yemma's and went in. Momo was waiting for me; he told me that he has an important message to give _you_ and that you need to go back to talk to him as soon as you possibly can."

"Seriously? Sounds like a trap."

"That's what I said, but he promised that it's not; he said that he heard about Miyami being killed and he's afraid he'll be next. He wants out."

"He could be just saying that."

"He could be,"I agreed, "but I got the feeling he was telling the truth. Besides, even if he is lying, it's too good an opportunity to pass up, isn't it?"

Matsuda seemed to think a moment. "Yeah…it is…but I'm not sure what we can do right now. If Momo is telling the truth and he actually has something important to tell us we should go over there as ASAP."

"Not alone." I told him quickly. "If it's a trap we'll need back up."

He started to ease himself off the bed, releasing me and stretching his arms above his head. "You stay here, all right?"

I grabbed his arm, "You're not going alone."

"I've got to get some clothes back, then I'm calling Aizawa."

"It's early. Do you think he'll be up?"

Matsuda shrugged, "Maybe. I don't really have time to worry about that." He went over to a cabinet, knelt down to get out his t-shirt and jeans.

I watched him pull the hospital shirt up over his head, admired the smooth, supple muscles in his back, fascinated by how they moved beneath his flesh as he reached for his t-shirt; I even felt a little disappointed when he pulled the shirt on.

He stopped, looking over his shoulder at me as he grabbed his jeans, "Um, Sayu…?"

"Right. Sorry." I tilted my head away for a few minutes.

Then he came back, sat down on the edge of the bed to put his shoes on.

Aizawa entered the room, carrying a cup of coffee and yawning. For a second he stared at us sort of blankly, like he couldn't make sense of what he was seeing, and Matsuda continued to tie his shoes.

"Hey. What the hell's going on?" The older detective demanded.

"Oh, Aizawa." Matsuda noticed him for the first time, looked up through his hair, "Great news! Sayu found a lead for us while she was out hunting for me; I was just about to call you!"

"Lead?" Aizawa rubbed the bridge of his nose, "What kind of lead? Wait, never mind that. Sayu, what happened? What were you doing?"

"There's no time for that," Matsuda explained, "We've got to get back over to Yemma's and talk to Momo before the bar closes."

"What makes you think it's not closed already?" Aizawa asked gruffly.

"He said he'd wait for Matsu all night." I said. "No matter how long it takes, he's going to be there. Probably."

"Yeah, well just forget about it, Matsuda. Ide and I will go take a look, you two stay here."

"Momo specifically asked for Matsuda." I countered, then looked apologetic when he glared at me, "I'm sorry, but he told me not to involve any cops, so I don't think he'll talk to you or Ide."

"I don't care." He looked at Matsuda, "I don't want you going--that Anubis guy is still out there."

"Anubis?" I stared at him.

He looked at me, "Yeah. The crazy guy who blew up my car—he attacked Matsuda tonight. He got away, but there was a card left behind that said Anubis on it."

_Watch out for Anubis. He's as cold as they come; Osiris too._

"Is something wrong, Sayu?" Matsuda asked.

"Just something Momo said about Anubis."

They both looked at me expectantly.

"What is it?"

"It could be nothing…but he said to watch out for Anubis and Osiris."

The two of them exchanged glances. "What in the world does that mean?" Matsuda asked Aizawa.

"Don't you know who Anubis and Osiris are?"

"No."

"They're Egyptian gods."

"Ooohhh…Ancient Egypt? What does that have to do with the case?"

Aizawa shook his head. "I don't know. I can't remember what they were gods of. Fertility or something. No one else could figure it out either. We're police officers, not mythology researchers."

"Death." I said simply, nodding at them. "Osiris was the god of death, and Anubis was his assistant. He ferried mortals into the presence of Osiris."

They both stared at me for a few minutes.

"Wow. How do you know that, Sayu?"

I smiled at him, "Hello? I just graduated high school. It's all fresh from world history."

Matsuda continued to look impressed, but Aizawa seemed annoyed. "Oh. I didn't even think of asking _you_. Maybe that's because you're not supposed to be part of the case."

"Sorry."

"Never mind." He rubbed his head. "I'm probably not thinking very clearly anyway."

"We still don't know what Momo meant."

"Maybe he'll explain it when we get over to Yemma's." Matsuda said, with a little more enthusiasm than he'd shown for a while. "We should get going and stop wasting time."

"I still think it's a bad idea for you to come, Matsuda—you've got a head injury."

"I feel fine. Besides, we already talked about this. Momo's not going to tell you anything. He wants to talk to me, and he already told Sayu not to involve the police."

Aizawa sighed. "I guess. Just hang on while I find Yoko."

"Yoko's here?"

"Came by to see how you're doing. She might as well come with us." He turned and walked out of the room again, and I heard him talking a little ways down the hall, heard a female voice reply. Several minutes later he returned, a young woman behind him. She looked older than Matsuda by a few years, and her short, black hair looked like velvet. Her eyes had heavy, black lines of eyeliner around the edges, and her lips were icy pink. She was wearing all black.

When she saw Matsuda she smiled, "Hey, Matsu. You feeling better?"

"Oh…hi, Yoko. I feel okay. Thanks."

"I was worried about you." She crossed the room, her movements reminding me of a cat's, and brushed one finger along the corner of his mouth, "Awe. You're really a mess, Matsu."

Something about the tender sound of her voice and the look on his face made me burn with jealously. Who did she think she was?

Aizawa cleared his throat, "I guess we should leave soon. I'll talk to the nurse."

"Wait for me!" I said suddenly. "I've got to go get dressed."

All three of them turned to stare at me.

Aizawa shook his head, "You're not going with us, Sayu."

"Why not? You need me—Momo trusts me. I told him I'd come back with Matsuda."

"I don't care what that bastard said." Aizawa snapped. "There's no way I'm dragging Soichiro's daughter over to that dump. Especially not when-"

"No way! If Matsuda shows up with two other cops Momo might freak, and then he won't tell you anything. I need to be there."

"Sayu," Matsuda said gently, "You should probably just stay here. You're already in this deep enough."

"What are you talking about, Touta? You know there's no way Momo will talk to the three of you. You'll have a much better chance of getting the information you want if you and I go."

"Look, little girl." Yoko began with a smile. "It's cute that you want to help, but this is dangerous police work, and we just can't risk a citizen getting involved. Please try to understand."

"Little girl!?" I screamed. "Just who do you think you are? You're probably not that much older than me—besides, I'm Soichiro Yagami's daughter! Do you even know who that is?"

"He was a great man, a great cop, but that doesn't mean that you should get to go."

"She's right, Sayu," Matsuda said, "I don't want you to get hurt anymore, so please just stay here. What about your mother?"

Angrily, I spun to face him. I didn't like that he was taking this strange woman's side over mine. "You said we're partners!"

"Yeah, but-"

"If I can't go why should you get to go? You're hurt too!"

"That's not the issue, Sayu." Aizawa said.

"You can't make me stay here! I know where the bar is—if you try to leave me here I'll just follow you anyway!"

Aizawa sighed, "Sayu…"

"She's right." Matsuda interrupted, "how can we make her stay here? We can't exactly lock her in."

I smiled and nodded.

"Oh, she'll stay here." The older detective glared at me meaningfully.

"There's no way you can make me stay." I told him. "I will follow you, whether you want me to or not."

"Sayu, for the last time-"

"Wait a minute, Aizawa," Matsuda interrupted, "What if she really does try to follow us?"

Aizawa returned his look. It went without saying that it would be really dangerous for me to go back to Kabuchiko by myself.

"Then we'll have someone stay with her—Sachiko or a nurse or someone."

"That might not be enough."

Aizawa glared at him, "You _want_ her to come with us?"

"No. I really don't. But I'm just saying, if she's going to go over there no matter what we say, then maybe it would be best."

"I'd be a lot safer with you three than on my own." I agreed. "And I'd definitely prefer going with you than by myself."

Aizawa rubbed his nose again, "What about your mom, Sayu? She's going to freak out if you just disappear."

"I'll tell her where I'm going. I'll go tell her right now, if you promise to wait for me."

He sighed, "I definitely don't agree with this…"

"I'll be responsible for myself. I'll-"  
"No," He snapped, "_I'll_ be responsible for you. Got it? If anything happens to you it's on me, so you'd better be careful. Do you understand? There's no way your mother will survive it if something happens."

The statement was very sobering, so I nodded gravely, "Yessir, I understand. I promise not to be reckless."

"Just hurry up. We're leaving in ten minutes, with or without you."

With another brief nod, I hurried for the door and scrambled down the hall, rushing past a nurse who tried to call me back.

"Miss? Miss!"

Then I dashed back into my own room, relieved to see that Mom was still sleeping peacefully, scrawled out a note for her that said I was with Aizawa and Matsuda and the others, that I was safe, promised I'd be back soon, asked her not to worry about me, and said that I loved her. Then I found some clothes she'd brought for me and pulled them on.

Not even bothering to fix up my hair, I ran back to join the others.

They were already heading down the hall without me, and Aizawa called back over his shoulder, "Sayu, hurry it up!"

"Coming!" I ran to catch up, swung around to Matsuda's right side and walked beside him, trying to breathe evenly. Really, I was sort of scared to be going back to Momo's after my incident but I was afraid to leave Matsuda's side, even though I wasn't sure if that was because I was worried for his safety or for mine.

He looked down at me and smiled that shy, boyish smile, then his hand closed around mine, our fingers interlaced, and we walked on, holding hands.


	22. Chapter 22

Matsuda

I was just about sick of seeing Yemma's bar at this point. I couldn't forget what my last visit to this place had been like, and I really didn't want to go in, but I knew that I had to. This was for the case, for the whole NPA, and ultimately, for my friends. Even if I wasn't much use to them otherwise, I knew I had to do my part, go inside, and just bite the bullet.

Aizawa really wanted to go in with Sayu and I, but Yoko was very firm, pointing out that if three cops went in Momo might freak and run, and there was a possibility of losing our opportunity, so he agreed that the two of them would stay outside, watch through the window, just in case it was a trap and we needed back up. He then handed me an extra gun from his glove box, grabbed my wrist as I reached to take it from him.

I looked up, startled, and saw how serious he was, "What?"

"Listen Matsuda, we need the information, but that doesn't mean that you should take any unnecessary risks. If you get any weird vibes about this place get out of there."

"Yeah, all right." I sighed.

He stepped just a little closer and whispered, "Remember, Sayu's with you; it's up you to make sure nothing happens to her."

"I will."

Nodding gravely, he let go of me, and I took the gun, glanced at Sayu, and we walked across the street together.

"This place looks pretty dead." She commented as we made our way to the door, "Do you think it's open?"

"I hope so."

"Momo said you should come as soon as possible. He made it sound like he'd be waiting for you right here."

"Then, if he's not here maybe that means Reaper killed him."

She shrugged and reached for the door knob.

The door sprang open almost too easily, and I couldn't help jumping back in surprise. The little bell rang, and all was silent.

Inside was the faint glow of the bar lights and a light cloud of cigarette smoke. I didn't hear any voices or see any sign of life, and I got the distinct, dreadful feeling that we were walking into a trap. Without really considering my actions, I looked over my shoulder at the car. Aizawa and Yoko were completely out of sight.

"Matsuda?" Sayu drew me out of my worries, and I tried to smile at her.

"Let's go." I pushed past her. No way she was going in first, not even if the chance of danger was almost nonexistent.

My shoes drummed on the floor boards, and Sayu was breathing heavy beside me, her hand digging into my arm, nails leaving crescent moons in my skin, but other than that it was quiet. I swallowed hard.

"Momo?"

"Why would he leave the bar unlocked if he's not here?" She whispered.

"I don't know."

For a few moments, we stood there, quiet and watchful; I started to leave, "Let's get out of here—he's gone."

Just as I spoke the words, there was a heavy rap of footsteps coming down the stairs, and I jumped again, stepped in front of Sayu and pressed her back against the door, just in case it was someone dangerous. I felt her clinging to my jacket like a little girl.

A second later, Momo emerged; he looked thinner and paler, his eyes seemed hollow, and there was sweat on his face, but he smiled nervously at us, "Matsuda! Glad ya' could make it: Sayu said she'd hunt you down, but I wasn't sure if ya'd actually come."

"Hey Momo." I made a face that I thought was fairly close to being a smile, glanced around to make sure he was alone.

"Sorry for startlin' ya', I was upstairs, just tryin' ta' lay low."

"Do you think Reaper knows about what you're doing?"

"No, not yet, but still, it don't hurt to be careful."

"Right."

"Well, c'mon over; sit down. Want a drink?" He walked back around behind the bar, reaching for a couple glasses.

"No thanks. Sayu?"

She shook her head, but didn't speak.

"Sure?"

"I just want to hear what you have to say—it's late, and I'd like to go home."

"Ooh, not a good idea, boyo." He started to clean out glasses anyway, and I wondered if it were just a nervous habit. "See, some way or other, Reaper figured out who ya' are, and you can bet he's gonna' be lookin' all over for ya' now. He's prolly got your house bein' watched and everything."

"How could he find all that out though?" Sayu asked, taking a seat on a nearby chair.

"Well, see, that's part of what I wanted to talk to ya' about, Matsuda. See, I don't want ya' to take it personally, but after ya' came in here the other night, askin' questions about Nishi and Miyami, I gave Miyami a call an' told him all about it, told him you're a cop an' everything."

"That's low!" Sayu cried indignantly.

"Sayu." I gave her a meaningful look and then returned my attention to Momo, "No offense, but how can I trust you now? I mean, if you're just going to go and tell my enemies about what I'm doing how can I believe anything you say?"

"Well, trust me kiddo, I didn't call Miyami 'cause I'm a rat or nothin'; truth is, I'm working for him, and for Reaper when ya' get right down to it. After Nishi was killed they needed somebody to replace him, an' they picked me out. Prolly 'cause I don't have much an' no one would miss me if they had to kill me.

So it was my job to tell Miyami. He sorta' had me spyin' on ya' anyway."

"Seriously? You've been spying on me?"

"Hey, it ain't like I've been followin' ya' or nothin', but the night you met him here, he gave me instructions to keep an eye on you as best I could, give ya' whatever ya' wanted, even if it meant answering questions for ya', see what ya' did an' report anything suspicious. Guess he suspected ya' were a cop."

"I guess." The new revelation made me feel nervous and sort of sick. All that time Momo had been playing me, giving me whatever I wanted so I'd trust him and let something slip on accident. "So why the sudden change of heart? I mean, I don't think I should trust you just because you're being honest now, do you?"

"Naw, I figured you'd say that. But here's the thing." He sighed and set a glass aside, rubbed his head like he was thinking hard. "Miyami's dead. I don't know how or who did it. I got a coupla' theories: the first one is that Reaper got fed up with him for some reason an' killed him off, just like he killed Nishi off. _Or_ one of _you_ got to him and killed him for some reason. Either way, it ain't lookin' good for me. If Reaper's killin' his own men what's to stop him from killing me? If the cops are resortin' to killin' off suspects outta' desperation, I figure, it's only a matter of time before ya' finger me for an accomplice too. So I thought it's best to tell ya' what I know and get myself outta' this mess."

I nodded, "Good idea. We don't know where this is going—you could be killed."

"Now I'm gonna' tell ya' what I know. Now keep in mind, it ain't much—I ain't involved as much as Miyami was, but I think I can help ya', an' then I expect ya' to let me go, no questions asked. Got it?"

"Oh. Yeah, sure. I guess so." That decision was probably really up to Aizawa, but as far as Momo knew, Sayu and I were the only ones who knew about this. I could talk Aizawa into letting this guy go. Probably.

He nodded, but his eyes were still sort of mistrustful, then he began nervously, "So, about a month ago, just a coupla' days after the cops announced that Kira had been killed, I'm in here, jus' doin' my job, Nishi was tendin' the bar, Miyami was visitin' with some customers, everything seemed normal.

"Then, in walks this high-roller. Ya' could see by lookin' at him that he was a big-shot. Nice, fancy suit, few bodyguards with him, real high-born look on his face. _Definitely_ not the type ta' wind up in a joint like this, right?

"He didn't even sit down and have a drink at the bar. Instead, he leaves one of his men at the door an' goes up to Miyami, interrupts him right in the middle of the conversation he's havin', an' they both go upstairs. They were up there for a coupla' hours-til closin' time at least-then the guy comes down, he an' Miyami shake hands, he takes his bodyguards, an' leaves, just like that. Miyami goes home after that, an' me and Nishi are lockin' up shop."

"Did Nishi know what was going on? I mean, it's pretty weird for someone like that to show up out of nowhere to a place like this."

"Nishi didn't know _a lot_, but he was closer to Miyami than me, so he did know that the guy who came in was Miyami's old room mate from university, and that he's the new CEO of Yotsuba."

"Yotsuba?" I gaped at him. Could Yotsuba really be behind all this? I had thought they were out of the way for good when Kira killed them all.

"Ya' might remember that a few years back a lot of Yotsuba employees were killed by Kira—and I ain't talkin' 'bout the janitor and the secretary. We're talkin' about some important people."

"That's right. I remember." Now it sickened me to realize that Light had killed those six men after they'd helped us with the case.

"Turns out Miyami's friend from university had been workin' hard at Yotsuba, but not gettin' too far at it. Then, when a bunch of the employees there died he got his big chance. In a few years he'd climbed all the way to the top, made junior executive, Yotsuba's current CEO died, an' this guy takes over the whole business."

Sayu spoke up, "What would someone like that being doing in a place like _this_? Was he just visiting his old room mate?"

"It seemed that way, but then Miyami comes to us a few days later, starts talkin' about some big plans, about it upping our business, makin' more money, an' all he would tell us is that it had somethin' ta' do with Kira. I guess he prolly told Nishi more than me, 'cause he was sorta' his accomplice in this whole mess, but after Nishi died he told me a bit more. He said that an' old friend of his was trying to revive Kira."

"Oohh." The epiphany hit me suddenly. "So you're saying this Yotsuba guy is Reaper!"

"Don't know for sure. I don't think Miyami knew that I knew that the guy who came in was his old room mate, otherwise he might not have even told me that much. But if ya' just put two an' two together, it seems sorta' obvious that the CEO of Yotsuba is the one behind this mess."

I nodded, "Right. Miyami says his old friend is trying to revive Kira, just a little while after his old room mate from college comes into his bar, and at the same time this Reaper maniac is running around, trying to accomplish the exact same thing. It all makes sense!" I grinned. "Wow, that's a great tip, Momo—thanks!"

He seemed to roll his eyes, "Woulja' keep your shirt on, kid? Here's the problem—I know _who_ Reaper is, but I ain't got no idea _where_ he is. Never had any contact with him, and now that Miyami's dead I've got no idea how ta' get in touch with him. I don't even know his name, an' I'll lay ya' even money that he ain't at his office building. Who even knows if he's at home? He could be anywhere."

I didn't' let the word bother me, even though they were a touch on the discouraging side, "Don't worry about that, Momo; it should be pretty easy to figure out who he is—and now that we have a place to start, we should be able to find him one way or another. But, do you think it's okay that you told me all this?"

"'Course it's not okay." Momo snorted. "If the bastard figures out I ratted him out he'll kill me. Lucky for me he don't know I exist. I mean, I'm sorry as the next guy Nishi's dead, but it's good news for me. See, he met Nishi since he was workin' hand-in-hand with Miyami, but after Nishi was killed I was never actually introduced to Reaper. I ain't a Kira fanatic like Miyami an' Nishi were, so they didn't involve me much."

"You're right." Sayu said quietly. "If that's true, then Nishi dying might have saved your life. It kept you from meeting with Reaper directly."

"Still, he could still find out, an' he could still try ta' have me killed." He looked seriously at me, "Hope that's all the information ya' need, Matsuda, 'cause I'm splittin' til this all blows over. Ya' ain't gonna' be able to contact me in any way, shape or form til this is finished."

"What? Don't you want police protection?"

""S long as ya' promise not ta' arrest me an' keep everything I told ya' off the record an' anonymous-like I consider that police protection."

"Are you sure? We could take you back to the station and keep you in-"

He shook his head firmly, "I ain't going ta' now concrete bird-cage, not even if it _is_ for my protection. So forget it."

"All right then." I smiled, starting to turn away. "I guess, in that case, thanks for all your help. We'd better get going though. If we hang around here and someone sees us talking to you, you could get in trouble."

Sayu got up to follow. "Bye Momo."

"Just one more thing 'fore ya' go, though." He came out from behind the bar just a few feet, "Speakin' of bein' seen, there's prolly somethin' else pretty important ya' should know about."

We both stopped to look at him.

"'Member that group o' kids that kicked the livin' shit outta' ya' the other week?"

My face turned fire-hot at once. "Uh…yeah."

Momo nodded sagely, "The kid that went one-on-one with ya', Troy, he's gotta' 'nother alias: goes by Osiris. Important part is, he's Reaper's younger brother-don't ask how I know-an' he's in charge o' that gang. They call themselves the Gods of Death or somethin' silly like that. Every one of 'em has some ridiculous alias that has ta' do with a god of death from some culture: Hades, Pluto, Beli, Anubis-"

"Anubis?" I felt my eyes widening.

"'s right. Anubis is sorta'…special I guess. He's parta' the gang, technically under Osiris' command, but he acts separately from the rest of 'em. Ya' need ta' watch out for him in particular—I've heard a lotta' nasty stuff 'bout him. Ex-convict on charges of murder."

"Why would someone like that support Kira?" I asked. If Anubis was really the guy who'd bombed Aizawa's car and nearly killed me earlier this morning then I knew he was someone very dedicated to Kira's ideals. Or at least to Kira himself."

Momo shrugged. "No idea. Anyway, be on the look out for him, _and_ for th' other punks. They don't stick out special or nothin', but they've all got a red English symbol on their clothes."

"A k?"

"Dunno'. I don't read English."

Considering the new information, I nodded. "Right. Thanks a lot, Momo."

He nodded back, and me and Sayu left, me thinking hard as we went. How could someone who'd been convicted of murder be spared by Kira? How could he _support_ Kira? And what about the name of the gang-the whole theme of the gang-being associated with Shinigami? Did they all know about the notebook? If so, maybe this was their pass to get their hands on it. I felt sick at the very idea of a group of murderers getting their hands on the notebook.

_One murderer already got his hands on the notebook…we all saw where that went._

I pushed that thought away. I didn't want to think about Light—I still regretted what I'd done to him, and the fact that Soichiro was dead.

"Matsuda?" Sayu drew me out of my thoughts, "Can I ask you a question?"

"Go ahead."

"There's something I don't really understand. Momo-san said that Reaper 'knows who you are' and that he's going to be watching your apartment. I guess…I don't get what he meant by that. Who are you? Why is Reaper after _you_ in particular?"

I sighed, "I guess, because I'm the one who killed Kira. He thinks that if he kills me that Kira will be revived."

I felt her staring at me, but I couldn't bear to look back at her, not considering who Kira had been. "No wonder Aizawa doesn't want you walking around alone."

"Yeah." I probably shouldn't have told her that, but it didn't really seem to matter. I hesitated in the middle of the street to look up at the city skyline. In a few hours the sun would come up, and then more police officers would be killed. All because of me. What difference did it make if Sayu knew I'd shot Kira?

"Well, at least now I know for sure Kira's dead—if you killed him yourself, I can't really doubt you. But…how did this nutjob find out that you're the one? I thought only the four of you knew about it." Her voice sank considerably, "Do you think one of your friends betrayed you?"

I shook my head, more because I wanted to deny it than because I knew it for a fact, "I don't know how he found out. It seems like someone would have had to tell him, but I just can't imagine who."

She sighed and took my hand. "God, I want this to end."

"Me too." It seemed so hard to be brave right now, but it was a little easier when she was with me, when I could feel the warmth of her skin against mine. It was like she was there to replace the fact that Soichiro and Light were dead. But at the same time, it was a painful remind of the things Sachiko had said to me and Aizawa earlier. "Sayu?"  
"Hm?"

"Remember…that day when I was over at your parents' house, a few days before you were…"

"Kidnapped?" She sounded casual. Maybe she was getting past that horrific incident. "What about it?"

"I just want to apologize." I lowered my gaze.

"What for?" Her grip on my hand tightened.

"For what happened to your father…I've thought about it so many times since he died…I just feel like there was more I could have done. And…I sort of forgot about that day at your house for a while, but when I think about it, about how happy you all were…and you thanked me for taking care of Soichiro…I feel like," I fought to keep my voice from cracking, "like I let you down."

Sayu sighed again, leaned her head against my arm, then her voice sounded sad and very tired, "Oh, Touta…never mind. That's a stupid thing to apologize for."

I turned to stare at her, was startled to see her smiling a little.

"I never blamed you, or any one else for that matter. I never thought it was anyone's fault my father died, and I didn't feel angry that you couldn't protect him. When I said that, of course I meant it, because up until then nothing bad had happened to Daddy…but I think I was flirting with you more than anything else."

"Yeah, but-"

"Listen to me." she turned to me, "What happened to Dad and Light was horrible-I'll never forgive Kira for killing them-but I know it was out of our control. There was nothing you or Aizawa or anyone else could have done to protect them."

Her words were a harsh blow, and I struggled to keep my reaction from showing, and had to stare down at my shoes to keep the guilt from shining through.

Sayu leaned up, cupping my face between her hands, her warm, soft lips brushing against my own and lingering there for several seconds. She spoke against my mouth, "Please don't blame yourself for their fate. Because I don't."

"He-ey!" Aizawa's voice shattered the moment, "You stupid kids get the hell out of the road! What do you think this is? High school?"

I noticed for the first time that a car was approaching, and Sayu and I had to hurry to get out of the way.

Aizawa glared at us from his place beside the cruiser. Yoko was sitting on the hood, looking at us out of the corner of her eye. "What's wrong with you? We're investigating for important information, Matsuda—this is no time for-"

Sayu bowed just a little, "I'm sorry, Aizawa-san, it was my fault. I distracted him."

Her choice of words made me smile.

I noticed Yoko turn her head away.

Aizawa gave us another disapproving look, but said, "Well, what did you find out?"

"What? Oh, right! Sorry." I scratched the back of my head, working my fingers through my tangled hair, "Momo said he thinks the Reaper is the current CEO of Yotsuba. Crazy, right?"

Aizawa raised an eyebrow, "Yotsuba? What the hell? I thought we were done with them."

"So did I."

"Well, what's this guy's name?"

"Momo didn't know."

"How the hell are we supposed to find out?"

"I don't know. Can we look it up on the internet or something?"

"His name is Akki Toyoshi." Yoko announced, getting off the hood, and coming around to us."

"What? How do you know that?"

She flashed her phone at us, "I just looked it up online. Current CEO of Yotsuba Corp is Akki Toyoshi. He's the youngest CEO they've had so far. Weird. He's pretty handsome—I can't believe someone like that would be doing all this. What do you think his motives are?"

"To revive Kira. Just like he said." Aizawa told her.

"It just seems so unreal. I mean, Kira was just a man, wasn't he?"

"Yeah." I muttered.

"Guess you'd know better than anyone—you shot him and everything."

"Not everyone thinks that way." Aizawa said; he seemed distracted, and I saw that he was texting Ide. "We all know that Kira was just a man, but fanatics like this Reaper don't. Ide's on his way here with Kei."

"They think he's a god." Yoko agreed. "Like that Mikami maniac you told me about. He thought he was God, right?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

"It's so stupid though—God wouldn't be that…immature. You'd think other people could recognize that. Kira was just a psycho."

Aizawa sighed,"Look, can we not talk about Kira? I don't want to think about him…"

Yoko gave him a weird look, then seemed to realize something. And somehow I knew exactly what was coming, and I still couldn't stop it. "Oh, that's right. Sorry, I guess I didn't realize I'm totally bad-mouthing a friend of yours."

Aizawa stared, and so did Sayu, and I'm sure I was staring too, but I was so distracted by the painful pound of my heart I didn't realize it.

"What did you say?" Aizawa snapped.

Yoko obviously knew she'd messed up. I'd actually forgotten that I'd told her that, and I definitely hadn't thought she'd blurt it out, especially in front of Sayu.

"I-I'm sorry…I was with Matsuda the other night and…it just sort of slipped out—he was drunk and he told me that Light-"

"Yoko!" I shouted, trying to drown out what she was saying, and pushed her back against the car. I couldn't believe she'd just done that. Yoko was always so careful and so smart. How could she have said that in front of Sayu?

_Maybe Sayu didn't hear her._

That was too much to hope for.

"Wh-what are you talking about?" Sayu demanded. "What about Light?"

Yoko shook her head. "No. Nothing."

But Sayu obviously wasn't going to let it go. "You were saying something about Light." Her voice trembled. "You're not saying… wait a minute." She looked at Aizawa. I could see the wheels turning, the same look Light had gotten when he was analyzing something crucial. "A friend of yours? Kira was a friend of yours?"

"Just forget it, Sayu." Aizawa ordered, but he stayed right where he was, and the hopeless look on his face told me that he knew that all was lost.

"Light…" she sounded tiny and far away, her legs seemed to buckle and I thought she'd fall down. I moved to support her and she sagged against me. "Light…Kira? No. That's impossible. No. No! I don't believe it! Someone, please tell me that's not true!"

All of us were quiet. I guess no one wanted to lie outright to her face. And at the same time, no one wanted to tell her the truth. It was an awful situation.

She turned to look up at me, and our faces were just inches apart, so I could see the trembling of her lips, the fear in her eyes, hear how afraid and disbelieving she was, "Touta…that's not true, right? Please tell me it's not true. Light…wasn't Kira…was he?"

They were all looking at me now. Now that the question had been put to me, they wanted to see what I would say, how I would react, if my honesty would prevail, or if I could really lie to her face about something that important.

"S-sayu…please."

"Oh my God!" She wailed. She must have seen it in my eyes. "Oh my God! No!"

"Just listen to me."

Sayu backed away from me, brown eyes wide, filling with tears. "You…you killed him…"

I felt like I'd been kicked.

"Isn't that true, Touta?"

Why couldn't I just lie to her? Why did I have to be so honest all the time? "Yes, it's true. But-"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"How could I?" I stammered.

"I deserved to know!"

"We just...all decided together that it would be better if you and Sachiko didn't know."

"How could you decide something like that? How could you think it was better for me to go the rest of my life, believing in a lie, believing that my brother died honorably, fighting Kira?"

Why had we decided that? Suddenly the reasoning was muddled.

"And to make it worse, you decided to lie about how he died too! Don't you think it was important information for me to know that you killed Light?"

"I..." _No...don't mention the notebook..._

"God. I trusted you, Matsuda! I...I honestly cared for you, and you've been lying to me this whole time!"

"I wasn't lying to you intentionally...We all agreed to not tell you."

The disbelief was becoming anger. I saw a tear glide down her face. "Why? Don't you think that it was important information? He was my brother, dammit! Don't you think I deserved to know that the man that I… Don't you think I deserve to know that one of my friends killed my brother?"

She had choked it out, like she could barely stand to say it, but the fact still remained: Thought of me as a friend, and possibly more. Or had just a few minutes ago. It made me want to go to her, comfort her, hold her, feel needed and wanted and strong again, like I usually did when I was with Sayu. I took a step forward, "I didn't want to shoot your brother, Sayu. I-"

"How dare you say something that _stupid?_ If you didn't want to shoot him then why did you?!"

"I know it doesn't make sense but-"

"Damn right it doesn't make sense!"

I stared at her, helplessly, "Sayu…he was Kira…"

"I can't believe that! I can't believe my brother was Kira! I can't believe you killed him!"

"He didn't!" Aizawa snapped suddenly. I should have known he'd come to my rescue. But a moment later, I realized that I didn't want him to.

"Oh really? Then _who_ did? He told me himself just a few minutes ago that he killed Kira!"

Aizawa and I were both quiet. Yoko had faded into the background. What should we do? We couldn't tell her about the notebook. She probably wouldn't believe us anyway.

I desperately wanted to tell her—about Ryuuk and the notebook and everything, but I knew that I couldn't. That meant I had to take a hit.

I exchanged glances with Aizawa; he looked genuinely curious about what I was going to say. It wasn't the forbidding 'don't you dare tell her about the notebook' look I expected.

_If she believes about the notebook then I'm off the hook—Ryuuk takes the blame for killing Light, and I can move on with Sayu, hopefully._

_Or._

The alternative seemed totally unbearable at the moment.

_Or I lie and tell her that I did kill him—the information about the notebook stays top secret, but…will she ever forgive me?_

Painfully, I remembered kissing her, holding her, listening to her voice in the night, and I didn't want that to go away. I wished someone else would take over the conversation for me. I wished someone else could be in charge of lying to her so I wouldn't have to.

I looked at Aizawa again. He would tell her, wouldn't he? He'd just take charge of the moment and tell her if I let him.

_Do I want him to? Shouldn't I be the one to tell Sayu I killed her brother?_

"Sayu, for the last time," Aizawa said, almost angrily, "Matsuda didn't kill Light. That's the truth."

_It is the truth isn't it? No…the gunshots…the blood…he's dead because of me…I shot him._

"I killed him…" I murmured.

"What?" Aizawa gave me a furious look, "What are you saying, you moron? You did not!"

"I did. I shot him, and now he's dead…I must have killed him."

"Matsu-"

"Shut _up_, Aizawa!" I shouted, turning on him, "I'm tired of hearing that I didn't kill Light when everyone knows that I did!"

"Kid-"

"And stop calling me that! Where are you getting that anyway? You've never called me that before in the history of forever, so where the _hell_ is it coming from?"

"Matsuda, listen to me-"

"HEY!" Sayu screamed. "Both of you shut up! I can't believe this! I can't believe you decided not to tell me about this! Not to tell me that _Matsuda_ killed Light!"

"Sayu," I looked back at her, instantly subdued, "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. If I could go back to that moment, if I had a second chance…I'd just shoot myself rather than hurting you or Light."

She laughed a short, "Ha!" then shook her head, eyes glowing furiously, "Is that supposed to make it better somehow? No matter how you play it up or what you say, my brother is still dead!"

"I know, but-"

"You think you're justice or something, killing Kira? Being the big hero? You know what—you deserve all this! Everything Reaper is doing is because of you!"

"I know." I murmured.

"If you're really a man, you should just go and give yourself up to him—at least then no more good cops will die!"

I felt like the words were physically crushing me. "I know."

"How far are you going to let him go, anyway? Are you going to let him kill your friends?"

"I don't know."

She spat a little, "You're pathetic."

"Sayu-"

"I don't want to hear it—I'm leaving!"

"Wait!"

"Leave me alone." She started to walk away, not even looking over her shoulder at us.

"Sayu, wait! Come on, don't go—this is a dangerous area, you could-"

"Don't pretend to care about me."

"Sayu, please…please don't go. Just listen to me. Let's talk about this…"

She lingered for just a moment, "There's no point in talking about it, because if what you're telling me is true, I can never forgive you. I…I hate you, Matsuda."

Those three words totally trashed something vital inside of me, ripped it all down like a curtain, making it crash on the floor, spilling my blood and guts. I felt like I couldn't even breathe. I felt like I was dying—no one had ever said they hated me before. Not someone I loved.

She kept going.

Aizawa tried to call her back, "Sayu, we can't just leave you out here like this. Hey! Are you listening? Sayu?!"

"Sayu!"

But she didn't stop, getting smaller and smaller with the distance.

"Forget it." Yoko said softly to him. "There's no way you're getting her into the car now."

We all stared after her, and Aizawa sighed.

I looked at Sayu, fading further and further from us, just running, like she couldn't get away from my fast enough, and the crumbling inside my soul was overwhelming.

"Hey," I felt Aizawa's hand on my shoulder, "don't worry about it. She's a kid. She doesn't get it."

"How…can I not worry about it?"

He was quiet.

Yoko approached nervously, "Matsuda? I'm sorry…I didn't mean to."

"It's not your fault." I said hollowly.

"Yes…it is. Believe me, it is."

"We don't have time to push blame around." Aizawa said tiredly. "We-" he snorted with irritation as his phone went off, "Hang on a second. Kei? Yeah, we-" there was a long, drawn out pause, and when Aizawa spoke again he sounded extremely downtrodden, like someone had just told him that his wife and children were dead, "All right. We're on our way." He hung up slowly. "Well, let's go."

"What's wrong?" Yoko asked.

"Someone with an assault weapon just attacked Ide and Kei."

"Are they all right?"

"I don't know. They're alive at least—we have to get over to them right away." He got in the driver's side of the car.

Yoko gave me an uncertain look, like she was going to say something, before she got in the back seat.

I stood there a split second longer, watching Sayu get further and further away, and even though I wanted to run after her and stop her and beg her to forgive me, I couldn't. This case was still hot, and there wasn't a second to waste. So even though I was tired and heartbroken, I knew I had to find Akki Toyoshi as soon as possible, and make sure he suffered for every last bit of trouble he'd caused me.

I felt the urge to scream coming to the surface, clawing at my chest, crawling up my throat, and then I just couldn't take it anymore.

"Sayu!"

I was so loud she actually heard me. She actually stopped running, lingering there for just a few seconds, but I knew she wouldn't come back.

"Sayu!" I bit back a sob, "I love you!"

Just a few seconds. And then she kept running, and I got into the car.

I felt like the last good thing in my life had just walked away.

Sayu

My heart was hammering, my lungs burned, and my injuries ached, but I just kept running, because the pain my body was experiencing was nothing like the pain in my heart, and one word kept running through my mind, slamming against my brain over and over again. _No. No. No._

It couldn't be true—this couldn't really be happening to me. _Kira. Light. I can't believe the man that I…_

How could it be true?

Even when the others were calling me back, I didn't so much as look over my shoulder at them: I didn't want to see him. Just picturing him in my mind hurt too much. And yet he was there, sweet and smiling and handsome as ever. Always there, exactly where he'd been since I'd run into him at Misa's apartment. Exactly where he belonged. So how could it be that Matsuda had killed Light?

_He'd never hurt a fly, so how could he kill my brother?_

I remembered how he'd been crying that night we'd run into each other at Light's old apartment, and then I had just assumed it was because he missed them.

_I miss them too…_

When he'd offered to walk me home, I hadn't even guessed at how guilty and how sad he must have been, and even if I had recognized it, I never would have known why.

_Because he killed Light. He killed my brother. The man that I…_

I choked a little, heaving as I continued to run, tears blurring down my cheeks, in a way I'd never experienced before.

_Matsuda…why didn't you tell me?_

They'd all decided together. But why? Why did they want to hide it from me? Didn't I deserve to know that the man I…that Matsuda, had killed Light?

_It's not true! Tell me it's not true—it can't be true! Light wasn't Kira!_

But he was. And Matsuda had killed him. _My_ Matsuda.

_I didn't want to shoot your brother, Sayu._

_Then why? Matsuda, why?_

_He was Kira, Sayu._

My brother. My brother. My sweet, precious older brother. My Light. All this time I'd looked up to him, all this time he'd been my idol, my hero, my friend…how could he have been Kira? How could I have not realized?

Light and I had never been what you'd call close, but that was more because of the differences in our ages and demeanors than in anything else. We'd gotten along fine, teasing occasionally, but never really fighting, and when I really looked at the core of our relationship, we'd loved each other. I loved my brother. I hated, _hated_, to think of him as Kira, someone I'd always thought of as being evil and cruel and dangerous. After Light and Dad had died, I'd hated Kira with all my heart. I'd vowed for revenge, even when I knew I couldn't have it.

_I'll never see them again. Ever._

_Kira. I hate Kira. I hate Kira so, so much: he ruined my life; if I could have joined the NPA to help hunt him down, I would have. If I could be alone in a room with Kira for just a few minutes…he'd be sorry he ever messed with my family._

And now I knew the truth: Kira was my family. It had to be the truth, because Matsuda and Aizawa wouldn't tell me something so horrible unless it was true.

_Kira…I hate him. He ruined my life, he ruined my family, killed my father… my brother._

Kira was my brother.

"God." I sobbed. There were so many different ways to look at the situation, and each one seemed bleaker than the last. Kira was Light. Light was Kira. Kira was my brother. Kira killed my father—Light killed our father. Dad was dead because of Light! God! I almost couldn't take it: the very thought made me want to break down right there in the middle of the street and just cry until I was dead.

Light…Light, how could you?

Did he get what he deserved? What had become of my brother? What were his last few moments on earth like? Where did his last thoughts focus?

_Matsuda-San?_

_Hm?_

_Do you think there's anything after death?_

_After death?…Yeah, I guess so._

_What about for Kira?_

_I don't know. I guess Kira would probably go to hell._

_…Good._

Just like that, in just a word, I'd condemned my own flesh and blood, glad to think he'd gone to hell. I felt so unspeakably wicked for that now, but only because it was Light. If it had been anyone else…

_God…I just don't want it to be true. It just isn't fair!_

Thinking about my poor mother only made it worse. One thing was sure, she could never, ever know. Not that Light was Kira and not that Matsuda had shot and killed Light. I couldn't let her find out.

It was hard enough for me to know the truth, and I was sure the information would just kill her.

To think, for all those years, ever since Kira had first emerged, it had always been Light behind it all, living in my house, with our parents, his room just a short ways from mine, probably killing people while I slept or something. My own goddamn brother. And Misa. What of Misa? Had she had some part in it? Was that why they were together in the first place? I'd loved Misa like a sister, but I'd always gotten the feeling that Light didn't love her the way that she loved him. But I had ignored it at the time, just because I was happy. I loved having them live nearby. I loved going over to their place on weekends or after school, just for a change of pace, just to get away from Mom and Dad. They were always pressuring me to be like Light, but I just wanted to have fun with my friends.

_I'm not smart like he was. Misa and Light…they never pressured me. They loved me, just the way I am. Like a sister._

I thought Light loved me. But then, I thought he loved Dad and Misa too, and now, knowing he was Kira, my doubts were boundless.

_God…I just wish they weren't dead._

There was nothing I could have done.

_I wish I had died with them._

My death wouldn't have changed a thing…

_I just want to see them again. That's all._

My run started to slow as I thought about Matsuda again, the man who'd killed my brother. Why didn't he just kill me too? I'd rather be dead than know that Light was Kira. How insensitive could you get?

"That bastard." I panted as I stopped running, leaning against the wall of a building. I didn't even know where I was now, and I didn't care. I just wanted to escape the world, to walk away from everything I knew, forget all I had, and just start over. "That bastard. That stupid bastard. Lying to me. How. Could. He. Lie?" The tears were still streaking down my face, and a sob rocked my whole body. "Dammit. Matsuda, dammit! Why didn't you tell me?"

If only I could understand. If only I could have realized sooner, then maybe I wouldn't have taken the risk of…

He'd always seemed sorry. He'd said he was sorry. And now that I thought about it, he'd been apologizing for a long time, even when I had no idea what he was apologizing for. On top of that, he'd always seemed genuinely concerned for me, looking out for me, asking me how I was, calling me, everything. At Light's funeral he'd been so… I didn't even have a word for how sad Matsuda had looked that day. Back then, I'd just assumed he'd cared a lot about Light, I didn't know that he was guilty over his death. Maybe he'd been beating himself up for this for a long time…

_How can you tell when something isn't your fault? What if that's just something we tell ourselves to feel better? What if everything that happens can be blamed on someone?_

I blamed him. More than anything else, all this time when I'd been blaming Kira and the NPA and even myself, and now I had an actual face to stick my brother's death to. It was enough to make my blood boil with hatred.

_I hate you, Matsuda._

That felt good, to channel that hate into something. _I hate you, Touta Matusda._

It was a relief really.

Slowly, I started to walk again, wishing I could block all my thoughts out, never consider any of this crap again, but Matsuda kept coming back to me, his words ringing in my head.

_If you need anything, call me._

I had called him, more than once—at first, just because I needed help, and then because I trusted him, and then, one day I'd called him and realized it was just for the sake of hearing his voice on the other line. Because I cared about him, and I felt safe with him.

_What could possibly happen to me if I'm with you?_

I stared down at my shoes. I bit my lip. I didn't want to face the truth. I didn't want to think about the good times I'd had with my brother's killer.

_You've got to promise not to do anything reckless without me._

A promise I'd been happy to make.

_You're cute when you're serious._

I remembered his blank expression when I'd told him that, an expression I'd treasured so much…

That face…that voice…everything about him.

Practically screaming, I grabbed my own head. Why couldn't I just stop thinking about him? Why couldn't I just put his stupid face out of my stupid mind and never think about it again? He'd killed my brother for God's sake!

But I couldn't. He really did remind me of Dad. Not because they looked the same or acted the same or anything, but there was just something fundamental about him that gave me the same kind of secure feeling I'd gotten from being near my father, a similar kind of sense of righteousness.

_You're brave—a lot braver than you realize._

Tears burned my eyes, as I whispered his name, "Matsu…"

_I'm grateful you stuck by my father to the very end._

He had. He'd been there when Dad died, he'd been there at Dad's funeral, he'd always been there…it just wasn't fair that it all had to turn out this way.

After all that had happened, how was I supposed to ever forget about him? I remembered so much: brushing tears from his cheek, wrapping my arms around his neck, the smell of him when I held him, the scent of his clothing as I whispered 'don't ever die…'

I remembered the smooth texture of his face, feathered with just a faint scruff of facial hair.

_We make a pretty good team, don't we?_

What would happen to him now that I wanted nothing to do with him?

_See you tomorrow, Partner._

What in the world would happen to me without him?

_Matsuda, I'm scared._

_Don't worry, Sayu, it'll be okay._

_He holds his hand out for me, his eyes have that sparkle, his lips have that smile, and I can't help feeling just a little braver with him beside me._

_I'm not going to let anything happen. Here. Hold my hand._

I remembered that hand, how it felt to hold in my own, the warmth and the strength in that grip, combined with the gentleness and the shyness. And that smile, the one I'd fallen in love with so, so long ago. I remembered him holding me in his arms, spinning around and around, both of us laughing, laughing like I hadn't laughed in months, like nothing mattered, like everything was fine, like I was fifteen again, in love for the very first time.

My eyes burned worse than ever as I remembered kissing him, our lips locked together, the alcohol on his tongue, the warmth and the way it made me feel. It was still so vivid in my mind, making me feel flighty and too young to know better.

_The man who killed my brother._

I'd lain awake, thinking about him, wanting him, wishing he was beside me, hands burning from where he'd touched me last, a feeling that would never go away.

_Goodnight, Touta._

You don't forget stuff like that.

_Goodnight, Sayu._

You just don't. Not when you're…

_I'm so scared. I wish none of this was happening at all—I wish there was something I could do to protect you, but I can't even protect myself, and it scares me not knowing what will happen next._

_I wish you could protect me._

Just a few hours ago I'd been lying next to him in that hospital bed, smelling his hair, kissing the back of his neck. Now the sun was coming up, and I didn't know if I'd ever see him again, or if I even wanted to.

I just wished this wasn't happening, that I was still lost in the bliss of ignorance, not knowing that he'd killed Light.

_I was worried about him. I cared about him._

_I know you do…_

Not anymore though. I can't: I don't want to.

_Can't you forgive me, Sayu?_

_I'll never forgive Kira for killing them…do I have to now that I know Light was Kira? There was nothing anyone could have done…but my brother is still dead._

In my mind, I took his face in my hands again, kissing him like I'd never kissed anyone else. _Don't blame yourself…because I don't._

_I never blamed anyone before, except for Kira, and sometimes myself…Not once._

And now, in a matter of minutes, that was different. It was all gone. And I had someone to blame. The only problem was, I wasn't sure I wanted to blame him—after I'd lost my father and my brother, I didn't know if I wanted to blame Matsuda for what had happened, because I wasn't sure if I could live without him.

But that was ridiculous. I'd been fine without him, I'd been fine before I'd known him, before I'd gotten involved in this case, so why wouldn't I be fine again? I didn't really need him. Did I?

_I killed him. I shot him, and now he's dead…I must have killed him._

Something about those very words was just too strange—I just wished I could put my finger on why. Maybe if I could actually imagine Matsuda killing Light it would help, but it was impossible. I simply couldn't see it.

_Why didn't they tell me? _They should have told me: no amount of protocol, no amount of common sense, nothing could explain why they hadn't told me—I deserved to know. So was there something more to the story? It just wasn't like Matsuda to go killing his friends.

_I'm sorry. If I could go back to that moment, if I had a second chance, I'd just shoot myself rather than hurting you or Light._

That was more like Matsuda. He was stupid sometimes, and reckless a lot, but ultimately, he'd do anything to protect the people he cared about. Light was included in that, so how could he have killed him? How? I walked for miles, just thinking, but no matter how I thought about it, I couldn't make it make sense in my mind.

It didn't matter what he said. No matter what he told me, my brother is still dead.

_You think you're justice or something, killing Kira? Being the big hero? You deserve all this! Everything the Reaper is doing is because of you!_

_I know._

_If you're really a man, you should just go and give yourself up to him—at least then no more good cops will die!_

_I know._

_How far are you going to let him go anyway? Are you going to let him kill your friends?_

_I don't know._

That 'I don't know', it had been so quiet, so truthful and sad…it made me want to cry when I thought about it.

_You're pathetic._

_I can never forgive you. I hate you, Matsuda._

But did I really? Could I actually hate him? Did I even want to? Hating him would mean letting go of everything I'd felt in the last month, forgetting about how being with him made me feel, and forfeiting all the happy memories I'd made with him. Just like if I started to hate Light for being Kira, I'd have to give up the happy childhood we'd spent together. Eventually, I might even have to completely block the fact that we had the same parents from my mind, because it was all too painful.

Did I really want to do that?

No. I didn't want to disown my brother, no matter what he'd done—I would always love him. I would always think of him as Light, the boy I'd known before Kira came along. My smiling, happy, too-smart, big brother, and I would hold him in my heart like that until I died.

The brother Matsuda had killed.

Could I push the memories of Matsuda away and ignore all the feelings I'd had for him?

Somehow…none of it seemed fair. None of it at all.

_Why did it have to be this way? Why did it have to be that the man who killed Kira-the man who killed my brother-was the man that I love?_


	23. Chapter 23

Mogi

Aizawa paced around and around the room. I think we were all getting pretty sick of the hospital, and I personally was beginning to feel like the walls were closing in around me. First Matsuda, now Ide and Kei, who would be next? It was still early in the day, so no more police officers had been killed. Yet. But it was day six. Six more officers would die today, and I was terrified that it would be one of us.

_Just have to get this case solved, and then I can join Near._

It seemed like that would never happen.

Ide and Kei were all right at least. For the most part. Ide had taken a bullet in the shoulder and had a head wound from hitting his head on the steering wheel. Kei was a little torn up from jumping out of the car before it crashed into a pylon. We were still trying to get the complete version of the story out of them, but they seemed shook up and couldn't answer the questions very accurately. Ide's shoulder was mostly intact, and the bullet recovered hadn't been a hollow point, which meant whoever had attacked them hadn't been working with Reaper. Not part of the gang Matsuda had told us about at least. Still, both of them were lucky to be alive at all.

"Why did you tell Yoko about Light?" Aizawa demanded. Yoko had left the room, so he was taking the opportunity to discuss the latest issue on our already too-full plate of messes.

Matsuda shrugged from his place beside Ide's bed, "I was drunk I guess. I didn't tell her on purpose."

"Well, did she _ask_ about Light? I mean, did she slip you some kind of truth syrum or something?"

"I don't know." He sighed. "I don't think so."

"You don't know? Don't you remember if she asked about Light?"

"She might have."

It sounded like a lie to me, but I was determined to not get involved. If Yoko had asked about Light that could mean a lot of things, but it was pretty innocent. Anyone might have come to the conclusion that Light was Kira. But if she had given Matsuda some kind of drug to force him to tell her that Light was Kira it meant a whole different set of things. It meant we couldn't trust her. And I wanted to trust Yoko. Our force was getting way too small to not be able to trust one of our people.

"Why would she do that?" Ide asked tiredly. He was still pretty out of it from the pain killers they'd been giving him, but at least he was able to participate in the conversation. "What would she need to know about Kira for?"

"I don't know. She didn't tell me anything. Or if she did, I don't remember."

"You knew no one else was supposed to know about Light." Aizawa snapped.

"Yeah. I know."

"You've got to remember something." Ide prodded, sitting up a little, "How drunk were you?"

Apparently Matsuda couldn't stand the pressure anymore. He got up suddenly, "Really drunk. Drunker than I've been since…college at least. Guys, I really don't remember. She might have asked about Kira and it might have just slipped, but I have no idea, I've had a lot of other things to think about since then, you can't expect me to remember. So can we just drop this? It doesn't really matter as long as she doesn't tell anyone else, right?"

Aizawa sighed, "You're forgetting: she already told someone. Even if it was just an accident."

Sayu had arrived back at the hospital just a little while after Aizawa and the others had come, but she ignored us, even when we tried to talk to her, and now her mother wouldn't let any of us see her anyway. She was taking the news about her brother really hard. Who could blame her?

Matsuda looked away, face paling slightly, "Right. You don't think she'll tell Sachiko, do you?"

"If she's even half as smart as Light was she won't. Still, it doesn't change the fact that she wasn't supposed to know."  
Matsuda rubbed his forehead like he had a headache; I remembered that he still had a concussion. "Man, I really messed up."

None of us answered him. I wasn't sure that this was anyone's fault. It might have happened eventually anyway.

Aizawa surprised me by asking, "Why didn't you just tell her about the notebook?"

"The notebook?" Matsuda looked at him like he'd never considered that. Like Aizawa was crazy. "No one's supposed to know about the notebook."

"I didn't say you _should_ have told her, I'm just asking why you didn't. At least then she wouldn't hate you for killing her brother."

"Are you for real?" Matsuda's expression turned angry. "I didn't tell her about the notebook because I didn't think she was supposed to know! You would have killed me if I'd told her!"

"So if I hadn't been there you would have told her?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

"You didn't go after her either. Is that because I was there too?"

"I didn't know I was supposed to go after her!"

"She's _your_ girlfriend, Matsuda!"

"She's not my girlfriend!"

"Not anymore."

"I didn't know what I was supposed to!"

"Did you think letting her wander away in the middle of Kabuchiko was a better idea?"

"Fine then!" Matsuda's eyes were burning with rage now, "If it's such a big deal to you, why didn't _you_ go after her?"

"It wasn't my responsibility!"

"And it was mine?"

"Of course it was! When are you going to get your shit together—quit being such a kid and take responsibility for your problems. You can't rely on everyone else all the time!"

"When are _you_ going to quit being an _asshole_ all the time?" Matsuda shouted. It was so sudden, and so unlike him that it left Aizawa speechless and startled me. I glanced at Ide, saw that he was wearing the same expression I was feeling.

For a little while, the two of them just glared at each other, then Aizawa sighed, "I'm not trying to be an asshole. It's just that I can't bail you out all the time."

"I don't want you to bail me out all the time. I don't expect you to. I just wish you'd quit treating me like an idiot." He was silent a moment, then he sighed and sank back into his seat, "Sorry I yelled at you."

Aizawa just nodded, and uncomfortable silence filled the room for a few moments. We heard Yoko across the hall promise Kei that she'd be back, and a second later she came in, looking shy and guilty.

"Hey guys. What's all the yelling in here?"

"Nothing. Don't worry about it. All right, guys listen," Aizawa went back to pacing, "we're getting really close to solving this thing—we know who we want, now we just have to make an arrest. So I think that we-"

"Um, Aizawa?" Matsuda interrupted, raising his hand just a little, "What if Toyoshi's _not_ the Reaper? What if we go and arrest the wrong guy?"

Aizawa and Ide both gave him the same agitated look. "If we're wrong we apologize and let him go and look for a new suspect. But that's a moot point, because right now he's our prime suspect, and we're arresting him. Any more questions?"

Matsuda muttered a 'no' and then looked away again.

"As I was saying. Arresting Toyoshi is our top priority—six cops are scheduled to die today, so we should try to do it as soon as possible. Ide and Kei are out now," he looked apologetically at Ide, "so the four of us will splite up; two will go to his house, and two will head over to the Yotsuba building and see if we can catch him there. If not, we might be able to at least get some information."

Then he split us up so that Matsuda and I were together, and he and Yoko were together. That seemed strange, but I figured he was doing it so that he could keep an eye on Yoko, just in case she was an enemy. Aizawa went to check out Toyoshi's house, and Matsuda and I were supposed to go to the Yotsuba building and look for information.

As we drove, Matsuda asked, "You know Yoko better than the rest of us, right?"

"I've worked with her a few times. We're not best friend or anything."

"Do you think we can trust her?"

I thought a moment. All I'd ever known of Yoko was that she was smart, loyal, sweet and noble. She wanted justice as much as anyone else, and seemed, in my mind's eye, incorruptible. I couldn't imagine her betraying any of us. "Yeah. I'm sure it was just a fluke."

We were quiet the rest of the way over.

I parked as close to the building as I could get, just in case we had to make a break for the car, but before we went inside we stopped to make a plan.

"Your gun ready?" I asked him.

"Yeah. Do you think we'll need it?"

"Probably not—I doubt he's even here, but if he is we're arresting him, so you never know."

"And if he's _not_ here?"

"Then we need to figure out where he is—one way or another we have to get up into his office and check around."

Matsuda nodded and checked to make sure his gun was ready. I also checked mine, and then we went in side by side.

At the front desk was a young woman with her hair piled up on top of her head and thin glasses. She gave us a disapproving look down her nose and demanded in a nasally voice, "Can I help you gentlemen?"

Matsuda and I exchanged glances. Out of habit, we were going to handle this the way we handled all the people we had to talk to. I'd ask the important questions while he provided the friendliness to win her over.

My partner smiled as wide and as charmingly as possible, "I sure hope so. We'd really like to talk to Mr. Toyoshi, if we can."

The secretaries eyes narrowed, like the smile offended her, "And you are?"

It was a delicate situation. If Toyoshi was really the reaper, I believed it would be dangerous for him to know that a couple police detectives had come to his company building. Matsuda waited for me to answer.

"We're old friends of his." I said smoothly. "Just here for the week."

"Yeah, it'd be really great if we could see him before we have to leave again." Matsuda embellished, still smiling.

The secretary raised an eyebrow, then said coldly, "I'm afraid Mr. Toyoshi is not in today. You'll have to come by another time."

Matsuda frowned appropriately, "Really? He's gone? Does that mean he's at home?"

"No. Mr. Toyoshi is on business—you won't find him in Tokyo at all."

"Well, that's no good."

"Is there a number we could reach him at?" I asked. "A personal cell phone or something?"

She shook her head, "Absolutely not. But if you want, I could give him the message that you came by; then maybe he could get back with you later." She reached for a pad of paper and a pen, "I'll just need both your names and a place of contact."

Matsuda glanced up at me. Even though the Kira case was over, we were still nervous about having our real names written down, and I didn't think it would be wise for Matsuda to give out his alias of Taro Matsui when the Reaper already knew that it was a fake name. So I just said casually, "Oh, no, that's all right. We'll just come back another time. We're in a hurry right now."

The secretary snorted, "In that case, if there's nothing I can do for you, have a nice day, gentlemen." She dropped the pad of paper into a drawer and slammed it.  
"Thanks for all your help." Matsuda beamed at her.

She just snorted a second time.

I led the way out of the building.

"What now?" He asked. "He's not there, does that mean we're giving up on this place?"

"I don't know." I stopped to look up at the tall building.

"It feels like a total waste to come here just to get chased out by a bossy secretary."

"Yeah." I glanced around toward the back door. "You snuck in here before, didn't you?"

He gave me a blank stare. "Yeah. You wanna' give that a try?"

"I don't see that we have much choice. We have to get any information we can get our hands on."

So we went to the back door and managed to get past the security guard, and after that we had no trouble getting directions to Toyoshi's office. I guess the fact that we were roaming the building freely meant we'd gotten past security and the front desk; naturally, people just assumed we belonged there.

Toyoshi's office was typical: it was large, round, with a big, mahogany desk in the middle and a putting green off to the side. The far wall was consumed by a class wall and a balcony that gave a good view of the city; I saw the Tokyo Tower in the distance. I detected a faint odor of cigar smoke. The desk was meticulous, stacked high with papers that were arranged in an orderly fashion and a framed photograph near the center. My gaze fell there, and I studied the faces in the picture. A beautiful woman with two kids.

Matsuda noticed it right away too. "This guy has a family?"

I shrugged. "Maybe not. That could be his sister or something."

"Who keeps a picture of their sister?" He circled the room, gun out, looking around in a very professional manner. "I'm pretty sure it's empty." He said, after he'd checked behind the curtains and glanced through a few doors.

"Start looking for clues." I said. "Addresses, phone numbers, anything that might give us a clue where to find him. Or that might connect him to the case." Even as I spoke, I was pawing through the papers on the desk; nothing there. Business records, a list of clients, a small to-do list. I moved on to the drawers, opening each of them from top to bottom. Extra office supplies. More records. I sorted through them all, looking for anything suspicious, but so far this guy was clean. Nothing at all to connect him to the case.

Matsuda was rummaging through the bookshelf on my right, checking for anything out of place. He opened book after book, wound up just stuffing them back on the shelf without finding anything.

"What happens if we don't find anything?" He asked, eventually.

"Then we'll have to wait and see what Aizawa and Yoko come up with."

"This guy might have nothing to do with the case."

"What about your friend at the bar?"

"Momo? He didn't say anything was for certain. Who knows, he could have been wrong. He might have been misleading us."

"I don't think we should ignore what he said." I replied simply, shifting through the last drawer. It was so full of envelopes I could barely open it. Most of them looked personal. Nothing was revealing.

For a while longer, we worked in silence and I went on, sorting through the envelopes, looking for anything that seemed even remotely important. Half-way to the bottom of the stack I discovered a small shoe box, pried it out.

Matsuda put the last book away with a sigh, then crossed the room, sticking his gun in the back of his jeans, "I'm going to look at this safe over here."

I glanced in the direction he was heading. There was a small box safe with a padlock on it tucked away in the corner; I wasn't sure how I'd missed it. "All right." I was too busy with the box to look into it myself. I pulled the lid of the shoebox off and stared down at what I'd found. A nine-millimeter hand gun. That was all the evidence I needed to connect Toyoshi to the case.

"Matsuda, look-"

"A padlock?" His voice sounded semi-disdainful. "Please. This'll be really easy to break into."

Something else occurred to me, and I got up quickly, "Matsuda, wait-"

He'd already busted it open with the butt of his pistol. "What's wrong?"

I sighed myself. "Well, now when he comes back he won't have any doubts about whether or not someone searched the place."

My partner's face fell slightly, "Oh. Right. I guess I didn't think of that."

"Never mind. What's done is done."

With another apologetic look, he opened the safe and knelt down to look inside. "Woah, it's full of money."

"Don't touch any of it."

Matsuda looked at me, like I'd offended him, "I wasn't going to."

"I just meant be careful. Something like that might have a security system on it."

"Right." He went back to peering inside the safe.

"Do you see anything? An envelope or something?"

"No. Just a lot of stocks and bonds and money. Oh wait. Here's a piece of paper. Hang on."

I watched him reach carefully inside, anticipating the second a high-pitched alarm would go off, giving us away. But nothing happened, and Matsuda produced a piece of paper that had been folded many times, and carefully unfolded it.

"What is it?"

His voice hitched with excitement, "It's a phone number!"

"Does it say _whose_ number it is?"

"No. But I recognize it."

That caught me off guard, and I went over to kneel beside him, completely forgetting the gun I'd found "What do you mean you recognize it?"

Matsuda looked at me seriously, "It's the commissioner's phone number."

Silence washed over us both.

The commissioner's number. What was the commissioner's number doing here in the office of the prime suspect for a very dangerous case.

Matsuda broke the silence, "Mogi, what do you think it means?"

"It…it doesn't really mean anything…but…"

"Do you think the commissioner is involved?"

"I don't know…" I felt like I was in a dream as I took the paper out of his hands and read it for myself. It was definitely Commissioner Oshima's number. There was no mistaking that at all, but I just couldn't imagine what it was doing here, especially locked in a safe. If he had just needed to contact the commissioner for a small matter why wouldn't it be on his desk or in a drawer? Instead it was hidden here, like it was supposed to be a secret. I couldn't believe it didn't mean anything.

"I don't like this." I muttered. "Matsuda, let's get out of here."

He didn't answer me.

"Matsuda?"

He was staring over my shoulder, one hand behind his back, gripping the gun, eyes wide, shadowed with fear, mouth opened just a little so I could see his teeth behind his lips, and he was perfectly still, like an animal that had been backed into a corner and was hoping that the predator would just go away.

I turned my head to see who was coming in the room.

He was tall and very dark, with all black clothes and a red K sewn into his jacket. His head was bald, the tattoo of what looked like an Egyptian hieroglyph embedded in the smooth, thin flesh there. His nose had a severe, European hook to it, and his eyes were pure black. His mouth and face were bruised, and from the stiffness of his left shoulder, I gathered that he was hurt. He was advancing slowly, a wolfish look on his mouth, gun raised.

"Don't move." He ordered. His voice was as black as his eyes, chafed a little, like sandpaper. "Both of you throw down your weapons."

I obeyed, but reluctantly.

Matsuda took a little longer, but he followed my lead.

"Stand up." The man barked.

Both of us rose. I felt my legs shaking just a little. I didn't like looking down the barrel of a gun any better than anyone did, and if this man was working for Reaper then I assumed he had hollow point bullets loaded in his weapon.

"Anubis." Matsuda husked, his voice shuddering.

The man didn't seem to hear him, but he addressed him after a second, "You were a fool to show your face in public, Touta Matsuda. You've escaped me once before, but today, you and your friend will both die."

This must have been the man who tried to kill Matsuda earlier. Now that he had us cornered and unarmed, there was no doubt he'd give it a second try.

_If I can just get to the nine by Toyoshi's desk maybe I can surprise him._

It was the most foolish thought I'd ever had. To think that there was any possible chance of getting to that gun without being shot, but at the moment it seemed like the only way to get out of this alive. I glanced at Matsuda. I glanced at the shoebox by the desk. Anubis obviously didn't know it was there. I looked back at my partner, saw the terror in his wide eyes. It would be so much easier if I were alone.

_We're going to die if I don't do this._

"I hope you both have a clean conscience for the afterlife." Anubis grinned sharply. "I hear Gods of Death are not very forgiving creatures."

The gun clicked as he cocked it.

_Now or never_.

One chance to get the gun. Just one. One chance to shoot Anubis before he shot me. Hopefully it was loaded.

Mustering all my courage, I dove toward the desk, shouting, "Matsuda, take cover!"

As expected, Anubis turned his gun on me, snarling, "You fool!"

A few shots rang out, shattering the glass behind me, one taking off the corner of the desk. Judging by the way the wood and plastic flew apart the gun was loaded with hollow points.

_It only has eight shots. If I can somehow make him waste them…_

I scrambled for the gun, landing stomach down on the floor and fumbling for the nine-milimeter. "Please be loaded. Please be loaded."

I pressed myself tightly against the desk. It might provide a little protection.

My eyes roamed the room for Matsuda, but he had either left the room, or he was out of sight. I listened hard for footsteps._ Will he come around and try to get at me? Does he know there's a gun here?_

I glanced back at the guns Matsuda and I had left in front of the open safe. Getting one of them was out of the question—if the nine wasn't loaded…

"Mogi!" Matsuda screamed.

It sounded like he was in trouble. Now that I had cover I should have kept it, that would have been best. But if my friend was in trouble, and I was armed and he wasn't, I had to do something.

Shouting, I sat up on my knees so that the desk still protected most of my body, steadied the gun on the desk top and got ready to fire.

Matsuda was on the other side of the room, running toward me.

Anubis was right in front of me, a little less than a hundred yards away. His gun was aimed.

There was a booming pop, an explosion of wood as the bullet went straight through the desk, and a shot of pain as it entered my stomach. Hollow point. Blood sprayed. _My blood._ I screamed, but it felt so distant I couldn't even hear my own voice. I squeezed the trigger. It was just a desperate, last minute attempt to kill him. Shoot him. Hurt him. Even if it was just a little.

The nine was empty.

_Of course. Why would someone keep a loaded gun buried under all those envelopes? It was hidden._

Another boom. This one made my heart skip a beat. Pain straight down my middle. So much blood.

_Where did it hit?_

_Oh, God, I'm gonna' die._

_Where…?_

Weakness washed over me, I moaned and fell forward, grabbing feebly at the desk, dropping the gun heavily so it dented the polished finish.

Matsuda hit Anubis with his whole body, making a grab for the gun.

I watched dully as they fought. I knew I was supposed to be worried for my friend, but all I could think about was the pain and the darkness flowing over my body. All I could think about was dying. My vision was getting dim. Black was flooding in from the corners of my eyes. Blood was oozing from my mouth.

Anubis was bigger. He took Matsuda out with a curt blow to the head. Matsuda hit the floor like a sack of bricks. I watched emotionlessly as he pressed the gun to my friend's forehead. I heard Matsuda screaming my name. Didn't he care? He was about to die too.

My legs gave out. There was such a strange, rushing sensation, like a hurricane blowing through the room. I realized distantly that I was falling. I sucked air, but it was futile. One of my lungs had probably collapsed. I hit the floor like a feather landing, but I felt my arm bruise beneath my own weight. Then I just lay there on my side. The last thing I saw before blacking out was the muzzle of Anubis' gun digging into Matsuda's forehead.

The last thing I heard was one resounding shot.

And the last thing I thought was no.

_No._

Aizawa

I heard shots down the hall. "Dammit." I ran all the faster, gun ready.

Yoko was right beside me, running just as quickly. I saw fear plastered on her face, and her gun was ready.

_Mogi. Matsuda…_

We'd seen Anubis enter the building from down the street, but we were going to be too late…

Another shot. Someone screaming. I recognized Matsuda's voice. I didn't hear any sign of Mogi.

_Mogi…_

I raced around the corner and headed right for the open door of Toyoshi's office, praying to every god or force I could think of that it wasn't too late.

Inside, Anubis was crouched over Matsuda. He was bleeding, but I couldn't tell were from exactly. His right hand and his mouth were both bloody. The mouth of his gun was against Matsuda's head.

Matsuda didn't even seem to notice. He was staring at the opposite end of the room, screaming unintelligibly. I heard the words, 'get up' but that was all I could make sense of.

Shouting, I entered the room, not even aware of Yoko yelling something at me.

Anubis looked up, shocked as hell to see us.

There was this really hilarious split second where he tried to shoot me; he took the gun off Matsuda and reached up so I was staring straight down the black barrel of his eight-shot.

That was all Matsuda needed. With an almost inhuman scream, he bucked Anubis off, rolling away quickly and jumping up.

Anubis fired, but missed, thanks to the sudden change of location.

I fired. Just once was all it took this time. The bullet hit his face, went straight through his forehead, leaving a black, bloody hole in the middle of it. His eyes went wide, I could see nothing but whites in them, the iris and pupil just an insigificant dot in the middle, then they rolled up. He dropped his gun. He gaped, that last, terrifying breath of life before death. Then he keeled over, writhing and twitching. A second later, he was still.

Breathing hard, I lowered my gun.

"Mogi!" Matsuda ran over to the desk and knelt down behid it. "Mogi, wake up! Dammit—Yoko, call the ambulance!"

She ripped her cell phone out.

I stumbled over Anubis' body and went to stand beside Matsuda, felt my body go cold when I saw Mogi.

He was lying on his side, clutching his stomach, and blood was forming a puddle around him. It was gushing out of his mouth, his clothes were slick with it, and I could smell it. From the look of the wound, he'd been hit by at least one hollow point bullet.

"Mogi!" Matsuda screamed again. He was cradling Mogi's head in one arm, slapping his face a little to try to wake him up, but it wasn't working. I could see from the palorlessness of Mogi's skin that he was too far gone to be revived by a little slap or two.

"Mogi…" my own voice sounded so far away I couldn't even believe that it was mine. "…no…"

"The ambulance is on their way." Yoko announced, rushing to my side. "Is he…?"

"He's alive!" Matsuda shouted. "He's still breathing—we've got to get him to the hospital!"

"The ambulance is coming." She repeated, but she sounded pale too, like a faded piece of paper.

Matsuda totally ignored her and looked up at me. His clothes were soaked with Mogi's blood, it was smeared on his face, his eyes were burning with emotion, "Ai… he's gonna' die! We've got to do something! We can't just sit here!"

"What do you want to do?" I asked quietly.

"I don't know—something. Anything!"

"There's nothing we can do."

"We can't just sit here and watch Mogi die!"

"THERE'S NOTHING WE CAN DO!" I pounded the desk so hard it hurt my fist.

He stared at me, "But…"

"Shut up! Just shut up!"

I started to pace, around and around, back and forth, to the window and back, muttering and cussing as I went. "What the fuck do you want me to do, Matsuda? It's too late! _I'm_ too late! It's all my fault, are you happy?!"

"Aizawa…Mogi's gonna' die if we don't do _something._"

"It's not your fault." Yoko whispered.

"Shut up! Shut up! Both of you! Just shut the hell up! I-I," I stumbled to the wall, leaning against it for support. The gun felt heavy in my grip. "I need to think. I just need to think, dammit!"

A split second of silence passed, then Yoko asked, "How bad is he hurt? Let's figure that out, then maybe there's something we can do to slow the bleeding."

"Just leave him alone." I objected.

"I can't tell where the bullet hit."

I turned to watch them lay Mogi out.

"Careful, Matsuda, keep his head tilted so he doesn't choke." She prodded Mogi's body.

"Leave him alone." I repeated.

Matsuda asked, "Are you a doctor?"

"I tried medical school—it wasn't for me." I watched her fingers delve into a jagged hole in Mogi's stomach.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" I shouted, taking a step toward them. "Goddammit, don't you two get it? Just let the medics handle it!"

Matsuda got up, like he was going to challenge me, "Mogi's dying, Aizawa! Don't you care?"

"He needs a doctor!"

"We have to do what we can!"

"Are you a doctor, Matsuda? No! You're a cop! Do _you_ know how to help Mogi? _No!_ So just leave him the fuck alone!"

"Great idea! Watch him bleed to death!"

"He needs a doctor—not a half-competant police detective and a medical school throw back!"

"Aizawa-"

"What do you want me to do, Matsuda?" I got in his face, "Huh? You want me to scour the area and _find_ a doctor? Just hope one turns up?"

"Aizawa, he-"

"Fuck it all, that's what I'll do!" I slammed my gun back into it's holster, shoved by him roughly, "I'll go out and find a goddamn doctor! Hello, hello? Is there a doctor around here!" I stomped across the room, hanging my head out the door. A group of employees had gathered around, whispering to each other, "We need a doctor up here! Is anyone a doctor! Shit, you'd better answer me! Someone bring the fucking doctor up here!"

"Aizawa, stop it!"

"Are you all stupid? Our friend is _dying_ up here! Who's a doctor?"

The crowd looked at me blankly.

"You're all _useless_!"

"Aizawa." Matsuda was right behind me, he grabbed my shoulder, looking angry, "Cut it out!"

"You!" I pushed him back. "You're useless too!"

"You can't blame me for this!"

"If Ide had gone with Mogi he'd still be alive right now!"

I could see that the words were a punch in the face for him, but I didn't care. That was what I wanted. I wanted to blame someone. Anyone. I couldn't blame Anubis because he was dead. Blaming Reaper wasn't satisfying at all. I had to have a face to stick it to. As long as I blamed someone else I didn't have to face the fact that it was really my fault.

"I-I…"

"You oughta' just retire, Matsuda! We're all running around dying and taking bullets _for you_."

The rage came to life in his eyes, and out of nowhere, he lunged at me and swung one well-aimed fist. It connected perfectly with my jaw, and then I was on my back, staring up at his heated eyes, his snarling mouth, as he screamed, "I didn't do this! It's not my fault Mogi got shot! Don't you dare say that! Don't you _ever_ fucking say that!"

Furious at being hit, I jumped up and went at him, punched him back, and he stumbled back, crumbling to the floor under the blow. I spat out a wad of blood. "It _is_ your fault! You're useless."

"Both of you stop it!" Yoko screamed.

I heard sirens in the distance.

Yelling, Matsuda charged at me, hit me hard. The next thing I knew, we were rolling over and over, trying to pin each other, trying to get a hit in where we could. I managed to get up, kicked his stomach. He took the blow like a man and came at me with both fists, one delving into my gut, the other hooking my jaw. I hit him in the side of the head and he went down, got up again like he was spring-loaded. Vaguely I remembered he had a head injury. His next blow hit my jaw, knocking a tooth loose.

Yoko and a few other onlookers rushed over and got between us. She slapped us both. "Stopit! Both of you stop it! Mogi's dying and you're over here fighting like a couple of kids!"

She was right. What was wrong with me?

_I'm just so angry…I don't want Mogi to die. Matsuda almost got his. Chances are Mogi won't live. Ide's hurt…God, it's all falling apart._

Matsuda took a step away from me, rubbing his head, but his eyes kept boring holes into me.

The sirens were closer, right outside now. Maybe if they hurried.

It was too much to hope for. We were down to three now. Me, Ide and Matsuda. Without Mogi….

"God…" the emotions were suddenly too overwhelming to handle, and I sank to the floor, holding my head. "What are we gonna' do without him…?"


	24. Chapter 24

Yoko

"Mogi's going to be all right, right?" I asked.

Aizawa was pacing through the ER waiting room, and I was struck by how totally exhausted and old he looked. He probably couldn't handle much more of this. "The doctor said he'll live…probably. He doesn't know yet whether he'll make a full recovery."

"Christ, what a break." I muttered.

"At least he's alive." Matsuda said quietly. He was sitting a few chairs away from me, gazing out at something I couldn't see through glazed eyes.

I was surprised Mogi had even survived the helicopter trip back to the hospital; even though my medical experience was limited, I'd been able to see right away that it was a life and death situation, and I really hadn't expected it to be life. In my mind, it was a certified miracle that he was alive at all.

"That doesn't improve our situation any." Aizawa reminded us.

He was right. Now that Mogi was down, there were only three of us. That would hinder the investigation a lot, since we couldn't investigate more than one thing at a time.

I looked at the two of them for a while. At least they were calm now—I'd never seen either of them behave so irrationally as when they'd fought in Toyoshi's office. It was like they were trying to kill each other: sweet, optimistic Touta Matsuda and strong, charismatic Shuichi Aizawa going at it like mortal enemies. I guess they were both horrified by what had happened to Mogi, terrified that they were going to lose a comrade—a friend. In a way, it made a lot of sense. They'd been taking a lot of hits lately, and now it was probably taking a toll.

Even now, they hadn't said very much to each other, unless it pertained to the case, and they wouldn't look at each other. I thought they were being sort of silly, acting like two high school girls and ignoring each other, but I figured I'd better let them sort it out on their own. This was a hard time for them.

"What now?" I folded my arms and looked at Aizawa. He was still our fearless leader after all. But I really expected him to say 'nothing until we know Mogi's okay'.

Instead he cleared his throat and turned to face us, "We got a few leads to Toyoshi's whereabouts at his house, right?"

"You said that stuff wasn't solid."

"It's not, but it's the best we have right now."

"Well, all right. In that case, do you want to check out the nightclub first, or the theater?"

"You take the theater, I'll go to the nightclub."

I felt my eyes bulging out of my head, "You want to split up?"

"We'll cover more ground that way."

"Nevermind covering more ground, Aizawa!" I felt a little angry at him, "Look what happened to Mogi! If we hadn't come when we did he'd be dead right now! I don't think it's safe to-"

"I know that, Yoko," his voice was soft, but it was fringed with rage, though I wasn't sure what it was directed at, "but we're too close to wrapping this case up. The more time we waste the more cops are going to die, so we have to take a chance and get as much information as we can as quickly as we can."

"But-"

"You want more cops to die for nothing?"

I looked at him, caught off guard by the pain and the emotions in his eyes. He was starting to fall apart, popping at the seams, and I knew that even though splitting up was the dumbest idea ever it was best not to argue with him. So I relented, "Fine. We'll split up. But only if _you_ take Matsuda." He needed someone with him more than I did in the state he was in. Matsuda was probably better off with him anyway. Besides, it was a good chance for them to make up.

Aizawa shook his head, "He's staying here."

I'm pretty sure Matsuda and I shouted in exact unison, "_What_?!"

That only seemed to make him angrier, "He's got a concussion for God's sake! This is getting more and more dangerous—he's supposed to be resting, not running around getting into gunfights with psychos like that asshole who shot Mogi!"

"Aizawa!" Matsuda protested, directly addressing him for the first time since the fight, "There's no way I'm going to sit here while you two are out-"

"That's _exactly _what you're going to do! This guy is after _you._ He sent Anubis to kill _you._ You're not in any condition to defend yourself, and if you even think about arguing with me, or about trying to tag along, I'm going to kick the crap out of you. Got it?"

I could see from Matsuda's fierce look that a threat like that wasn't going to deter him. He opened his mouth to object.

"Someone has to stay here with Mogi." I said softly. I knew what Aizawa was trying to do, and as much as I hated what it meant for us, I knew that it was best. He was trying to protect the only friend he had at the moment. I recognized, not for the first time, that somehow the Kira case had isolated these four men from the rest of the world. Aizawa and his three friends were in their own little world, suspended above the rest of the NPA, above me and Kei and everyone else we worked with. They had a small, tight circle, full of secrets and painful memories. That case, just one case, had changed them all forever, and that made them one another's priority. With Mogi and Ide both out of the picture, Matsuda was the only friend Aizawa had, and vice versa.

"She's right." Aizawa said. "Just stay here, alright? We'll be back in a few hours. And…" his eyes drifted to the room where Mogi was lying, somewhere between life and death, "if anything changes, let me know."

It seemed that was enough to convince Matsuda. He nodded slowly. "All right."

Aizawa nodded back.

They looked at each other for what seemed like a long time, and I felt that I was somehow not even in existence at the moment, like I'd been pushed over the edge of the page in a book. It was just them, remembering things I wasn't allowed to know, sharing thoughts beyond me, and somehow I knew that the only thing they were thinking about right then was how to keep each other alive.

Finally Aizawa spoke, "See you in a few hours."

"Yeah, you too."

Then Aizawa started to walk away. Matsuda didn't look at either of us.

I stared at him, longing to say something, wishing I could apologize for what had happened between him and Sayu, wishing I could tell him how I felt, and what I'd done, but all of it was pointless. Maybe some day I'd tell him about all the strange emotions seeping through my mind. But for the time being, I had a case to solve.

Matsuda reached into his pocket, and then he seemed to realize something, he turned and called after Aizawa, "Hey, Ai, wait a minute!"

Aizawa moaned with annoyance, "Aw, it better not be somethin' stupid, Matsuda."

"No, it's really important." Matsuda walked quickly toward him, waving a small piece of paper at his friend, "I found it in Toyoshi's room, just before…well, anyway, here. Take a look."

Aizawa unfolded it and stared at it a moment, "The commissioner's number?"

"Yeah. I don't know what it means, but it seems strange to me that our prime suspect for the Reaper case would have Commissioner Oshima's number."

"Where exactly did you find it?"

"It was locked in a safe in his office. What do you think it means?"

"I don't know. I have to go down to the station later to file a warrant for Toyoshi's arrest. Maybe I'll talk to Oshima while I'm there."

"Okay. Sounds good." Matsuda lingered there a second, "I'll see you later then."

"Definitely." Aizawa gave a wan smile, and started to walk again.

"Just…be careful, all right, Ai?"

"You too."

I watched Aizawa walk down the long, white hall of the hospital, and then I sighed and started to follow, smiling at Matsuda as I went, "Bye kiddo."

He smiled back, but it wasn't as bright as usual. "Stay out of trouble, Yoko."

With that, he turned to go into Mogi's room. I got this strange, gut-twisting feeling that it was the last time I'd see him.

Pushing the thought away, I hurried to catch up with Aizawa. For a little ways we walked in silence, "So, I'm checking out the theater, right?"

"That's right."

"And you're looking into the club?"

He jerked his head in a vague nod. His eyes were looking out like he was in a dream.

"No offense, Aizawa, but how do we know he's going to be at either of those places."

"He owns the club and the theater, he's not at home, and he's not at the office. He must be hiding out. But if he's conducting murders here in Tokyo he's probably in the city. We just need to consider every possibility."

"What if he's _not_ there?"

"Then we'll find something else."

"Right."

We left the building and headed for our cars.

"I'll meet you back here in a few hours." He said, getting into his own cruiser.

"Okay." I climbed into mine and sat there a few minutes, watched him drive away. Something was really bothering me. There was this odd pain in my heart. Maybe it had to do with Mogi.

Mogi and I weren't exactly close, but I'd worked on a lot of cases with him before the Kira case. I'd gotten used to working with him—we thought similarly, we acted similarly. We were…compatible. That was the only word there was for it. We could accomplish a lot together. And now, after I'd seen him lying there in a pool of his own blood…

The image made me shudder. I started the car, not wanting to think about Mogi, or the others, or the strange, unfathomable friendship they all shared.

_If I had friends like that-that close-I guess I'd be freaking out too._

Something told me I'd never have friends that close.

The theater was in a rundown area of Roppongi; the crowds were sparse, the people I saw seemed shifty and untrustworthy, and the building itself was delapitated and looked like it was about to fall down. It might have been very stately once, painted red, a western-styled building with a tall spire on it, and several balconies overlooking the street. But the doors were boarded up and there was a long chain with a padlock draped across it. The walls were rotting, the paint chipped, the steps looked like they were decaying, and even the sidewalk in front of the building looked ill-managed, with cracks and potholes in it, grass growing up out of the cracks. Some men were loitering on the corner, smoking what smelled like weed.

There was plenty of room to park in front of the building, and I got out, looking around warily. It was a crisp day, even though it was sunny, and I was glad to have my coat.

People stared at me as I approached the building, but I ignored them, and as I got closer I could see that a sign was tacked on the door of the theater. When I was near enough to read it I could see that it said 'this property is condemned' and then it had a few more warning lines about not trespassing etc.

"Damn." I jiggled the padlock to see if it would break or come loose, but even though the rest of the building was falling to pieces, the padlock was shiny and new. Even if I broke it it wouldn't matter: the boards made it impossible to get in.

I went to the nearest window. It was coated in a layer of grime and mud about a quarter inch thick, but I wiped it away with my sleeve and tried to see inside.

It was dark inside. I could barely make out a few rows of seats and the vague shape of curtains draped here and there. The furniture appeared to be covered by thick, white sheets. Everything was covered in dust. It was clear that no one had set foot in this place for a very long time.

With a sigh, I leaned against the wall, "Another dead end."

Maybe Aizawa was having more luck. I felt inclined to check in with him, so I got out my phone and called him.

He sounded calm when he answered—maybe after he'd had some time to clear his head he'd start to feel better. "Yeah Yoko? Is everything okay?"

"Well I'm alright, but my lead isn't too hot. This place is abandoned—looks like it's been that way for months. It might even be torn down or renovated soon. Who knows."

Aizawa sighed. "Dammit. I'm not even at the nightclub yet and you've already got bad news."

We were quiet a second. I could hear from the sounds that he was in traffic.

Trying to be casual, I asked, "Well, if you're still not anywhere near being done with your lead, do you want me to go down to the station and file the warrant for Toyoshi's arrest?"

He seemed reluctant, "Yeah, I guess that would be helpful. Thanks a lot."

"Don't mention it." I smiled, but I felt really guilty and dirty.

"I'll meet you back at the hospital."

"Right."

We gave a few terse good byes, and then I hung up and walked back to my car.

The whole drive over to the station I felt the guilt and the worry eating at me. Aizawa was taking a big chance splitting us up like this, not just because it was dangerous, but because they weren't sure they could trust me since they were convinced I'd forced Matsuda to tell me about Light. I couldn't feel resentful for it though, because I knew that in a way they were right. I hadn't _forced_ him to tell me, but I had asked. I couldn't help but feel like a traitor.

I tried to justify going to the headquarters by saying I was helping Aizawa. He had a lot on his plate. He was worried about Mogi and probably wanted to get back to his friends as soon as he could. But the truth was I had personal business with the commissioner that had nothing to do with Aizawa, Mogi or the case. It was pure selfishness, and as my drive drove on, I felt more and more scandalous, and less and less worthy to be associated with the men who'd brought the Kira case to an end.

By the time I was actually there, I felt like crying. But I kept a strong exterior, greeted the people who said hello to me warmly, and ignored anyone who didn't speak to me.

The first thing I did was go file for the warrant for Toyoshi, trying to ease my conscience, but it didn't help much, and I headed back toward the commissioner's office. I wanted my pay, and then I wanted to forget all about this secret mission he'd given me.

But the commissioner's office was empty. I stood there in the doorway for a few minutes, thinking stupidly that he might just show up or reappear; when he didn't, I grabbed an officer who happened to be going by, "Hey, where's the commissioner?"

He just shrugged, "He's around."

"Around?" That wasn't even remotely helpful.

I stood there a little longer, thinking he'd show up soon, wondering about the paper Matsuda had given Aizawa. The Commissioner's phone number. What was Toyoshi doing with it? Was he connected to all of this somehow? The idea made me feel tight in the chest and stomach, like I was going to throw up.

Finally, I walked into the office, thinking I'd just do a quick check for any obvious clues, no thourough searching. If he came back, I'd say I was looking to see if he'd left me a note or some money. Really, I hoped I wouldn't find anything. I didn't want him to be connected to this, because if he was, chances were, I was too.

Those hopes got dashed to pieces almost immediately.

There wasn't much on the surface of all the papers he had lying there, but after I'd been shifting through them for a few minutes I came across the information I'd given the commissioner concerning Light Yagami, the fact that Touta Matsuda had killed him-of course I hadn't said anything about the notebook or the Shinigami-the fact that Misa Amane had been the second Kira, Kira's lover, and all the other little tidbits of information I'd picked up along the way. There was a photograph paperclipped to the report: a picture of the scene of Amane's suicide—the message she'd scrawled on the wall in her own blood.

_What the hell does that have to do with anything?_

To get a better look, I picked the report up.

It wasn't paperclipped together very well, and a few loose sheets fell out onto the floor, and I bent, cursing a little, to pick them up, felt my blood turn to slush.

Stuck to the back of one of the papers was a picture of the man Aizawa had killed earlier, the man who'd shot Mogi. _Why can't I remember his name?_

_Anubis!_

With it was a phone number, written in the commissioner's own handwriting.

_Akki Toyoshi._

I felt a faint gasp ebbing on edge of my lips._ Does he know who Reaper is and just hasn't said anything about it?_

That seemed too convenient.

With trembling fingers, I picked up the paper, held it as steady as I could as I stared at it.

"Yoko?"

I spun around, startled to find the Commissioner standing there, looking confused.

He frowned, "Oh, I'm sorry, you must be here for your pay. I don't have it yet, seeing how our mutual benefactor hasn't paid me yet."

I stood up slowly, feeling numb as I pushed the paper into my pocket, "You…" My voice was much too quiet.

"Or maybe you came here because you have more information about Kira. How he was killed, perhaps?"

"What did you do?" I demanded, stepping closer.

He appeared confused. "What are you talking about?"

"This!" I waved the report in his face, "What is this for? What did you have me gathering that information for?"

"I told you, Yoko. We've been hired to find out as much about Kira as possible. You're not having moral misgivings, are you? I assure you, what you're doing is not illegal."

"I don't care about that! Who hired you? Who do you have me working for?"

"Look, Yoko, the world deserves to know what happened on that day—everyone wants to know what happened to Kira. Now, I selected you for this very important mission, because you're an intelligent young woman who understands that somethings just have to be done. For the sake of justice."

"Justice!" I spat. "You call this justice! You knew Toyoshi was the Reaper all along! You had me gathering information for him so he could kill Matsuda and the others!"

The commissioner's face turned grave, "I have no idea what you're referring to."

"Don't you lie to me!" I pushed him back against the door, "I can't believe you! You're the commissioner of the NPA! You're not supposed to be doing things like this! Underhanded, sneaky, illegal bullshit!"

"I warned you that this mission might compromise some of your morals, but you agreed to take it."

"I thought it was an important assignment concerning reconnaissance to figure out as much as possible about Kira! I didn't know I was getting information to help _kill_ the men involved in the Kira task force!"

"I'm sorry," he sighed, "you weren't supposed to find out."

"That's all you're going to say? I wasn't supposed to find out? I was supposed to inadvertently kill my friends and fellow officers and never know about it? How dare you!" I shoved him again. "How dare you! You tricked me!" I felt tears starting to burn in the back of my eyes. "I thought I was doing something important! I didn't know I was helping the man I've been hunting for the last two weeks!" One tear slid down my cheek to my chin. "That's how he figured out Matsuda killed Kira, isn't it? You called him as soon as I told you!"

"Please," he snorted, "don't act so high and mighty. I did what you did. All right, we were bribed to do work for someone a little shady. But it's all right. It's all for the better."

"You're a corrupted, filthy, son of a bitch! Don't tell me it's for the better! Those men might die because of me! The NPA officers that are _already_ dead…that's because of me!"

He looked at me with cold eyes.

"You're sick." I snarled. "Completely sick. I'm going to tell Aizawa about this, and the director, and whoever else needs to know, and they'll put your filthy ass somewhere you'll never see the sun again!"

He laughed suddenly, "Is that really wise, Detective? If I go to jail, you know that you'll go too. Besides, I have a lot of power. I'll be able to get out of it—I'm pretty good friends with the judge."

_He wouldn't be above bribing or blackmailing a judge._

"In fact, I could probably blame all this on you and get away with it."

"Bastard." I shoved past him, wiping the tears from my cheeks, "I can't believe you."

"Belief is a difficult thing. But consider your next move carefully, Karisa-kun." He sat down at his desk, steepling his fingers and gazing at me with a cold smile, "You've gotten yourself into a very difficult position."

I couldn't take it. When I thought about the events of the last few weeks, of all the things the Reaper had accomplished thanks to me and Commissioner Oshima…it made me feel sick to my stomach, it made the hatred in me boil.

"No." I said softly. "No, I won't go to jail. You're going to pay for what you've done…and I will too…but at least I won't go and rot in some cell…"

"Really? That's an interesting thing to say. Just what do you mean to do then?"  
"I'll punish you myself."

"Telling Detective Aizawa won't be enough to put me away. In fact, I advise against it: I've heard the head detective of the Reaper case is under a lot of stress lately. If you tell him about this there's no telling what he'll do. I dare say he may take matters into his own hands and be killed for it. No, no, not a wise choice at all, Karisa-kun."

"I didn't say that was what I was going to do." I made my way warily to the door. "Don't think you can anticipate my next move."

He laughed again, "Ah, Yoko, you've always been a domineering bitch—that's why you don't have a boyfriend. A shame too. You're a beautiful woman."

I glared back at him, "And you're an arrogant, immoral fuck!"

The commissioner opened his mouth to say something else, but I didn't hear it. I drew down my gun as quickly as I could, quicker than I knew was possible and shot him three times: twice in the heart and once in the stomach.

Oshima gaped at me, his eyes huge, his mouth hanging open, blood starting to fall in thin threads from his lips. "Y-yo…ko…"

Tears were streaming down my face by this time, and a sob racked my body. My chest and throat ached. "You bastard." I whispered. "You ugly bastard. Don't you even know what you've done…?" I started walking back to him slowly as he fell back in his chair, feebly grasping his chest, "Okoshi, Izanagi, Mogi…everyone…they're all…because of you…me…what you had me do…they…they can never come back. Just to make your fucking wallet a little fatter."

He writhed in his chair, trying to get away, but there was no where for him to go.

Outside the door, I heared voices, but I ignored him. For the moment, it was just me and him. I tilted the gun down, aiming it at his face, and fired one last time.

**Aizawa**

I checked the time again. It was almost eight. I hadn't heard from Yoko in almost three hours, and I was starting to get worried.

"Do you think something happened to her?" Matsuda asked.

"We'd hear about it." I said, not feeling nearly as confident as I sounded.

"Have you tried calling her?"

I just nodded. Actually I'd tried calling her three or four times, but she wasn't picking up; I'd left two voicemails, and was getting close to leaving a third if she didn't call me soon.

"Maybe we should do something."

"What _can_ we do?" I demanded, looking at him.

He shrugged.

"It's not like we can go look for her."

"I know. I'm just thinking out loud."

I shook my head and resumed pacing. _Yoko, where are you?_

She'd called to tell me that the theater was a dead end and that she was going to go take care of the warrant at the police station. That was the last I knew of her. I thought about calling the station to see if she'd come by or not, but every time I considered it I told myself I'd wait a little longer first.

"At least Mogi's going to be okay." Matsuda said. His optimism was clearly tainted by the circumstances. "That's good news."

"Okay is a subjective term. Just because he's going to be okay doesn't mean he's going to heal fully or make a full recovery or ever be the same again. For all we know he could be paralyzed or something."

Matsuda lowered his gaze, "Right. Sorry."

_You don't have to be so bleak, Aizawa, he's just trying to lighten the mood._

I honestly appreciated the gesture, but the effort annoyed me.

"How's your head?" I asked arbitrarily.

"It's fine. It doesn't hurt as much."

I nodded and kept pacing, glancing out the window each time I passed it. _Yoko, come on._

"What about Ide and Kei?" He asked.

"They don't need to know yet—she's not technically missing."

"No, I meant, do you think they'll be able to help us with the investigation?"

I paused by the window. _The investigation._

Two weeks ago, when this whole thing got started, I'd thought it was something small. A random uprising from the Kira supporters—we'd been anticipating that anyway. I figured we'd find whoever was responsible for the killings quickly and squelch the whole thing in an efficient, professional, and timely manner. After all, compared to the Kira case this was nothing. It should have been over with. But over the last few weeks I'd seen countless NPA officers slaughtered by enemies we couldn't seem to catch, I'd watched the civilian support go from bad to worse, and now the civilians were even working against us. Cops I'd worked with in the past were dead. Cops who I'd trusted in the past were now my enemies, saying that what we were doing was foolish and that we should sacrifice one of our own so the bloodshed would end. Now, two of my closest friends were in the hospital with nearly fatal wounds, and the third one's life hung in the balance. There were only three of us left to work with-two if something had happened to Yoko-and the smaller the team got, the more weight was placed on my shoulders. Whatever happened next, it was all up to me how it turned out. I could either be the hero, save the whole damn team, or let them all down, and watch them all die. This case was turning into a bloody nightmare. It was something I didn't want to think about or face, even when I knew that I had to.

"Aizawa? You okay?"

I looked at him, trying to clear the cobwebs from my mind, "I'm all right. What did you say?"

"I was wondering, if something happened to Yoko, it's just you and me, right? I mean, Mogi's pretty much down for the count, and Ide's not looking very good. Neither is Kei. I hate to be morbid, but what if Yoko's…"

"Yoko's fine." I assured him, but I knew that the one who really needed assuring was me.

He was quiet a few minutes, "Are _you_ okay?"

I couldn't help glaring at him a little, "Of course I am. Just tired. I want this case to be over with."

"Man, I know, right? Me too."

"Matsuda," I said at length, "do you trust me?"

"Huh?" He gave me a weird look. "Do I _trust _you?"

"I'm in charge of this investigation…but it seems like everything's going wrong. Maybe if…maybe if someone other than me was in charge, like Okoshi…some of this stuff wouldn't be happening. Like Mogi…"

"Hm." He looked away. "I don't know, Aizawa. We all talked it over, and we all decided by majority rules who would be the leader of this investigation, right? I think everyone voted for you. I don't know if that means everyone else trusted you, but I know that I do."

I glanced at him. For some reason I felt like I was going to burst into tears. I wondered if he could see that. "Okoshi…Izanagi…so many others. They're all dead. Mogi could die. Yoko could be dead. Maybe they were wrong to trust me…"

"C'mon Aizawa, don't talk like that. Nobody's blaming you for this."

"What about you? Do you think anybody's blaming you?"

His expression told me it was a topic he'd rather avoid, then he looked away, "I…I don't know if anyone has the heart to blame me…but let's face it, Aizawa…all of this is technically my fault… Light's dead and this guy wants to take it out on someone…"

I snorted, "Someone needs to find this guy and tell him you didn't kill anyone."

"Even if I didn't…even if he _believed_ that I didn't, that's not good enough."

I knew he was right, but the thought of what could happen next was unbearable to me. At the end of this case all I could see was Matsuda facing Reaper by himself, just because we were all either dead or injured, just like Reaper had promised we would be.

"Hey," I turned and put my hands on his shoulders. I could see that the action surprised him, "you've gotta' promise me something, Matsu."

He studied my face, a certain kind of wariness clouding his normally bright eyes, "Okay. What?"

"If…if something happens to me…and it comes down to a showdown between you and Reaper…you've got to promise me…"

"What?"

I forced the words out, "That you'll kill him."

His expression didn't change, but he didn't answer me.

"Look. You're not a killer. Anyone could see that by looking at you. But I saw what you did to Light—you _can_ kill when you want to. If you need to. You're a good shot. So if you ever have to face that bastard by yourself, don't let your emotions get in the way. He isn't going to be merciful, so you can't be either."

"All right." He agreed quietly.

"I'm serious, Matsuda."

"Yeah. I know. Don't worry."

"Blow his fucking head off."

He just nodded.

"And…" this was the part I didn't want to say. The part I didn't want to consider. It hurt just to think about it, somewhere deep inside my soul, "and if something _does_ happen to me…if I die…"

"You're not going to die, Aizawa," he said, somewhat forcefully, "just stop talking like that."

"Shut up and listen to me."

"I don't want to. I don't want to hear it. I-"

"Just promise you'll take care of my family, all right?"

Matsuda gave me a wide-eyed look, slowly answered, "No. You'll be able to take care of them yourself."

"There's no guarantee that-"

"Yes, you will! Listen to yourself! Are you just giving up?"

"This guy swore to kill us all if that's what it took to get to you, and it looks like he's doing a good job. If Yoko's dead then it's just you and me, and I'm next. And if something happens to me, my family will need _someone_…"

"Aizawa-"

"God dammit, will you do it or not?"

He was quiet for just a second, "Yeah. All right. If something happens to you, I'll take care of your family. But I won't need to, because you're not going to die."

I sighed and let go of him, "Right."

_God, I hope he's right…_

My phone went off suddenly, ending our conversation. Matsuda sighed with relief as I checked the number. It was a text—from Yoko.

_Have smthng important to tell U. Meet me in the prkng lot & please come alone._

I stared at it for a second. What could she want to meet in the parking lot for? It sounded like a trap to me. If she had something important to say, why didn't she just come up. I walked past Matsuda and went to the window. I could see someone standing below us, under a street light. It looked like a woman, and she seemed to be alone.

_Should I risk it? Or should I take Matsuda with me?_

If there was danger, there was no point in putting us both at risk.

"I'm gonna' go get some coffee." I said dully.

"I'll come with you."

"No." I tried not to sound to insistent. "You should stay here…in case there's a new development with Mogi."

Matsuda got that indignant, offended look on his face as he dropped into a chair, "Okay, I'm getting a little sick of hearing stuff like that." He waved some money at me, "Get me a cappuchino."

"Sure." I stuffed the bill into my pocket and started to walk away.

I heard him call after me, "If you're not back in fifteen minutes I'm coming to find you!"

"Good idea."

_Shouldn't underestimate his perception, I guess. He obviously noticed I'm leaving right after getting a text message._

While I was in the elevator, I made sure my gun was ready, in case I had to do some shooting, and when I walked out across the parking lot, I kept both eyes open for any sign of danger.

Yoko was straight ahead of me, just standing there, perfectly still, body silhouetted by the light behind her. So far I didn't see any signs of danger, but I hesitated just a second to look back up at the hospital building. I couldn't tell what floor Matsuda was on, or what window he was standing at, but I was sure he was watching. Unless I was wrong and he really was totally dense and thought I was actually going to get coffee.

_Hard to tell with him._

"Yoko? What's going on?"

"Aizawa…"

Her voice sounded strange, but I couldn't quite pinpoint what made me think that.

"Are you all right?"

She shook her head, and still I couldn't see her face.

"What's wrong?" I was just a few yards from her now. The light made her eyes look like empty sockets. I saw a sparkle of moisture on her cheek. A tear.

"I…something happened today…when I went to the station…"

"So you really were there?"

"Yes…I filed for the warrant. That's all taken care of."

Remembering the paper Matsuda had given me, I asked, "Did you see Commissioner Oshima?"

There was a long stretching pause, and when she spoke again her voice was surprisingly emotionless, "Commissioner Oshima is dead."

"Did Reaper get him?"

"No. _I_ killedhim."

I stared hard at her face, feeling my stomach knot. "You're kidding me, right?"

"I wouldn't joke about something that serious, Aizawa."

"Why? What did you kill him for?"

Her body shuddered, and she turned away so I could see her profile, but her features were still blacked out by shadow, "He betrayed us. I'm sorry."

"What do you mean he _betrayed _us? Does this have to do with the phone number Matsuda found?"

"I'm afraid so." She sobbed.

"So he really was working with Reaper?"

"It's more than that…Oh God." She suddenly covered her face and started to cry, "I'm so, so sorry, Aizawa! You have no idea how sorry I am! I wish there were some way for me to fix it!"

I drifted closer, put a hand on her arm. I could smell alcohol on her. Had she been drinking for the last few hours? If she'd killed the commissioner that would explain why. "Hey, hey, calm down. What's going on? What are you sorry for?"

"I'm not sure how to explain it!"

"If you really did kill Oshima I'm sure you had a good reason." It felt incredibly stupid to say something like that, but for some reason I just couldn't find it in myself to yell at her; I'd rather understand before I started condemning people.

"No, no. Well, maybe. I don't know, Aizawa…everything is so fuzzy…"

"Just tell me what you know." I urged her gently.

Yoko drew a shallow breath, taking a few short, lacking gasps, before she was finally able to calm down. She dried her face with her fingers, and began in a strangled, husky voice, "About a month ago, before any of this business with Reaper got started, Oshima asked me to come to his office because he had a 'special case' for me to work on. He promised it would pay well, and I've been having a lot of trouble with money lately, so I agreed before I actually knew what I was getting into."

I put my hands in my pockets. "What was the case?"

"It wasn't very clear, unfortunately, but from what he told me, a man-someone powerful, like a politician-had requested information concerning the Kira case and been denied by the NPA board of directors. So he was asking the commissioner personally for the information, because they were old friends. Oshima told me that it would be a covert operation, something no one else was supposed to know about. He said it could be construed as illegal if we got caught."

"Then why did you do it?"

"I-I don't know for sure. I just needed the money so bad. And Oshima made it sound like it would be a good thing. Honorable. He made it sound like we were bringing the truth to the whole world. He said that you and the other three didn't deserve to keep all these secrets and that everyone should know exactly what happened to Kira."

I thought that over a moment. It was something I'd considered before. Maybe people did really deserve to know what had happened to Kira, about how he'd died and the fact that he was an NPA member himself. Everything that we knew, excluding the notebook. But I came to the same conclusion that I always had before—the information we had was a curse on us. We knew things no one should have to know, and the Kira case, in many ways, had destroyed our lives. It was much too heavy to just give out at random. "What did he hire you to do exactly?"

"He already had access to the official file, so he said that he had believed he had everything he needed. But apparently, after looking it over, he realized the information was incomplete. It was mostly just a compilation of things L had discovered, and there wasn't very much information about what had happened after Soichiro Yagami died. He asked me to find out as much as I could about the things the task force did after Soichiro was killed. In specific, he said that we needed to know what exactly happened to Kira—who Kira was, who killed him, how, why, all the details of January 28th. He said I wouldn't get paid until those particular details had been uncovered."

The tightness in my chest got worse; I could feel what was coming.

"So…" she started to walk, turning away from me and going a few paces into the shadows beyond the halo of light we were standing in, "I started investigating. He flattered me. Told me I was one of the very best the NPA had to offer. Told me I'd have a lot of money when it was over. I never," she stood still again, practically whispered, "meant to hurt any of you."

"I'm sure you didn't…"

"Oh, don't be so understanding!" She practically yelled. "Quit acting like you understand—I'm not even done with the story yet!

"I started eavesdropping on your conversations, asking seemingly harmless questions, looking into your guys' private information. The day Matsuda brought the envelope from the car jacker and you called a secret meeting, I was outside the door listening. I overheard everything you said. I found out that Light Yagami was Kira, and I found out that Matsuda shot him. But it wasn't enough to just know that. I had to know the rest of the story. So I started trying to get it out of Matsuda. I took him to a bar and got him drunk, purposely trying to get him to disclose details about January 28th. All I could really get was confirmation that he had shot Light. That he believes he killed Light. As it turns out, that was all I really needed to know in the first place.

"The day after that, Miyami tried to kill Matsuda. I looked the other way. Told myself it was a coincidence, but I guess I knew in my heart that it wasn't."

My blood turned cold, "What are you saying?"

"Today," she choked, "I went back to the station-I meant to file your warrant, but I also wanted Oshima to pay me-I went into his office; he wasn't there so I started looking around. After Matsuda gave you that phone number I was worried that Oshima was actually involved. I found proof," her voice shattered, "that he was working for Toyoshi. And when I confronted him, he confirmed it!"

I just stared at her, feeling sort of numb.

"Aizawa, don't you get it? I've been working for the Reaper this whole time! I've been getting information for him, even while I was trying to catch him! He found out Matsuda killed Kira through me! I never told anyone about the notebook, because I thought that information was too dangerous to leak, so Oshima and Toyoshi both believed that Matsuda killed Kira! They never would have known that if it wasn't for me!"

"Oh my God…" I breathed. "I can't believe this."

She came toward me, reaching out a little, "Believe me, Aizawa, I never meant to hurt any of you! I didn't understand what I was doing! If I'd known that the man buying the secrets was going to start killing cops, or that he was going to use the information to hurt someone I care about I never would have done it! I thought I was doing something good…I guess…I didn't think about it very hard, but that's because I needed the money!"

"You shouldn't have done that!" I shouted, losing my temper at last. "You should _never_ just sell off top secret information like that! You could go to jail! And in this case, yes, people are getting hurt! Are you stupid? Just what were you thinking?"

"I know, I know!" She covered her face with her hands again. "And I'm so sorry! If-if there were some way for me to make it up to you, or to fix it I would!"

"Don't apologize to me! Apologize to Okoshi and Chiba and Mogi! They're the ones that had to pay for your mistake! Apologize to Matsuda! He could die because of all this!"

"I know! I've been thinking about it! I know what it means!"

"Did you think killing the commissioner would solve it all? Did you think that was your penance or something? You disgust me, Yoko!"

"No." she sobbed. "I didn't kill him out of penance. I killed him because he deserved to die—he tricked me. The blood of all those innocent cops was on his hands, even more than it was on mine. I just…I believed he deserved it…"

I shook my head at her, "You're pathetic: I never want to see you again." With that, I turned to walk away from her. It was stupid, and I knew it, because we needed as many people as possible to solve the case. But right then I was so angry, I couldn't even imagine working with her.

"Aizawa, wait!"

"Good bye, Yoko."

"No, wait, I have something important to give you!"

"I don't want it."

"It'll help you solve the case!"

That alone made me stop, and when I turned around, she was pulling a small stack of papers out of her car and coming toward me. "I know it can't make up for the sins I've committed, but if it will help you…at least I know I've done some good for this case."

Briefly I glanced at what she'd given me. It was a paper of information. At the top was a phone number someone had circled in red pen.

"That's everything you need to connect Toyoshi to this case. I did as much digging as I could to find anything at all that would connect him to Anubis, the Commissioner and to the case…but if that's not enough, his phone number is there at the top. I couldn't find any addresses, but I thought that maybe you could at least use that."

I looked down at it, then glared back at her, "Don't think that this get's you back on my good side, Yoko. How can I trust you after this?"

"You're right." Her voice was grave, and her face was still shadowed. She backed away from me. "You can't trust me, and I can't make up for it. I don't want to be on your good side. I don't want anything anymore…what I've done…all the blood that was shed because of me-Mogi, Okoshi, Izanagi-it's too much for me to handle. I don't want to live with it on my hands. I'd rather die than go on living with the knowledge that so many NPA officers died, and I was an accomplice for their murderer."

I watched her warily. "What are you going to do?"

She was sobbing again. "The only thing I can do."

"Yoko, wait." I made a move toward her, but she was out of arm's reach.

I watched in horror as she pulled a gun from the inside of her jacket. "Yoko, no! Stop—it's not worth it! Don't!"

"Goodbye, Aizawa…" for the first time I could see her face—her eyes were horrible. They were haunted with an emotion I couldn't describe. Something far beyond guilt, a torment, like she'd seen hell once and couldn't forget it. They were eyes of someone I didn't know. Nothing like Yoko Karisa. Her smile was white as bone, but tears were rolling down her face, "Tell Matsuda I'm sorry."

She lifted the gun to her head.

I dove forward.

Yoko pulled the trigger.

I screamed.

My voice was lost in the shot.

Her body fell and hit hard, the gun clattering away, blood spreading thickly from the wound in the side of her head. Her eyes were wide open, her mouth still smiling, but half her head was gone.

I landed beside her, scraping my knees and hands. "Yoko…" I crawled toward her, touching her face, not believing that had just happened. "No. Oh God no. Yoko! Yoko!" She was dead. There was nothing I could do. She'd been alive just a second ago. Talking to me. I'd been so angry. I'd been cruel. Now she was dead. I'd lost another comrade.

Panic hit me, just like that, a wave of warm water, rushing up over my head and smothering me. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't even think straight. I just knew somehow that it was all over.

_Okoshi, Chiba, Yoko, Mogi, Ide and Kei, Matsuda. I'm going to lose them all! They're all dying right in front of me!_

"Oh God!" I bit back a sob, felt it scald my throat. "No! No! She-she was right in front of me. I couldn't stop her! I couldn't save her! I let her die!"

_I can't save them! There's no way! I'm failing them over and over, and there's nothing I can do!_

I was totally helpless.

Who was next? Who would march past me in the black parade? Which friend was going to die after Yoko? How many more people would have to be killed before this case was over?

I wanted to be next—it seemed only fair that I die, but if that happened my family, Matsuda, everything…I was still needed. I was bound to this world, bound to this hell by obligation, by the sense that I was important. And still, I couldn't take it. I couldn't watch anymore. It was almost enough to make me pick up the gun and blow my head off too.

_It's too much for me. It's too much!_

"I can't handle it! I should have done something!"

Another sob came. I couldn't keep this one back. All at once I was crying, pounding the pavement and screaming up to the sky, asking why.

Yoko bled beside me.

"Get a grip." I told myself, after a couple minutes had gone by. "Get a grip, Aizawa." I heard voices coming toward me. I had to explain this somehow. I had to tell people she was dead—I was the only witness to her death, so I was the one who had to tell her family, I had to testify to her last moments and explain what had happened. It was all on me.

Everything was up to me now.

Everything was always up to me.

_You can't break down. No matter how bad you want to, you can't lose it. Not right here, not right now. You have to stay strong. If you lose it this case will be lost._

The crowd was closer now. I forced myself to get up, picked up the papers I'd dropped, and rubbed my eyes to dry away the tears.

"What happened?" Someone demanded. "I heard gunfire.

"Is she all right?"

With a deep, trembling breath, I turned to face them, "She's dead."

"Dead? How?" An old man eyed me with suspicion. "Did you shoot her?"

"She shot herself." I got out my badge and flashed it at them, "Detective Aizawa. She was an NPA detective. The case got to her."

There were a few murmurs in the crowd. They had no idea how hard I was trying to keep it together, how close I was to screaming.

Draping my coat over Yoko's body, I turned to a nearby doctor, "Is there someone here who can take the body?"

He nodded, "I'll get someone immediately."

"Good. I have to contact headquarters about this. I expect this mess to be cleaned up when I come back."

"Of course, sir."

I nodded to him and started to walk away, called headquarters on my way into the building, giving a brief report and promising to come by to file something professional as soon as time permitted.

_Telling Matsuda will be the hard part._ What could I say to him? Should I tell him what Yoko had told me, or would it be better if I was the only one who knew? If I decided to keep her actions a secret how could I explain her suicide.

_I'll have to decide in the heat of the moment, I guess._

It seemed like the ride up the elevator took forever, and the march down the hall was even longer. On my way, an officer who'd been close with Yoko called me to confirm the rumor that she was dead. I told him yes, just as stiffly and coldly as I could so that he wouldn't guess that I was on the verge of a breakdown.

Matsuda hadn't moved. Apparently he hadn't been watching out the window after all—just as clueless as ever. It looked like he was reading a magazine—Eighteen or something stupid like that.

He looked up from his magazine when he heard me coming, "Hey. Where's my-" he stopped when he saw my face. I guess no matter how well I was hiding it he could still see that something was wrong. He got up at once, "What's wrong? Aizawa?"

"It's Yoko." I said shortly. "She's dead."

He stared at me, "Dead? How? When? Was she-"

"She committed suicide outside just a few minutes ago. I was with her."

"Suicide?" His voice was tinged with the beginnings of hysteria, "but-"

"I have to go back to the station and file a report. If you want answers you'll have to come with me."

"But what about Mo-"

"Matsuda," I said as firmly as I could, straining to keep the shake out of my voice, trying to make my face as hard as I could, "it's just you and me now."

If he had any kind of brain in his head he'd know what that meant. He'd know that we couldn't afford to split up very much.

Matsuda looked back at me for a second, then nodded, "Let's go."

Not as clueless as I thought. He knew we were the NPA's last hope.


	25. Chapter 25

Matsuda

_It's just you and me now…_

I looked at Aizawa, practically feeling my eyes bulging out of my head as he finished telling me about what Yoko had done, including details about her suicide.

"She sold us out." I whispered.

"Yeah." Aizawa muttered as he went through yet another stop light. He'd already run two of them, nearly getting us hit at one intersection. He was really upset—I could tell just by looking at him. Aizawa was pretty good at hiding how he felt, but I'd been able to tell something was wrong immediately. I had expected him to tell me someone was dead, but not Yoko.

Actually, I really wouldn't have been surprised if Yoko had been killed, but I was shocked that she'd killed herself.

_She must have felt terrible about what she did._

Somehow this was all my fault. I was the one who had told her about Light being Kira. She'd been hired to get to me, that's what the night at the bar had been all about. She had purposely intended to get me drunk in hopes that I would tell her things no one was supposed to know.

Any other day, I would have felt bitter and angry about that. If Yoko wasn't dead.

Things had been going so, so wrong, for what felt like forever, and they only seemed to be getting worse. I'd failed to find Toyoshi, and he just went right on killing cops; I'd lost Sayu. Probably forever. Now Yoko was dead too, and it was just Aizawa and me.

I slid a glance at my partner out of the corner of my eye. He was preoccupied with driving, so he didn't notice me looking at him.

My life was in shambles, I'd lost just about everything that mattered to me, and if something happened to Ai—if he died because of me—I'd probably do what Yoko had done. I'd just put a gun to my head and pull the trigger. I didn't even give a fuck if that's what the Reaper wanted. I wasn't going to be responsible for the death of my friend, and I wasn't going to go and tell his wife and kids that he was gone. I was too much of a coward.

There had to be some way to fix all of this, kill Toyoshi, and protect Aizawa at the same time.

That seemed pretty much impossible, as long as I had no idea where Toyoshi was, and we were running out of time.

We got to the police station in one piece; it was practically empty, and the few officers that were hanging around stared at us like we had the plague. No one spoke to us, other than a rookie cop whose name I was too distressed to remember. He came and yelled at us and demanded to know why we were there. He said this was all our fault and that everyone was going to get killed just because of us.

We both knew he was right, so we ignored him and went to file the report on Yoko's suicide.

Ai was in his own little world the whole time. He didn't talk at all, and he barely looked at me as he filled out the paperwork. I offered to get him a cup of coffee or a donut, but he didn't answer. I wondered if he was mad at me too, just like everyone else. I couldn't see any reason why he shouldn't be, so I slunk over to a seat on the opposite side of the room and stayed there until he was ready to go.

When the paperwork was finished we went back to the hospital. There was nothing else to do: we were out of leads, out of ideas, emotionally drained, and we had to be there in case Mogi's condition improved.

We were only there about fifteen minutes before Aizawa got up and started to walk away again.

"Where are you going?" I asked softly.

"To get some food. I haven't eaten since this morning."

"Should…shouldn't I come too?"

"No. I want to be alone."

"Kay." I couldn't blame him for that. I needed time to clear my head as well; what could I do to protect him anyway? If I were with him when they attacked, they'd have me exactly where they wanted me, and I'd have to see him die.

I watched him walk away, wishing with everything I had that I could keep him from dying too. "Be careful."

Aizawa didn't reply.

For the next thirty minutes, I sat there all alone. A few times, I almost dozed off—I was exhausted from lack of sleep—but I managed to keep myself awake. I had to be alert in case there was an emergency, which there was sure to be soon.

A couple times, I got up to check on Mogi. His condition didn't seem to be improving at all. They had him all hooked up to a bunch of machines, with wires and tubes and cords stuck in him; there was an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, his skin looked pale and gray, and his bandages were splotched with blood. He looked dead already.

I put a hand on his arm, "I'm so sorry, Mogi. Sorry I got you into this."

Mogi didn't so much as open his eyes. For all I knew, he never would again.

Someone whispered my name.

Expecting to see Aizawa, I turned around.

Momo came in instead. He was wearing a long coat, a hoodie with the hood up, with a beanie underneath it, and he had sunglasses on, but I still recognized him.

"What are you doing here?" I hissed.

He looked around like he expected to see an enemy jump out on him at any given second. "Where's yer partners?"

"Aizawa went to get food. What are you doing here? I thought you left town."

"Was gonna'. I have somethin' to tell you first."

"Oh great." With my luck, it was more bad news—I didn't think I could handle any more of that.

Momo came over and got so close to me I could smell his breath as he murmured, "I know where he is, copper."

I fought the urge to gag. It smelled like he'd been drinking all night and hadn't brushed his teeth in days. "Who?"

"Buddha. Who'dya' think? _Toyoshi, _dumbass."

"What? I thought you didn't!"

"Sh." He glanced around again, and lowered his voice even more, "I didn't. He called me 'bout an hour ago, told me to meet him at his office building over in Shinjuku."

"But we already checked that place out."

"Not that one. He's got another a few blocks away. Now listen, he wanted me to meet him there in the next thirty minutes, but I ain't goin'."

"You think he knows what you did?"

Momo shook his head, "If he thought I was a mole he wouldn'ta' told me where he's at. I think he wants ta' kill me though. He don't need me anymore. Tyin' up the loose ends. So, I thought I'd come tell ya' before leaving town." He pressed a crumpled piece of paper into my hand. "This's the address."

I looked down at Mom's sloppy handwriting for a while. If Toyoshi was really there, this was my chance to kill him. If he was expecting Momo in the next thirty minutes, something told me he wasn't going to still be there in forty. This could be my one and only chance to finish this.

"You should know, kid." Momo continued, that place's gonna' be crawling with gang members—armed gang members—going there's dangerous. But I wanted ta' tell ya'…because…" he looked around the hospital room, "Looks like you're runnin' out of friends—things are goin' just the way he planned. That means, when he's done with me, he's gonna' come hunt ya' down with a vengeance. He's gonna' kill you. But first he's gonna' kill your partner."

And that was the last straw for me. Right there, right then, when I heard those words, something broke inside of me. I decided I wasn't going to let this happen, not anymore. It had gone on long enough, and whether that was my fault, or if it had nothing to do with me, I wasn't going to let it continue; not now that I knew where Toyoshi was.

"Thanks, Momo." I mumbled, touching his shoulder briefly as I headed for the door.

His wide eyed gaze followed me, "What about your partner?"

I hesitated. What about Aizawa?  
No. I couldn't take him with me, for several reasons: first of all, I was going into what was apparently a death trap, to have a showdown with an absolute madman who was bent on destroying not only me, but the NPA as well. If I could protect Aizawa I had to, because he had a family to live for. Secondly, assuming I got through the building, past the gang members, survived the shootouts and the firefights, and got _to _Toyoshi, and actually outlived Toyoshi, then I was going to give him much more than a piece of my mind. This man was responsible for so much pain in my life, the death of friends, the loss of comrades, and I didn't want Aizawa to be there, because I knew that he would try to stop me, assuming I did something…unorthodox to Toyoshi.

Right now, I was so angry, I really had no idea what I was capable of, and if that anger lasted…

"If you see him, tell him I'll be back soon." I said, and left.

"Matsuda? Matsuda, wait!"

Momo came running after me, just as I was checking to see if my gun was loaded.

"This is crazy, you can't go over there yerself!"

"Why not?" I looked at him.

"Look, I didn't tell ya' this so you'd run over there an' get yourself killed, I thought you'd take a police squad or at least your partner with you."

I didn't answer.

He tried again, "Kid, I'm tellin' ya, if you go over there alone, you're gonna' get killed. This's suicide!"

"This has to be over."

"Yeah but…" Momo stopped himself, staring at me a moment, and then he sighed, "Fine, do whatever you want—it's got nothing to do with me."

I heard his footsteps stop, and I knew he wasn't beside me anymore. "Thanks for all your help, Momo."

"Good luck, kid."

I knew I'd need it. I just didn't know if it would help.

The next twenty minutes was a blur, and my mind became a festering pool of red-hot rage as I played the whole scenario over and over in my head: watching Mogi get shot, watching Sayu run away, barely surviving the driveby shooting, barely surviving as Miyami tried to kill me, facing Anubis in the rain. It all came back to me in a furious tirade, washing over me, making it hard to breathe, and the more I thought about it, the more my mind started screaming, _This has to end._

I don't know how I got to Toyoshi's building, I don't remember if I took the train or a bus or got a car somewhere, all I knew was that then I was there, standing on the steps, looking up at the skyscraper as the gray-green clouds of a thunderhead gathered above me. And I felt the cold bite of my gun in my hand. And I felt the rage taking over, swallowing me.

Violent images flashed in my head, and I shot Light over and over, guilt mixing with confidence, pain becoming strength. I was going to do this, or I was going to die trying. I deserved that.

I stormed in, kicking the doors open. The building was ordinary enough, with a brightly lit lobby and a smiling receptionist. I homed in on the front desk and went toward it.

"Good afternoon, sir." She smiled. "How can I help you."

"I need to meet with Toyoshi-San." I said. My voice…it wasn't my own. It was too black, too angry, to be mine.

She didn't seem to notice. "Of course. That'll be the top floor. Just make sure you confirm your appointment with the secretary there."

"Thanks." I started to head for the elevator.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a dark shape move behind a corner, and then I heard the familiar, rough click of a gun.

"Get down!"

I dove over the counter for the front desk, dragging the receptionist to the floor, just as an explosion of bullets flew over my head, barely missing me. The woman screamed and we hit the floor hard; I scrambled immediately to press myself against the hard wood of the desk, indicating with my finger for the receptionist to be quiet.

The lobby was still for a moment, and then I heard the tinkling sound of empty gunshells hitting the marble floor, and the click of shoes as someone approached.

"Oooh, Matsuda-san. C'mon out—I know I missed."

The voice wasn't familiar, but I was sure it was one of the gang members Momo had warned me about. _Well, I wasn't expecting a welcome wagon._

"I didn't think you'd come, Matsuda-chan, I had you pegged for a coward, but the Reaper knew."

"What's going on?" The receptionist hissed. I could see the fear in her eyes, and smell it on her breath.

I ignored her and focused on my opponent.

Was he alone? I didn't hear anyone else, but that didn't mean shit at a moment like this. He could be out there by himself, with just his automatic weapon, or he could have ten guys covering his ass. There was no way to tell.

I heard a deep, nearly insane laugh, "You're wasting your time, you know. No matter what you do, no matter where you go, we're going to hunt you down. Death will find you."

Trying to think of what I should do, I held my breath. Here I was now, not even past the lobby of the place, and already I was on the ropes. At the moment, I felt relatively safe, but I remembered how easily the bullets of Anubis' gun had gone through the desk in Toyoshi's Yotsuba office and into Mogi, and I knew that I wasn't safe here at all. Just because the receptionist was back here with me didn't mean this maniac wasn't going to shoot again. There was very little chance he'd miss.

But I refused to sit there being helpless. The last thing I wanted was to get shot here, during the first five minutes of my epic battle, so that Aizawa could come later to identify my mutilated corpse and say 'That's what he gets for going without me.'

The anger was still boiling inside me, saying 'who cares? Take the risk—you're going to die here anyway'.

I shook that thought away and went back to the image of the desk being blown apart for some reason.

"I'm going to count to three, and when I'm done, you'd better be on your feet with your hands above your head. You got that?"

The desk—if his gun could just blow it apart, why hadn't he done it yet? The solution was obvious: he didn't want to kill me, or he'd have done it by now.

_Toyoshi must still want me alive._

"One…"

So I went back to that little voice in my head. The one that was saying 'take the risk'.

"Two…"

And I went for it. I rolled to my feet popping up above the desktop, and aimed both guns at the first thing that moved. He tried to lift his weapon to shoot, but it was too late. By the time his gun was aimed, I'd already fired three bullets into his chest.

Movement—to the right. I spun on the balls of my feet, just in time to gun down another man with a sub-machine gun.

A bullet zipped past my ear, just barely nicking it.

_Behind._

I rolled over the top of the desk, ducking down on the other side of it, and then bolted for the stairwell, firing at the third gunman as I went. My first shot missed, but the next two found their marks, one in the shoulder, the next in the forehead. He flew back.

More bullets. There were so many, I wasn't sure where they were coming from. I dropped to my knees and slid the last few feet, hiding behind a wall. I waited until the gunfire slowed, and then I poked my head around, trying to find the source of the bullets.

_There. By the elevator._

I took careful aim with my gun. The bullets hit the wall beside me, exploding through the plaster and wood, but I stayed focused, squeezing the trigger several times. I saw a spray of blood and heard a cry of pain, and the gunfire stopped.

For several minutes, I stayed crouched there, breathing heavily and listening.

Nothing. No footsteps. No guns being reloaded. No voices.

At last, when I felt fairly confident that there were no more, I got up and ventured cautiously back into the clear, looking around, eyes darting at every imagined movement. But I was alone.

From behind the front desk, I heard a faint whimpering.

_Oh yeah. The secretary._

Tucking my guns back into my pocket, I rushed over to her, helping her to her feet, "Are you all right?"

"Wh-who are you? What's going on?"

I looked at her. Her hair was all fallen out of place, her glasses crooked on her face, eyes wide with fear and red lips trembling. Did she know she was working for a crime boss? Maybe she was newly hired and that was why she was so low on the ladder.

Not answering her, I went over to the first man I'd shot and picked up his submachine gun. It had a fresh clip in it. Perfect. _Upgrade._

Again, I turned to the secretary, "You'd better get out of here."

"Why? Who in the world are you? What are you doing?"

"I'm with the NPA." No time to show her my badge. I clutched my newly acquired weapon tightly and headed for the stairs. Climbing all those flights would be hard, but it was either that or the elevator. They knew I was here, and they knew I'd be going up. At least in the stairwell I'd have room to maneuver.

Already there were voices coming from down a hall to the left.

"I don't know if you know this." I said to her, "But Toyoshi is a crime boss known as the Reaper."

She looked completely bewildered. Definitely a new employee. "S-so…the NPA sent you to infiltrate all by yourself?"

"It doesn't matter. Just go, before you get hurt."

"There he is!" Three men in dark suits emerged from the hallway, all wielding automatic weapons. They aimed at me, trigger fingers itching. "Hold it right there!"

My reaction was immediate-my adrenaline was really pumping by now-and I sprayed a shower of bullets at them, hitting the man closest to me, and he was torn apart, his flesh becoming pulp, his blood a fine mist. Great. I was dealing with hollowpoint bullets.

It was enough to slow the other two down, since they had to stumble over the body of their comrade, and I ran for the stairs.

"After him!"

I heard them rush in behind me as I was half-way up the second flight. The echo of gunfire screamed around me, and bullets ricchochetted off the walls, lodging in the concrete, tearing through plastic, breaking glass. I kept low, firing behind me arbitrarily, and kept running. Once, I actually hit one of my pursuers, and then the last man was left to chase me alone.

When I got to the sixth floor, there was a group of men waiting for me, all wearing dark suits, all with the red k on their jackets.

"Halt!" Screamed the man in front. But no one fired.

They definitely wanted me alive—that gave me an edge. Good news, right? Here I was, infiltrating the main headquarters for a crime syndicate, going right for the boss who wanted to have me tortured to death for killing Kira, and I thought being wanted alive was an edge.

I ran right for them, screaming and firing, gun blazing, and they dropped left and right like flies. I leapt over the corpeses and looked up the middle of the stairwell. More voices. I could see men a few flights above me, and lost of them. There was still the one guy behind me too.

_Nowhere to go but…_

Throwing my weight against the door, I exploded out of the stairwell and found myself out in a long corridor, shoes squeaking on the floor as I slid to a halt. I looked right. Looked left. No one. Just the freaks behind me.

I ran right, where I saw the elevators far down the hall.

The men came out of the stairs behind me, hot on my heels, and they were firing. I don't know if they just weren't thinking about it, or if they had different orders, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was that I not let myself get shot.

A bullet grazed my arm, ripping through my clothes and scraping off the first layer of my skin. "Dammit!"

Then, when I was almost to the elevators, the doors opened, and another group of men stepped out, shouting and waving their guns at me.

I screamed and stopped so fast I wound up falling on my butt and accidentally dropped my machine gun.

One of the men stood over me, reaching down to grab my shirt front. "It's all over now, kid."

Panicking, I whipped out my pistol, blowing one perfect shot through his face, brains and blood exploding out the back of his skull, and he slumped to the floor.

I rolled to the side and jumped up, dodging the hands that reached for me as best I could. Someone snagged my sleeve, but I managed to wrench away.

Forget the elevator. Stairs weren't an option at the moment. It seemed like I was just running blindly down the hall, occasionally stopping to shoot at the people behind me, but there were a lot of them, and I was getting nowhere.

Then, ahead of me, a godsend: a large picture window where I saw a fantastic view of the city. And also a glimpse of a fire escape.

_ I must be out of my mind_.

Hell, I'd jumped off a building once to save my life, how was this any different?

Gritting my teeth, I charged right for the window, and sprang at the last minute.

Mistake. Big mistake. The glass was a lot sturdier than it looked, the stunt was a lot harder than it looked in the movies. The glass broke, shattered actually, all around me, but that wasn't the problem. The glass ripped through me, shredding my clothes, ripping my skin, cutting me on the face and limbs and chest, slicing my hands and jabbing into me so that I felt a million jabs of pain in a million different places, all at once.

Somehow through it all, I managed to have the presence of mind to reach out and try to grab the ladder for the fire escape. I groped with my fingers, and hung on tight as soon as I felt the refreshing cold of the steel. Even then, my body kept flying forward, and I almost lost my grip, but I white knuckled it, screaming, eyes squinted shut, slammed back against the building once, fingers quivering, and then I was just hanging there, breathing so hard I thought I was going to throw up my heart.

"Holy shit! The fucker jumped!"

No time to panic. No time to lose my mind with fear. They were all coming to the window now, eager to see what had become of me. I twisted around, still hanging on as tight as I could, and aimed up with my gun, blowing the head off one.

"Fuck!"

"There he is! Get him!"

"How?"

"Reaper wants him alive, dumbass!"

Let them bicker. I had to have something under my feet or I was going to pee myself. With shaking arm muscles, I pulled myself up, kicking until I had the reassuring metal of the fire escape beneath me, and then I was climbing like a madman, one hand over another, going for the top, fully determined to climb a twenty story building if I had to.

I heard them screaming beneath me. "Go after him!"

"I'm not going out there!"

"Then you can explain how we let him get away!"

That was good. They didn't know how to deal with what I'd done—really it was just a matter of going back to the stairs and climbing a few flights. If they got on the fire escape above me, I'd be screwed. I guess they were just stunned by the stunt I'd pulled. I knew that if I stopped to think about it, I would be too.

_In that case, I'd better not think about it._

A few times, they did try to come out after me. I'd be climbing past a window and I'd see some hideous face behind the glass, then I'd aim and shoot and it wouldn't be a problem anymore.

I wound up climbing until my arms were tired, about ten stories, and then, when I hadn't seen any gang members for a while, I decided I'd had enough of the monkey bars. I kicked in a window and jumped through, collapsing the moment I was in.

For a while, I just sat there on my hands and knees, panting and bleeding all over. Everything hurt, my wounds were burning, and my heart was racing. Just how stupid was I? How could jumping through a window possibly be a good idea? Ever.

When I'd calmed down a little, I got up again, glanced around to make sure no one was nearby, and started running down the hall. I guess they'd lost track of me somehow. Or they'd given up on the hunt. I didn't care where they were or what they were doing, all I cared about was that they weren't in my face right then. I ran to first elevator I saw and practically slammed against it, jabbing the up button over and over until the doors opened.

Inside, I hunched over, hands on my knees, shaking all over and still trying to get a grip. I had known this wasn't going to be easy, but God, this was too much. When I found Toyoshi, I was going to take it all out of his skin, then I'd feel better. Then maybe the vicious anger would finally go away.

I rode to the top floor, interrupted only once when an unsuspecting gang member tried to get on. From the look on his face, he didn't even know I was in the building; he was really young, and he had a cup of coffee in one hand, so I got the feeling he was an errand boy for someone.

I shot him in the arm and kept going, feeling a little guilty for it even though I probably shouldn't have. If he'd had time to react, he could have captured me.

By the time I reached the top floor, my heart was in my chest and my adrenaline was pulsing wildy. My hands were so sweaty I could barely keep my grip on my gun. I took a deep breath and stepped off.

The top floor was completely dark, not a single light on, but there were plenty of windows, so it didn't matter. My elevator opened up in a large waiting room where there was an empty desk, and beyond it was a huge office, even bigger than the one at the Yotsuba building Mogi and I had gone to. The door was open, so I let myself in.

The entire far wall was made of glass, just one massive window, and the floor was a putting green. Off to the side was a huge, black desk, and the room opened up on both ends into other rooms. It had begun to rain outside, and there was lightning when I stepped in.

Someone was sitting at the desk, cigarette blazing in their mouth, but it was too dark for me to make out who it was.

"Well done, Matsuda. I honestly didn't think you'd make it all the way up here."

That voice was familiar… Could it be Troy?

He stood up, hands in his pockets, body posed cockily. "I guess Akki was right about you—you _are _unpredictable."

I watched him warily as he came toward me, "Where is he?"

"Where's who?" Troy put his cigarette out on an ashtray.

"You know damn well who."

"Why? Do you think you're going to kill him?"

"I think I'm going to punish him for what he's done."

Troy laughed. "Unpredictable or not, one thing is consistent about you, Matsuda: you are ever playing the fool. You think you can punish him for what he's done? Akki was chosen by Kira himself to free the world from fools like you. There's nothing you can do to stop him—after he kills you and your partner, the NPA will crumble, and over time, all of Tokyo will belong to him, and Lord Kira shall return to take his rightful place as god of this world."

That nonsense again.

"Last chance, Troy." I drew my gun. There were probably only a few rounds left between both of them, but I'd use every last bullet and then tear Toyoshi apart with my bare hands if I had to. "Tell me where Toyoshi is."

"Hm. I think not. I think today will be the day you die, Touta Matsuda." One hand slid out of his pocket, and now I could see he had a gun—a nine millimeter. Black and shiney.

Relying completely on my instincts, I fired. The bullet hissed through the air, and struck Troy right in the chest. Glass cracked and shattered, flying everywhere like shards of crystal, and I was left looking at… a broken mirror?

Laughter.

I spun around. And there he was grinning at me, gun aimed at my head. "Idiot. I didn't think such a simple illusion would work, but again, Reaper knows you all too well. Unpredictable and stupid."

"You…" I growled. My gun hand was shaking, trigger finger itching, and I wanted nothing more than to shoot and kill someone, but now I was facing the complete wrong way. Simple trick my ass. It wasn't something I was expecting at all. Not even Light would have been ready for something like that.

_Light. I wish he were here right now._

It was my own fault he wasn't.

"Well, it was fun for a while." Troy said, coming closer, "But in the end, I don't think you were anything special. Just another stupid cop. I can't even imagine someone like you killing Lord Kira. It was just a fluke as far as I'm concerned."

"You son of a bitch."

"I've been looking forward to this a long time, Matsuda, ever since that first time we fought, I've been wanting to kill you, and now I finally get to. Akki wanted to do it himself, but I don't think it matters who kills you, as long as you die." He grinned slowly, white teeth flashing in the lightning, and I felt my very heart shiver.

"Sayanora, Matsuda-san."

A single gunshot rang through the air.

_Oh my God, he shot me! I've been shot! I'm going to die!_

Part of me was so angry, I was almost relieved that this was over, that the anger could ebb away and become something else, even though I wouldn't exist anymore. And the rest of me felt terrible for everyone I was leaving behind. Then again, maybe I deserved this after what I'd done toLight. Maybe this was divine retribution.

But no…wait. I wasn't bleeding, and I didn't feel any pain. I chanced a look down at myself. Nothing. No bullet holes any way. Plenty of cuts from the glass, but no bullet wounds. I looked up at Troy again. He was standing stark still, a trickle of blood running from his mouth. He dropped his gun, gasping.

He hit the floor at the exact moment Aizawa came into the room.

"A-aizawa?" I stared at him.

My partner looked angrier than I'd seen him in a long time, eyebrows set low over his eyes, mouth curled down in a furious scowl. He was coming forward, gun still at ready, barrel smoking.

"Aizawa, what are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here?" He snapped. "That's a fine thing to say! I just saved your damn life—_again_!"

I scratched my head, "I know…I just wasn't expecting you."

"You know, I'm getting just a little tired of this saving your ass thing. You could at least say thanks."

"Thanks, Aizawa." I said softly. The anger was dying down a little now, being replaced by a sincere sense of gratitude.

"You owe me big for this."

"Right. How'd you find me anyway?"

"Momo told me where you were going—I was lucky to run into him at the hospital. He was leaving. Anyway, enough about me, where's Toyoshi?"

I looked around, "I dunno'. It doesn't look like he's here."

"Damn. Is this guy hard to nail down or what? I guess we'd better search the place anyway." he gave me a once over. "What the hell happened to you anyway?"

"I…uh, I jumped through a window."

Aizawa shook his head, "I don't even want to know. C'mon, let's look around, but stay close."

He started walking toward one end of the room, heading for one of the other offices, and I almost followed, but stopped. Something wasn't right. I still got the feeling that we weren't alone. "Aizawa, wait…"

My partner turned to give me that familiar, annoyed look, started to ask what I wanted.

Then there was another gunshot, and another spray of blood as a bullet ripped through Aizawa's shoulder.

"Aizawa!" I started to rush toward him.

A gun cocked, and a voice said, "Don't even think about it, Touta Matsuda."

He came in from the office on the right, blowing smoke from the barrel of his pistol, mouth smiling, looking like he didn't have a care in the world. He was dressed from head to toe in white, a wide-brim hat on his head, white with a single, red band around it. His skin was pale, his eyes and hair dark, eyesockets looking like two shadows. He looked like a ghost.

The ghost pointed his gun at me, "I advise you to stay exactly where you are."

I stood and watched as Aizawa gasped in pain. He dropped his gun, blood running down from his shoulder, onto his fingers, and he collapsed, holding the wound and gaping and writhing from the pain.

Just like that, the anger was back, erupting within me like a volcano, coming straight to the surface where it was hardest to control, "Who are you?"

He set his dark-eyed gaze on me, "Now really?"

"Toyoshi." Aizawa spat.

"The same." Toyoshi walked right past me, going right to where Troy was laying. "Well Kage, I tried to warn you, but you were an idiot right to the end."

Troy, who I'd thought was either dead or unconscious, slowly opened his eyes, his lips parted a little and he tried to say something. It sounded a lot like 'nii-san'.

"You poor boy. Someone should have put you out of your misery a long time ago—perhaps I should thank Aizawa-san before I kill him."

"Onii…" Troy lifted his hand, like he was asking for Toyoshi to pull him up, "Onii-san…puh-please…help me." He sobbed a little. "Help me…"

"Don't you worry, Little Brother." Toyoshi's smile was as cold as death itself. "I will." He aimed the gun at Troy's head. He pulled the trigger.

I jumped.

"You-you shot him…" Aizawa stammered. "Your own brother…"

"So did you." Toyoshi turned that spine-melting smile on him.

"You're evil." I accused.

He looked up at me, "My boy, I am all there is. I am good. I am evil. I am justice. Hand-selected by Lord Kira, picked by him to carry on what he started, even after he's gone, to prepare the world for his return, for the Paradise that will follow. So I know better than anyone that not everyone can enjoy the Paradise—none of them were worthy. Miyami, Anubis, Nishi, Troy, none of them deserved to see the second coming of Kira. In many ways, their deaths were necessary, because it was those deaths that finally brought _you_ here, Matsuda. To my clutches. And of course you're more important than any of them—you have the esteemed privelage of being Lord Kira's blood sacrifice, and your death alone shall open the path for him."

"You're outta' your goddamn mind." Aizawa sputtered. He'd gotten to his knees, but he was breathing heavily. I was sure his bone was shattered. "If you think killing Matsuda's going to accomplish _anything_ you're out of your goddamn mind."

Toyoshi sighed, "I suppose it would be hard for a heathen to understand. But, you do have to admit, it was brilliant how I worked this all out, all the little details only an artist could appreciate. It was hard, you know, figuring out who killed Kira. I had to do quite a bit of research. Fortunately, Kira has been on my side this whole time. It was thanks to him I received this position of power, seeing how he eliminated most of my competition back before he was killed. I suppose he knew what was coming all along. Like the Christ.

"I was able to figure it out though. Don't you want to know how I did it?"  
We were both silent. I was trying to figure out what to do. I still had my gun, but I didn't know if I was fast enough to kill him, especially not when he was on guard.

"After Lord Kira was killed, I started paying special attention to any news articles or reports about the task force, looking for names or any other useful information, doing surveillance here and there. Of course, a bit of bribery was required, even within the police network itself."

"You sonnova bitch." Aizawa spat.

I knew he was thinking about Yoko. Hell, I was too. She was as much a victim as anyone else.

"It was very difficult to get any real information, but I was able to get _a_ name: Taro Matsui. An alias, obviously, but after I found a business card for the same Taro Matsui in the Yotsuba files-supposedly Misa Amane's manager-I began to realize the information might be more important than I'd initially thought. So I had my dear friend Miyami commission a forger his business partner knew to make a fake ID for that very name. Then I had it strategically placed."

"It was just a test."

"That first job? Yes. Yes it was. In fact, the first few murders were just experiments. I needed to see how the police would react to the names they found, specifially Taro Matsui, as well as to the message, and to the fact that cops were being killed in the first place. In the meantime, I approached Misa Amane, who's previous manager had been the alleged Taro Matsui, and we had lunch together. Sadly, she committed suicide a few days later."

"You!" I growled. "What did you do to her?"

"Nothing. I merely suggested a few things to her—I admit they were rather depressing, but I had no idea how unstable she was. Actually, I had hoped she'd be able to tell me a few things about _you_, but she was useless. Most pop stars are. However, she did prove helpful in one aspect. That message was brilliant—the perfect way to incite fear and panic among the police."

"How did you find out about it?" I demanded.

"Don't be stupid, Matsuda. I had spies in the press. This whole scheme could not have been accomplished without the help of my spies. Spies told me about the message Amane left. Spies gaged for me the reaction of the police when the Ids were found. Spies kept me updated throughout the whole process."

"Was Yoko one of your spies?"

"Yoko? No. Commissioner Oshima was the biggest spy I had in the NPA. I suppose he hired Yoko, because she's always been renowned for her reconnaissance skills. And she was very useful to my cause, seeing how she was the one who confirmed that it was indeed you who killed Lord Kira.

"Atashi Rei had dual purposes as well. After he found your wallet on his property I was able to eliminate all doubts that Taro Matsui was actually Touta Matsuda. Though, I already suspected that, thanks to my conversation with Misa-Misa." He grinned.

I couldn't believe this. He'd been using everyone around us from the very beginning, picking away at our armor until we couldn't defend ourselves.

"I must say though, even I was surprised by how well everything worked out. I have a large following, but I still wasn't sure that I'd be able to kill multiple police officers every day—it was a pleasant surprise when ordinary citizens began to help me out. Loyal subjects: I'm sure Kira will reward them when he returns."

He was absolutely crazy. How could maniacs like this actually exist?

"You might be surprised to know, you actually helped out quite a bit yourself, Matsuda: you tied up a lot of the loose ends so that I didn't have to. Rei, my forger, wasn't supposed to be a part of this. I hired him indirectly to make the Ids, but you yourself continued to involve him; I would have killed him after the failed drive by shooting anyway. At the time, I thought you were just a nosey cop. Now I'm grateful the shooting was a failure, because it gives me the opportunity to end your life myself.

"Then there was Miyami. Sweet, loyal Miyami, my old friend from university. Once Yoko confirmed that you were Kira's killer, I sent him to retrieve you, but you proved too unpredictable to handle, and he knew that I'd punish him for returning empty handed. Another loose end I didn't have to bloody my fingers with."

My heart was starting to sink. I hadn't known that so much would be my fault… It was starting to look like things would have been much better if I'd just laid low at Light's apartment and let the others handle it all along.

"What about him?" Aizawa demanded, jerking his head in Troy's direction.

"Him? My dear little brother? A pawn, naturally. He was already the leader of a notorious gang, 'The Gods of Death', which he developed back when Kira first emerged. They were non-violent back then, supporters of Kira, but most of them were convicts, using the group as a way to hide their criminal pasts from Kira. I used them, as well as my own followers, to eliminate specific NPA officers, just as I promised I would, but Troy also had a special purpose.

"You see, before I realized Matsuda was Kira's murderer, back when I thought he was just another cop, I thought maybe I could use him in some way, so I was watching him closely-mostly because he was sneaking around, talking to Miyami and Rei-and I wanted to understand what kind of man he is. So I sent my dear little brother to find out. The fight outside of Yemma's? It was staged, of course, all to find out how you would react to such a conflict, and I did learn many interesting things. Such as, for example, the fact that you never once went for your gun, even though you were obviously carrying one. Then I sent Miyami in to rescue you. Yes…the results of that confrontation were very interesting. You're a dangerous man, Matsuda, a bubbling stream one minute, a raging river the moment something angers you. But it's hard to tell what will anger you and what will just bounce off your shining armor. Unpredictable. A loose cannon. Dangerous."

He started to pace around the room, going to stand beside Aizawa, "Not that it matters now. You've come to me, as I knew you would, eventually. Really, you've been walking into a trap this whole time, not even aware that you were dancing to my tune. Now, just as I promised, you will face me alone—I will take the last comrade you have, your very last friend, and make you go against me one on one, just to see if his death will light that violent fire that fascinates me so much."

Deliberately, Toyoshi raised his gun pressing it to Aizawa's head, and my friend shivered. I saw the unadulterated panic on his face and felt my guts heaving. No. No. I couldn't let this happen. I couldn't let him kill Aizawa. I couldn't watch my friend die for me. I couldn't let another friend die just because I was stupid and out of control.

"Stop!" I yelled.

"Or what?" He cocked his gun.

Wildly, I raised mine, aiming at his face, but I was shaking so bad, I wasn't sure I'd be able to make the shot.

He laughed at me. "Oh, another interesting test. I know you can use that gun, Matsuda, I know you're a skilled marksman, but the problem is-just as the problem has always been-do you have it in you? Is the fire burning? Is the water raging? Are you angry enough? Or will you only be angry enough to pull the trigger after I've pulled mine."

"Don't!" I felt like I was begging. "Please don't!" Maybe I was begging. "I'm begging you, don't shoot him!"

"I guess the tigers's not alive today—I get to face the whiny child instead."

"Listen to me!" I sobbed. "He's got a family! A wife, kids, a life! You. Can't. Take. That. From. Him!"

"Spare me. He should be grateful—his children will get to live in Kira's Paradise."

"Please! Kill me if you want, but don't kill Aizawa!"

_I couldn't handle that. I couldn't bear dying, knowing he was already dead, because of me._

"Matsuda." Aizawa spoke up, his voice sounding horrifically calm. "Matsuda it's okay. Just remember what you promised me."

"Shut up, Aizawa! Toyoshi you'd better not! You'd better fucking not!"

He just looked at me coldly.

"I-I'm sorry." I could feel tears starting to run down my face now, and my gun hand was shaking worse than ever; I almost dropped the gun. "I'm sorry about Kira! You have no…idea…how much I hate it, how fucking sorry I am for what I did! I wish I had just died that day, that's how much I hate having his blood on my hands—I don't even think I can be forgiven for it! I don't deserve to be! I'm sorry I killed him, more sorry than for anything else I've done in my entire life…but…if you kill Aizawa, I swear to God I'm gonna' kill _you_, and I won't be sorry for that!"

"Listen to what you're saying!" Aizawa shouted. "Just think about it! This guy's a monster, sure-heartless-but he's nothing compared to Kira. You hear me, Matsuda? _Nothing!_ Kira got what he deserved! And Light was dead before that day—Light was dead a long time before Kira died!"

I stared at him, his face all distored from the tears.

"But none of that even matters, because you did _not_ kill Light, Matsuda! You've got to get a grip!"

"Ai-Aizawa…I-"

"No! You hear me, Toyoshi!" He glared up at Toyoshi, regardless of the gun, "Matsuda had nothing to do with it—you seem to like Gods of Death, well here's the truth: a god of death-a shikigami-brought a notebook to this world, and whoevers name is written in that notebook dies! That's how Kira killed, and that's how Kira died! The Shikigami wrote his name in that book, and he died!"

"Aizawa!" I couldn't believe he'd just told this guy that. If he killed us both and got away, if he got his hands on the notebook…

"I don't want to hear it, Matsuda! You shot Light, all right? We all know, boo-hoo, poor you, poor Matsu—now get the fuck over it! Light's dead because Ryuuk killed him, not you!"

Toyoshi was just looking at us, from one to the other, like he had no idea what to think, a look of intrigue in his sharp eyes.

I lowered my gun a little, another sob shaking my whole body as I looked down at the floor. _Light…Light I…_

"Matsuda." Aizawa barked. "Matsu, look at me. Dammit, look at me."

I forced myself to look up at my partner.

"Shoot this guy. C'mon, do it."

I looked at Toyoshi. I looked at his gun. He was ready to fire at the drop of a hat, "Aizawa, I can't."

"Yes you can! I know you can—look, don't worry about me, you've got to stop worrying about me. This guy's a menace, and if he gets away, God help us all. I'll die smiling if it means you shot this guy."

"Aizawa…no…I can't do it."

"You promised me!" He screamed, his voice a little hoarse. "You promised me you'd do it!"

"But-"

"You're not a killer, Matsu, but you _can_ kill if you need to—even he knows that. You're a good shot."

"Ai-"

"Don't let your emotions get in the way!"

"I-"

"He's not going to be merciful, so you can't be either!"

I lowered my voice. "All right."

His tone was lower too, ragged, and I could tell he was on the verge of tears as well, "I'm serious, Matsu."

"I know."

"Blow his fucking head off."


	26. Chapter 26

_Blow his fucking head off._

Easy for him to say—with the tears and the dark and all the emotions bubbling inside me, how was I supposed to shoot anything? And if I even tried, I knew what was going to happen: Toyoshi was going to pull his trigger and kill Aizawa, just as easily as pressing a button. Then I'd get to go the rest of my life with my friend's blood on my hands, knowing that if it weren't for me he'd still be alive, that his kids would have a father, his wife would have a husband. I knew I couldn't live with that. I knew the very idea of it would send me into a downward spiral of absolute depression that I'd likely never recover from.

But this thing was a lot bigger than me. A lot bigger than Aizawa and his family. If he had to die and I had to live with it so that the world could be safe again, then that was the way it was. So I had to put all my emotions aside, and try anyway.

_Aizawa…_ I looked into his eyes one last time, sharing something for just a moment, remembering all the time we'd shared together, good and bad: working on the Kira case with L and Light, him always scolding me, working on this case, doing whatever we could just to make sure this very thing never happened. Now here it was. _I'm sorry, Aizawa._

With a scream, I raised my gun again, as fast as I could, aiming high, hoping to hit Toyoshi's chest or head. His arm at the very least.

Toyoshi reacted like a snake, pointing his weapon straight at me so that I was staring down the barrel, facing my own death.

Aizawa jumped up, hitting Toyoshi with all of his weight, making a grab for his gun.

A shot rang out.

"Aizawa!" I ran forward slamming against them both and all three of us fell to the floor.

My partner rolled to the side, holding his arm and cussing.

I scrambled for Toyoshi's gun, but he knocked me down and came down on me, trying to pin me. I kicked him off and rolled on top of him. We wrestled for a few minutes, both our guns out of reach, trying to kill each other with our bare hands. Somehow I wound up sitting astride him, his arms pinned under my knees. I hit him in the face as hard as I could.

"Bitch! Monster! Motherfucking bastard!" I hit him again. It felt so good to hit him, so reassuring and satisfactory to bury my knuckles in his motherfucking face. "Everything you did! Everything you put us through! I'll kill you! I swear to God, I'll kill you! I'll make you pay for this, all of it! For Mogi!" I hit him full force in the jaw. "For Chiba and Okoshi!" I broke his nose. "For Yoko and the Commissioner!" Some of his teeth went flying. "For Ide and Kei!" I brought my fist down with all my might on his forehead. "For Sayu!" Blood started to ooze from his left ear. "For everyone!" He wasn't moving now. "I'll beat you to death, you asshole!"

Slowly, I became aware of Aizawa, saying my name over and over, "Matsuda!" Practically screaming at me.

"Matsuda!" He grabbed me under the arm and pulled me away with his one good arm. "Stop it! Get a grip!"

I stood there next to him a second, Toyoshi's blood all over my hoodie and jeans, panting and crying, knuckles bleeding and broken.

I stumbled a little, tripping over a gun. I didn't know if it was mine or his or Troy's it didn't matter. I dove for it and pointed it at Toyoshi's blank, unblinking face, "Can't shoot? I'll show you who can shoot! I can shoot like a fucking pro!"

"Matsuda!" Aizaway grabbed wrist, twisting the gun away, "You've got to get a grip! He's down—it's over! Just calm down!"

Calm down? How could I possibly calm down? I couldn't even breathe. Besides, he was the one telling me to shoot him. What did he expect me to do? I choked a little, lowering my head. I felt like I was going to throw up. I was in so much pain, and I was so angry and scared.

Aizawa put his hand on my neck, "Easy pal, easy. It's okay."

Okay? How was it ever going to be okay after this? After everything he'd done and everything we'd lost and all we'd been put through? How could we just go home and forget all that had happened? How could we ever be normal?

"Ai-"

Suddenly, Aizawa jerked me forward, hugging me fiercely, and I just stood there, completely stunned, not sure how to react at all. In our whole career together, he'd never hugged me. He barely even touched me, unless it was to smack me or something. It was so strange and so foreign that for a moment, I had to forget our problems, had to look past the situation, and just be completely stunned. Slowly, I hugged him back. It felt strange, but it didn't feel wrong.

For a long time we didn't say anything, just stood there like that, in that awkward embrace, letting the shaking and the trembling in our limbs die away, and our heart rates slow, and then he muttered, voice muffled in my shoulder, "I know, Matsu. I know. I'm scared too. I know. He did a lot of shit to you-to us really-but especially to you. He's been messing with our minds a long time now, playing with us. I get that you want to kill him…but I can't let you beat him to death with your bare hands. If I did you'd just hate yourself later. What kind of friend would I be?"

With a deep breath, I pulled away, "Y-you're right…I just…I'm so angry."

He let me go too and went back to holding his shoulder. "It's okay. Being angry isn't bad."

God I needed to hear that.

"You." Toyoshi rasped.

We both looked at him. He was up again, moving forward with hate in his eyes. "You'll all die…Kira must return…the paradise."

"Give it up." Aizawa snorted. "It's over."

"It…will…_never_…be over. One you're dead, Kira will return, and the whole NPA will be as naught. Reduced to chaff." His breath shuddered. With his face streaked with blood, in the eerie light, he looked like a death.

I braced myself, preparing for him to pull a second gun or something—if we did that, we'd have to be ready to move.

But Toyoshi didn't draw a gun. Instead, he suddenly broke into a run, coming right at us like a wild animal.

Instinctively, I shoved Aizawa to the side; a split second later, Toyoshi hit me full force, throwing his arms around my waist and knocking me backward. We were both propelled toward the giant window behind us. I felt pain lance through my head as we smashed against it. For the second time that day, glass sparkled around me like confetti, and I was falling, falling, falling, into the dark abyss of the city. Only this time I had no control, and the Reaper was there, dragging me down to my death.

* * *

**Aizawa**

"No!" I screamed. I saw it coming, but there was nothing I could do. Toyoshi rushed at Matsuda. He grabbed him and crashed with him through the window. The glass was surprisingly fragile. It just burst on impact. On purpose? A matter of last resort?

It didn't matter. They were both going to fall over sixty flights and die if I didn't do something.

I ran. It was a mad scramble. The window was just a few steps away, but it suddenly felt impossibly far. Time itself slowed down. The rain stopped. Matsuda and Toyoshi were there, suspended in mid-air, just a few feet from me. Just out of arms reach. They weren't going to hang there forever though. In a second, time would speed up again, and I'd have to watch Matsuda fall to his violent, bloody death.

I reached out, managed to snag the sleeve of his jacket, held on for all I was worth. Their combined weight dragged me forward, and I damn near fell through the window myself as time resumed normal pace. The centrifical force ended abruptly, Matsuda slammed hard against the wall of the building, Toyoshi was slung forward, almost losing his grip. He fell a few more feet, barely managed to cling to Matsuda's legs. Some one screamed. I was so frantic, I wasn't sure if it was Matsuda or Toyoshi or if it was me.

The strain on my arm was awful. Nevermind that normally my shoulder probably would have been dislocated, since I was already injured, it felt like my whole arm was being torn off.

I shouted. From the anger. From the pain. "God dammit!"

They were dangling there, like a fragile string. I had Matsuda's sleeve, but I was loosing my grip. Toyoshi was already sliding, losing his hold as well. If I so much as twitched the wrong way…

Couldn't think about that. Couldn't let it scare me. I had to be strong.

"Dammit!" I screamed again, doing my best to get a better grip. I had his wrist now, holding onto him so tight I thought my knuckles were going to break. "Matsuda!"

He just moaned.

There was blood oozing from the back of his head, and a lot of it.

"Damn." I glared at Toyoshi instead. He was just staring up at me with those crazed eyes, like he didn't know what to think. "Give it up." I ordered, as strongly as I could, trying not to give away the fact that I felt like I was about to pass out from the pain searing my shoulder in two. "There's no where for you to go now, so give it up."

Still, just that blank, crazed look, not blinking, not even feeling.

"You've lost." I told him. "There's no way I'm letting him go, and when I get him back up here, you'll go to jail."

"I lose." Toyoshi agreed.

"That's right, psycho. So you'd better just surrender while you've got the chance."

He muttered something. It was hard to make out, but I barely caught the words, "Lord Kira, avenge me."

Then he let go. Just like that. That crazy bastard just spread his arms like a fucking bird and dropped, as easily as ordering a bagel at a café.

Stunned, I watched him descend into the dusky, dirty streets below, getting smaller and smaller, until, at last, he was was just a small figure in the distance that splattered on the sidewalk below.

Everything was silent.

That was the second suicide I'd had to watch in the last twenty-four hours. "This better not become a regular thing."

No time to let it bother me. My arm felt ready to pop off, my body felt ready to collapse: I was dizzy, nauseous, sick with pain, drowning in fear, shivering from the cold and the emotions raging through me. I managed to haul Matsuda back up: it took all my strength and then some. With my damaged arm, I almost couldn't do it. I almost dropped him a good two or three times, but I didn't. I knew I couldn't.

By the time I got him back inside, I was panting, my arm bleeding worse than ever, my vision fading in and out. I lay there on the floor next to him, struggling to stay awake, straining to catch my breath. He twitched a little, moaned. "Hey." I nudged him with my foot. "You alive?"

"Yeah…I'm alive."

I closed my eyes. "Thank God."

"Toyoshi…" he murmured, sounding like he was dreaming. "What happened to him."

"He fell."

"Good."

I had to half-drag Matsuda to the car. He was only semi-conscious, and he was bleeding all over—from his window escapade, I guessed—so he could barely walk, and he kept mumbling and falling and his grip on my jacket was weak.

I couldn't believe we got out of there alive. It was almost unimaginable to me that the case was really and truly over.

The Reaper was dead now, The NPA was safe again. We'd lost so much along the way though, it was tough to believe we'd be okay again. Ever. So many people were dead, and not just friends, but our colleages too. Comrades. When I looked back on the hell we'd survived, I realized just how close I'd come to falling apart. I think if I'd lost even one more person, seen one more friend get shot or hurt or whatever—if Matsuda had fallen out that window too—I would have lost my very mind.

That's why I'd followed Matsuda to Toyoshi in the first place. Self-preservation said, forget about the kid; maybe if Toyoshi gets what he wants this will all go away. But I knew I had to go after him.

His strategy of single-handedly storming the gates of hell had been dangerous, and crazy, but it had provided the distraction I needed to sneak in undetected. Of course, when I'd reached the top floor he was instants from being killed. I'd arrived just in time, and it was a good thing too: Matsuda dying was the alternate end to the case. The one everyone had gotten shot to avoid.

Besides, seeing my partner slaughtered like that would have done irreparable damage to my psyche.

But it was okay. We were both alive, and as long as Mogi and Ide pulled through, the four of us would have made it through this, slightly shambled, but intact.

As I made my way back down from Toyoshi's office, my arm hurt like hell, burning relentlessly from shoulder to fingers, and every time I triedto move it, or so much as jostled it, a sharp, shooting pain would flash through my muscles, making my grit my teeth and wince. It all but paralyzed me.

I had to shove that pain down though, and focus. I used my good arm to hold Matsu up, and talked to him, just to keep him awake, but mostly all I could think to say was inane stuff like 'hang on, kid,' and 'we got him. Don't worry, we got him.' Stuff that in reality didn't mean too much. Not to mention that the wound on the back of his head had probably worsened his concussion and I doubted he was very coherent at all. He probably didn't even know where he was.

Still, I made it downstairs, eyes open for any leftover minions with a taste for revenge The building was empty though, silent as death, full of bodies, cluttering the hallways and the stairs and the foyer. Blood was smeared all over the walls like fresh paint.

"We did a lotta' damage for just two of us, eh, partner?"

Matsuda didn't so much as gurgle a response, and I felt his blood soaking through my clothes.

Outside, I stuffed him into the passenger side and then climbed in myself. I just didn't know what else to do. He was in shock. I was probably going into shock too. We were both losing a lot of blood, and unless we got to the hospital right away…

_No…I refuse to think this was all in vain…we can't now…_

I closed my eyes. I was just so drained, emotionally as well as physically. I just needed to rest a moment, and then I'd drive us to the hospital. Just a few short seconds to rest my eyes.

_No. No. I have to stay awake._

At the moment, I couldn't remember why, but there was something… Something important.

"Hey. Matsu…"

He didn't answer—he was slumped over, bleeding in my car, eyes shut lightly, mouth slightly open, like a little kid.

"Hn. Never mind." I lowered my head, pressing it against the steering wheel. It felt good just to hold still. Not thinking about the blood or the pain in my arm, not thinking about Matsuda flying through windows or Toyoshi's gun pressed against my head, not thinking about that crazy bastard falling to his death. I almost felt like I could relax and fall asleep. I deserved it. I hadn't slept in so long, and it felt like weeks since I'd had any real rest; now that the case was finished, I wanted nothing more than to pass out.

_Can't. Have to stay awake…_

Such a foggy thought. Why? Why did I have to stay awake when all I wanted was to go to sleep.

"Damn." I lifted my head. "Hey, Matsuda." I shook his shoulder. "Matsu. Wake up."

Still nothing from him. Should I be worried?

No. I recognized grimly that I was hurt worse than he was—his head injury was pretty serious, but my arm felt ready to fall off.

There was some static on my radio, and I thought I heard a voice.

Feebly, I groped for the transmitter.

They were already on their way, weren't they? I'd told them to meet us here, so what was taking so long?

Maybe they were having trouble finding men willing to help us.

The NPA would probably never be the same—not for a long time at least—and if the others and I hadn't been isolated from the rest of the force before, we were now.

I groped for the transceiver several times, dropped it several times, but eventually got it to my mouth, just as the voice was turning frantic and impatient.

"Ide." I choked. Damn. I'd never been so happy to hear his voice.

"Chief. We're en route to the rendezvous point as we speak. We'll be there in just a few more minutes.

"I'm not the chief." I objected half-heartedly.

"You will be if this case gets wrapped up."

"Toyoshi…Reaper…he's dead."

There was a blank moment where all I heard was static. "Repeat that, Aizawa."

"Reaper's dead."

"You killed him?"

"Guess you could say he sorta'…killed himself. Appropriate, huh?"

"Yeah. What about you? Are you okay?"

"We're prett5y banged up." I admitted, glancing again at my bloody partner, "I took a bullet in the shoulder—I don't know how bad Matsuda got it: he's unconscious."

"Well hang on. There's an ambulance heading over immediately."

That was probably for the best. Now that I thought about it, me driving to the hospital in my condition was probably a pretty bad idea.

I confirmed our position and then hung up the radio, leaned back in my seat wearily. Just a few seconds. I just needed to close my eyes a while.

In the distance, I heard sirens.


	27. Chapter 27

**Finally! Everybody say it with me. Fin-all-ly. I cannot believe it took me over a year to upload this last stupid chapter, but I sincerely apologize to all my loyal readers who waited so long for this last bit of closure. All I can say is, no matter how many times I re-worked this last chapter I was never happy with it. I've finally gotten it to a place that I think is acceptable, although I'm still not entirely pleased with it. I'd love to hear what everyone thinks, and thanks for reading. **

**Aizawa**

I'm not sure how long I slept exactly, but in my dreams I relived the horrors of the past few weeks. I saw cops with bullet holes through them, bleeding out on the sidewalk, dying outside the train station like dogs. Some were friends. Some were nameless. I saw Okoshi take that wound in the chest again, and listened as Reaper tortured Chiba to death. I kept seeing flashes of Mogi—first smiling at me reassuringly, then lying in a pool of his own blood. I had to watch Yoko blow her head off again. Then again. Then again. Always my voice was ringing out in the distance, screaming out of sheer desperation, just trying to make it all stop. Chief Yagami glared at me, shaking his head in silent disapproval.

_You'll never fill my shoes, Aizawa. You'll never be the chief I was._

Far off in the distance, I saw Matsuda getting smaller and smaller, fading away, being swallowed, and there was nothing I could do about it. Ryuuk the shinigami loomed above him, eyes gleaming red as he prepared to take the life of another one of my friends.

I heard my own voice calling, and then a single shot ran out. Everything went dark.

I woke up in a hospital bed, my shoulder heavily bandaged, my arm in a sling. My head was still spinning and my stomach felt tight, and even through the painkillers I could feel the raw twinge of pain blistering in my shoulder.

Nothing made sense. Everything was fuzzy, including who I was and how I'd gotten here. I felt like I had just come out of some great battle where I had narrowly escaped. Maybe I hadn't even won that battle—maybe I'd just been retreating from it. After all, I felt like anything but a warrior. I felt alone and bitter and dark, like there was no purpose for the physical agony I was experiencing.

Outside, the sun had set, and I saw the lights of Tokyo, lights sparkling like a sea of stars.

I wished I could just sail away into them, forget that Shuichi Aizawa had ever existed.

When I fell asleep again, I dreamed I was running. I didn't know where to or what from or anything, but I was alone, surrounded by mist and shadows, just running as fast as I possibly could. There were horrendous sounds all around me: voices calling my name—people who needed my help—laughter that rang out and overpowered everything else—my enemies, hunting me and my friends to the bitter end.

At times, I was sure I was running to something. Some great, noble purpose where I'd shoot the villain and be the hero and save everyone. Other times, I knew I was just a coward, running as fast as I could to get away from the thing that scared me more than anything else.

Death and suffering. Pain and loneliness. Sorrow and anger.

Sometimes I felt like I was just running because I was meant to. I'd always been running, and I'd never stop, and I needed someone to reach out and pull me up, before I collapsed.

Things were slightly clearer. I could remember the fight with Toyoshi and the awful case that had led up to it. I remember who I was and how I'd narrowly saved Matsuda from falling to his doom. I even remembered a shaky conversation with Ide afterward, and a blurry ride in the back of an ambulance.

What hospital I was in and how long I'd been here was a mystery, but this time the sun was up, and the sky outside looked clear.

Ide was standing nearby. He looked tired and pained, but he was smiling, "Welcome back, Detective Aizawa."

I stared through him a moment, then shifted, found that my mouth was dry, like it was full of cotton, "What the hell are you doing here?"

"What a nice greeting. For your information, I'm only here to check on you, and because the nurse told me you were screaming in your sleep."

I glanced around, "Where's Eriko?" You'd think my wife would be there. You'd think she'd have the kids with her, or her mother, or something.

"I sent her home. She was here a long time, waiting for you wake up, but she needs some rest."

I nodded, grateful for that, even if in my heart I was longing to see her, more than I wanted anything else. "I was screaming?"

He sat down with a nod, "Yeah, a little. Did you have a nightmare?"

"I don't remember. I guess I did."

"No surprise." He rubbed his arm. It just reminded me of how bad my own shoulder ached, and I had to look to make sure my arm was still there. "You were pretty messed up when they brought you in. Lost a lot of blood."

"Toyoshi shot me."

"Yeah, I figured." He paused. "We checked the body out, by the way. He's dead for sure. Fell sixty stories—he was just a smear on the street when we got to him."

My relief was sharp. "He was crazy, Ide. He was so damn crazy." I remembered the crazy things he'd said, and somehow I almost felt like I couldn't handle them, like they were going to make me crazy too.

"I know. But he's dead. Thanks to you and Matsuda. It's all over now."

"Matsuda. Is he all right? When we got back to the car…" That was such an uncertain memory, I didn't know if I should even bother describing it. "He was really banged up." I finished slowly.

"He should be fine. They released him a while ago, so he went home. Apparently his head trauma was worse than anything else. Not like getting shot in the arm." He smiled wryly and rubbed his arm again, but I knew he was talking about me.

"I just can't believe it's over." I said after a few minutes of silence. "I don't know if I can afford to believe it."

"It's over, Aizawa." He assured, voice so calm and firm, I had to believe it.

"What were you doing anyway? I didn't expect to hear you on the radio."

"What did you expect? You handed me an address and told me to take some back up there as quick as I could. What was I supposed to do?"

I vaguely remembered running into Ide as I left the hospital. He wasn't supposed to be up, but he'd slipped past his nurse to talk to me. I'd been in such a hurry, it was all I could think to do. "Yeah." I amended darkly, "But I said to _send_ back up, not _take_ back up. You were supposed to be in the hospital, not running around."

"No one else would have done it." He answered softly. "Everyone else was scared or angry, or whatever. I was the only one who would help you guys, and you know that."

I did know that. I just didn't want it to be true, so I didn't answer.

"Not that I didn't find a few guys willing to go with me, but I had to be in charge. Besides, it wouldn't feel right to send someone else who wasn't even part of our case—you were counting on me, weren't you?"

"I always seem to be." I said quietly.

With a snort, he got up again, "We've known each other a long time, Shuichi; I expected you to trust me better than that."

Trust. There was that matter of trust again. For years I'd trusted Ide, I guess it didn't always occur to me that he had to trust me too—they all did. Just like Matsuda said. They wanted to trust me, for whatever reason. "I do trust you, Ide."

"So don't try to leave me out next time."

"Right. I'll keep that in mind." Secretly I hoped there would never be a next time.

**Matsuda**

Everything was so dark. I was floating in some giant, black void, and I was alone with thoughts of the chief and Light and my friends all cascading through my head—their last moments, their last words, the violent ends each of them had met. Through it all, the only thing I could think to ask was 'was this my fault?' But no answer ever came.

Maybe I'd never know.

Time passed. I didn't know how much or how quickly, but it went by, and I started thinking, wondering if maybe my details were wrong. Maybe everyone was dead—Mogi, Ide and Aizawa too. Maybe I was dead. Maybe we'd all been destroyed by the Reaper.

I was in a dream, I knew that. I didn't know when the dream had started or what I could do to get out of it, but I knew that I was dreaming. For all I knew, it had started weeks ago, and the whole Reaper case hadn't even happened. Maybe I'd wake up and Sayu would still love me. Maybe Light would be alive. Maybe I'd wake up in 2006 and the Kira case would be just a horrible nightmare. There wouldn't be a Kira or a Shinigami or an L or a Near. I'd be a rookie cop in the NPA, just trying to prove himself. I wouldn't know Aizawa or the others—not really—but I could live with that, couldn't I? I could give up the relationships I had now if it meant the world was going to be normal.

"I just don't want them to be dead." I murmured, but my voice got lost in the void too.

This time someone answered.

"No one's dead, Matsuda."

"Everyone is. Light and Soichiro. Yoko. Mogi and Ide. Even _you_."

He snorted, "That's a nice thing to say when I'm standing right here."

"Even if they aren't…it's all my fault, isn't it?"

"None of this is your fault. It never has been."

"So sure. You always sound so sure… How do you know?"

"Because some people are messed up, Matsuda. For whatever reason, they can't just leave the world alone, they have to run around and ruin it for everyone; and they can't accept the things that happen, or admit when something's their fault or that someone they believed in is evil. So they kill. How can one simple-minded cop be responsible for something so deep?"

"Either way, no one deserved to die for me. I'm not worth it."

"Don't you think that's something _we_ get to decide?"

Slowly, I opened my eyes, stared up at the blank, white ceiling. The hospital room was mostly dark, and through the window I could see that it was raining. The heart monitor was running: it sounded slow, like I was steadily drifting away. But I was alive. My mouth felt dry when I spoke, "Does that mean you think I'd be worth dying for?"

Aizawa sighed from his place in the chair next to me. His arm was in a sling, "It's a funny thing, being a cop—I've been a cop for a long time now…I've seen people come and go. I've seen a lot of people die. After a while, you get sort of numb to it. But that case. That damn Kira case. There will never be another one like it—not for you, and not for me. I think it's only normal that the men we worked with on that case mean more to us than the other officers we know. Don't you?"

"You didn't answer my question."

He was quiet a long time. "You and Ide and Mogi…I don't think I could bear losing any of you. I think I'd do just about anything to spare myself that pain."

"It's the same for me." I whispered, realizing for the first time that tears were running down my cheeks. "So many of the stupid things I did, I did just to keep you and the others safe."

"And what do you think _we_ were trying to do? There was a reason I banned you from the case, you know. I got shot for you that day, you know."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't need to be. I mean, if I didn't think you were worth it I wouldn't have gone after you. That bastard wanted to kill you—how easy would it have been to let him do that? The first day we got his video tape we could have tossed you in the trunk of a cruiser and taken you to his meeting point. What we did was noble to a point, fighting evil and trying to make sure justice prevailed, and all, but we have to think of the other side of it too."

He looked at me seriously, "We willingly let all those officers die because we didn't want to give you up. Do you think that's wrong?"

For a long, long time I thought about that. It was the same question I'd been asking myself ever since the case began, a question I couldn't get away from and couldn't answer. "I don't know, Aizawa. I really don't know."

"What Toyoshi did was wrong. We couldn't control what he was doing, we could only control our response, and all those officers who were angry are hypocrites. There's no way in hell they'd sacrifice one of their friends any faster than we would.

"We're all just humans, Matsuda. Even Kira was just a human. In the end, the only thing we can do, the only real choice we can make, is to try to decide what's right and do it. I'd never forgive myself if I let that guy have you without a fight. And even though I'm sorry about all the NPA officers who are dead, as much as I wish Okoshi and Chiba and all the others were still alive, I know I didn't do anything wrong. I did the right thing. And so did you. I followed you that day because I thought it would be better to risk being killed than to go the rest of my life knowing I didn't even try to save you."

"That day…how long ago was it?"

"Five days almost."

"Five days." I closed my eyes. "I've been asleep a long time."

"Yeah you were. We were starting to worry that you'd never wake up."

"What about Mogi?"

"He finally came to—it's going to be a slow process, but the doctors said he'll make a full recovery."

"Ide and Kei?"

"They're all right. They were both released a couple of days ago. As far as I know they've been spending every day together. I guess almost dying arm in arm did something to them."

"What about Sayu?"

"I haven't heard from Sayu." He admitted after a long pause.

I didn't say anything. I didn't want to think about it, not now, maybe not ever, so I asked, "How's your arm?"

Aizawa shrugged, "It'll be okay. And you, of course. You should try to relax. You've got some recovering to do yourself."

I rubbed my forehead, then looked at my knuckles. They'd been stitched up. I remembered for the first time how I'd beaten on Toyoshi, how determined I'd been to kill him, absolutely controlled by my rage. "It wasn't me. It wasn't me…who did all that…I never would have done that, right?"

"No. I guess it really wasn't."

"You know, before Light—I mean, Kira—I never would have known I was capable of flying off the handle like that. It's really just not me."

"Personally, I'm just glad you didn't wimp out on me: for a while I was a little afraid you would. But Toyoshi is gone, and this is all over now."

"Over… You really think it's over, Ai? It started so long ago, it's hard to imagine that there's no death-case to solve before the clock hits zero… But it really is over, isn't it?"

For just a second I was terrified that he was going to say, "Actually…" or "No. We still have to do this…" But he just whispered, "It's really over, Matsu."

"Thank God."  
I wished suddenly that there was something else I could waste my time thinking about. I didn't want to dwell on everything I'd been through, all the narrow escapes, the near-death experiences. I wanted to think about something stupid, not the case that had almost killed me, or the people I had lost throughout its duration. Maybe if I just found something else to worry about—something simple—I could forget that Yoko was dead, that Mogi and Aizawa and Ide had almost died, or that multiple cops had been killed because of me. Maybe I could finally start to forget about shooting Light. Maybe it wouldn't matter that I'd lost Sayu somewhere in the middle of it all. Some day I might even start to figure out what made me worth all this hell and agony in the first place.

Yes. That was it.

I could think about those things later—I had the rest of my life to remember all the things I wanted to forget.

**Aizawa**

My arm hurt a lot, but it was supposed to recover pretty well. I might always have a little trouble doing various things with it, but it wasn't going to interfere with work. Either way, I was given about a month off-fully paid, naturally-to recover, so I went straight home from the hospital, put my gun away, fully intending to forget about it until I had to go back to work.

And then, for the love of God, I just spent some time with my family. I took my kids to the zoo and went out on a few dates with my wife. We stayed in and watched movies all together, eating popcorn and laughing, we ate dinner together, we had company over. Eriko and I started taking dance classes together. I went in to Yumi's school for parent-career day. For a while everything was just normal. It was like I wasn't a cop at all, and I was able to forget some of the awful things that had happened, not just during the last case, but during the Kira case as well. It was unrealistically wonderful to just sit back and stare into my wife's eyes for a while, and let myself be completely in love with her, and even better to kiss my kids goodnight, to drive them to school or pick them up for lunch. I wanted it to last forever, and even considered quitting my job briefly, just so I could be some lame, stay at home dad, and never, ever leave the ones I loved.

But, I knew better than that. I had to keep making money, and I had to go back to the station. My place as the new chief was pretty much guaranteed now that we'd solved the Reaper Case, and that meant more money and a better life for us.

My arm healed faster than I thought it would, and a few weeks into the next month, I found myself heading back to the station, gun in its holster; I drove by a coffee place to get a cup, and then I was at work early. My old desk was all cleaned out, my stuff in a neat little box, and the commissioner himself showed me to my new corner office where I had a large window with a view of the city, and a big, fancy desk.

On break, there was a small party in the break room in my honor, with balloons and confetti and donuts, and a big sign that said 'Welcome Back Chief.' It was all really nice, and I couldn't help feeling embarrassed. Ide and Matsuda were there, laughing at me and congratulating me, teasing me by treating my like some hard-nose slave driver, but I didn't see Mogi anywhere. I don't know why I expected to see him—I knew he was still in the hospital, recovering from his bullet wounds. There were a lot of people missing, all dead from Reaper's spree, but I didn't allow myself the chance to actually stop and pay attention to that. I didn't want to think about it. Ever.

I knew I didn't have a choice.

The next day was a little more mediocre. No party or anything. People still smiled and congratulated me, but it was a more subdued kind of congratulations. So I went to my office and put up a few pictures of my family, and sat in my nice, new chair, and just sat there a long time, simply staring out the window. Tokyo in the spring. There were cherry blossoms everywhere, and green grass and sunshine. It was all perfect, and I couldn't believe how grateful I was to be alive to see it. I rubbed my arm, remembering what it had felt like to almost die.

I didn't want to think about that either. It was just one more thing I wanted to label 'forget' and toss in a box. Akki Toyoshi was dead, and few of the weaker-stomached gang members had given up most of the names of their partners in crime, and for a while the police had been bringing in 'Gods of Death' by the dozens. I was surprised by just how big the gang was—no wonder they'd been able to accomplish what they'd done. But they were finished now too. Their leader was gone. Their hope of reviving Kira dashed to pieces.

I closed my eyes. What a bunch of idiots.

Hopefully soon, normal citizens would realize that Kira was gone for good, and this world would go back to normal, even if that meant the crime rates would rise again.

For just a few minutes, life was perfect, and all I had to do was figure out what my first move as chief would be.

Someone cleared their throat. I looked up to see Matsuda standing in the doorway, grinning like he'd swallowed a chocolate cake. "Hey there chief! How do you like your new office? Your desk is really big, huh? Oooo, and you've got a window! Nice! You can see the park from here! Gosh, it's really pretty this time of year, isn't it? I love spring—renewal, flowers, everything. Its great!"

I rubbed the bridge of my nose, "Well, it looks like someone's back to normal."

He took the liberty of sitting on the edge of my desk. "They gave me a lot of time off."

"Long enough to pull your apartment together?"

Matsuda laughed, "Yeah, it's all clean now."

"Hard to imagine." I hesitated, then asked quietly, "What about Sayu?"

He didn't seem fazed, "Oh, I haven't heard from her at all. I guess she's really not going to forgive me."

"Have you even tried calling her?"

"No. Why would I do that?" Still grinning, he picked up my paperweight and toyed with it, bouncing it between his hands, like he didn't realize it was going to hurt like hell if he dropped it on himself.

"You care about her, don't you?"

He paused, then nodded. "I did… But seriously, Ai, after I told her I killed Light, I didn't really expect her to want to be with me, did you?"

"But you didn't kill Light."

"So what should I have done? I couldn't tell her about the notebook."

"You_ could_ have."

Matsuda didn't answer right away. He was apparently thinking that through. Finally he said, "No, I couldn't. We all decided not to tell anyone about the notebook—we decided together that our cover story was going to be that I killed Kira. And she found out that Light was Kira. I couldn't just go back on everything we decided."

I didn't know if that was honorable or just pathetic, but I did feel incredibly sad and sorry that he couldn't be with Sayu over something so stupid.

He moved right along, "At least I think I've finally got my life back in perspective, you know?"

"What? That fast?" My life still wasn't in perspective, and he'd been a lot more messed up than I was.

"Well…" the grin didn't falter. "Maybe not completely, but I'm doing better."

"Glad to hear it." I shuffled through a few papers, beginning to wonder what the purpose of this visit was.

He was quiet a while, "How's your arm?"

"Sometimes it hurts when it gets cold, so I guess it won't ever be the same again, but at least I still have it."

"That's how a lot of things are…"

I looked up at him, but he wasn't facing me.

"I took your advice by the way, and started seeing a therapist. Obviously, I can't tell her everything that happened, but…talking to someone about some of the things has really helped."

"You don't need to tell me that."

"I don't mind people knowing." He hesitated again and set the paperweight down, "I was really, really messed up for a long time… After a while, I really started thinking I had killed Light."

"I know you did."

"It was hard to remember I didn't when… well, you know."

I sat back again. "I can imagine."

Matsuda looked out the window a while. "I can't believe it's over. For a few days after it ended, I kept expecting you to call and tell me we'd missed something, or that someone was still out there that we had to go hunt down."

"Me too." I admitted.

"It's crazy having all this free time now—between the Kira case and the Reaper case, we did so much, it's hard to know what to do with myself now. And I can't help thinking about Yoko and the others-"

I cut him off, maybe because I didn't want to face those things myself. "Is there a reason you're here, Matsuda? I mean, no offense, but I'm your boss, not your guidance counselor."

He looked slightly hurt, and I felt sort of bad, but before I could apologize, he said, "But you're my friend too, right?"

"Look, I didn't mean-"

"I know. I just came in because I wanted to say I'm sorry."

"Sorry?"

"I did…a lot of really stupid stuff. A _lot_. And I put you and everyone else at risk when it probably could have been avoided. I let my personal issues interfere with the case—I didn't think about it then, but now I realize that's why you didn't want me involved in the first place."

"Duh."

"I should have listened to you."

"Never mind, Matsuda. It's over now, so it doesn't matter anymore."

"That's not all though." He got up, standing there a little awkwardly, like he wasn't sure what to say next, and he looked me straight in the eyes, "I… Um. Thanks. Thanks for not letting me kill that guy. At the time I really, really wanted to, but I'm glad you didn't let me. And thanks for just…I don't know, being with me through the whole thing, I guess. I was stupid—I should have told you everything I knew right from the start, but you got me out of a lot of tight places, and you were there when I needed you, even when you didn't have any reason to be-"

"Other than you're my friend." I interrupted.

He just looked at me.

"You don't have to thank me, Matsuda, I did it because I wanted to. Even though you're an idiot-a serious idiot-I do care about you." It was so strange to say that, but I wasn't even sure why. It shouldn't have been so hard to tell a friend I gave a damn about them, and yet it was. Still, I liked the way it made me feel.

Matsuda smiled at me, but it was a quiet version of the loud, stupid grin he usually wore, "I love you too, Chief."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. You saved my life so we're even."

"Oh, that's right. I did."

"Don't get used to that feeling, by the way. I'm going to make sure it never has to happen again."

"Yeah. Well, we probably won't get to work on very many cases together now that you're the chief, right?"

I looked down at the stack of papers on my desk. I hadn't really thought about that, but now, being faced with it, it made me sad. I'd probably still get to work with my friends every now and again, but for the most part I was on a separate level from them. It was my job to run the police station, not to go out and solve crimes. "Probably not. But maybe that's for the best. It might be better if we weren't all emotionally involved in our partners, don't you think?"

He shrugged, "I guess so." I could tell he didn't agree. "Seriously though, I can't picture anyone else showing up in the nick of time to save my butt, or even just coming to my apartment to make sure I didn't die in my sleep or whatever. Maybe it would be better if we hadn't gotten all emotionally involved in each other—but we did, and maybe that's for the best. During the Kira case we all needed each other. And…" he suddenly looked away, said very softly, "And during this case…I really, really needed you."

I didn't know what to say. I guess I had never realized he thought that way, or that he considered himself as needing me. At the beginning of the Kira case we'd been little more than strangers, and by the end of it we were good friends. Now I felt like the three of them were probably the best friends I would ever have.

"This case." He went on. "It almost killed me, Ai. There were a few times when I thought it actually would. And I did so many idiotic things. The others are great, but I really needed you to tell me how it was and bring me back down to earth, not worrying about if it hurt my feelings or not. I really needed you to put your foot down and tell me I was being stupid, or to tell me I couldn't be part of the investigation. I was so deeply, personally involved in this case, with Sayu and Light and everything, if you hadn't been there I think I would have drowned in all that."

I sighed, "You don't give yourself enough credit, Matsuda, and maybe I don't either. I was wrong: you're not a kid, you're a cop. And I'm glad I was able to help you this time, but you don't need me. You'll figure that out eventually."

"Right. I know. It's just that _this_ time, I'm really glad you were there."

"I'm glad you were there too, partner."

I saw him smile.

"Anyway. I've got a lot of work to do, and if you don't, I'm sure I can find something for you."

"Thanks, but I've already got an assignment." He headed for the door. "Looks like I'll be pushing papers for a few weeks."

"With any luck, yes." I watched him go a moment, stopped him at the last second, "Hey, look, Matsuda…"

He hesitated at the door.

I wasn't sure how to continue, so I fumbled through it. "Look…just…if you ever need me…ever again…" I shrugged lamely, "I'll always be here for you."

Matsuda smiled, "Same to you, Chief."

**Mogi**

I was in the hospital for a long, long time, and even after I was released, I still had to rest for a long, long time. My friends came to see me a lot, and I got a ton of flowers, even though I'd never really been much of a flower person. I was glad the case was over, but at the same time, I felt myself slipping into depression. I heard about three different versions of how the case had been wrapped up. Matsuda came in, all smiley and excited, apologized at least a million times, even though I didn't know why, and then told me all about how he'd gone and infiltrated Toyoshi's building all by himself, saved Aizawa's ass, and ultimately, the day. A lot of it was probably exaggerated, but I didn't mind. I was just glad that he was getting back to being himself.

Aizawa came later to amend Matsuda's version and tell me the quote "truth". He seemed sort of distant, but I could tell he was happy to see I was okay.

Then there was Ide and Kei-together-which somehow didn't surprise me. Their version was that they were heroes who'd saved the day, bringing in the squad just before Toyoshi killed both Matsuda and Aizawa. They held hands and laughed a lot. I was happy for Ide—he'd gone a long time without anyone significant in his life.

For a long time, I waited for Yoko to come, but she never did; eventually, I asked Matsuda, who seemed to stop by just about every day, and he stopped chattering and got all quiet and sort of sullen and told me softly about what she'd done and how she'd committed suicide because of it. Then he left, and I lay there a long time, thinking about her.

There'd never been anything between me and Yoko, and there never could have been, but…I had always sort of liked her, the way she thought, the way she acted, even how she looked. That was the second woman I'd really cared about who'd killed herself. Maybe it was just fate that I was supposed to be alone.

Anyway, after hearing all about the end of the case, and the death of Yoko, and how Sayu had found out about Light in the end, I started to feel sort of down. First of all, I felt like I'd failed my friends, because I hadn't been there when they really needed me, I'd just been lying, useless, in this goddamn bed, and on top of that, I was sure I'd missed my opportunity to join Near. Now I had no idea what the future held for me. My injuries were going to give me trouble for the rest of my life, and the doctor was suggesting I give up my career as an officer and put my mind to something less dangerous. Joining Near's team would have been perfect, but now I was sure he'd left Japan, and I doubted that I'd ever get into contact with him again.

Life felt extremely empty.

The day I got out of the hospital my friends threw a little party for me, and then I spent the next three weeks just sitting home alone in my house, thinking about all kinds of things. Misa and Yoko and Near, Aizawa and the others, past cases I'd been involved in, cases I'd never get to be a part of now, and I felt myself getting sadder and sadder. I'd always wanted to be an officer. I'd always wanted to help people. But no more. That dream was conquered, and what was left for me in its debris?

When my friends came to see me they never said anything about it, but I knew they knew, and they were always trying to cheer me up, bringing me gifts I didn't want, inviting me to places I didn't want to go. Slowly though, as time went by, I think they started to sense that there was nothing they could do, and they stopped trying so hard, only coming by occasionally, and not inviting me places nearly as often.

I closed my eyes and wished I could go back in time a year.

Just one.

Then, on a chilly Saturday afternoon, when I'd turned down Ide's invitation to go on a double date with him and Kei-mostly because I had no one to take-I got a phone call. My cell was in the kitchen on the table, and I had to limp over to get it.

"Moshi-moshi?"

"Mr. Mogi. It's been a long time since I've heard from you."

"Near?"

"I assume this line is safe?"

"…Yes, it should be."

"Very good. If you're still interested in our agreement, meet me Gyoen park at noon on Monday. Bring anything you want to take with you, and say all your goodbyes before then. We'll be leaving for the United States on the two o'clock flight."

He didn't give me a chance to reply before he hung up.

All that day, and all of Sunday, I pondered what I should do. I wanted to join Near, that hadn't changed, but now that it was actually going to happen, I had to realized that I was leaving everything I knew behind, including the friends I'd come to care so much about.

At last though, I decided that it was for the best. There was nothing left for me in Tokyo now that I couldn't be a cop anymore—I'd be happier helping Near solve cases.

So I went early to the station the next day, to pack up my stuff and say goodbye to everyone. The goodbyes were what I was really dreading. How could I explain it? Would they understand?

Ide came in while I was packing, "Hey! Someone told me you were here—good to see you out of your apartment for once." He was silent a moment. "What are you doing?"

I gave him a short look over my shoulder, "Leaving."

"Leaving? Hey, you didn't take that doctor seriously when he told you to quit, did you?"

"I'm going to go tell Aizawa I'm quitting as soon as I'm done with this."

"But…where are you going?"

I dropped a load of pens into the box. "To join L."

"L? You mean-?"

"Its' for the best."

"Mogi…"  
Waiting for him to finish, I kept packing. But he never did.

Matsuda popped in, "Wow, Mogi really is here! Hi, Mogi! Long time no see!"

"Hello, Matsu."

"Why are you packing up all your stuff? You get a new desk too?"

"He's leaving." Ide told him quietly.

"Leaving? Mogi, you're not really leaving, are you? Why?"  
"You know why."

"Is this about what that doctor said? Hey, just because you can't run around and capture bad guys anymore doesn't mean you should quit, Mogi—there's still plenty you can do around here. You're a good investigator!"

Ide said, "He's joining L."

"What? Is that really true, Mogi?"

"That's right. I'm leaving tonight."

"Tonight?" They said in unison. Then Ide protested, "But that's so soon!"

"Yeah, we didn't even get to throw you a going-away party!"  
I filed the last of my things away into the box and turned to look at them, "I don't really want a party, but thanks for the thought."

"That's not the point! You can't just leave like this—there's no time! It's so sudden!"

"I'm sorry, Matsuda. He called me on Saturday to tell me. You know how he is."

"Then you should have told us about this yesterday!"

"Matsuda-"

"I can't believe you're just quitting the team like this! It's not going to be the same without you!"

"Matsuda, don't be selfish." Ide scolded. "This is his decision."

Matsuda looked at me, nodding slowly, "I know."

I nodded back, and then, leaving my boxes on the desk, started down the hall to tell Aizawa. The other two followed me.

He was sitting there, reading some report or other, and not looking too thrilled about it either. I knocked on the door way.  
"Come on in."

I stepped up to the desk, and he looked at me. "Well, what is it?" The way he said it made me feel like he already knew.

But I cleared my throat and said, "I just came to tell you I'm leaving, and to give you my letter of resignation." I handed him the paper. "The letter explains, but…you know… I just don't think I'm much of an asset to the force at this point in time."

He looked it over a second, and then pushed it to the side, "You joining Near?"

"How did you know?"

"It just seems like something you'd do." He looked at me squarely, "I hate to see you go, Mogi: you've been a good comrade, and a loyal friend, but this is your life."

I nodded, "Thank-you, sir."

Aizawa stood up and held out his hand, "Good luck, Mogi."

I shook it, "You're the one who needs the luck, Chief." And then I turned away, and left his office, passing Ide and Matsuda on my way out. Ide nodded to me, but Matsuda was staring at the floor. I was half way down the floor when I heard him call my name.

I looked back at him. He was smiling, waving his arm high above his head, "Mogi! I'm gonna' miss you!"

I couldn't help smiling back. "Yeah."

And then I walked away from them. I walked away from the station that had been my place of employment for over ten years, away from the best friends I'd ever had. I went back to my apartment to get my luggage, and then I walked away from that place too, leaving my final rent with the landlord. I went to the park, where I met Near and Restor, and we all went to the airport together And then I walked away from Tokyo, flying away with the intent of starting a new life.

**Matsuda**

One month passed, and then another. Spring was in full bloom, and life was starting to feel normal again, other than Mogi being gone anyway. Sometimes I still woke up from a nightmare, or felt depressed, but thanks to my weekly therapist visits, I was starting to feel a lot happier, just like old times. I also started doing more stuff with friends. I went places and met people, and even dated a few girls, but none of them quite fit. That was okay though—I was pretty busy at work. Aizawa was a tough boss, always passing out difficult assignments and yelling at me when I messed up, but I knew it was mostly just for show. He was different somehow, even though I couldn't put my finger on it. I guess though, we were all different. The Kira case had changed us, and the Reaper case had done a touch up job on that change. We were all different men from who we were six years ago. Whether or not we were better men was still up in the air.

I noticed though, that Aizawa and Ide were more at ease when I was in a good mood, and when I got a little down they hovered a lot and exchanged worried glances. It was weird—I'd had bad days before the Kira case got wrapped up, but I guess they'd just never paid that close of attention to my emotions. I tried to be cheerful whenever I was around them—they were both tense enough to compensate for it.

Ide and Kei started dating, which sort of surprised me, since he was analytical and serious most of the time, and she was sweet and bubbly, always chewing gum like a highschooler. It worked though. Good for them. Then Aizawa and Eriko started going to dinner a lot with Ide and Kei. Sometimes they invited me, but I always declined. It would be stupid for me to go by myself with them, and as far as I could see, there wasn't much hope of finding a girlfriend any time soon.

That made me really, really miss Sayu. A lot of things made me miss Sayu, and I was always kicking myself for losing her, and then trying to stay busy to keep from getting depressed.

Work was slow because the crime rate was still really low, but it was picking up again, and after a while, I actually found myself involved with some violent cases—drugs, black market guns, all kinds of stuff. But that was fine. It was easier not to think about past pain when I was busy working on something.

Eventually, I convinced Aizawa to go out for a drink with us. The first time he was sort of reluctant-that was strange, because he'd never had a problem going out with us before he became chief-but then, after we broke the ice, he seemed okay with it, and then he came with us almost every time we asked. Maybe he felt like everyone was going to treat him different now that he was the boss. Some of them did.

Sometimes, a lot of us went, and sometimes it was just Aizawa, Ide and I, and we'd do everything we could to not talk about the Kira case or the Reaper case, though it did sneak into our conversations every now and then, when we were tipsy, or just when we weren't being careful.

After a while though, I started to think that was okay. They were both hard cases that had done a lot of damage, so it was no wonder we were different. It was a part of our lives, and there was no way we were ever going to forget about either of them. Not that I was going to embrace the bad memories, but it wasn't easy to forget the case and still remember all the people we'd lost in the process-Mogi included-so maybe it was for the best to just remember the whole ugly thing.

At the very least, I knew that I didn't have to face the memories alone, just as long as the others were alive. They'd always be in that god-awful mess with me, and somehow that made everything okay.

Well, almost everything.

Then, one night, when I was taking a walk, I wound up over by Light and Misa's apartment. The lights were on and I heard voices inside, music, a couple laughing. For a moment, I wished it were Light and Misa, that they were alive and okay and safe, but that was a pointless wish. I kept walking, "Guess someone rented the place."

I went just a little further, humming to myself and staying alert. It was a safe neighborhood, but I was still on caution mode from the case—with good reason.

After I'd only gone a block from the apartment, I suddenly realized there were footsteps behind me, so I turned around, a little quickly, half-expecting to see Anubis, or someone just as nasty.

Instead, Sayu was standing there, just a few feet from me, looking somewhat embarrassed. "Hey."

I stared at her, thinking that maybe I was imagining things. "H-hey."

"Um…sorry, to sneak up on you. I was just taking a walk and wound up over here-that happens a lot these days-and when I saw you…I just…wanted to say hi."

I nodded, like I understood, but I really didn't. Why was she showing up now, just when I was beginning to think that maybe I could get over her, if I tried to. "Well hi."

She smiled shyly, "Hi."

What now? Should I just stand there like an idiot after saying hi, or should I just walk away, like an idiot, after saying hi? For some reason, it was really hard to stand there just looking at her, remembering that she had almost been mine, and that I had wanted her to be mine, and knowing that I'd hurt her so bad that now being together was impossible.

"Well, I've got to go." I said quickly, starting to turn away—running like a coward. "It was nice seeing you again." And it really was.

"T-Touta…"

I felt her hand on my arm, soft and warm and gentle. But I couldn't look at her.

"Wait, Touta, don't go."

With a quivering, deep breath, I asked, "What do you want, Sayu?"  
"I heard you guys solved the case, right? That's good—I'm glad. And…and I'm glad you're okay."

Still, I couldn't face her. I knew that it would break my heart to look in her eyes and remember what it was like to listen to her say she hated me.

"Thanks. We couldn't have solved it without your help."

"Don't say that." She sighed.

"Why not?"

"Because I ran out on you. I didn't stick with you to the very end, like I said I would…I let my emotions get the best of me."

My shoulders slumped, "It's okay."

"No it's not." She sounded like she was about to cry, so I finally looked over my shoulder at her, but she wasn't looking at me. Thank God.

Her lips shivered. "I'm sorry…"

"Sorry? For what? I'm the one who should be sorry."

"Yes, but." She stopped, voice cracking a little, then continued a little slower, "Yes, but you already apologized once, and I didn't forgive you. I just…walked out on you, like a spoiled little girl."

Finally, I turned back to her, "Sayu, I don't expect you to forgive me for what I did to Light—I understand."

She was quiet a long time, and then she said, "Touta…I-I know… About the notebook and about the shinigami. I know that you didn't kill Light."

I gaped at her. "What are you talking about? I did. I shot him. I-"

"No." She shook her head, "Aizawa told me everything."

My eyes widened, "Aizawa?"

Sayu nodded, "He… um. He came to my house a few nights ago and told me all about it. About how Ryuuk wrote Light's name in the death note, and how you all decided to keep it a secret, and how you thought it would be best to say you killed Kira if anyone ever really pushed it. He was there a long time. At first, I didn't want to listen to him. I didn't want to believe what he was saying, but he was so insistent. I had to. He explained it all in such detail—I don't think he left anything out—when he was done he made it really obvious that I don't have any reason to hate you, and he's right."

_Aizawa…why would he do that?_

"Sayu…I still shot your brother, you know. And then lied about it too. I can understand…"

She looked up at me, tears streaming down her cheeks, "But I want to forgive you. I don't want to go the rest of my life hating you. I don't want to go to sleep at night cursing you. Don't get me wrong, I loved my brother, and I miss him a lot, but if you're telling me the truth, if he was really Kira…then I have to believe that you all did what you did because you had to. When I ran away from you, I was being such a kid, not wanting to accept the truth or see that it might have been inevitable. I was being selfish, ignoring your pain, even though it couldn't have been easy for you to do that."

"Sayu-"

"Sh." She touched my cheek, stroking my skin with her fingers, looking earnestly up into my eyes, "Maybe this is foolish, maybe I'm insane, I know it's stupid, and I can't imagine that it's smart …but I don't care. I don't care, Touta, because I can't stop thinking about you. Every night, I try to go to sleep, and you're all I think about. It hurts knowing what you did, but it hurts worse not having you in my life. I don't know. Maybe I'm infatuated with you, but…I like to think that if I still can't forget you, and I still can't get over you, even when you shot my brother, that must mean that I really and truly love you."

I studied her face, stuttered a little as I tried to wrap my mind around the words, "You…love me?"

Biting her lip, she nodded, "I think I do. It doesn't make any sense, but I loved you before you told me about Light, and even if you _did_ kill my brother, I don't think that feeling would go away—I think it would be…impractical for us to be together if you had killed him. Maybe even impossible. But I think that's why Aizawa took the risk of telling me about the death note. He knows I love you.

"Because I've always loved you, for a long, long time, and I can't just stop on a moment's notice. I never agreed with Kira, and the world was a really scary place when he was around. Just because it turns out he was my brother doesn't change that, and it certainly doesn't change the fact that he played a part in my father's death. Maybe…maybe Light was already gone long before Kira died." I could tell she was starting to cry. "I'll always love Light, and I'll always remember him in my heart as my older brother, but I'd be selfish if I was willing to keep loving him anyway, but not keep loving you. Especially since you're right and he was wrong. So…so even if you _had _killed him…I'd have to forgive you."

"Light…Light wasn't wrong, Sayu…" I thought about what Aizawa had told me, and then I said, "He was trying to do the right thing-I know he was-but he was just going about it the wrong way. The world was scary when he was here, but it was also better, somehow. I don't know. I'll probably never be able to sort out exactly how I felt about Kira, but in the end, I did what I did because I was angry with him for hurting the chief and me and everyone else."

She looked in my eyes, hand still against my face, "Do you think I'm stupid?"

"Stupid? No. I don't think you're stupid… Sayu, I love you. I don't know when it started, or how, but I do, and I hate that I hurt you—I hate that Light hurt you."

"You don't think I'm an idiot for forgiving you so easily?"

I shook my head earnestly, "I think forgiveness like that is too rare."

"I know it would make more sense to just go the rest of my life hating you…but I can't imagine that. I think I'd rather try to understand what you did. The fact of the matter is, I need you in my life. I was much, much happier when I was with you. Happier than I'd been in a long time."

Closing my eyes, I exhaled slowly, whispered, "Thank-you, Sayu."

Her arms wound around my neck and she pressed close against me, leaning up to kiss my lips. Her mouth was soft and warm, it tasted like vanilla-just how I remembered it-and it was inviting. I wrapped my arms around her back, crushing her to my chest, kissing her back as her fingers wound in my hair, sliding up my neck, and for a long time I held on tight.

Some day, it might not matter about the notebook or about what Aizawa had told her. Maybe she just felt infatuated with me for the things I'd done for her, and over time she'd resent me for shooting Light, even if I hadn't killed him. Some day I might just lose her. But at the moment, that was a new feeling for me, one I was trying to accept, and honestly, I was so impossibly happy that she was willing to forgive me, that I didn't want to say anything to ruin the moment. I just wanted to hold her in my arms and be close to her, and be grateful for her love.

Some day, it might all end. Some day, this too might become just a memory. But if it ever was, I knew it would be a bright flash in a blur of darkness and pain. At least then I would have memories to look back on and smile, and I'd be able to see that even in the midst of the worst times of my life, I had come through okay, not because of my personal strength or fearlessness, but because I had love and friends who wouldn't give up on me, who wouldn't let me down. Friends who'd risk their own safety to see me safe and happy. I didn't know if everyone had a life like mine, but I didn't think so, and that made me feel extremely lucky.

In that moment, with Sayu warm against me, and the stars above me, all the danger behind me, it all felt like I was starting over.

**The End**

**Thanks again. :D**


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